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For 39 days, 16 castaways were stranded in Asia.  Every 3 days on the island became a 1-hour show.  The first contestant eliminated pockets $2500.  Each successive eliminated contestant wins more money, through the next-to-last Survivor, who receives $100,000.  The final Survivor wins a million dollars!

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I believe in destiny... and apparently so do nine out of ten tribemates. More later.

Day 22: TIMBER!

The Chaperas wake up to Big Tom and Rupert sawing lumber. Quite literally. Once they get the job done (and they're the only ones doing anything, trust me!), they start talking merge, as Tom calls a fishing Rupert "one of the biggest damn hogs I've ever seen." That prompts Big Tom to get into the water and attempt a haul of his own. End result: Tom catches one fish. And it's not even a biggie. "Not a bad fish for his first fish ever on a spear. That's a fish tank fish. But Big Tom got it and he was thrilled."

And of course, since nothing short of Rob and Amber thinking about doing it but not getting there yet ever happens around these parts, in comes the play of the day: Tree Mail.

"Today you may improve your way of life; it's just a means to the end. It may be a battle royale, or you just might make some friends."

Merge? We'll see. We also get red paint, which we start using like crazy: arrows for the girls, a bull for the boys, and other... assorted designs. And grunts. Alicia makes the assumption that something's going to happen. Man, she's smart. She should be in college.

Jeff gathers his troops around the lovely red and green tarps that have adorned so many challenges. He notices the paint job on Chapera and the absence thereof on Mogo Mogo. After a little powwow, the tribes are instructed to line up and buddy up with one person on the other tribe (except for extras Amber and Jenna). Lex buddies up with Boston Rob. Big Tom goes off with Jerri. Shii Ann goes stag with Rupert, and Alicia is just left with Kathy. All this, and lunch, too. Nice. A little TOO nice.

So for the most part, we're talking merge and food. And Shii Ann has all subjects in-between. After the little group chats, the teams are brought together and instructed to drop their buffs. Now, I've watched enough Survivor to make Mark Burnett quake with fear, so I know that when everyone's instructed to drop their buffs, one of two things will happen: a merge...

OR A SWITCH!

Yes, instead of the challenge we're used to, we get a tribal switch. Simple premise: pull red, you're in Chapera. Pull green, you're in the Mogo squared tribe. Everything in the camp stays in that camp. In what has to be the freakiest pull of death round since Clay, Ruben, and Kimberley at the AI finals last year, every member of Mogo Mogo pulls a red Chapera buff. At the end, only Jenna and Amber remain with one red buff and one green. Jenna pulls... green. Amber is the sole holdout of the tribal switch... or the sole switcher, depending on how you look at it. "Like it was meant to be."

That means that I'm almost certain to have TC duties this week. Thanks, CBS. No, REALLY!

Oh yeah, and Rob's pissed. No more nookie for him.

Amber leads her new troop back to camp, feeling like the one who got screwed in this situation. "Mainly the one thought going through my head was 'Let me pull the same color that Rob pulls.'" She's the only one bumming, as the Mog... err, the Chapera digs their new digs. And they unite over... more lunch. Hey, now... you're an All-Star...

Amber toasts her new tribemates, but still, her thoughts are with the ones she left behind. And by "the ones", I mean Boston Rob. "It's definitely not home without the people that belong here. Kinda sucks."

Day 24: Rob better not be smelling that... thing... over at Mogo Mogo.

It's morning, and Lex and Shii Ann are using their rightly (?) acquired toiletries to gussy themselves up, not really knowing where they've been. I mean for all we know, they could've been used to... Anyway. Time for "Fun with Logos" in today's Tree Mail:

"(Survivor logo) Mike fell in the fire;
(Outback logo) Susan's rat and snakes;
(Africa logo) Ghandia screamed 'You're way too close!'
(Marquesas logo) The Amazon women had what it takes.
(Thailand logo) Seven countries later,
(Amazon logo) 112 have played the game.
(Pearl Islands logo) How well you know your history
(All-Stars logo) Determines who'll remain."

Well, we know that Jerri's no stranger to Cramming. Just ask Graham Elwood. They bone up on their useless Survivor trivia, including boot orders and beef jerky.

I-CHALLENGE: Survivor History with Professor Probst.

Tony Hawk's right: history doesn't have to suck. Case in point: twelve questions drawn from random lots having to do with the past seven series of Survivor. Most right wins. Here are the questions. Answers appear at the bottom of this recap, right after Tribal Council. Come on, it's fun.

1) In the Marquesas, which Survivor's arrival at camp was best described by another tribe member as "almost like Cleopatra"?
2) In Africa, which unlikely pair shared a date at the drive-in movies?
3) In what country did Survivor: Africa take place?
4) In Survivor: Borneo, what specifically did the Survivors eat during the first-ever food-eating challenge?
5) Which of the original castaways used the alphabet strategy when voting tribe members off the island?
6) Which Outback Survivor had to be airlifted out of the game?
7) Which Marquesas Survivor picked the unlucky purple stone during a Tribal Council tie-breaker, resulting in their exit from the game?
8) In Survivor: Thailand, whom did Robb Zbacnik grab by the neck and toss in the water during a challenge?
9) In the Pearl Islands, who was a mortician?
10) In the Pearl Islands, which castaway had to be rescued during a water challenge?
11) What was Kel accused of smuggling into the Outback by his tribe?
12) Time trial tie-breaker: Name the first person voted off each Survivor IN ORDER.

After eleven, we're tied at 10, so we go to the twelfth question. Mogo Mogo gets all seven. Chapera can't remember who was the first booted off of the Pearl Islands. End result: one of their own will share in that person's fate. But not before getting a message from Boston Rob. "You take care of her, I'll take care of you. If you can. If you can."

Pre-tribal: The offer Lex couldn't refuse. And believe me, he's tried.

So we lost. So what else is new. Kathy cites Rob's move as a "Godfather move." Kathy and Shii Ann discuss the merits of "one less Chaperan" versus the merits of not having the wrath of Mariano incur. Amber tells Kathy that she's voting, in a last-ditch attempt to stir something up, for Jerri. Good call. Because you don't want to go down that road... again.

Amber, in another last-ditch attempt to save her ass, deals that Kathy, Big Tom, and Boston Rob will be the final four. They convince Lex, and Lex, being all noble and stuff, goes and tells Jerri. Jerri, being the bitch, tries to talk Lex out of it. "He will say anything to keep Amber around. He will stab you in the back the second he gets a chance." Meanwhile, Shii Ann, being the voice of... well, me, for one, tells Lex, "Well, you probably shouldn't've told her."

Umm... yeah.

Night 24: Tribal Council.

Kathy loves her new home... sorry, "four star hotel." Amber didn't like the shuffle at first, but woke up all springy and happy and new tribey. Shii Ann doesn't buy it, mentioning that this is a game of trust. Jerri's happy to be reunited with her "Outback sister", while Lex says that this is just another link in a long chain of events, and that "it's a harsh reality of the game. It ain't over 'til it's over." And if you look closely, you can see Amber holding a baseball bat saying "If I gotta go, I'm gonna go out like I came in, kicking and screaming!"

Or was that an episode of Red Dwarf. I forget. Anyway, the votes:

Jerri: AMBER - "I'm very proud of the way you're playing this game. You did go down fighting."

Amber: JERRI <3 - "I think it's crazy that it's come down to me voting you out to keep myself in this game. I owe you a huge thanks."

And the other three...

Kathy: JERRI
Lex: JERRI
Shii Ann: JERRI

That's a curtain call. Jerri, THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN. Lex is right in quoting the Yogi: "It ain't over 'til it's over." And for this week... and for Jerri... it's over.

Answers to Immunity Challenge:
1) Sarah Jones
2) Brandon Quinton and Frank Garrison
3) Kenya
4) Butok (live beetle larvae)
5) Dr. Sean Kenniff
6) Mike Skupin
7) Paschal English
8) Clay Jordan
9) Darrah Johnson
10) Osten Taylor
11) Beef jerky
12) In order, Sonja Christopher (Borneo), Debb Eaton (Outback), Diane Ogden (Africa), Peter Harkey (Marquesas), John Raymond (Thailand), Roger Sexton (Amazon), and Nicole "I've got no underwear on" Delma (Pearl Islands)