Insantity: the Healthy Choice v1.2 By Andrew Gates ----- Over the course of my short life, a lot of people have asked me: "Andrew, how is it that you can think so rationally at times and, at others, make no sense whatsoever?" ...Okay, so I'm lying, but let's just suppose for the moment that some people actually thought about my behovior long enough to ask me about it. In response to the question at hand, my answer would have to be, "Well, fictive people who may or may not be asking me this question, I suppose that it's because I, like everyone else who isn't perpetually bored, am mildly insane. Mostly, I see logic as a tool, something to use to wipe the walls with people in a game of chess, rather than a standardized code of living. Thinking logically simply gets dull and drab if I do it too much." "But Andrew," the imaginary crowd might press, "if you have two different modes of thinking, then wouldn't that mean that you are, like, schizophrenic or have multiple personalities or something?" "No, we are not schizophrenic," the reply would come. "Err--I'm not... or something. At any rate, I don't see little glowing balls floating around that tell me they're my ancestors or anything. On the other hand, I really think that it's nigh impossible not to have multiple personalities. I mean think about it. Is anyone really the exact same person around his or her parents, around friends, around enemies, around crying children in a nursery?" "I think that I am!" some sassy brat would chime in. "Well, good for you," I'd retort. "If you want to live with a two- dimensional mindset, then feel free to do so. As for the rest of us--" "--but Andrew," someone would interrupt, "if you have multiple personalities, wouldn't that mean that you are insane in that respect? In fact, if the other things you've been saying are true, wouldn't that mean that we're all insane? I don't know about the rest of this group, but I for one am NOT partial to rubber rooms! You're starting to scare me here!" "As for the rubber rooms," I would respond, "Imagine just how much fun those could be! Alas, you fear the boingyness, so I'll try to stay away from such an elastic topic. Now, as for this term 'insane,' I'm assuming that you mean 'characterized by irrational behavior with very limited logical ability, if any.'" "Yeah, that definition works," someone would confirm. "Good," I'd continue merrily, "because now I can make my most important point: insanity, properly controlled, is a very healthy and often profitable thing." "Woah," someone would start, "hold up! How can doing anything illogical be healthy? Isn't logic the safe way?" "Well, logically, since I'm eventually going to die anyway, and since so many people do it already, I should, say, smoke cigarettes. However, the irrational side of me makes me think smokers are really silly for attempting to fix their socio-emotional needs by succumbing to peer pressure and an addiction to a funny-smelling plant." "Wait a minute," yet another person would cut in. "I thought you were preaching insanity here. What you just said sounds logical." "Yes, it does sound logical," I'd confirm. "There is a madness to my method, as my dear mother always says. Or a method to my madness. Or something." "You're really starting to scare me now," someone would inform. "Don't worry," I'd reassure. "I'm harmless...usually. Really. Honest." "Gee, how comforting," someone would remark with narrowed eyebrows. "Yes, well, anyway," I'd continue. "The whole point of this philosophical banter is that logic and illogic both have their uses, and they can help each other out in many ways. A bit of irrationality makes logically thinking people more interesting. Let's face it...being completely logical only causes unnecessary stress, which is bad news in any case. Also, it's clear that insanity and genius are really only separated by society's understanding of the matter at hand...by degrees of success! However, since attempting to be a full-time genius or madman is a risky social gamble indeed, it's usually safer to be just a little bit insane. This way, it is possible to throw people a curve now and then without sincerely disturbing them, thus avoiding being carted off to the 'happy home' while still being happy!" My confused audience would blink slowy several times as their minds made a desperate attempt to understand anything I had just said. After a few moments, someone would inevitably ask me this: "Are you saying we should think outside of the proverbial 'box'?" "Definitely," I'd answer. "For me, it's much more fun to think outside of the box, especially when I encounter other people who can think that way. It isn't often that I find someone who can truly make a connection outside the confines of logic and reason, but I have a few good friends who can." "Like who?" someone else would ask me. "Well, I have a friend who is a pyromaniac. It's fun to work out scenarios for burning down, say, my house...without actually setting anything on fire at all. He's going to have so much fun in chemistry next semes--" "--That's crazy!" someone would exclaim after my statement started to sink in. "Is it really?" I'd ask rhetorically. "Think about it. The only 'burning' we've ever done has been in mental and vocal pictures, except for on the Fourth of July, but that doesn't count. The great thing about us is that we are crazy enough to come up with hilarious, fun, and admittedly dangerous ideas, and we also have enough logic to leave it at that--a bizarre series of thoughts." "Controlled insanity?" someone would ask, barely comprehending. "Exactly," I'd confirm once more. "Most of the fun of being clinically insane, with all of the perks and safeties of logical thought!" "So, you're like, just after the best of both worlds?" someone else would ask me, finally understanding. "I couldn't have said it better!" I'd concur, relieved. "Are there any other questions...No?...All right, then, let's go on a CRUSADE to the cafeteria!!" My hypothetical audience and I would then come to attention, release a battle cry, and make a beeline for the food, toppling all in our path. We would then babble aimlessly over lunch. ...Yeah, that's about how it would probably go. Bear in mind, though, that since this is all mere conjecture, and since I have such an erratic nature, I can't promise anything. Mwahahahaha! ----- Version history: v1.0 - First draft. v1.1 - Typed and posted. v1.2 - Line breaks added, minor revisions/corrections. Quote: "I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it." --Dustin Bell, who stole the quote from a T-Shirt.