A simple friend

identifies himself when he calls.

  A real friend

doesn't have to.

  A simple friend

opens a conversation with a full news bulletin on his life.

  A real friend

says, "What's new with you?"

  A simple friend

thinks the problems you whine about are recent.

  A real friend

says, "You've been whining about the same thing for 14 years.

Get off your duff and do something about it."

  A simple friend

has never seen you cry.

  A real friend

has shoulders soggy from your tears.

  A simple friend

doesn't know your parents' first names.

  A real friend

has their phone numbers in his address book.

  A simple friend

brings a gift to your party.

  A real friend

comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

  A simple friend

hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.

  A real friend

asks you why you took so long to call.

  A simple friend

seeks to talk with you about your problems.

  A real friend

seeks to help you with your problems.

  A simple friend

wonders about your romantic history.

  A real friend

could blackmail you with it.

  A simple friend

when visiting, acts like a guest.

  A real friend

opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

  A simple friend

thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.

  A real friend

knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.

  A simple friend

expects you to always be there for them.

  A real friend

expects to always be there for you!