How to Start Talking to Her Again ........

So after the raging, the sarcasm and the yelling comes the silence. It's that "post-fight" period where nothing is spoken between you with words, yet everything you're both feeling is communicated through body language. The kitchen cupboard door slams, the TV is at peak volume; the space in the middle of the bed is wide and cold as a wedge. In the morning, lips are taut and chins are set as the coffee cups clatter in the sink.

One of the most effective tools you can use to diffuse your negative emotions and become centered in love again is called "The Feeling Letter." Sit down alone in a quiet place with a pen and some paper and contemplate your emotions for a few minutes. Then using the example phrases below, begin to write to your partner and release the stated emotions on paper in the order listed below. Write anything that comes to the surface, realizing that if you so choose, no one ever needs to see this but you.

Dear ...

SIGN YOUR NAME

When you are finished, it's time to complete the most powerful portion of this exercise. Use the phrases below to write a "Response Letter" to yourself exactly the way you would wish to receive it from her.

Dear ...

Thank you for...

I understand...

I am sorry...

You deserve...

I want...

I am so grateful...

I love you

Signed...

By the time you have finished, you will be amazed to find your heart has begun to heal from the wounds caused by the argument and you will want to begin talking again. Depending on your personal situation, you can either share these letters with her, keep them to read again later or simply throw them away. If you do decide to share them with her, it's one way to begin a dialogue once more. Recognize that they may not have had the opportunity to release their emotions yet so offer to teach her this exercise, too.

Other ways to reach out in a non-confrontational way are:

Email an apology and your desire to make up. Maybe you could even find an e-greeting card that would apply.

Call to discuss mundane things--dinner plans with friends, kid's soccer or dance pickups; ask if she needs you to run any errands.

Ask her to agree to sit down alone together and come to a compromise on the issues.

However you begin communicating again, it will be much easier, faster and with far less animosity if you've taken the time to discharge your negative emotions with a Feeling Letter.

So how ? Got the idea?