THE COMMENTARY
Reality editor Gordon Pepper and Mews Editor Chico Alexander provides commentary.

December 14, 2003
Gordon: Welcome to a new WLTI. This is Gordon
Chico: And I'm a man who just woke up.
Gordon: what were you dreaming about?
Chico: Just weird stuff, nothing unusual.
Gordon: I was dreaming about the lovely Melana Scantlin
Chico: Oh yeah. That was Wednesday night. Nearly forgot about that... Now is it just me or is this woman just completely shallow in every which way possible?
Gordon: Well, she was on Meet My Folks - and she was just as vapid there as she was in this show. Honestly, did any of the Average Joes have a chance?
Chico: Let me think about it...NO! I mean, what the hell! If you're going to do something like that, at least have a central subject with a brain cell or three.
Gordon: I like the premise of the show, but what a rotten casting choice from NBC on this woman.
Chico: Have to agree with you on this one. I mean, if you were a woman, heaven forbid, who would you pick, the average guy with the money or the not-so-average guy with the lips that can kill a third-world nation?
Gordon: Speaking of third world nations, they will supposedly have a Polynesian Beauty Pageant winner in the second version of this show - will things get any better for the Joes?
Chico: Good question. I haven't lived in Hawaii since I was four, though, so I couldn't answer.
Gordon: Ok � As for the lips - can I take one of the masks from Mr Personality, put it on Adam's head and take the money?
Chico: No, then you'd be Stacy Hayes. And speaking of which, what the hell is up with the changes on Lingo?
Gordon: Everyone loves T and A, we all know that - but this is the show with the HIGHEST ratings on GSN - the last thing we need is someone to stop the game and ramble on about whether or not a word is spelled correctly. It�s those things that stop the game play that just kills any and all momentum on a show. The game works when you keep it moving, not when you mire it down in a woman who mangles half of her words to begin with
Chico: Can't touch the game, though. It's T-and-A proof.
Gordon: Boobs. B-O-O-B-S.
Chico: Okay, listen here, Gordon's about to play the doctor on My Fair Lady here.
Gordon: Strip - S-T-R-I-P...COUGH C-O-U-G-H...I better stop now while I�m still ahead. Would you like her to be in the Next Average Joe?
Chico: Would she be one of the Average Joes or the S-H-I-L-L?
Gordon: This is sort of fun - can I do this for the WHOLE W-H-O-L-E show?
Chico: Never... N-E-V-E-R. And speaking of boobs, can we talk about Jonny J-O-N-N-Y Fairplay?
Gordon: Lets go to another 5 letter word - TRUST - T-R-U-S-T. We are down to the Final 5 on Survivor, and it boils down to who can trust who - or are any of these people trustworthy?
Chico: I can tell you who ISN'T. In fact, I just did. I mean, this guy is just a basketcase here.
Gordon: Jon is playing the game beautifully, combining Richard's lie to everyone tactics with Rob Cesterino's jumping from party to party
Chico: I didn't say he wasn't playing the game like a player, I just said he's being a freak about it. Every fiber of his being is devoted to what he's going to lie about next.
Gordon: I think that he will run into the same problem that Rob did, though - since he will get rid of all of the threats, the other 2 people in the game will think that HE is the biggest threat and will vote to get rid of him
Chico: Unless he gets the big man scabbard � aka, Immunity.
Gordon: Part of the problem is that although we know that he's lying - especially about his supposedly death of his grandmother which happened while the show taped (who isn't dead and who is watching Jerry Springer), no one else does - so they think that he's scheming perfectly. I don't think he will get immunity - I think he loses any immunity to anyone except the 80 year old girl scout trooper Lillian.
Chico: Which is more dangerous than lying itself, because, hey, no one expects it! It's Million Dollar Spin time... Who wins the Survivor?
Gordon: This pattern is looking like a repeat of Survivor 6. Best player gets rid of all of the good players, leaving himself, a mediocre player, and a bad player. Mediocre player knocks guy out, leaving her to beat the bad player by default. Darrah, who's been under the radar for the whole series, plays the role of the mediocre player and wins a game that she doesn't deserve to, because she will be facing - and destroying - Lillian in the finals
Chico: Nah, NO ONE could ever win against Lillian. I say she takes it.
Gordon: I think anyone beats Lillian, the person who most people think should have been out of the game when they voted her out the first time
Chico: Sandra even said so.
Gordon: Sandra is as game-savvy as your standard garden variety squash. Her and Melana would be great knitting buddies
Chico: Nah. She'd swear a lot
Gordon: Could you imagine them together on an Arkansas Farm working next to Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie?
Chico: No, but I can imagine them in a comedy imported from Britain. =p
Gordon: The New Ab Fab girls
Chico: ON THAT NOTE... I think it's time for a break. When we come back, the absolute best and the absolute worst of 2003. Lord knows we've got a lot to cover. Stay there
Gordon: Not to mention Pushing or Flushing the new 2004 shows.
Chico: Wheee! Toilet time!
(This potty break has been brought to you by the campaign to elect Mark Burnett as president of the United States for 2004. All he has done is create a new genre and created hundreds of job opportunities for television personnel and media-whores everywhere. It's the economy, stupid.)
Chico: Hit the economy! W, are you listening with those big-ass Texas ears?
Gordon: Probably not . Before we continue, We here at Game Show NewsNet would like to wish Bob Barker a happy 80th birthday.
Chico: Wee! *blows party whistle*
Gordon: Anyways, it's time to take a look back at the best - and worst - that 2003 had to offer.
Chico: Absolute best idea on paper: Bringing back Joe Millionaire for a second season. People bought the first go-round, but they didn't nibble on this one.
Gordon: You don't go into a relationship show advertising about a guy getting into a relationship with women who can't even speak the SAME language. It's like trying to sell snowballs in a blizzard - and yes, some goof did try to do that - and he made almost 10 bucks. 10 viewers, however, doesn't save a show. The show needed a twist - and it was the wrong one. What�s worse is that it�s rumored that Joe Millionaire 3 is already completed and in the can - and will never see the light of day
Chico: But I do have good news....
Gordon: Did you save a lot of money on your car insurance?
Chico: Nope... but David Smith did.
Gordon: David Smith, the cowboy who got more airtime with his horse (Hurricane) than with the women that he was supposedly dating - which just goes to show you that a man can love a horse more than he loves 15 dogs.
Chico: Absolute worst show on paper to gain a cult following: That would go to GSN's Cram. I mean, stay up for 24 hours and then go on TV to talk about it.. How could anyone not love that?
Gordon: Horrible show - and it has the second best ratings on GSN. HOW? Worst show idea in my mind to also get a cult following? Paradise Hotel
Chico: Now that is also a show that only caters to the purdy folk a la Melana, if you ask me. But Cram was just a play-it-as-it-goes case...
Gordon: Take a bunch of people, including everyone's favorite emotional psychopath, Toni, and force them to hook up or leave the show. Then you get an average Joe (Dave) in there, and he almost walks away with $125,000 - only to get spurned by Charla, who takes his money
Chico: Chico: If you ask me, Toni should've won that money, and I'll tell you why... Because if she did, then maybe.. MAYBE we wouldn't have to see her again.
Gordon: What was wrong with Toni? She made great psychopathic television
Chico: If I wanted to see psychopaths, I'd flip on Y&R.
Gordon: Y&R is good for voodoo possessions and Amnesia cases -Toni was the all year round PMS case. I hope she's the host for Paradise Hotel 2 - or maybe a contestant who comes back.
Chico: Maybe. But why Fame didn't work, because, ladies and gents, all together now, it was seen as an American Idol rip.
Gordon: It WAS an American Idol rip - and the talent wasn't nearly as good as AI
Chico: Okay, worst ... execution... EVER! No doubt: Are You Hot?
Gordon: Are You Hot, if you allowed it to be judged by the public (like the web site has it) insted of an openly...uh....open guy, a has-been soap star from the 80's and a foreign model who has obviously been watching the Simon Cowell indoctrination tapes for a little too long, could have been a cult show. Instead, it gets the honor as the worst reality show EVER. What were these people thinking?
Chico: They weren't. They were just trying to plug a scheduling hole. And in the end, they did... with war coverage - which, by the way, was actually more watched than this! Nothing really can be said about that, couldn't it?
Gordon: Nothing helps the economy or ratings like a good war
Chico: True, true. Best surprise: Kathy Griffin as host of Average Joe.
Gordon: Can I go Best Surprise, that and biggest disappointment, Average Joe itself?
Chico: You certainly can, my friend.
Gordon: Done.
Chico: But I'd have to disagree. WORST surprise: new episodes of Shop Til You Drop, in exchange for no more episodes of Supermarket Sweep.
Gordon: That's a good one too - You don't like JD Roberto turning a game show into a calesthenic clinic?
Chico: Or a non-stop shill-a-thon.
Gordon: Shill, S-h-i-l...ok put down the mace, I'll stop. Worst player in a game?
Chico: That would have to be Lill on Survivor... She finally got the hint... thirteen episodes on, but she got it.
Gordon: She's still in the game though - the WORST player is Scott from Big Brother 4, who not only couldn't tell the truth to stay in the game, he couldn't tell the truth to the producers, as Scott neglected to tell them that he had genital warts. That, and his explosive, self-destructive personality, which caused most of the cast to beg for his removal, gets him expelled dfrom the show.
Chico: I could've sworn that the idea of the game was to win. Not to be a jackass on national TV.
Gordon: I thought in Big Brother you can do both.
Chico: Case in point: Alison Irwin!
Gordon: Or - let's see how many people I can lie to and still stay on TV at the same time. We have the blond female version of Jon Dalton
Chico: How about the MVP?
Gordon: lol - best player for me is a split vote for MVP. I have to give one of them to Clay AIken, for his mastery of learning to be well-rounded in American Idol, and even though he didn't win, we clearly honed his skills the best. I will also give it to Scott Hostetler, who wins on Press wins on Press Your Luck, wins on Whammy!, wins on Match Game, gets to his 4th game show (Pyramid) and once again wins. If only he gave the clues instead of received, then maybe he could have cost himself $10,000 by blurting out the answer he was supposed to have guessed - like Kennedy did.
Chico: I have to agree. Although his album was mediocre as best, Clay just looked at the world and said, "You know what... screw the rules."
Gordon: His refreshing show of originality is why he is as popular as he is. We need to be refreshed, so we'll go to a break. When we come back - we'll see which new shows are refreshing - and which ones need to hit the showers.
Chico: Push or flush, and I've got the plunger, baby.
Gordon: plunge us into a commercial
(Brought to you by Lingo Writers Local 555: No, we're not as sick Chuck thinks we are... Wait, yes we are.)
Gordon: We are back - and it's time for the old stand by - Push it or Flush it. You know the rules - we see a new show, analyze it, and decide if it's going to by idolized like a god, or be sent to the porcelain god. What do we start with?
Chico: First out of the gate in 2004, of course. Average Joe Hawaii. Just like Average Joe, but in a sunnier locale and hopefully with better casting.
Gordon: Do I want to want to see this again? No - especially since they are advertising that the new 'Joes' will be even 'more average' than the first set. Didn't they learn their lesson?
Chico: You can blame the Joes, you have to get an ideal central figure... otherwise, it just goes kablooey. I don't think I want another Melana trying to convince herself that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Gordon: That's true - so what do you think about the Polynesian queen who will be the new person? Is she worthy or worthless?
Chico: Anything's better than what we got the first time out, I'll push with a caveat. If you say that you're not shallow, you better follow through
Gordon: I agree - and just for the aspect of seeing if we have another hypocritical woman on the shoe, I'll push it - and of course, we'll all be watching the finale anyway, regardless of what a ditz she is. (PUSH)
Gordon: Next up - All-Star Survivor. We have seen these people scheme, plot, backstab and lie for a million. Do we want to see them again on our screen battling for 2 million?
Chico: I can live without a few of them, mostly the early ones who have already have their 15 minutes and then some..
Gordon: I agree with some - but I think it will be great to see the true players and how well their scheming now works against people who have already played the game. Some of the match-ups already look nice, as 3 people from 3 alliances in the first 3 series are in the game - will they stick around long enough to band again? Or will some people get their revenge? The storylines are too good not to pass up. (PUSH)
Chico: Push here too (PUSH).
Gordon: Next up - The Apprentice - Donald Trump's new game of corporate survival. Is this the biggest jungle game ever, or will this be a pale Burnett clone?
Chico: My guess... pale Burnett clone. Been there, done that. Unless there's a pull, I won't watch it.
Gordon: I will compare Burnett with Simon Cowell - Cowell's sequel, Cupid, was an awful American Idol clone where we voted on suitors. Burnett's next major network show for the U.S. after Survivor? The Restaurant, though not my cup of tea, was original for it to get to be a cult hit and to have a sequel after it. I think Burnett is a smart enough player in the game to know not to xerox himself completely, and I think Trump is a charismatic enough person that it will get me hooked on the show. (PUSH)
Chico: This is not the appointment television that The Restaurant was, but hey, I'm still looking for a pull factor. I'll leave this one in the air until I find one.
Gordon: So you're going to let it fester in the toilet?
Chico: For a while, at least. We'll see if it attracts flies or if it comes to flushing.
Gordon: Ok - American Idol 3 - have you had enough of Simon, Paula, Randy and bad singing? Or do you want more?
Chico: There's always time for Simon and co. and that co. might be getting bigger. Rumor has it that Pete Waterman, one of Simon's cohorts from Pop Idol, is in talks to sign on as the fourth judge. So far, the show is three for four (Justin was bounced from RCA after selling only 134,000 copies).
Gordon: Waterman, of Stock, Aiken (No relations to Clay) and Waterman, the big hit machine that made Bananarama and the big Eurogroups of the 80's stars?
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: Good enough for me, (PUSH)
Chico: It can only get better... and if you think that it can't get better than Ruben and Clay.. you better ask somebody. (PUSH) Next up: World Series of Blackjack. Not content with just plain ol' game shows, GSN gets into the card game.
Gordon: I am a huge gambling fan. I go to Atlantic City when I have time and I recently made a pilgrimage to the mecca of gambling in the US - Las Vegas. I am a huge poker fan - and I think this will do for Blackjack what WPT did for poker
Chico: If enough people watch. After all, you have two different camps, the GSN faithful and the sharks like yourself. You think this'll find an audience?
Gordon: No question about it - BlackJack has even more players than Poker does (PUSH)
Chico: I'll admit, I can't wait for this one, either. (PUSH). But when you marry GSN, you marry all of GSN. Including this next one... Joe Millionaire gets a hosting gig on Fake-a-Date.
Gordon: Here's the premise - person goes on dates with 2 people - one of which actually wants o date the person, the other one is an actor who just wants to date that person to win a trip. I hope the actor or actress has more acting talent than the host does.
Chico: The premise leaves little to be desired (how many times have we seen THIS before), let's hope that the execution makes up for it.
Gordon: Let's hope that this one just gets executed (FLUSH)
Chico: I think it'll die a slow death... like Funny Money (FLUSH)
Gordon: Speaking of a National Lampoon game, National Lampoon does have a new on the Horizon - the Greek Games! Are you ready to see Fraternities and Sororities compete in events such as Pita Bread Discus Toss, Souvlaki High Hurdles and Greek Olive Oil Wrestling?
Chico: Would you believe... NO?! Come on, fun is fun, and the Gov. of CA stuff was fun, but this is just plain ridiculous.
Gordon: You don't want to see babes in skimpily clad clothing wrestling in Greek Olive Oil?
Chico: No, I don't want to see any DUDES wrestling in Greek Olive Oil. And Rich Cronin did say that he was going to keep this family safe as possible, so my guess is ... no babes. And I so wanted to see babes.
Gordon: You're going to flush this one?
Chico: Hard, baby. (FLUSH HARD)
Gordon: I'm going to disagree with you. Unlike some other shows, I think that National Lampoon will do a decent job with this - there are too many other well-done shows in this genre (Almost Anything Goes, Knockout, etc.) out there that National Lampoon should be able to borrow from that makes this one watchable. And yes, I will hold out for the olive oil wrestling (PUSH)
Chico: Alrighty. We'll be back.
(Retro PSA: Friends don't let friends watch Kline & Friends).
Gordon: With all of the 80's references, who's ready to sing 'The Reflex'? The reflex is a lonely child just waiting by the park...
Chico: Okay, simon LeBon... I will. but before that, I got a gift for ya...
Chico: Here you go, it's a Pyramid home game. They seem to give a lot of these things away...
Gordon: Staying with the 80's, here's a Wheel of Fortune Ceramic Dalmation for you, Chico , old buddy, old pal
Chico: Dude... you shouldn't have...Okay, Quick Byte time - Who wins Survivor?
Gordon: Staying with the pattern, I have to go Darrah, who does what Jenna did - win immunities and leave the one person who she's a shoo-in to beat - Lil. u?
Chico: I have to agree, but not because of that. Because Jon's going to get out of the game early, then Lill, who can't win immunity, leaving Sandra and Darrah. Okay, your opinion on the Boden dismissal at GSN?
Gordon: I think we know that GSNN is going for the out-of-studio game approach - time will tell if that's the right way to go. I think they are making a mistake though - Boden has a huge eye for talent and what works.
Chico: I was hoping that GSN would have the right mix of the two types. But we can't go approving every idea that comes to us. I oughta mail in my idea for a game. Maybe they'll put it on.
Gordon: Ok - Will anyone win a million bucks on the next set of The Price is Right Specials?
Chico: Nope. But it'll be a lot of fun to watch.
Gordon: The new Bachelorette will have Meredith, who's passing of her grandmother cost her a chance to be with Bob. Will she be more or less popular that Trista?
Chico: Nothing against Meredith, but she'll probably be less popular, only because you really can't top the original. Unless you're Mark Burnett. Did you listen to Ruben's new CD? Nice mix of hip-hop and old school.
Gordon: I did - I thought Ruben had the better CD of the 2 - but Clay will beat him in terms of sales. What will be more popular - The Apprentice, or Burnette's other reality show coming out - The Casino?
Chico: The Apprentice, probably. And with that, I think it's time to call it. You know what I like?
Chico: I'll give you a hint... e-mail.
Gordon: Well, you can get me at [email protected]
Chico: And I'm up at [email protected]
Gordon: Sounds good to me - and that will about do it, Have a safe, happy and healthy holiday season
Chico: And if you're hitting up the clubs on New Year's Eve, give up the keys, or else it'll be game over.