The Copy-Not-Quite-Right Part.

Here's is a collection of some of the funniest memoirbilia I have collected over time.

The Road To Success, Is Always Under Construction........

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way....
Money talks, and often just says, "Good Bye."....
The Ten Commandments are not multiple choice....
Lost time is never found again....
It is no crime not to be perfect....
People don't fail, the give up....
Failing to prepare, we prepare to fail....
Minds are like parachutes, the only function when open....
Small leaks can sink a great ships....
A smooth sea never made a skillfull sailor....
The pursuit of happiness is a lifelong chase....
If you can laugh at it, you can live with it....
Swallowing your pride seldom leads to indigestion....
Feed your faith and doubt will starve to death....
If you dont care where you are going, are road will get you there....
"Well Done!" is better than "Well Said!"....
"Triumph" is just "umph" added to "try"....
Nobody raise their own reputation by lowering others....
Heavist thing to carry, a grudge....
Jumping to conclusions is a bad exercise....
Failure is the path of least persistance....
He who throws mud loses ground....
Frogs have it easy, the can eat what bugs them....

Maybe it is true photographs can't be doctored....

Quotable Quotes:

Dennis Miller: I Just broke up with someone and the last thing they said to me was, "You'll never find anyone else like me!"  I'm thinking, "I should hope not, if I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?"

David Letterman: They came out with a survey today, apparently 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.

A. Whitney Brown: Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.  They can find Kuwait on a map.

Quote for the day: Too bad stupidity isn't painfull......

2nd Quote for the day: I'm not being irrational, I'm a teenager!!!

Overheard: A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did.  When she asked little Johhny, he said, "My father's dead, Miss."  "Oh, I am sorry Johnny, In that case,what did he do before he died?"  "He went blue, held his chest, and moaned  aaaaarrrrgggg, and collapsed."

Overheard: A user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse.  she also complained about how hard it was to hit the buttons.  She was quite embarrased when asked to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her......

They'll get anyone to be in those commercials....

Ellen DeGeneres: I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls.  They always say cause its such a beautiful animal.  I think my mom is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

Dick Cavett: If your parents never had children, chances are, you wont either....

Overheard: "I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I finished with it, because he needed to keep it.....

Overheard: A woman came into a computer store to buy a mouse pad, and asked if it was Y2K  compatible....

Overheard: Why is it when people drive slower than you, they're called idiots, but when they drive faster, they're called crazy

Sign in front of Super Lube Store: Where #1 when your oil looks like #2.

Sign in bathroom stall: God is dead - Neitzsche

Sign in next bathroom stall: Neitzsche is dead - God

And if you ate the Chili, you'd know why its spelled that way...

A Womans rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, your going to have trouble with it.

A Mans rule of thumb: If it has tires or tits, your going to enjoy it.

Sign in front of store: Bargin Basement up-stairs.

Warning Label on Mattel Batman Halloween costume: Cape does NOT enable user to fly.

Dilberts Words of Wisdom........

"I love deadlines, espicially the sound they make when they go whoosing by."

"I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode."

"Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it."

"Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars and wondered 'Where the heck is the ceiling?'."

"On the keyboard or life, always keep one finger on the escape key."

"Everybody is somebody else's weirdo."

"Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level, then beat you with expierence."

"There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives."

And they say the ATF lost all of its wit after Waco....

Thats Life!.....

A man goes to an ice-cream parlor and asks for a gallon of chocolate ice cream.  "I'm sorry, sir," the clerk replies.  "We're out of chocolate."
"All right," says the man.  "I'll have a pint of chocolate."
"Sir," says the clerk.  "We have vanilla, strawberry - but no chocolate!"
"Well, I'll just have a chocolate cone, then," the man replies.
"Pay attention, mister," says the clerk.  "Can you spell the van in vanilla?"
"Of course, V-A-N," the man says.
"And how about the straw in strawberry?"
"Certainly, S-T-R-A-W," the man replies.
"And how about the cottonpick in chocolate?"
"There's no cottonpick in chocolate," the man replies.
"Exactly sir."

Just goes to show how Irony is such a wonderful and beautiful thing...

Now that cars are being bought over the internet, what if people used the same tech support for their Chevy's that they used for their computers?

Helpline: "How can I help you?"
Customer: "I got into my car and closed the door, and nothing happened."
Helpline: "Did you turn the key in the ignition?"
Customer:  "Whats an ignition?"
Helpline:  "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer:  "Motor?  Battery?  Why do I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

Parking problems keep getting worse.  The other day I saw a tow truck hook up a car that was parked in a tow-away zone.  There was some guy in another car sitting there waiting to pull into the space.  - Ron Dentinger in Dodgeville Wisconsin Chronicle.

Jay Trachman:  Never criticize your spouse's faults; if it weren't for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.

"And this one is for fighting off defense spending cuts."

I'll keep adding somemore when I get a chance, so check back every now and then to see what else I've added.
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