THE COMMENTARY
Reality Editor Gordon Pepper and News Editor Chico Alexander provides commentary.

(This show was recorded on March 6, 2004)


Chico: Hello out there in game show land, this is the far from average Chico Alexander...
Gordon: It's not Chico TV?
Chico: Nope. That would be as boring as hell.
Gordon: and you'd be whining about everything
Chico: Not everything... just everything that pissed me off. Now, if they made a Gordon TV... That would be must see right there
Gordon: I would think so - but no one's giving ME $5,000 a week. Now that the sweeps are over, we are grateful that we are sweeping shows out of the schedule - while there are other shows that we wish we can stuff back into moth balls
Chico: Getting into the major subject of the show today, endings. We have three of them of major note, let's get right into it. First, the Big Fat ending for the Obnoxious Fiance. I couldn't really imagine a better played out ending than that.
Gordon: Family love conquers all - bleh
Chico: But could you imagine it any other way that would still allow it to go to air?
Gordon: Patrick objects, Randi goes nuts, then Patrick admits that he was paid off and mass hilarity ensues. They've had shows which have ended in unhappy endings, like Temptation Island 3, Bacheolrettes in Alaska - and let's not forget Married By America
Chico: Good point. Or Melanie throws a hissy fit. I would've much rather seen that.
Gordon: It would have been fun to see Melanie do that - then realize that she cost the family a million bucks. Heh heh heh
Chico: That's why I would much rather seen that. Costing the family a million beans and then being ostracized and disowned. There's an idea for a series right there. "The Bitchy Sister"
Gordon: THAT would be much more satisfying - or Todd getting his just desserts - but that didn't happen either. The voting public - all 10 of them, decided that they would let Todd have his new life, even though he didn't do much to earn it. Then again, I dont think there were enough people who watched, or cared - unlike Average Joe 2, where there were a lot of people who cared - and came away with an below average ending.
Chico: A match that wasn't made, and a secret that wasn't a big one. Thank you, NBC. THANK YOU.
Gordon: Do you believe the show, where Gil leaves, or the Today interview, which he says that they are a couple? That day-after interview looked very shaky, at best.
Chico: You know what, after seeing the ending and the subsequent Today interview... I honestly don't know what to believe. What do you think? Was Gil right about every man in America knowing what he's feeling?
Gordon: Does GIl have a personality?
Chico: I don't even think he has a central nervous system.
Gordon: That's not going to do much for his acting career
Chico: Remember last episode, when you said that Jason played the better game and that's why he won Melana (and Jason has since split with Melana, by the way) instead of Adam? Well, I dare you to try and fit that argument in here.
Gordon: Like in all games, you can play the better game and still lose if your play is not realized. I think in the first series, Adam didn't play as well as Jason did. This time around, Brian did indeed play better - but Larissa discounted his game and went for the brainless GIl - but it seemed like she didn't want either of them
Chico: So you're just saying that Larissa was just too much of a...
Gordon: Well, staying with the Hawaiian theme, she had the savvy of a pineapple. Unfortunately, it's bringing up another stereotype - why the beautiful women make the wrong choices because they are morons and always wind up in splittsville because of it.
Chico: Larissa and Gil, you mean?
Gordon: The pineapple people, yes
Chico: Pineapple people... Spooky.
Gordon: Speaking of spooky, it's Richard's genatalia! EEEEk!
Chico: Well, yeah we were talking about Todd TV, but none of the people who cared are watching, so.... We lost series, and we lost people. This time around, we lost a big person - 260 pounds of Hatch.
Gordon: And we also lose Susan, thanks to Rich and Ms. Hawk replaying Survivor 5 with Ghandia and Ted - what's your opinion on it?
Chico: I think Sue's just being Sue, you know. Loving the spotlight, playing it for all its worth, being unshameful about it, you know... Just being Sue.
Gordon: I'll have to disagree. It was blatantly obvious that there was A LOT of editing in that segment, and I think there was a lot more than what was shown. Regardless of what Sue says on the air, I keep hearing about a potential lawsuit - and I think that CBS had to cut most of it out to avoid Susan getting enough of it on the air for a suit. I think that any time a man, regardless of sexual preference, grinds against anyone against their wishes, that they should be punished. As much as I love Richard as a player, I think he went way too far
Chico: I have to agree on that. But again, this is what happens when you have an open-ended anything-goes game, you know. It's shoot first, ask questions later. I'd personally go after the offender, not the accessory.
Gordon: 1. Rich should have never allowed to have been naked for that challenge. 2. When it happened, Rich should have been tossed from the game, period
Chico: Yeah, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye...
Gordon: or their shorts
Chico: or their lunch. I think that this is the second time that we've had a little bit of "game vs. life" scenario here?
Gordon: Yeah - but this trancends it again - the All-Stars are playing their own game - like the celebrities were playing with their words. What did you think of the Great Celebrity Spelling Bee?
Chico: Unneeded. But John O'Hurley was in top form... as usual.
Gordon: I enjoyed it - I thought it was fun - and it's nice to see celebrities actually using their brains then being force fed the answers in a multiple choice format
Chico: Yeah, I have to admit it was an entertaining spectacle, but I'm getting sick and tired of seeing Celebrity this, Celebrity that. Where're all these celebrities coming from anyway?
Gordon: They were actually real celebrities playing though - it's George Wendt! Corbin 'Moley' Bernsen! Brett Butler! Alice Cooper! They weren't Ray Romano, per se, but it was still fun to watch
Chico: You had to bring up George Wendt, didn't you? =p
Gordon: Yes. Wendt. W-E-N-D-T. Wendt. That would be a nasty lingo word
Chico: You know how I feel about that. I mean, everyone loves George Wendt.
Gordon: Do you love George Wendt?
Chico: Fan worship. The phrase is fan worship. Anyone who can pound away that much alcohol on camera is fine by me.
Gordon: Do you worship Wendt?
Chico: Not unlike you worshipping Corbin Bernsen, if that's what you're asking.
Gordon: You go worship him - I'd rather worship another ex-Cheers member - Kirstie Allie =). And Don't be dissing Corbin - I don't worship him, but he is entertaining
Chico: Okay... Pier 1 addict... right there. Quick word on Meredith and Ian going into the break... I think it'll last...Well, longer than Bob and what'sherface. I see this one going on for a while...
Gordon: Here's what I think - I think it's unfair that she's looking like a villain when it's the ABC editing that mislead everyone
Chico: It's editing. That's the point.
Gordon: But the editing was brutal and misleading. There's NOTHING worse than editing that doesn't tell the story. At least when Survivor had twists, there was enough foreshadowing that you could understand why things happened. Mark my words - the editing was so bad and so meant to just get a cheap surprise pop, that the ratings will go down because no one wants to be let down like that again.
Chico: Again, case in point, Average Joe. Notice that she never called the Joes out by name?
Gordon: But there's a difference - you saw it in her face that she wasn't attracted to the Joes, so it came as no surprise that she didn't pick Brian. She was an idiot and I didn't like the ending, but I was satisfied. The editing was good and it told a good story. Even with Todd TV, even though Todd was unlikeable, you could tell that the audience would help him out a the end - and that's what good editing does.
Chico: And bad editing looks like a Japanese movie.
Gordon: The bachelosushirette?
Chico: Dubbing's another show, Gordon:... Take us to break...
Gordon: When we come back, we have AI, a GSN preview, and more stranding *hands piece of paper saying "After the break"*

(Brought to you by the William Hung bobblehead. He bangs! He bangs! Fly girls not included.)

Gordon: He's hung and he bangs, eh?
Chico: He's Hung and he bangs...
Gordon: and hes got a bobbly head. Nice to see where the advertisers minds are this episode
Chico: Heh... We are bad people.
Gordon: Speaking of bad - what did you think about Group 4?
Chico: Not as good as group three, but better than group two. I called Jasmine and George... but John Stevens? He was terrible!
Gordon: CHico, I got 3 words for you - charisma, charisma, charisma. When will we learn that this stuff gets people in the finals?
Chico: I don't know. I didn't see any charisma oozing. Apparently the only one who did is British and an A&R rep.
Gordon: He'a 16 years old who didn't remember any words and said every time that he think he was going to get cut. Who wouldnt root for the underdog?
Chico: Very true, but that will only get him so far. I don't think he'll get past top six.
Gordon: He could be the first one gone, if he mangles his words
Chico: Now a number of people with both talent and presence are in the wild cards, notably the dancing Matthew Metzger.
Gordon: What telant and presence?
Chico: I felt his performance..
Gordon: I did too - and I had to go potty
Chico: Lest we discount the erstwhile George Huff as well.
Gordon: You notice that the women are out performing the men as they are getting in this year? I expect it to continue as I think Leah and Elizabeth and Katie get in - but where's the Scooter girl?
Chico: That's what I want to know. It seems like they're only pulling from the groups. I wanted more of Scooter Girl.
Chico: I wanted more of a lot of people... Okay, only two. But we got the other one, as Martha Krabill showed us exactly why she wasn't in the final 32...
Gordon: She was...uh...how do you say...affected?
Chico: Yeah. By about 32 mocha javas.
Gordon: Has she met TPIR's Art?
Chico: She might've.
Gordon: A NEW CAR!
Chico: FIFTY THOUSAND... okay, we should stop there. But hey, at least she's no Scat Girl.
Gordon: true
Chico: And she's not any better. At least the others had a slight margin of improvement.
Chico: Hell, even William Hung had a slight margin.
Gordon: and vocal lessons
Chico: Same dif.
Gordon: I think Hung's fame is one of the four signs of impending DOOM
Chico: And the other three: Kenny, Versus, Spenny. Reality ha-ha from Canada.
Gordon: which leads us to the new impending GSN shows. We touched on them before, but now that it's up, any thoughts on the shows before we see them in person?
Chico: Well, I do, but first, I think it's fair to just put the primetime sked on the table real quick. And you know what I need to do that, right/
Gordon: Hmmmm....William Hung's no-stick hair?
Chico: It doesn't stick? Wow. Well, I've got a teflon skull, so I wouldn't really be interested in that. What I AM interested in, though, is the Big Board.
Gordon: THE BIG BOARD!!!!
Chico: Okay, starting with Monday, we've got GSN's World Series of Blackjack, Fake-a-Date, and SpyTV.
Chico: Why they would lump these shows together is beyond me.
Gordon: Im looking forward to Blackjack - and then maybe some root canal instead of getting through Fake-a-date. You're going to make me cover that one, aren't you?
Chico: You're darn-tootin.
Gordon: blah
Chico: Tuesday: Mole and Blackjack. Both games of deception. Both games of instinct. Both an hour long.
Gordon: Good evening viewing
Chico: Very good.
Gordon: next up?
Chico: Wednesday, it's part GSN, part Game Show Network Throwback. Fake-a-Date, Friend or Foe, Lingo, and Funny Money.
Chico: Nice to see the money back on a school night. Not a good game show per se, but a hell of a way to kill half an hour. If they only had funny people on all of the time, though.
Gordon: You don't think Tess and Dat Phan are funny?
Chico: You think they're funny? Even after a few adult beverages?
Gordon: Maybe after some adult beverages and a half hour trip on the Cram Hamster Wheel
Chico: No, I'd just have the stomach death after that and speaking of which... Thursday night viewing: Kenny vs. Spenny, Cram, and Greed. Good to see the hamster wheels back and it's always good to feel the need... but Kenny vs. Spenny? Why, Canada? Why?
Gordon: Anytime you go to the official website and see the disclaimer that the show hasn't been cancelled, that just has to be a bad sign right there
Chico: Now THAT's a sign of impending doom.
Gordon: If it wasn't before, it may be soon
Chico: By the way, the show's at cbc.ca/kennyvsspenny. "Kenny vs. Spenny is not cancelled. Furthermore, my power is still absolute."
Gordon: That's looking like a good time to catch the Mad Mad House rerun. Next night?
Chico: Friday, SpyTV, Russian Roulette, and Weakest Link... Good way to cap the week - hidden cameras, a trap door and an acerbic schoolmarm
Gordon: I could think of worse ways - like Fox's Playing it Straight
Chico: There you go. Give me Ali Landry and/or Michael Ian Black any day
Gordon: you get that one, by the way
Chico: Which one, Ali Landry? Because you can have Michael Ian Black...
Gordon: You can have Playing It Straight, whith 8 guys who aren't
Chico: Great...There's your big board, people.. Yay.
Gordon: It's time to take the big break

(This break has been brought to you by Auditions for Big Brother 5. As the last set of conetestants were so...lack-luster, that we may as well start early. Talk to your local Grizzlebee rep for more information)


Chico: Tinfins... Forever, baby. Welcome back, this is WLTI. We are the Starsky & Hutch of the game show circuit.
Gordon: even though some of us could be accused of hanging out too often with Huggybear
Chico: Fo' shizzle, my nizzle... and now, it's game time. Gordon:, what'd you got?
Gordon: In honor of Forever Eden and Susan Hawk, it's time to bring back STRANDED. It's time to select people to put on an island - and leave there.
Chico: Yeah, and honestly, who WOULDN'T want to leave Susie Q on an island for the rest of her days?
Gordon: I like Susan Hawk - I'm sure could make some sort of perfume from her voyage on the raf...anyways, First up - The cast of Star Search - or this year's group of American Idol 3 finalists. Which group can do all of the serenading that they want to on their own island?
Chico: This is a tough one. You see, the Star Search kids are a group of great singers, but mindless drones. The Idolers are adequate singers at best, but they're lively! This one's a toughie... I say..... lifeless drones.
Gordon: I never thought that I would compare the Idolers to Star Search, but this group so far is so generic that right now Star Search is exciting me more - and that's fairly scary. The singers on Star Search have raised their game - and the competition has gone up too, while is seems like the Idol people are, if anything, trying to be safe to avoid being sent home by the audience.
Chico: Scary, ain't it?
Gordon: Being safe won't get you eliminated - but you won't come in first either. I say leave all of the AI singers on the island except for Lotoya, Matt Rogers, Leah Labelle and Scooter Girl
Chico: Who will come to reign as the Iron Chefs of the music industry... the Iron Mics.
Gordon: That's a pretty good analogy, since they are squeaking all over the place
Chico: Okeydoke, Lingo sidekicks time... Stacy or "the other chick"? There was another sidekick in the earlier-taped, but later-aired season three shows that made air last week.
Gordon: Can we drop off both of them and bring in Kennedy to be the sidekick chick?
Chico: Don't I wish. But unfortunately, the rules say you can either choose one, or choose both and leave the magic headset
Gordon: I hate to betray my favorite hussy, but the blonde is the bomb. Keep Stacey and get rid of what's her name
Chico: Alrighty, what'shername.. Gone! Next?
Gordon: In honor of TPIR's 6,000th episode, you have the option to take three of the pricing games and strand them on the island. Which three go there?
Chico: Joker, definitely. Let'em Roll, also, which you could technically win with absolutely no effort whatsoever...And, of course, On the Spot. You?
Gordon: I like 'Let Em Roll, as if you hit a lot of money early, you could quit instead of going for the car. I also like On The Spot, becuase the game is very easy - the problem is that no one has figured out the pattern on winning the game.
Chico: Yeah, but you know, it's just annoying to watch.
Gordon: I like it - but most of the contestants who play it are morons. Lets use some logic here - the two prices that belong to the cheapest and most expensive things are on all three paths - so all you have to do is to figure out what those are and bingo. Then you just pick out one product and use the same price on each of it on the third step of the path until one of them match. If you know what is the cheapest and most expensive of the 6 items are, it's IMPOSSIBLE to lose this game.
Chico: So you're saying if I presented you with an on the spot, you would figure it out...
Gordon: Yep - Assuming you would make it like TPIR does and not be goofy with it
Chico: Then tell me what games are so ridiculously hard that even Stephen Hawking would have a problem with them. One comes to mind, and I think you know what that is.
Gordon: I'll hold you to it - The three I'd want to get rid of are the ones where the contestant can do everything right - and still lose. Those games are Secret X, Joker and Line 'Em Up, which is so esoteric that it's brutal to try to win it. Same with Master Key, where you can win keys, but only luck dictates if you win the car. Which ridiculously hard game did you have in mind?
Chico: That's Too Much comes to mind
Gordon: That game also blows
Chico: It blows and it sucks. Which is a feat in an of itself, because it's physically impossible.
Gordon: True - and a scary thought to have a TPIR pricing game attempt to do this. Then again, there was Professor Price...
Chico: Cue the Psycho music!
Gordon: Next question?
Chico: Nick or Omarosa of "The Apprentice". One was fired. The other... was Nick. But are you a fan of cockiness or bitchiness?
Gordon: I like both of them just simply because they can both talk well - especially in defending themselves. Neither of them get marks with playing in the sandbox, but Nick does have a better rapport and he keeps most of the egotistical comments to himself, where Omarosa prefers to attack everyone - and no one ever gets any party favors from doing that. That's the difference and I think Trump made the right choice this week. Your thoughts?
Chico: Both can hold their own with the best of them, really. While Nick is the smarmiest, he can justify it with his gutsy decisions and rallying the troops... with a little prodding. In Omarosa's case, she's just trying to be a one-woman army. End result, BAM! Gone.
Gordon: I think she would have still been around if she didn't turn a piece of plaster into a 3 act broadway production
Chico: (in dramatic fashion) Agh! I've been hurt-ed.
Gordon: Awww Poor baby - what would you like to me the booboo all better?
Chico: In a word... Katrina :)
Gordon: She's your new reality show hussy?
Chico: Hell yeah.
Gordon: Even better than Stacy?
Chico: But that's another show. Right now, Omarosa, your boat to oblivion is waiting.
Gordon: Next up - House Of Dreams, Todd TV, AJ2, Bachelorette 2. None of these shows started - or ended - as the viewers liked, and although House of Dreams is still on, it got moved into the TV late night netherworld. WHich of these shows got a bad rap and which ones should be stuck on the island?
Chico: House of Dreams is decent enough, right? So that could stay. Todd TV was just... America, I blame you. It's all your fault!
Gordon: Does that mean that you are sending all of voting America to the island?
Chico: Yes. All fourteen of you.
Gordon: Now you could also blame all of apathetic America for not voting and making the show what it is too, you know
Chico: No, because they didn't really watch to begin with, therefore couldn't really get the gist of Todd's... persona.
Gordon: What persona?
Chico: Exactly.
Gordon: Hw made Omarosa look like princess charming
Chico: So on the boat for me... The fourteen people voting, Todd himself, Gil and Larissa... and take that scrub Fabio with you.
Gordon: I'll stuff Todd TV, Larissa and the editing crew on the Bachelorette for deciding that they wanted to give us a surprise ending and sacrifice the complete storyline for the whole Bachelorette show.
Chico: Editors! I forgot the editors! Better get a barge. Okay, FINAL SHOWDOWN: You have three seats. Your pool: the entire combined casts of My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance and Shop 'Til You Drop (including the theme song singer)
Chico: Go.
Gordon: Seat #1 - The songwriter for Shop Till You Drop, Seat #2 - JD Roberto. Seat #3 - Steve, from MBFOF, and since he's so big, I can have Patrick and Randi sit on his lap, as they'd all fit.
Chico: I don't know, Patrick's a big guy himself.
Gordon: OK - Stick Steve and have Randi and any of the sisters on him, and then Put JD Roberto on Patrick's Lap.
Chico: Now you're thinking. Me, I take the songwriter, Steve's mom, and Patrick, who wears a kilt and swears all the time. Bleepity bleep, bleep, bleep...And just to keep the mojo flowing, who suddenly appears on the island out of nowhere? Claudia DiFolco...JD can come, too.
Gordon: JD, Claudia, THe Songwriter, The Actor, and his wife, the Movie Star, Patrick and Steve's mom - is that the new Gilligan's Isle?
Chico: Nice preview of next week's show... My hat... is off.
Gordon: We'll get to a preview of the next show - right after we come out of the break

(Brought to you by the Kenny vs. Spenny home game. Now with Ultimate Staredown. Dog not included)


Chico: You can find it next to the best of Who Dares Wins DVD.
Gordon: What comes in the Kenny Vs. Spenny set?
Chico: Instructions on how to annoy people, of course - through intense competition and hubris
Gordon: Not to mention low ratings - which will annoy the GSN people - which leads us to the SNEAK PREVIEW and BIG FINISH
Chico: Next time, we finally get to watch the new GSN sked, plus we give out our preseason Idol charts, Gilligan's Island as a reality show, and staying in a house with a naturist, a primitive, a Wiccan, a voodoo priestess, and a vampire for fun and profit.
Gordon: In addition to that, we have our March Madness game, where will will rate the 16 shows currently airing and play them against each other
Chico: That's next time. Right now, though, it's time for... the BIG FINISH! Survivor: If you were in Chapera, wouldn't YOU want to be rid of Tom now?
Gordon: From a character point of view? Yes - from a strategic point of view, if I was Rob and Amber, no, because we they will need him just for numbers sake, should they manage to be lucky and get the majority for the merge. WHo's next to go in Mogo Mogo?
Chico: Shii Ann, who just couldn't shut her pie hole long enough last week. She's gone from under the radar to prime target.
Gordon: I will disagree - I think the women know that the guys are dangerous - they may be the next to go - starting with big chief Colby
Chico: Well, it might be one of the two sides of that little argument, BUT alas, there is another twist.
Gordon: Game changing twist or silly twist?
Chico: It's Survivor. Could be either. The Next Average Joe. Adam calls the shots, but will the ladies approve?
Gordon: I think they will - but the questions is - is Adam serious about it? We will see if he will be the first male Trista - or the next male Bob.
Chico: Hard to say, really. His intentions weren't really that clear in the first AJ. We'll have to see. Super Millionaire returns in May, but will anyone learn how to use the next level of lifeline?
Gordon: I think people know how to do it - and I'm hoping that a Jipter will be able to show us how to do it. What is a goofier concept - a beauty show based on people who just had plastic surgery, or a dating show where all of the contestants are transvestites?
Chico: ... Transvestites. Because I've seen a combination of the two and I tell you... It ain't pretty.
Gordon: We'll get to see both of those ideas coming to a tv near you in the spring - can't you just wait?
Chico: I'm on pins and needles.
Chico: One more thing, though, before we go... Gordon:, I have something to tell you.
Gordon: yes, Chico
Chico: I used to do a game show recap show with Fabio.
Gordon: (Gasp)
Chico: Heh.. I could run that joke all day.
Gordon: Well, then it would make this a little easier to tell you I'm actually Larissa's brother Patrick, and I will object to you marrying Fabio
Chico: (Gasp!)
Gordon: I am sorry if it will cost you one million dollars
Chico: Heh. We could run this joke all day. For the gasping Gordon: Pepper, I'm the gasping Chico: Alexander, and until next time...
Chico: Game over... (Quick gasp!)
Gordon: (gasp!)
Chico: It's over?
Gordon: Until the next TWIST