THE COMMENTARY
Reality editor Gordon Pepper and Mews Editor Chico Alexander provides commentary.

(This show was recorded on December 22, 2003)

Chico: Hi, I'm Chico, and no, I haven't repeated myself recently, how about you, Gordon?
Gordon: I don't think I've repeated myself
Chico: You're not in repeats?
Gordon: I don't think I've repeated myself
Chico: Okay, I think this joke's gone as far as it's gonna go here. As always, we've got lots to cover, so let's start with the obvious. Survivor: when the dust clears, it's Sandra at the top. Needless to say that we ponied up on the wrong horse with that one. Any thoughts?
Gordon: I don't think I've rep...SMACK! Sorry about that - were were we?
Chico: Concentrate, man! Concentrate!
Gordon: I was just in a state of Sandra Shock, that's all.
Chico: I mean, definitely deserved, but it seemed like Darrah did some more under the cuff work. Why do you think the She-Woman alliance crumbled?
Gordon: I started to say this once Trish got booted off - the biggest problem in this series was that people were thinking WAY toooooo far ahead of the game - people started scheming about who they wanted to bring to the final two even before the merge happened! This stuff only works when you are sure that you are going to be IN the final 2 - that's what did in Trish, and then Shawn, Rupert, etc. Sandra won because she let everyone else pick on each other, and she made sure that she was not going to make herself to be a target to�be picked on
Chico: Case in point: Nicole from day 3 - Trying to rally up troops first. Not good. And as a result, we get a severe breast reduction early on =p
Gordon: Exactly. We were, in essence, right about the strategy that the woman who would have the game savvy of a summer squash but would be the best at riding on coattails and not stepping on toes would win - we just picked the wrong Summer Squash. Do Squashes have breasts?
Chico: In this case, yes. And then you have Lill, who made yet another one of those $900,000 mistakes.
Gordon: I'm not sure that she did, because I don't think she would have won.
Chico: They had the vote during the reunion show. She would've.
Gordon: Even though at the reunion show, they had 4 people raise their hands, but that was after seeing everything that happened with the dead granny, etc. - and I have a feeling that without that info, and with the fact that Jon was an extremely skilled talker, Jon would have been successful at turning at least one of those votes for him to win the million
Chico: Sure, bring that up, why don't you?
Gordon: Just did =). I know I would have voted for him over Lil to win the money - he played a much better game than she did
Chico: But clearly, Sandra played the best game...
Gordon: Neither of them played a 'perfect game' and Jon wasn't nearly as good as everyone gives him credit for. An EXCELLENT player would have had it wrapped up so that it doesn't matter who wins in the FInal 3 - he's going to the finals and winning - such as Rich From Survivor 1, Tina in Survivor 2, Ethan in Survivor 3 and Brian in Survivor 5
Chico: Which happened only four times out of the last seven. The other three were just "What the hell" moments. Okay, any predictions for All-Stars?
Gordon: I think All-Stars is going to be really intreresting because all of the 'Winners' have huge bulls-eyes on their backs. I think the person who wins this game is the person who learned the most from their first stay in Survivor
Chico: Richard's out first, I say. Has to be.
Gordon: I would say to keep an eye out for Shii Ann, Rupert, Boston Rob, Susan and Rob M. I would also say that if Richard isn't one of the first 5 people out - that he'll be one of the last 5 people out.
Chico: Okay, moving right along, seems like when we said on the last edition that Bob Boden was taking his ball and going home, we weren't kidding. Primetime lineup change, shifted focus, and new name?
Gordon: It's simple, kids - follow the bouncing trend, and all of the networks are affected by it. Big Money Game Shows doing well? Boom - lets have Greed and It's Your Chance of a Lifetime. Fear Factor shows are doing well? Boom! Let's bring in The Chair and The Chamber, Reality Love shows are doing well? Boom - change the line-up again with Love Cruise and now Fake-A-Date. Want some gambling? Lets add the World Series of BlackJack. Hopefully the last 2 examples won't wind up the way that the first examples have.
Chico: Flavor of the month, yeah. But do you see an honest-to-goodness smooth transition, staying true to its roots, but incorporating something new? Me, Three words: GSN Video Games. Two more: DJ Games. Need I say more?
Gordon: Well, the GSN Video games was an import, so I can't really be too harsh on that - that wasn't an original show for them. The DJ Games, however, was pretty wretched - and I am hoping that Games Across America doesn't do the exact same thing. I feel the same way as you do - I like the fact that they are trying new things - but I am scared because they have yet to produce a hit that didn't have Bob Boden's fingerprints in it.
Chico: Are we heading back into the doldrums, though?
Gordon: I hope not - and I do like some of the ideas that they have coming down the pike - of course, I also likes the Throut and Neck idea too...
Chico: You were one of the viewers that kept that show on? I'll kill you, man. =p
Gordon: I could deal with the animated characters to see the nice model in the skimpy dress. I mean isn't that what the 18-35 demographic is for?
Chico: Well (^_^) you could see the model anywhere!
Gordon: But I can't see her being harrassed by a big purple and a big blue creature who hurl one-liners at bad phone players anywhere else.
Chico: But if I'm gonig to see a model on TV, I want to be entertained!
Gordon: Seeing her running around entertained me =). I think GSN needs to put the 8-11 slot on to be 3 hours of Throut and Neck every single night
Chico: Gordon... you need a hussy =p
Chico: Well, I think we need a break. When we get back, eleven Idols, one stage... someone's gonna lose an eye...
Gordon: And we bring back one of my favorite role platy! And it could be worse, Chico
Chico: How could it be worse?
Gordon: There could be 8-11 pm blocks of...BURT LUDDIN'S LOVE BUFFET!!!!!!
Chico: ...We'll be back, dude, I'm gonna KILL YOU! =p
Gordon: You wouldnt hit a person with glasses, would you?
Chico: Watch me, I've hit my brother on several occasions
Gordon: (putting up umbrella and impersonating Burgess Meredith) hweh, hweh, hweh, hweeeehhhhhh

(Brought to you by the Survivor Buff. We said it before, and we'll say it again...Not to be used as a halter top!)

Gordon: Do you think that Icey would wear it well as a Halter Top?
Chico: yeah. Of course, we'd have to blur it out... Oh, here's a case for you... Stacy. Can't hold two boobs, how about three?
Gordon: That would work just fine =) - so what's next on Burt Luddin's Menu for today?
Chico: Okay, this Thursday, Idols winners from the US, Canada, the UK, Poland, Australia, Norway, the Netherlands, Germany, Pan Arabia, South Africa and Belgium will take to the stage to compete for the title of World Idol. Now I've heard three of these people - Kelly from the US, Will from the UK, and now Ryan from Canada. Countries with known reputatios for international star power. How do you think they'll stack up on the world stage?
Gordon: I honestly have no clue. I happen to love World music, and there are many foreign groups that I like to listen to, such as Emma Shapplin, Strike, Steps, and the 49ers, to name a few. It will be real interesting to see who wins this one. The only thing I knw for sure is that Les Americans will probably not come anywhere near winning it.
Chico: Care to explain that one?
Gordon: Here's how the ratings are set up (according to the web site) Each country gets to vote using their own voting systems. The home contestant from each participating country (e.g. Kelly Clarkson in the United States) will automatically start with the highest points (12) awarded from their own country. Viewers from each country will then vote on the remaining ten contestants and once the votes are tallied and the position of each contestant is determined (1st place, 2nd place etc.) points will be awarded in accordance with the Points System below.

Points System:
Home country contestant - 12 points
1st place - 10 points
2nd place - 9 points
3rd place - 8 points
4th place - 7 points
5th place - 6 points
6th place - 5 points
7th place - 4 points
8th place - 3 points
9th place - 2 points
10th place - 1 point


Gordon: Which means that in order for Clarkson to win, she will have to get enough votes from the other countries in the world - and I do not asee that happening
Chico: Thanks, I was about to say that I'm thoroughly confused.
Gordon: I will guess that someone from Europe will win, just simply because that's where the bulk of the votes will be coming from - and I will say that the UK has the edge,
Chico: And because Will's the original Idol.
Gordon: but I'd have to hear the singers - maybe there will be someone who knocks everyone's socks off.
Chico: I know what you mean. I've only heard three of them, and they're all pretty good. This will be one to watch. Another deciding factor, the judges. Simon, ironically, is representing the Americans.
Gordon: Yes, while Waterman is representing the UK - will this open the door for him being a judge in the US for AI3?
Chico: Just might. We'll have to see.
Gordon: Speakiing of Idols, who will win the record war currently in the U.S.?
Chico: Clay, probably. more mainstream exposure... I hate mainstream exposure =p
Gordon: It sort of takes away from what made them good to begin with, eh?
Chico: Oh yeah - prolly also why Ruben's CD was better than Clay's. But that's just an opinion of a guy with 14 years of choral and 4 of a cappella talking.
Gordon: I agree - but isn't it ironic that Clay was the person who was more against changing his image than Reuben, who even more ironically seemed more eclectic in his song choices than Clay did.
Chico: This is giving me a headache just thinking about it.
Gordon: Shall I bring Burt Luddin over to serve you some nice chicken soup?
Chico: Hell no. Just take us into the break =p
Gordon: when we come back - we roleplay and oI use more Burt Luddin references. If you have no clue who I'm talking about - consider yourself lucky.
Chico: your damn right. It's the big show on GSNN

(This break has been brought to you by The Surreal Average American Idol Cupid's Life. What happens when you take all of the bad singers from American Idol and stick THEM in a house together to try to serenade the lovely Melana Scantlin's hand in marriage? Find out together as Simon Cowell, for his penance, must judge every one of them.)

Gordon: Smells like a ratings winner to me.
Chico: I'd watch! That's good television, right there. So long as John Baumgaertner's not involved. And speaking of disastrous, here's Gordon with some role play.
Gordon: Watch it there, buddy
Chico: Just kidding, dude. Seriously, what'd'ya have?
Gordon: ok - YOU are Bob Barker. You've just turned 80 and everyone loves you. Meanwhile, Fremantle has had discussions with you about calling it a career and bringing in someone new to man the helm. How much longer are you going to do this, and who's your successor?
Chico: Well, if I was Bob Barker, I would probably want to make it a gradual thing, like bring in someone every Friday to try. And no, I wouldn't mind at all if Marc Summers was the guy to do it. Then when the contract expires, you can just say goodbye, but still leave the people with love.
Gordon: I think it would be the right thing to do with everyone involved if he 'annoints' someone to be his successor - but that person better know that game and be as sincere and likable as he is - I think Summers is the better choice over Todd Newton - though my spies have been telling me that Newton is very good on the Casino Circuit in Nevada
Chico: OK, Gordon, you are Mark Burnett. You have the list of Survivor All-Stars... When do you reveal it?
Gordon: Well, those twerps who keep on spoiling my shows have already revealed the contestants on the internet, so what's the point?
Chico: Good point' - But is it right, though? Can't really say until they do, right?
Gordon: Well, regardless of if it's right. I have the perfect idea for how to keep everything a secret - it worked on a show, and it will work again - you want to know what it is?
Chico: Photo manipulation? Do it live? Puppets?
Gordon: Fat Suits
Chico: Fat suits!
Gordon: Keep everyone in a fat suit for the 39 days
Chico: Except, of course, for teh fat people. They wear corsets.
Gordon: It worked on Average Joe - no one knew that fat cousin Daniele was really Melana under there. Not only will no one know who's competing, but the contestants will lose so much weight from having to be in those things all day that after 39 days, no one will still know who those people are - they will be paying ME money to get in the Survival Fat Suit Weight loss program! I'll make millions!!!
Chico: Okay, let's continue before we have another one of those megalomaniacal shows =p
Gordon: oh, alright = You are Richard Hatch, the granddaddy of Survivor. Everyone is gunning for your fanny, which we all have unfortunately seen on television too many times. How in the world are you going to make it past the first 3 days, let alone winning the whole thing?
Chico: Gotta win immunity for my tribe. Granted, that'll be hard with three tribes, but it's possible.
Gordon: And if you don't, how do you stay on board?
Chico: Hmm... My best bet would be to stay under the radar. I better not say anything incriminating. I saw what happened to Nicole. Okay, Gordon, you are Donny Osmond. It's Christmas Eve on "Pyramid". Do you sing?
Gordon: I have to sing. I was born to sing. I got this gig because I sing. I will make sure that Marie sings with me. Let me get the whole cast to sing with me. I will even ask Markie Post and Billy Crystal, 2 of the best pyramid players in the past, to sing with me. I will even get Doris Rober...ok - maybe not everyone.
Chico: So you would sing.
Gordon: Yes, I would sing. I'd like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmonyyyyyyyy....
Chico: that is correct. Happening Wednesday...
Gordon: Do you know who will sing with Donnie?
Chico: No, it was just a promo. I don't really know, but the halls were sufficiently decked.
Gordon: Heopefuly, a celebrity wont blurt out a wrong clue and get his halls decked.
Chico: Alright, next up, Gordon?
Gordon: You are Chico Luddin, brother of Burt Luddin. You are now the proud owner of his game show buffet, and for one night, you can have 24 hours of programming from GSN live in your buffet. What shows do you recreate that go on the air?
Chico: Where do I even start... You're not gonna let this die easy, are you? =p
Gordon: And what would be the fun of that? It's a game show maven's dream - you have 24 hours to put in whatever shows you want. Merry Christmas! How do you satisfy your wishes?
Chico: Good point, let me answer the questions: Match Game, Lingo, Press Your Luck, Blockbusters, Hollywood Squares, Russian Roulette... That's pretty much it from the current program
Gordon: What if you can have ANY game show you want - not just from GSN - how would you populate your schedule?
Chico: TPIR, Millionaire, Weakest Link, Pyramid, and I couldn't even begin to finish, there are so much good material out there. It just needs to be tapped. Needs to be tapped like a keg.
Gordon: Party on, dude. Last one for me?
Chico: You are Melana Scantlin... You've chosen a man with killer lips over a man with a killer bank account. And now you have an upstart hoping to steal your thunder. Any worries?
Gordon: Worries? What's that?
Chico: Are you concerned with the state of your opinion in the public eye now that all of this is happening?
Gordon: You don't think I want to quit being in game shows, do you? I just enjoy doing the reality game show circuit - if I picked the guy with the brains, then I would have to ...shudder...settle down or something, and with this bozo on wheels, I can hang out with him for a few months, then dump him like yesterday's Christmas fruitcake. If anything, I'm upset because that jerk Evan took MY Fake-a-date spot. Don't you think that spot would be better taylored for me than that Millionaire wanna-be?
Chico: Well, you did cheat admittedly, so I'm not surprised
Gordon: Cheat??? Moi??? �Don't hate me because I'm ...beautiful
Chico: Of course not. I could think of other reasons, but we've still got a bit of show left. When we get back, it's the big finish!
Gordon: Lets have a commercial while I get out of this ugly dress you stuck me in - and what's up with the colagen lips?
Chico: Hey, the collagen lips were your idea... and come to think of it, so were the blonde extensions, what's up with those?

(brought to you by Acme Fat Suits, because you have a secret you want to keep)

Gordon: Well it was either that or your suggestion of the Kool Aid hair lighteners, so what choice did I have? Anyways, it's time for the BIG FINSH
Chico: Hey, we've got mail here! Josh Ardello writes: Why the (^_^) would GSN do such a dumb move like that? Hello, there are game show fans out there, and the only channel that airs non stop game shows is GSN! Plus game show fans can get access to old episodes, and revamping the network is so wrong!
Chico: Now we did mention that this was only during primetime, relegating a majority of the game programming to the day. AND we did mention that it was only a 75% devotion to the new material. Gordon, your thoughts?
Gordon: Thanks for the great E-Mail, Josh. I do think that there needs to be new programing, but I also hope that GSN remembers that they got this big because of the fans - and I hope that they are not alienated
Chico: I have to agree with you on this one.
Gordon: World Idol - how well does our representative fare?
Just a reminder that you can hit up either GSNN [email protected] or [email protected]. But back to our represntative. Well, she won AI by a fairly sizable margin due to her impressive range. She's got four hit singles under her belt. I think she'll do just fine. You?
Gordon: I think she places in the Top 5 - but that's as far as she goes.
Chico: Any E-Mail with you?
Gordon: I got e-mail - and I won a trip to Disneyland! All I have to do is to go to a site, fill out my email address, aol password, social security number, drivers licence, and all of my bank account numbers - what do you think of that?
Chico: I think Disney already has access to that info for their neural scrambling. Why else would they have to ask for it?
Gordon: You don't think that someone is disguising themselves as Disney, do you?
Chico: Is Kermit's ass green?
Gordon: We've all seen more of Richard Hatch's ass then Kermits. Speaking of which - does he get out of the first week in Survivor All-Stars?
Chico: My guess... probably not, but it would only be because he wins immunity
Gordon: I think he will be there for a�little bit - he's one of the best players for a reason. Any Christmas shout-outs?
Chico: Big ups to all my peeps at LJ... Everyone who's down with me. May this new year be one big bonus round!
Chico: You?
Gordon: Thanks to Chris Wolvie, Anthony Rojas, Ryan Vickers, my friends and bowling teams, and everyone who reads our material and who is entertained by it
Chico: And thank you, Gordon. It's been real
Gordon: Yes it has - shall we do this again in 2004?
Chico: Soon as I get back from my vacation, we're starting up all over again with Average Joe Hawaii, American Idol 3, Star Search, more day stuff, and more obscure game show references!
Gordon: Sounds good - for Burt Luddin, this is Gordon Pepper saying have a wonderful rest of 2003
Chico: Happy game over.