THE RECAPS
STORMSEEKER.COM RECAPS! Reality editor Gordon Pepper provides
recaps of each show.
January 20, 2003
Here's your scenario - 8 women, 1 guy. Here's the catch - the parents select who the guy goes out with.
The guy is Dan Maloney, who's a basketball and football jock and also a sweet and shy brain (this is coming from the parents, who we don't really get to meet yet). The women all come into the house, and make themselves comfortable into their bedroom - 8 beds, one room, one bathroom. Not exactly the most comfortable of places. They are also chatting with a Melissa, who everyone assumes is a contestant. Be careful what you assume...
The girls come back down and meet the parents. They also meet Melissa - who is not a contestant, but a good friend of Dan's. 'Nobody goes out with Dan without going through Melissa' says Dan's mom. Melissa has been taking notes, and here is what she says that the women say about him. I've also combined all of the rumor letters so that you guys can get a good idea of the women.
The final reward, by the way, is a trip to Europe with Dan - and some of the women encounter some early turbulence.
Lisa - A lanky woman with long brown hair. According to Melissa, even if she won, she would not go to Europe with Dan. Lisa explains that she wouldn't go anywhere with a stranger - someone she didn't know. She also was accused of getting drunk and leaving people deserted, but she says that she doesn't drink and has never been drunk.
Jackie - Another long brown haired woman - she has wavy hair and a large oval face to go with it. Melissa says that Jackie thinks that he is a textbook nerd. She says that it's a compliment and that she is attracted to those types of guys. (Good cover, says Dan's mom).
Sharon - a long blond beauty, says that he could turn into a fat balding ugly old guy - that doesn't sit well with dad, who's bald and getting portly. 'I'm going to have a rough time getting over that comment.' says dad). What else doesn't sit well? The card claims that she used hacking software to beak into her boyfriends e-mail. But she said that his girlfriend did it and forwarded her e-mail. Mom thinks that it's under-handed. Not a good early sign for Sharon.
Hilary - 'Dad looks like Papa Smurf, and that Dan is scrawny and she says that she can kick his ass.' She's a pure blond, and says that she just notices that she's 5'8", 140 and 'Bring it On'. She brought it on with her guidance counselor, apparently, but she says that they only wound up kissing for around 10 minutes. 'That is so wrong' says mom.
Stefanie - A 'Full figured woman' who admits that she stole a shoe so that by forcing her opponent to walk in a different pair of shoes, she could win a beauty contest. Mom says that it's ok, because it was just in fun, That's all the dirt you can get on her? Wha?
Tawny - A dirty brown haired tom girl - who's dirty in other ways. She has 7 body piercings, and she wasn't at all shy about telling her where they were - she said it wasn't for pleasure, but mom doesn't buy that.
Finally, Chelsea - A Hawaiian girl who is accused of having two relationships at the same time. Chelsea said that she was told that her boyfriend was cheating on her, so she called her ex over and they hooked up. Not good.
The phone rings - and Julie the mom and Jim the dad are told that they have to get rid of one of the girls immediately. The parents decide that making out with the student advisor and telling dad that he's bald is the worst sin and they let Hilary go. 'I kissed a counselor. Is that so wrong?' Apparently, in our society it is, so you can beat up on some other guy.
Now it's time for a talent show. The parents' three favorite acts get to have dinner inside. Lisa starts by blowing bubbles and roller skating in a very scantily clad outfit. I don't think that will impress the parents. Chelsea is next, and she expresses part of her culture with a hula dance. She and Danny wind up staring at each other while she's dancing, something that daddy was noticing.
It's magic time! Mom picks a card and Sharon reveals a picture of it by lifting up her shirt and revealing a painted picture of the card on her stomach. Wowsers. She also eats her fist, something that mom found gross.
Onto the athletic part of the talent. Tawny shows off her martial arts prowess by kicking boards that Dan and his parents are holding, while Stefanie, who is a master softball pitcher, pitches the ball to knock down cans and watermelons.
Jackie finishes with some artistic impression by playing some piano. Mom likes that, and she invites her, Chelsea and Stefanie inside to eat with them. The other three women are out eating hot dogs and are feeling more like weinners than winners.
After din-din, Dan invites two women at a time and invites them into the hot tub. Nothing happens the first two times, but on the third Jacuzzi journey, Stefanie comes behind Dan, bends him backwards, and kisses him. That apparently was the trick, because Dan picks someone to go out on a solo date with - and it's Stefanie. They start making out on the lawn and Stefanie unbuttons Dan's belt.
Before this turns into the Spice Network, Dan's parents get a phone call and are told to turn on the TV, which is actually a camera of the front yard. They see Dan and Stefanie making out, and they are not too pleased about it. They come down and yell at Dan, telling him to tone it down, which he does - but not before Stefanie wipes off the S'more that Dan rolled over - on his fanny.
7:30 AM the next morning - and the parents wake everyone up to see a silent film festival. They weren't happy (except Chelsea), but they all go. They start with Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but it turns into a video of 'This is Your Life' with all of the people.
Tawny - According to Tawny's friend, she uses a book to rate a guys sexual performance. She downplays it and says that she rates them on personality, not performance. Mom thinks that this is weird.
Chelsea - Shannon, Chelsea's friend is on the tape (what sort of friend would do that?) tells everyone that Chelsea can cry at will - to get out of shoplifting charges. Chelsea admits that it's true, but she did it during childhood and she has made her mistakes. The parents seem to buy it.
Shannon - Her friend Dana tells the world that Dana is a scam artist to try to get free things. She tries to deny it, but she's not incredibly convincing and the parents don't buy it at all. 'We were starting to be a little concerned about her...I don't want to be around people like that.'
'Dating is not supposed to be this stressful' complains Shannon. Meanwhile, after this, Stefanie is already concerned about what someone will say about her. Uh-oh.
Lisa's friend says that she is a shop-o-holic, and she tried to steal a wardrobe. Lisa admits it - 'It's one of those things that you do to see what happens, you get in trouble, and you don't do it again.' Mom thinks that's bad news and that she's done it more than once, but dad thinks that she is telling the truth. Split decision here.
Jackie - Andrea says that Jackie has 3 rules - good body, sense of humor, and she has to have sex quickly or she loses interest in a guy. Jackie rebuts it by saying that she had a guy who wanted to wait until marriage. She hated that and she thinks it's only fair to have sex before getting married. That seems to be the one that was the least offensive.
Here we go with Stefanie - Stefanie's ex-boyfriend Nick is on the screen - uh oh. She ran a successful business running an operation in cleaning - while in a bikini. She admitted that she helped run it, but that she herself was not one of the participants. 'I didn't believe for a moment that she wasn't out there cleaning' says mom, but mom wanted to make sure that cleaning was the only thing she and her friends were doing.
After this, an usher comes down and tells the parents that it's time to get rid of another girl. They do this by picking 2 girls to go on the lie detector, and eliminate one of them. Dan thinks that Lisa and Shannon should be the 2 women to go on the lie detector, but he's not the one to make the decision - the parents do.
Dad wants to know more about some of the women, but mom wants to pick people that Dan is leading towards Stefanie and Chelsea - the problem is that if you pick 2 that you think he likes, one of them has to go. The parents come back and apparently, dad rules the household, because they decide that they will be taking Jackie and Shannon to see the Lie Detector man.
Jackie goes first - Would you ever break up with Dan if he didn't want to have sex with you? That one she answers truthfully. Unfortunately, most of them are lies, including the one that's asked if she has lied to them this week and she says no (LIE). Not looking very good for Jackie.
Shannon is already in tears - and she hasn't gone to the Lie Detector Test. 'They think that I am lying already...my stomach was in knots and I was completely nervous.' They ask her about her scamming past, which she says no, but the Lie Detector test says differently. They ask her if she ever slept with anyone she met for less than 24 hours, and she says no (TRUTH). They ask her a question about cheating on her guy, and she can't take it any more. She gets real dizzy and the Lie Detector guy tells her to lean forward. That question is asked again, and she says no (LIE) and says that she does not enjoy watching pornography (LIE). She did admit to the e-mail reading.
'She's been doing a pretty good acting job' says mom. Yep, dad agrees. The person that they were talking about is...Jackie. She has to stay behind at the movie theater. The person who is the most upset about this is Shannon, and it doesn't look like she will be lasting for long. We end with Jackie alone in the theater, and a 'To Be Continued' sign hung on the marquis. Fade to black.
January 21, 2003 January 25, 2003 February 8, 2003 MEET MY TWINS MEET MY KIDS 3/12/03 6/16/03 6/23/03 8/18/03 8/25/03
When we left our five women, they just came back from the movies. By the end of the next segment, some of them will wish that they were catching the second half of the double feature.
The parents wanted to know if the women have any smarts. A door rings, and out comes...WINK MARTINDALE!!!! (Whooooooooooo). Wink is the game show host and he's going to ask questions - the girls write their answer down on a dry erase board. Who ever gets the most points wins.
The women are not too bright - Lisa (52) doesn't know how many states there are in the US, while Tawny believes that there are 346 days in a year and Shannon thinks that Miami is in California. A quick peek at the scoreboard show that the women are close together at the half - I don't think that's a good sign.
When the questions are completed, Stefanie and Tawny are tied for the lead. Wink asks the tiebreaker - how many miles are between where they are (in California) and Times Square in NYC. The right answer is 2,879, and Stefanie (3,000) easily defeats Tawny (25,000) and wins another date with Dan.
'It's been an emotional roller coaster and I believe that 'FUN' would be necessary right now'. says Stefanie. The fax rings - and a note comes out about Stefanie - but it's a good note. The fax says that Stefanie is a member of MADD.
That's where the fun ends. The girls come in for a surprise party, but the surprise is that all of the girls exes show up - and each of them has dirt on the women.
We start with Stefanie - or should I say her ex-fiance, Josh. For Christmas, he comes home to see another guy in his bed. In addition, Stefanie threw Josh in jail for an argument. Jim (the dad) is actually surprised - but in a good way. 'I really didn't think that Stefanie was that kind of girl to go that far to make a point'.
Dominick, the ex of Sharon, is next. He says that Shannon is very possessive and has a huge trust issue. He continues with the e-mail hacking story, and continues - that Shannon went as far as to collect information about what he bought and confronted him on it. Shanon has nothing to defend herself and she breaks down and cries. She is comforted by Chelsea, but the damage is done. 'What I'm hearing about Shannon from her ex-boyfriend is really very upsetting...it sounds like Shannon has kind of a problem, a real problem.' says Julie.
'When I saw my ex, I knew I was screwed.' Matt describes Tawny as a 'Nightmare'. He brings out a pair of handcuffs and says that she used those last time she was at the house. Dan's reaction? 'I knew my parents were flipping out, but it didn't bother me and I was actually hoping that she would get to use them on me.'
Ryan, Chelsea's ex, is next. 'She's all about looking good' and tells the parents that she will use her looks to get drinks and will date people to better her image and to make them look good. That's not too damaging.
'She's not the sharpest tool in the shed'. says Sam, describing Lisa. Sam says that Lisa is materialistic, and that she has a nice car from the previous relationship.
A doorbell rings - and there is flowers for mom - with a card. 'We see the flowers and we say, 'that's nice'. explains Lisa 'Then we see the card and then we say 'that's bad'.
And bad it is - the parents have 15 minutes to eliminate another woman. They will give the flowers to the woman who they want to see go. To add insult to injury, the ex will escort her out and help her pack. You don't think anything nasty will be said then, do you? Maybe...
Julie originally wants to get rid of Lisa - and Stefanie's ex's testimony blew the parents and Dan out of the water ('I am not down with that' says Dan). Dan warns the parents to not even think about dropping Chelsea. Tawny's ex's statement was almost harmless. So this one will boil down to Shannon, Lisa and Stefanie. Jim is not happy with Shannon - and this time this decision was not a hard one.
Jim starts with 'This is a hard choice' (even though we know it's not) and stops in front of Stefanie. He gives the flowers, however, to Shannon, who makes sure that there is a lot of space between her and Dominick. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.' said Dominick. 'Oh really?' replied Shannon, and I'm forced to agree. And so did everyone else, but with Shannon's eviction is the sigh of relief that hopefully, with Shannon, the drama leaves too.
But time for pleasure - and another date with Dan and Stefanie. This also leads to another moonlight call to Julie and Jim, via fax, which tells them to turn on the TV if they want to see what's going on. Frankly, Mom doesn't, 'After watching what I watched last night, I'm not really interested in knowing what he's doing tonight.'
Well, nothing bad happened - just a lot of kissing - and at least they are in their bathing suits (or at least that's what they showed us).
Friday - 8:00 AM. Mom comes out and wakes up the girls with a pair of hoes. 'Hope you don't mind getting dirty.' says mom, and in the shades of Joe Millionaire, the girls do some early morning gardening. Tawny helps the girls turn gardening into a mud fight - which mom actually approves. 'I thought they were actually dirty, so why not have some fun with it?'
After the clean-up, the ladies go out with Dan on a group date. 'I got really excited to think that we were going to have fun without any pressure.' says Chelsea. The moment of pleasure is in a jacuzzi, where the women massage Dan and we get the quote 'If it got any dirtier, it would be an orgy.' Unbeknownst to everyone, the pressure is just starting - mom and dad get to see the whole thing via the tv in their limo. Oops.
Fortunately for everyone involved, it doesn't get any dirtier than that, but the parents do get to see Dan fondle the women. The fun continues with Spin The Bottle. Lisa was just into pecks, while Tawny is the aggressive one. Chelsea is a soft sexy kisser. Stefanie then asks what girl they would want have to kiss with - and Tawny and Stefanie share a smooch. The parents notice this - and although Dan thought it was pretty cool, the parents didn't, ('This makes me ill' says Julie) and I have a feeling that this will come back into play later.
A kissing competition then ensues - and by this time, mom and dad are coming up and get there by the time that Dan was kissing Stefanie. The parents call down Lisa and Stefanie to the limo - and in the front seat of the car is Nick the Lie Detector Guy. I guess the parents have made their decision on the two that they want to see go bye-bye.
Lisa goes first in Lie Detector Land. Lisa says that she has never cried in front of a man to get something you wanted (LIE), that she finds Dan attractive (TRUE) and that she is not the prettiest woman here (TRUE). She also says that she never convinced a man to give her a car just because she was attractive (LIE) and that she likes Jim the dad (TRUE). She said that she never got drunk while escorting Asian visitors (LIE) and that she never dated a married man (LIE). The last two may have been the damning ones.
Stefanie is next. She says that she does NOT want to be Jim's daughter in law (TRUE) D'oh! She said that she didn't bore him this week (LIE) and she says that she HAS used her training in psychology to manipulate them this week (TRUE). She says that she has used sex to get something that she wanted (TRUE) but that she has not lied to the parents this weekend (LIE). She says that she never cleaned a man's apartment in a bikini (which relates back to last episode) (LIE). She stammers when she is asked if she is sexually attracted to other women and she needs a timeout. She was afraid that she would be overanalyzed. Going back to the women question, she says YES and the lie detector says (TRUE) and that she would have sex with Dan this week just to have a trip to Europe (TRUE).
Dan says that Lisa is more attractive than Stefanie, but that they should only keep Lisa around if she was going to be a player (in the game), I think that both women are gone, but I also think that Lisa will be going first, because at least Stefanie was honest (for the most part) about her faults.
Jim and Julie say that it's really hard to do this - and apparently it is, because they tell Lisa that she has to go. This bothers Dan, who is now concerned that they are not taking his feeling into account. It's a good move from the parents though, because if they know that they won't select Lisa, it's better to get her out of the game now than really have to hurt Dan later. Lisa, realizes that it's coming because she did not feel that she created a bond with the parents. That's a big no-no, since Julie and Jim are the ones who say who goes.
Another fax comes up - and it's the one that says that the show is over. My take is that Chelsea wins, but we'll all see the conclusion on Saturday.
We are here for the final arc in the first Meet My Folks Trilogy of the new season. We are down to Chelsea, Tawny and Stefanie - but it's really down to Tawny and Chelsea, since I don't possibly see how the conservative parents will keep a woman (Stefanie) who admits that she is attracted to both men and women and would use Dan just to go to Europe.
The women are assessing the situation - and each other - but the fax's will assess them first. A fax comes in, which tells the girls that each of them have to do a disgusting thing during the preparation of dinner - in front of the mom. One of them has to take a bite out of the food, a second person has to sneeze on the food, and a third person has to drop food on the floor before putting it in. If they don't do it, then they don't get to go on an individual date with Dan.
All of the girls agree - Tawny drops the gnocchi, but gets away with it when she asks mom if it would be ok to put the gnocchi back in first, instead of just putting it in. The other women aren't so lucky - Chelsea gets bad grades for sneezing right in the salad, while Stefanie gets a 'That's gross!' from mom as she bites into the chicken. The fax machine rings. A fax comes into the hands of the parents, telling them that the evil producers made the women do bad things, so at least the fax lets them off the hook.
What doesn't though, is the door ringing - and a delivery of three electronic babies who are crying. The women now have to take care of one of the electronic kids like they were one of their own. We see a silly montage of them trying to take care of the kids.
Now we get a bedtime story, but once again, the stories are bad things about the girls. Chelsea gets the story of the girl with the awful temper. She denies that she throws things around (including empty beer bottles) when she gets mad.
Stefanie gets 'Stefanie the Jealous Girlfriend', which says that she dressed up like a man so he can spy on him. She did admit that she did it, which seems to satisfy the parents.
Tawny gets 'The girl who loses interest'. The story says that she has sex with guys, then leaves them. She says it's true, but its the other way around - they guys lose interest in her. 'I want to believe her, because I really like her a lot.' says Julie the mom.
The parents then get a fax that to tell them to turn on the TV to see how the women are doing in terms of taking care of the babies. The see the montage of the women fumbling around and the parents laugh for awhile, then they go to bed.
The women do not do the same. The crying babies continue to wail throughout the night. Stefanie has finally had enough, and she falls asleep, baby in arms, and sleeps through the crying of the kid.
Next morning - and the girls get to bring the little kids back to the kitchen. They had stats like diaper changings, and amount of minutes crying. Chelsea did the best, then Tawny, then Stefanie. As a bonus, mom and dad get to hear a good thing about Chelsea - that she spends time at The Humane Society during weekends.
Private date time - Dan takes Stefanie to the roller rink. But unbeknownst to Stefanie, Dan's leaning towards Chelsea. Unbeknownst to Chelsea, mom is leading towards Tawny. Hmmmmm....
Second date - Dan and Chelsea do body painting - and it turns into body paint wrestling and some smooching, and some more smooching. Oooh la la...
Third date - Dan and Tawny go shopping for women's clothes as Dan gets to see Tawny model out the latest lingerie. Tawny decides to go kink - and ties Dan up to the coat hooks, blindfolds him, and starts smooching him as well, Let's see - 2 sexual smooches, and one roller skating date. I would say Stefanie is destined to be the next woman gone.
The parents are about to have a nice relaxing night (yeah, right), where they get a package - another set of mean video tapes from the girls 'friends'. Chelsea's friend goes first, and her friend says that she'd rather buy clothes than pay the bills. She says that she will dip into her savings account if times get rough.
Tawny is next. She starred in a 'How to Bartend' video - Topless. She says the video doesn't exist - but we get to see scenes of it. 'I wish she knew that she had other options...I really find it kind of sad.' says Julie the mom.
Stefanie is last. Her friend says that Stefanie gets gifts from very older men. She says she likes to meet older men - but she doesn't need the money, because she has her own. Mom didn't buy it. 'Stefanie's video left a bad taste in my mouth.'
Dinner time - and the fax machine goes off. Time to get rid of one more and get the 2 finalists. The parents and Dan talk, and they see how Dan isn't interacting with Stefanie - but Dan says that he is. This is different than what we saw in the interaction with him and the women. I would be shocked if it was anyone else besides Stefanie that they got rid of.
So the parents make their decision, and they decide....STEFANIE!!!! I'm SHOCKED!!!! JUST SHOCKED!!!!! No I'm not. 'I was sad to see Stefanie go', said Dan, who really didn't sound like it. 'It seems like the strong outgoing girls with intelligence are not here anymore.' says a Sour Grapy Stefanie. True - but the girls who like woman as well as men are gone as well.
We're down to Tawny and Chelsea's final pleas. Chelsea says that they have a lot of things in common. Chelsea says that Dan's and Tawny's personalities don't match as well as his and Tawny.
Tawny is next, and she says that she not only connected to Dan but to the parents - that may be the key, because she did connect better with mom. 'I work so far for everything that I get.' Tawny is also casting doubt on Chelsea's honesty, saying that while she has been upfront with everyhing, Chelsea is the only one who's saying that the things about her are untrue. Tawny wins the debate in mom's eyes.
We get another video - this one from Stefanie on her final pot shots on the two girls left. She says that Tawny tied up Dan during her date and that Chelsea doesn't stare at someone - she stares at the mirror instead. Ouch. That upsets mom to the point that she starts tearing.
The parents talk, and it's a split decision. The parents would want to see Tawny go to Europe with Dan - but Dan wants Chelsea to go, since he doesn't think that Tawny and him would find things to do together for 2 weeks and that he and Chelsea are very identical in personality and common interests.
This one is very close - and it may come down to the final Lie Detector Tests. Tawny goes first. She says that she did not lie at all this week (LIE) and says that she did not have sex with a man after knowing her for less than 48 hours (LIE) and says that she does not have that book where she rates her ex-lovers (LIE). She did say that she tied up her son this week (TRUE) and says that she doesn't plan on performing in any more nude videos (LIE). She says that she would not marry a man for money (TRUE). She got some right, but much more damning than beneficial.
Chelsea's turn - and the door is wide open for her to take the win. Chelsea says that she does not think that she is smarter than mom (LIE) and says that she did not trash her friends hotel room (LIE). She says that she did not have 2 boyfriends at the same time (LIE) and says that she is not pretending to care about her son just to win a trip to Europe (TRUE). She does think that she is the prettiest girl here this week (TRUE), and laughs when she says that she never had a current boyfriend drop her off to her ex's just for sex (LIE).
Neither woman comes out of this with flying colors - and all either of them had to do was to tell the truth. Chelsea did do better, but I think that it is so minimal that either of them could win (or lose) this one. Even the parents are dismayed that both women have not only lied, but lied so well to them.
Dan was hoping that at least one of them would come out looking good. Didn't happen. Mom says 'It's a virtual draw'. She does in the end decide to pick....Chelsea, but it feels more like they trusted Dan more than their own instinct, and that Chelsea backed into it because Tawny blew the Lie Detector worse than Chelsea did. Dan was happy - 'I think my parents made the right choice.' They toast together, and we fade to black.
This ends the three story arc, but not the show. We'll be giving you more weekly dates, decisions, and (lie) detectors. Enjoy!
We have three wacky guys that are looking to date the lovely Melana. How wacky are they? Steve (Apple), who's the first guy, has to pat mom's butt - but that's a task that he has to do and each task has to be done to annoy Melana's parents - Eugenia and Eric. 'If Eric would have seen him do that, he would have thrown him out right then and there.'
Brook is a Marine - and the nice marine guy has to kiss dad on the cheek. Dad was, to say the least shocked. Eric is the third person in the party - and he's not allowed to touch mom or dad. He says that he hasn't washed his hands, which is as good as any excuse he could think of.
The doorbell rings - and the delivery man gives him a packet of 'Dirty Little Secrets'. Brook goes first - and he is accused of cheating on his woman, then moving out secretly and sticking her with months of taxes.
Apple is accused of flashing his privates over 100 times. He denies it. Dad presses him, then he says 'I've never been arrested.' 'I bet you did everyone of those plus more' says mom.
Eric's turn - and he has been accused of draining every last dime on gambling. He, like Apple, denies that this has happened and he says that it's an over exaggeration. Dad's not buying what any of them are selling. 'None of the guy's excuses held any water with me whatsoever' says Eric the dad.
Here comes the fax - telling the parents that they were left off the hook. For doing those things, they get a reward - the reward is that they have secrets that are not revealed - yet - to the parents.
But somebody has a secret agenda - and at 2:10 am, this person decides to muddy Eric's shoes - then leave them on the floor and make a big dirty mess. This person was Apple, who thinks that Eric is the stiffest competition, and he's hoping that the parents will blame Eric for the mess.
Did Apple's gamble pay off? It seems like it did. The parents have come over 'Did you ever see like Who Framed Roger Rabbit? It's like this.' He also talks about the O.J. SImpson case. Uh...quit while you're behind, Eric.
But Eric and Melana take the first date - at an ice rink. Eric admits that he is a virgin, and he thinks that he is the front-runner. Second date is with Brook - and they wind up kissing. 'His lips met mine, and like sparks flew, everywhere.' that seems to me like Brook is the Front-Runner. Melana and Apple go out on a picnic, which was nice, but 'After I kissed Apple, all I could think of was...I'd like to kiss Brook again.'
They all come together for dinner - and the guys get their just desserts. But it's not in the pastries - it comes in the form of video cassettes. Uh oh.
Eric's brother Chris comes on - and he tells them that Eric cries at the drop of a hat - when he gets into trouble. 'I don't relate to whiny guys - not at all' says the dad.
Brook's friend Ryan says that he worked as a stripper for a bunch of horny men. 'Totally unacceptable' says dad.
Apple's friend Jake comes on and says that like to be dominated - the happy couples number one toy is a cattle prod. 'Oh my gosh, this guy is way whacked out.' says mom. 'I did go home with a girl, and this is what she ended up being, but I didn't participate.' says Apple. 'I'd rather you wear a thong than do what she said that you did.' retorts mom.
Mom's reaction? 'I think he was more surprised, than angry. I think he was just shocked.' Dad's reaction? 'I've got a crybaby, a pervert and a stripper.' says dad, but then he changes his tune. 'Let's go to a comedy club tonight!'
Of course, this is no ordinary comedy club, this is the special celebrity comedy club, according to the announcer. 'I've worked with him many times...he works all over the country...he headlines at colleges and universities, ladies and gentleman, please welcome, big, big round of applause...Brook!' Surprise! 'When I heard him call out my name, I just wanted to crawl underneath the nearest rock and never come out.' retorts Brook, who had the 'I am going to give the executive producer a big swishie when I get out of this' look on his face.
Brook comes up there and looks like a deer caught in the headlights. He has no comedy routine, so he picks up the joke out of a hat - and they are all blonde jokes. Too bad both the Melana and mom are both blonde. Oops.
All three of them have to do it. Brook comes off looking like...well... marine. Eric comes off with some improv and looks good. Apple doesn't, but at least he points out that the jokes are directed against the mom and the woman.
After that little stunt, even more hilarity ensues, so take it away., Mr. Host! 'The comedy does not end here - please help me introduce...THE EX-GIRLFRIENDS!!!' Uh oh. None of them look happy. 'I was thinking, these guys were going to get murdered.' says dad.
Whitney comes out - she says that she caught him with another woman. That turns the mom off, but at least he was honest. 'Eric has the record of being the cheapest bastard that I ever met.' says his ex-girlfriend.' That's not too damaging. 'Most of the ex-girlfriends, besides me, are either strippers or porn stars.' And it goes into a story that Apple wanted to have sex with her on her birthday - while he had a girlfriend.
Here comes the host with a card - and now mom and dad have to eliminate one of the boys. Melana gives him my 2 cents worth. She hasn't connected with Eric, and she says that she has with Brook, adding that she thinks his ex-girlfriend was bitter.
The parents come out and Dad can't do it. Neither can mom. Eric is very very worried. But it's not Eric who should be - Brook is the person that they get rid of. 'Life is not always fair' says Brook, which was a shock, since that was the only person that Melana connected with. Melana is not a happy camper right now, and it looks like that it didn't matter which of the other two are left.
Dad couldn't get past the stripper part. So he gives the men a last chance to plead their case. Eric says that he is full of integrity and honor, while Apple says that there has been nothing to hide with him. (of course, he is neglecting the little take Eric's shoes and dirty the room stunt).
But it's all academic, according to Melana 'You guys cut the guy that I liked.', much to the chagrin of the crying mom and the now-unhappy dad. 'I'm going to leave the ball in your court.' says a visible pissed Melana. It sort of all goes down from here, since it seems like Melana after the show will be going after Brook's phone number anyways and it doesn't seem like she is nut about the other two.
So let's get this over with. It's Lie Detector Test Time. Eric goes first. He says that he would still date his daughter if she gained 50 pounds (LIE), he doesn't lie to people to get what he wants (TRUTH), that he has cried in the last 30 days (TRUTH). He also says that he never cheated on a girlfriend (LIE) and normally does not spend under $20 on an average date (LIE). He says he's a virgin (which was the basis of them keeping him on) (LIE). That one could have been the killer right there.
Apple says that he did not lie to the daughter all weekend (LIE) and that he has not slept with more than 60 women (LIE). He also says that he did not track mud in th house to get Eric in trouble (LIE). He also said that he would not try to sleep with his daughter (LIE) and he says that he thinks that he's smarter than dad (TRUE) and that he's never used an electrical device when having an intimate relation with a woman. (LIE).
'Oh my Gosh, this is not good.' says dad, who is probably wondering where Brook is right about now. 'We have to pick one of these guys?' Yes you do, you big dummy. And you know that Melana doesn't want either of them
'I hope they chose the one that is going to treat me with the greatest of respect.' says Melana. In that case, they would have picked Brook. But Brook wasn't a choice. They selected Eric, which surprised Melana, since they had absolutely no connection and she even told them that.
'We had a choice, you either picked a person who liked cattle prods or a cry-baby. As a parent, what would you do?' says the dad. Melana is 0-2 with the selections, but I can see the parents point in this. At least Eric in this case was the lesser of the 2 evils, but the one good person may have been the one knocked out of the box first.
I....love...blah blah blah blah blah....blah blah blah blah blah...blah blah blah blah blah...AND TWINS!!!!
We have lots of twins! We start with the Lemire twins - Allyson and Lindsey, as they pay a call to the Calderon household. And they look identical as they greet Ernest the dad. I can tell almost immediately that this trying to recap this in terms of attribution is going to suck.
Next up is Kerri and Candice - the Lamas twins. One look on Carlos the son's face and it looks like that he is in heaven. Finally there is Nicole and Brianna - the Garcia twins. I am not even going to bother doing quote attribution here.
So what's the strategy? The Lemires will just be themselves, the Lamas's will try to talk (and kiss) their ears off, and the Garcia's are going to play hard to get. Now if only we had the Popsicle Twins, then that would be worth the ratings gold.
Rhina the mom says that Carlos is a kind and gentle man. Ernest adds that Carlos is a football jock, leading his high school to 75 straight wins. Uh..dad...you can only play 15 games a year - that would be 60.
Before we get to the logic, the twin mailmen come with an envelope with 'Dirty Little Secrets'. We'll start with Allyson and Lindsey - they were accused of wuitting school once they went on vacation. They said that they wanted to stay on vacation. Mom has a very bad time with this one. Did I mention that they were blondes?
The Lamas's turn - and they flash when they drink. That's bad? Kerri admits it and mom was surprised. The Garcia's were accused of fighting - Nicole said that she did it - but it was to defend her sister's honor. Dad doen't like that, but it was a very good cover.
After being introducer to their rooms, we see dinner served. RHina wants to know what the girls thought about Carlos. The Garcia's say Oscar De La Hoya, the blondes wanted to see him with his shirt off, and the Lamas's said they liked that he wanted to know more about them. So far, so good with the brownie points.
The women join Carlos in the hot tub - and they play some truth or dare. The adults are up in the bedroom. The fax comes on and invites the parents to watch the fun as the Lemire's see the Truth or Dare games. Mom is shocked. Dad is excited. 'I remember what it was like to be a man, and I was rooting my son on...go for it, son, come get some.'
One of the Dares was for the women to exchange tops. They wouldn't do it, and mom was happy. She wasn't so happy when they exchanged a French Kiss with Carlos.
It's time for the Lamas's to go. they also would not exchange tops, and they wouldn't kiss him at the same time, but each of them did take their turn. The Lamas's are definately the mom's favorite.
The Garcia's go first - and they are a little wilder than the other women. 'Once you go Latina, you never go back.' They do decide to trade tops, and mom is furious. 'I don't like them anymore. Not anymore.' Dad grins and looks like he
just ate the canary, but the message is clear here - mom lays down the law, and the Garcia's stay on the show is going to be very limited.
How limited? Limited that mom comes down and stops it. 'I took all the strength that I had not to yank them out by my hair and to smack my son to boot.' The Garcia's come up to apologize for their behavior. Mom sort of accepts it, but they are still soooo the first set of twins gone.
Can they save themselves on the private dates? the Lemire's start with a hayride, and he tells the girls that they are in the lead. Nicole and Brianna go to play baseball - which sort of turns into wrestling. Physically, they are there, and they say that they are really good friends - but friends are different than lovers and I don't feel any good vibes out of this. The Lamas go hiking and they feed themselves on the nature trail. The comfort level is rising and it seems pretty clear that Kerri singlehandedly moves her and Candace into second place.
The girls yap about their ex[eriences when the naughty fax rings Sure enough, it's the 'do bad things durnig lunch' fax. Here are the tasks - 1. Ask ded if he's ever fantasizes about twins, 2. Sit on dad's lap and tell him that they have had a wonderful time, and 3. Offer them beath mints three seperate times. If they don't, then a bad thing about them gets revealed.
The Garcia's get to plop themselves on dad's lap. Sure lets just throw dirt on the grave that you are burying yourself in. Dad liked it. Mom wanted to throw them out of the house right at that second. The blondes offer mom a mint - and dad accepts it, which allows them to sneak in the other 2 times. The Lamas's get to ask dad about the fantasy - and dad thinks that they were flirting with him and he shrugs it off. It looks like almost nothing can upset dad, while mom is annoyed about everything. The Fax exonerating them comes in, and everyone can breathe a sigh of relief...
OK, the sigh is over, and the doorbell rings. More twins - and they bring video cassettes with them. Here we go...
Phil tells the Lemire's that one of the women like to make love to him while driving a vehicle. They say that the vehicle was parked, but they don't deny it. That potentially drops the Lemire's into second.
The Garcia's friend says that they make love - on the front steps of a church. The Garcia's try to backpeddle out of it, but they are terrible liars, and the more they explained, the deeper that they got. Mom, mercifully, ends the conversation.
The Lamas 'friend' Kerri says that the woman has cheated on every one of her guys. Kerri says that the men cheated first. Kerri, the woman that Carlos liked, just hit the one nerve not to hit - his ex cheated on him and that's the one thing that would hurt.
Here comes the FAX - and one of the twins have got to go. If it was up to Carlos, I would guess the Lamas's are gone, but it's up to the parents, which means that I think the Garcia's are history. The parents ask Carlos who to get rid of, and he surprisingly (to me) says the Garcias. That should be the final nail in the coffin - and it is. Brianna and Nicole are gone, and they follow their bikini tops out the door, accompanied by the cheesy rock music.
We have the doorbell during the dinner. We don't have twin deliverymen - we have the women's exes, who Ernest decided to envite over. Dad warns the twins not to interrupt the women when they are talking. The Lemire's ex (Kevin) tells Carlos that the women are crazy over money, and they all ate in the hot tub. That was pretty painless.
Bo dated both of them - uh oh. They were both quick and he says that they were both never faithful in a relationship. Bo seemed brutal and Carlos didn't believe what Bo had to say - ut did the parents?
The next morning features breakfast on the patio. Rhina says that the twin race is running neck and neck. Here comes the fax - and one set of the twins's necks is about to be cut off. 2 sets of taxi cabs come up, and the parents have to put one set in each taxi. Carlos is asked, and he is blunt - if it was just one woman, then it would be Kerri, but since he is taking both twins, he would have to say the Lemires, since he only connected with Kerri and not the other Lamas twin. The lamas's plan - to have one of them do the talking, is about to royally backfire.
Ernest comes up to tell the twins that he has made a decision - and he has also come to tell them that the Lemire's will be going on to Hawaii - and the rationale is that those twins would be the better set as a team. That is actually a very fair decision to make. Carlos agrees with the parents, and I would agree with them...
Until we get the next fax. 'Did you really think that we would send you to Jawaii with 2 girls? Think again, because only one of them will actually be joining Carlos on his trip, and it's up to you to decide which one.'
Cursing all around. The Twins are pissed that they have to compete against each other. Carlos was pissed. 'I am kicking myself in the ass right now for making that decision'. Mom and dad were also pissed. 'Oh my G-d, he really wanted to go with Kerri.' So no one is happy, and once again, the NBC idiots have turned a good show into a lousy one.
But we have to continue the show. Allyson and Lindsey get to play a game. In each chair, there are 2 bad facts about themselves. There is a card - one side says 'I trust My Sister' - the other says 'Sell Her Out. Think a blatant and utter ripoff of Friend of Foe - split the bad secrets at one a piece, force the sister to say 2 bad things about herself, or have them both say 2 bad things about themselves.
So they turn around - and the show gets ugly as Lindsay, who trusts her sister, calls Allyson (who says Sell Her Out) a B#tch. Mom was surprised. She was even more surprised with the statements - 1. She spat in her exes food as she was a waitress. 2. She took mom's car out for a night of joyriding - and she got caught by the police. She had no problem admitting to both of them - and Allyson has no problems pouring it on. Mom was upset that Allyson sold Lindsay out. This could royally backfire on Allyson - or not, when Carlos is siding with the women who sells her sister out.
The twins go up to their room, where dad picks them up and brings them downstairs to the LIE DETECTOR MAN. And away we go...
Lindsey the sweet one is first. She says that she will feel guily if they chose her instead of her sister (TRUE), thinks that she is not smarter than mom (FALSE), that she HAS cheated on a boyfriend (TRUE) (OUCH OUCH OUCH) and that she would not try to sleep with the son if she went to Hawaii (FALSE) and she has that she has not made love in a moving automobile (FALSE).
Nothing good came out of that. As long as Allyson doesn't royally screw this up, she's in. She says that she does not think that she is prettier than her sister (FALSE) that she does like him as a father in law (TRUE) and that she did not flirt with the father-in-law this weekend (TRUE). She also said that it was not her idea to take the car out on the joyride (FALSE) and that she is not pretending to care about her sone just to win a trip to Hawaii (TRUE). She said that she has never cheated on a boyfriend (FALSE).
'They're identical, but they are very very different as far as to what we've learned.' says Rhina, and Ernest agreed. Allyson's wasn't wonderful, but I think that she did enough to be the better of the two - but I could see them going the other way if they were really put off about Allyson selling out Lindsay. They weren't Allyson, by possibly selling out her sister and keeping the clandestine image of herself, wins the trip. Carlos is happy with the decision, but Allyson is upset that only she gets to go - and they give a goodbye hug and cry as Lindsey leaves. I'm sure she will forget about it once she sees the first set of palm trees.
So we get to see it from the other side. Here is the mom and the older guys being naughty, and the kids have to be the mature ones in the family. Isn't that the case in most situations after the adults hit 40?
So now we have three guys in their mid 40's who are trying to woo the woman. Darrow is 42 and has been in Tough Man competitions. Greg is 44 and he is the Mayor of Rodand Beach, CA. Sweet. Keith is 48 and he is a painter.
Before the men even get to meet the woman, they have to select a present to give to mom. If they don't do it, then a bad thing will be revealed about all three of them.
The gifts are a set of roses, a box of candy, and a big present box. The men, who have apparently watched this show, know that something bad is in that box. Something is - a box of Supersized condoms. Since none of them wanted to voluntarily give mom the condoms, the men do a Rock/Paper/Scissors shootout, and Darrow is the big winner - or loser, as it seems.
And he gets to give the box of condome to Barbara, a 47 year old mom who's the oldest. Her pickers are Mark (oldest), John (youngest), and Adam (middle).
It didn't take long for the Mayor to start playing politics (I am not being a public servant here. I am playing for me). He makes a great first impression. Keith is next, and he's going to play hard to get and mysterious. That play does not work on this show - and he looks like Barbara's ex-boyfriend. That is not a good start.
Of course, Darrow is stuck with the box of condoms, so it's going to be hard to get a first impression. Barbara likes his smile. Darrow tries to play both ends against each other - and tells Barbara that it fell out of Greg's luggage. Slick - or is it? The fax comes in and reveals that the presents were all staged. Barbara sighs a breath of relief.
The kids start grilling the adults about everything from kids to politics (which, of course, is fitting for a moyor). The doorbell rings and in comes the packet of Dirty Little Secrets (which, is also befitting for a mayor).
And speaking of which, we get to start with - the mayor, who is confronted by the fact that he won by a landslide ran unopposed. He says that he ran opposed the first time. 'You have to wonder if he's being sincere.' says Mark. He's a politician - what do you think?
Darrow is told that he ruined dates by his temper. Darrow claims self-defense. The guys don't but it.
Keith's turn - He is accused that he used the tips to pay the bill. He fesses up to it, sayig that he was $3 short. That also unimpresses the guys and once again, the mayor is in the lead.
We get a nice dinner and they go outside by a roaring fire to have desert. 'Sometimes, complete silence is the best.' says John. The silence is about to be interrupted by the ex-girlfriends! 'How much worse can this get? ex-girlfriends.' says Keith. Darrow adds - 'In came my past, and my past was pissed.'
How pissed? Heather says that Greg will overcommit and will forget about dates. 'It's not going to be more about you, but it will be more about him.' Not too bad, though it did upset Barbara. Keith's ex Diane upsets Barbara even more by saying that he was falling for her - then changed his mind a week and a half later. That upsets her the most - the feeling of non-commitment.
Jessica was chomping at the bit. 'He is not very upfront about a lot of things.' Darrow was not giving eye contact to anyone as Jessica completely dissects him in front of everyone. Ouch. Barbara actually liked it, though. 'The fact that (his dgo's) collar has a beer opener attached to it is a great idea)'
The guys however noticed something - none of the men shook their heads to deny aby of the information that the girls were saying. That is not a good thing, and the men are looking far from dating material right about now.
The next morning, the guys get physical examinations. This is pretty demeaning. If I was any of the guys, I would have quit right then and there. The doctors give their review - and a dirty secret was attached on each X-Ray.
Greg goes first - and he snuck away from a birthday party his ex-wife threw to go out drinking. He didn't remember and wants a second opinion. The guys don't buy that for a second.
Dawwor is next - and he picked up a woman that he met at a Jacuzzi at a nudist club. 'That was below the belt.' says Darrow, but he admits it. 'I wouldn't mind seeing him naked at a health club.
And then there's Keith, who killed a cat by chasing it around with a vacuum cleaner. 'X-Rays don't lie, it's true.' says Keith, as he admits that he nailed the cat. 'Maybe it was because you couldn't commit to it.' Ouch.
But enough nasty stuff - we get to see the dates that Barbara has with the guys - and so do Barbara's sons, via hidden camera. Keith goes with her to the yoga class. We get to see Keith holding Barbara in various yoga positions (with an 'Easy, tiger' comment coming from Mark). 'I'm back in the game' says Keith. You sure?
Darrow and Barbara go to a boxing gym. 'He's been doing what ghe's been doing all weekend - bobbing and weaving questions' says Adam. Darrow is just floundering around there and he kisses Barbara him as the guys howl.
Greg goes to the spa for a mud treatment. The guys pick on him too ('It's all about me' yuks the guys throughout the date). And it looks like it. They put one pretzek out for each time Greg says "I" or "me" - and they get through the bag of pretzels.
It's obvious that the guys aren't happy about the way the date is going. Greg and Barbara are de-mudding themselves in the shower, and the guys decide that it's time to stop the date. The guys are less happy when mom turns the tables on them and tells them to let them finish the date. The guys, shocked leave. This is very interesting - Greg is obviously mom's choice - but is also the guys least favorite up to this point.
The guys do have a chance to rwedeem themselves in their own version of Show and Tell. Darrow shows mom a pair of fighting belts. Barbara was impressed, but I think he scared the kids. Keith shows the kidlets a piece of art (a greyhound) that he did for his first one man show. He adds a bottle opener to the dog for show. Greg showed pictures of himself with different people. Darrow is falling asleep during Greg's presentation.
He'll wake up after the doorbell rings. In come three videotapes with more bad things about the prospective guys. Darrow's tape has his 'friend' Randy, who says that he doesn't trust women and asked to test her. That's actually not a bad thing. What is, was when
Greg's sister Gaby says that the women he date have to be under 35. Wha? Greg said thet he dates young attractive women and the last woman that he dated was 3 months ago.
Keith's friend confirms that Keith has a big fear of women. The kids have not said or done anything nice all of this time and it has finally hit the boiling point. Keith has had enough with the kids and yells at them - specifically John. They get into a shouting match and John finally steps down and apologizes to Keith. These kids are brats.
I now know why Barbara has not had a man - these kids are monsters. I wouldn't want anything to do with them. Apparently, neither do the guys. Greg - 'I'm running from office.' Darrow 'I'm going to run from this house.' Keith 'I'm going to go home, sell everything, change my name and move to a different country.'
After a sort-of nice dinner, the fax rings - And it's time to get rid of one of the guys. 'Oh wat perfect timing - I just got into a fight with all three of them and snapped at the mother.' laments Keith. But it's not Keith that Barbara wants the kids to get rid of - it's Darrow. Not surprisingly, the kids want to get rid of Keith.
But as a surprise to the kids, Barbara wants to actually get rid of Keith, and is using reverse psychology, hoping that the guys get rid of Keith instead. Didn't work. 'Darrow was chosen just becatse the was the least appropriate for my mom.' Darrow is probably more thrilled than disappointed - and mom was sad - but her favorite, Greg, is still there. Unfprtunately for her, so is her least
As for the guys? Time to play football - the kids vs. the adults. The adults didn't play football very well - and it showed. The adults scored once. The kids scores around 47,830 times. The kids played aggresiive. The adults didn't really care.
It's time for a second date with Barbara. Keith goes first and she is drawn - but Keitgh initiates the kiss - and even holds Barbara's face while doing that. Keith thinks that he capitalized on the opportunity to connect. Barbara's surprise? 'I'm so glad that we got the opportunity to know ach other.'
It's all about the speech - and the body language. Greg asks her about her feelings - which is the first time that I've seen that from any guy, They kiss to and it appears in my mind that Greg is the favorite.
The adults give the kids a final plea. Keith says that his commitment level because he hasn't found the right woman - and he thinks that she could be it. Greg counters by saying that the most well-rounded and grounded person who has had life experience should be the winner - and that should be him. Barbara was disappointed that Greg didn't mention her at all. Not a good sign, Why can't the guys be honest and say 'Well, I'd love to have the mom, but only if we can pack the kids up and ship them off to Borneo.'?
Mom is leaing towards Keith. The kids are leaning towarda Greg. Only one way to settle it - THE LIE DETECTOR MAN!!!
Keith goes first. He says that he wants to get married again (TRUE) and that he would co-sign on a car loan (LIE) and that he would have no trouble commmitting if he found the right woman (TRUE). He sais that he would resent the kids if they put him in a retirement home (TRUE). He says that he has not lied to his brothers this weekend (LIE) and he said that the kids would not be allowed to live with them (TRUE) and he said that he would respect the kids wishes if asked not to sleep with his mom (LIE).
The detector test was ok - can Greg the politician beat out a Lie Detector? Doubtful. Greg says that he has not lied to the brothers this weekend (TRUE) and he says that he would take them to the White House (TRUE). He says that he would date his mom if she gained 30 pounds (LIE - oops, first one). He said that he would not run for mayor again if mom asked her to (TRUE) and said that he would not fix a ticket if he was caught speeding (TRUE). Greg also said that he would not try to sleep with mom (LIE).
As a politician, Greg did very well on the detector test - and that was the difference in the biggest irony of them all - the politician was the honest guy. Greg, as a result of that, gets rewarded as he gets the win and the trip to Hawaii with Barbara. Barbara is very happy about that. And so is Greg - especially since he gest a fax and a package containing dirty little secrets about the boys. Do we get to find about them? No, because we fade to black. Awwwwwwww......
We don't even meet the guys before we see that they have to do secret tasks when they introduce themselves. Randy, a back-street boy wanna-be, has to hug daddy for 7 seconds. Adam, a Southern California dude, can only talk about the weather. Tommy has to kiss mommy on the lips. Not a good
An even worse sign is Dirty Little Secrets. Randy admitted that he is not a good learner, and mom didn't care about that, so he's in the clear. Tommy got suspended for picking fights, which mom wasn't happy about. Adam tried to hook it up with 10 different girls in one night. That's a bad thing? Adam tried to cover it up, and it didn't work. 'The more he tried to cover himself, the more that he covered himself in it.' says dad.
We have dinner - and another fax comes in - but this one exonerates them for their introductory behavior. What sort of behavior will they have in the pool? So gar so good, as they fool around with diving, but nothing fatal.
Their ego's may be taking a dive next - here come the ex-girlfriends. And to make matters worse, the guys are upstairs where they cannot defend themselves while the girls are downstairs spilling their guts out.
Tommy's ex says that he's a cheater. Adam's ex said that his friends paid him $10 to go out with a girl. Randy's ex says that he jilted her and no-showed for her prom formal. Dad tells the boys that they can come down now. Dad tells the guys that they can't talk while the girls are talking - and the girls unload again. The parents retreat for the night early.
And they do that because everyone wakes up eaely - 5am to be exact. The guys may have wanted to go back to bed when they see that they will be going to Skydiving School. Apparently, Jackie the daughter enjoys doing this sort of stuff. The guys don't. 'There are a lot of things that are going through you're head when you are jumping out of a perfectly good plane.' says Randy. All of them (including Jacqui) do it as they go at over 125 miles an hour. They all survive (it would be a pretty short episode if they didn't.).
Jacqui takes Randy out on the first individual date - and they celebrate it be eating pudding in a limousine.
We don't get to see the other 2 dates as the doorbell rings. It's girl scout cookies! The boxes have a videotape in them.
Adam's ex goes first - and he apparently likes to make porno movies. He admits to setting the camera up - and that's a big no-no to both dad and mom.
I can't see it getting worse - but it does. Dustin, Tommy's ex-best friend, is next as he says that Tommy made love to his woman. Tommy says that it's wasn't Dustin's woman.
Randy says that he has nothing to hide. He may have wanted to hide this one. Randy's roommate says that Randy gives them all of his exes. Randy denies it. Jacqui isn't buying it either and she starts bawling. 'It makes me so mad...I can't believe I kissed him...I feel totally used.' Bye-bye, Randy.
Adam is next - and what was Randy's loss could be Adam's gain. They have a date outside the house under the stars. They start kissing each pther and cuddle. 'It was probably the most romantic date that I've been on.'
Tommy and Jacqui go on a [paddleball date - the loser has to massage the winner. Three guesses who wins. Jacqui gets the back massage - ad her tongue gets a massage as well. Ooooh La la.
We are at dinner - and dad presents a toast. The ringing of the doorbell comes out - and theres a skydiving video. The title is 'Flirting with Danger'. But the video was not of their skydiving - it was with meeting the sexy appications director. Both Tommy And Adam were nice and gave phone numbers and a hug, but that was around it. Randy not only gives her his number, but says that he will try to lose the competition and french kisses the sexy decoy. Randy covers his head with the dinner napkin. If he wasn't out before (which I thought he would be anyways), he's out now. 'I couldn't look at the parents, I couldn't look at the girl. I was ashamed.'
Here comes the cab. It's time to get rid of one of the boys. This decision should not be incredibly difficult. 'I'm embarrassed to even shake their hand good-bye.' 'It was nice meeting you.' replied Tommy. 'I don't even want to wait 5 minutes.' says mom.
Back come the boys - like there is any doubt here. 'Randy, I am trying so hard to hold back from laughing at you' says Jacqui. 'We made a decision...it wasn't hard to do after watching the video.' says Dad, who won't shake Randy's hand after escorting him to the door. '
Randy comes back on to give some more dirt on Tommy and Adam before he left. The parents decide that it's time for the Lie-Detector test.
Adam says that he does not consider a player (LIE) and that he passionately kissed his daughter this weekend (TRUE) and he admitted to the video-taping (TRUE). He says that he would be faithful (TRUE) and that he would not try to sleep with their daughter (LIE). He sais that he gave his number out just to be nice (LIE).
Not a very good showing for Adam. Tommy says that he's nervous because he will not be caught lying. He says that he enjoyed kissing dad's wife (TRUE) and he said that he did not ddate a woman that he was seriously involved with (LIE). He says that he did not want to have intimate relations with the woman at the skydiving facility (LIE) and that he has lied to them during the weekend (TRUE). He also says tha he does not expect a girl that hhe dates to have sex with him (LIE) and that he did not have sex with the girl who his roommate was involved with.
Neither guy did a heck of a lot with the test. 'The Lie Detector Test didn't work for us, so we decided to come out with our own test.' says dad. 'It came down to my gut feeling.' He asks Adam if he has his daughters best interests. Adam says Yes. Dad asks why, and Adam says you'll have to trust me. Adam stares directly into his eyes, blinking a little. He asks Tommy the same question, and his eyes were wavering, but I thought he gave the better answer.
Moment of truth time, and although I thought Tommy had the better answer, I have absolutely no clue on who dad is going to pick. Dad does pick Tommy - and maybe it's because that he didn't blink. Jacqui would be happy with anyone not named Randy, so she was OK with it. Tommy was happy too. Even Adam was happy for Tommy. Everyone is happy - except Randy, who is still trying to get the Skydiving Decoy's real home number.
Yawnnnnnnn.....We're baaaaack....after a few months siesta....and it feels like we've awoken from a bad dream...and walked right into a nightmare. It's back to Meet My Folks, and the family of the hour for the next 2 weeks is the Schmidts.
In this 2 parter, we start with 5 guys, and Josh starts first. He wants to be honest (yeah, we'll see how far that lasts). Pete is going to go after the parents, while Chris wants to be honest and impressive. Fallon wants to be himself (and with his red hair, he certainly stand out) while Ryan says that he's the most mature.
Daddy Schmidt was a school principal - and Pete and Fallon have already given up. Fallon also likes country music, which dad hates. Dad also probably isn't going to like a package of (drum roll please)...DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!!!!
Ryan took advantage of a girl by letting her do his homework. Ryan fessed up, and dad seemed ok. He didn't seem ok with Josh taking $3,500 behind his dad's back and getting a wardrobe with it. Josh says it was an emergency fashion situation, and mommy didn't like it. Chris broke up with his girlfriend for 2 weeks after giving her a promise ring - and Chris said that she hit him. He wouldn't say why, and no one buys it.
Pete has a thing with women's feet - and he'll break up with someone who has ugly feet. He admits it, and I don't think that it's a bad thing - but the mom pulls out her feet for Pete to judge. Ewwwwwwww. Fallon says that he snowboarded naked - and daddy seems to be the most offended by that ' It's foolish, and it's poor judgement'. Yikes.
Dad sends mom and the kidlet away - and gives the guys the houserules. No lying, no advancing, no hurting Erin's feelings. Honestly, Respect, No Drinking, looking daddy in the eye, and the parents feelings are the other items that the kids need to pay attention to - and daddy the principal is enjoying himself, much to the chagrin of the kids.
It's breakfast for the kids - and it's cereal - but of course, the cereal contains more dirty secrets. Frosted Fakes, Raisin Doubts, Unlucky Charms, etc. And the special prize in the cereal box is - you guessed it - a video tape of some sort of 'friend' saying what the guy did wrong.
Josh goes first, and his mom says that he's wrecked 4 cars. Way to go, mom. Josh denies it - and dad says that Josh is calling mommy a liar. Not good. What happened to the honest approach, Josh? Chris's sister says that Chris mooned the stadium in San Diego. Chris said that he didn't get arrested, so it's ok. Ryan's friend said that in a fit of rage, he took his ex's car and ran a red light to give his ex's tickets. Ryan admits it. Dad says it's mean, Ryan says that it's creative. Mom isn't happy to hear that.
Fallon's grandma gets on - uh oh. He borrowed $900 from grandma - and wasted it on partying and hasn't paid her back. Fallon wanted to slit his throat with a butter knife - but he admittied that he used the money for his car payments and not for partying. Another problem for daddy. Finally, it's Pete - and he is a panty stealer - over 50 panties from exes. That is impressive. Pete says that there are panites - not 50 though. Dad is not amused.
It's time for lunch - and Fallon correctly says that something always happens when they eat. In this case, the something is a falcon with a message on it's leg - and the message says that it's time to let someone go. 'Pete is not going anywhere with my daughter' says dad, while mom thinks that Erin is making no attempts to make contact with Josh. They seem to be the 2 forerunners. Dad looks at mom when he says his decision, so that means that Josh is gone - and he is. So the self-proclaimed 'honest' guy is the first one to go. Figures.
So the remaining 4 guys spend a night in the jacuzzi with Erin - and dad is watching. Yeah, that's a romantic night. He's staring directly at Pete for the whole evening. You having fun yet, Pete? Maybe at 7am, when daddy wakes everyone up to go BOLINGO!
We go bowling, and Ryan and Pete are striking it up - but will any of them strike out when the black bowling pins show up? It's the Bad Fact Frame!!! Strike or a bad fact will be revealed. Fallon puts the bowl right in the gutter, so his bad fact is that he's cheated in over 80 exams in high school and in college. Fallon admits it - and Dad tells him that lying is bad rule number one. Doing that in front of a principal? Iloveyoubuhbye.
Ryan tried to bowl with 2 balls - no dice, and we find out that Ryan hooked up with a 40 year old married mom on the internet. Ryan says that he didn't know, since it was on the internet. Chris's turn - and Chris was put on academic probation with a D average. Chris admits it - with a 1.75 GPA. The principal is not happy. Pete goes - and the guys are 0 for 4. Pete has cheated on his girlfriends over 30 times. 'That's where I got the 50 panites from'. Dad's response? 'I lost a lot of respect for you - but I lost it yesterday'.
Dad gets the crystal ball skull ball - and it says that daddy must pick two guys - one of which will be staying at the bowling alley, eliminated. We all know that Pete and Fallon will be chosen - but Erin does not want to see Pete go. That does not stop the parents, and they pick on Pete and Fallon anyway to come to the bar - and in there, they meet the happy Lie Detector Man!
Fallon goes first, and the only way that he goes home is if he royally screws up. He says he respected his principal (LIE) he says that he didn't pay his grandma back (TRUE), He said that he would snowboard naked again (TRUE), and that he has cheated on more thasn 10 exams (TRUE) and he says that it's not ok to cheat on tests (LIE). That would count as a complete screw up in my book, and even dad waves him good-bye.
Pete is in the clear, even if he completely screws up. He said that he did flirt with his wife (TRUE) and that he has broken up weith a girl with ugly feet (TRUE). and that he finds his wife's feet attractive (TRUE), and that he think's he smarter than dad (TRUE), He said that he wouldn't try to sleep with Erin in Australia (LIE).
So Pete goofed on the last question, but he came out looking pretty good. 'You like that Pete's honest, but you don't like what he's honest about.' Still, an honest slimy boy is better than a lying slimy boy, so Fallon gets the boot, and he gets a lot of bowling shoes - shoes from everyone in the group, as they dump them on Fallon. That's classy, as we see the 'To Be Continued' sign pop up...
We are down to 3 guys after the visit to the bowling alley, and Pete, Ryan and Chris are still alive on the lanes. Pete decided to make the first move, and at 6 am the first morning, he takes Erin out to watch the sunrise. Awwwwwwwbarf. That really turned Erin on, and even though Pete is not the parent's favorite, it looks like that he is Erin's favorite. Hmmmmmm....
And you can see that based on the other 2 dates. Erin takes Ryan out to feed some animals - where Ryan asks for a kiss. Erin gives it, but she is obviously not into it. For her date with Chris, they go to a bakery and they get into an icing fight. 'Erin is everything that I am looking for.' says Chris. Maybe, but it seems like Pete has the upper hands. 'My biggest competition is 'Dirty Little Secrets' - I don't think that neither Ryan nor Scott will be any competition.'
You think we will be getting any more dirty little secrets? Sure we will, as we see the guys coming down to go swimming - and see their exes by the pool side. 'Dad was enjoying this way too much - I wanted to run.' lamented Pete.
'I still had a few questions that I wanted answered.' said dad - and he will get some - though maybe not what he wants. We start with Pete - and his ex, Betsy, who says that Pete is a charmer and would charm women out of gas money. 'The description that she gave matched the M.O. That's typical Pete for you.' says dad. All in all, that wasn't that damaging - but the fact that he wouldn't spend any money could - and that he admitted it.
'I knew that my ex would not have anything positive to say about me, obviously.' That came from Ryan, and 'Ryan loves Ryan' came from his ex, Autumn, who adds that he's a pretty boy. 'Ryan thinks he's Ken and wants his Barbie.' Ryan admits that, and I don't think that's damaging either - and at least he admits it.
Time to get the dirt on Chris from Aubree, who pretty much says the same thing. 'He has to have his eyebrows waxed once a week...Chris likes to wear make-up.'
Dad;s reaction? 'From where I come from, men definitely don't wear make-up.' That's not bad - but Aubree saying that Chris drinks a lot is - especially when Chris is the only guy who says that what Aubree is saying is false.
It's dinner time, and he have another surprise. 'Every time that doorbell rings, it means something bad.' says Pete. 'Bad' in this case is a casette called 'Pop's quiz' - and the opening has him reminding the kids about what not to do - like kiss her. Fast Forward to Scott asking to kiss Erin - and then getting the kiss from her. Ryan is about done - until dad sees Chris licking Erin's body of fudge.
Now here comes Pete's tape. 'Last is always the worst.' says dad - but not this time. Pete actually says on the tape that he's going to respect dad's wishes and not make any moves towards her. Dad sees this and is shocked. 'All you gotta do is to follow the rules...Pete's at least, as low-down a freeloading dog as he is, is following directions. Thank you, Pete.' This may be the first time ever that I have seen someone actually look good in the tape. Pete has catapulted from worst in dad's eyes to the top, and I don't see how he is possibly losing this competition now.
But someone has to leave, as mom and dad now has to get rid of one of them. Pete has got to be safe - but Chris isn't, and the make-up thing with the parents combined with him violating dad's rules and his drinking habits are enough for him to go. 'That's 3 strikes - you're out of here' says dad.
Pete's happy - and Ryan is - sort of. 'I was happy that it wasn't my name being read -but I wasn't happy that it wasn't Pete's - he is my main competitor'. Well, he's now your only competitor.
It's now time for another solo date. Ryan is first and he's dancing with Erin. UNbeknownst to them, daddy is watching - and all he sees is Ryan dancing. 'All he better be doing is dancing'. True enough, that's all they do. Pete is next, and once again it's just tame. Neither of them do anything bad, and for the first time, both guys actually are on their best behavior. No kissing, no nothing. 'They must think that kiss is the kiss of death.' says dad, and so dad and mom go downstairs and dance after the 2 dates are done. How sweet.
We have a nice leisurely breakfast - no faxes, no hawks, no hidden tapes in cereals. Even dad was impressed with both of them, and he let's them give a final plea. Both guys deliver their speeches - but the difference is that Ryan's speech wasn't as much as why he should be picked, but as much as why Pete shouldn't go - Ryan didn't say anything about Erin or Erin's parents. Pete, on the other hand, didn't say anything about Ryan, but said that Erin is the girl that every guy wants and he praises the parents. He also says that he has followed the rules from day 1. This seems to be talior-made for Pete - and almost nothing can stop him.
But before we get to the decision, Pete and Ryan have to go back to school and write out their vices out on the blackboard. Ryan has to say that he couldn't kiss Mr Schmidt's daughter, while Pete has to write that he can't steal women's undergarments. That's a nice time filler. Dad yells at Pete for being sloppy, but it's obvious that this time filler didn't mean much.
But now we get to the final exam - the LIE DETECTOR TEST. Pete goes first, and I expect him to do very well. Pete says that he would like Mr Schmidt as his father-in-law (TRUE), and that he waxes his eyebrows (TRUE), and that he didn't trick his girlfriend into getting gas (LIE) and that he didn't lie to the parents this week (LIE). He also said that he is not pretending to care about Erin just to win the trip (TRUE).
All in all - a decent effort. Ryan has to be almost perfect to win. He said that he did make fun of dad (TRUE) and that he did not lie to Erin this week (LIE). That pretty much kills it right there and then - but we'll continue on anyway. He said that he never cheated on a girlfriend (TRUE) and that dad overreacted on him kissing his daughter. He finally said that he would respect his wishes when being asked not to sleep with his daughter (LIE).
Well, this seems like an open-and-shut case. I don't see how Pete can lose this one - and he doesn't. Pete is selected to go on the trip with Erin, and everyone is happy about it - except Ryan, of course, who feels that he was the better choice. But Ryan was only thinking about Ryan, and Pete was thinking about Erin - and that's what made the difference. We get the family toast, and then Mr. Schmidt has another surprise - mom and dad are going too! Pete doesn't care, he's going, and the rest of the family gets to enjoy the sparkling cider. We get to enjoy the pan out from the house and the fade-out.
After a 2 month break, we are back - for 2 more episodes. We are also back with Giancarlo - who got rejected because he doesn't like blonde women. There will be no blondes here - but a possible trip to Hawaii. As always, the 3 potential women have to get past mommy and daddy.
Lisa is 20 and a real estate wanna-be, Danielle is 20 and a model, and Desiree is 20 (with no occupation) - but they all have secret tasks. Squeezing dad's butt, drink water from the faucet, and starting with the term 'word' are the tasks - if you don't do it, you get a bad fact revealed about you.
Mary the mom is happy with Giancarlo's career - she is not so happy with Lisa introducing herself and drinking water from the faucet. Desiree gets to say word after every statement. (Well, this girl isn't well-versed in English literature') She also isn't well-versed in tasks, because she fails her task when she tells mom that she's 20 - without saying word. That's a bad word.
Daniella completes her task - to dad's dismay, since he gets his butt squeezed. 'I think I was still in shock a little bit' says dad. He is relieved when the fax comes in and Daniella that she was supposed to squeeze dad's butt. Desiree isn't too thrilled, since the parents were told that Desiree broke up with her boyfriend because she wanted to go after her richer boyfriend. 'This was a big red flag that went up for me.' The word for Desiree could be disaster.
The other 2 women's secret's are safe - sort of. We now have Dirty Little Secrets. Daniella was told that she flashed more than 500 people - she said that she did it on a dare. Lisa cheated at her boyfriends birthday with one of his best friend. She says that she wasn't seeing him, so that didn't count. Daniella was posing in the nude for Playboy - and she says that she admits doing it. That is a big no-no for mom.
It's time for the individual dates. Lisa and John go out to the racetrack and they have a good time. Desiree went out on a boat with Giancarlo - and you can see that the chemistry is there - at least from Daniella's standpoint. 'I wasn't too worried about the other (girls'). Daniella and Giancarlo go out on a golf cart - and she gets the early edge in terms of Giancarlo.
The women are told to talk about something that they had pride in. Lisa's pride was, of course, horses. Daniela, who was on her own at 16, brought her diploma and she finished high school a year early. She supports herself by being a model - and she had no problem with talking about Playboy. It sort of makes Desiree's beanies pale in comparison - but she does cry because they remind her of her grandmother, who will be passing away soon. Here come the tears - awwwwwwBarf. Daniella may be the favorite of Giancarlo, but Desiree stole the show thanks to the tears.
Dinner is served - by the women's ex-boyfriends. Oops. Adam (Lisa's ex) starts it off, by saying that the relationship was nothing but sex. She is fake - breast implants and all and she's all about money. You don't think that he's bitter, do you?
Brian dated her for 4 years - and that Daniella divorced her parents. She spent money and was in debt - and she went to nude websites to pay for the debt. 'I had to do what I had to do to move on with my life.' she says. That's not looking good.
Unless she gets saved by Jason, Desiree's ex, who said that his trip to Hawaii with her was the worst vacation ever. He leaves her alone with his friends - then comes back to find her playing strip poker. Ouch.
He asks the family on who would be the best for the trip. Desiree - 5, Lisa - 4, Desiree - 0. Nothing, nada, squat. 'That was heartbreaking' says the wounded girl, and she's the person that I feel sorry for.
Next up - desert - and one of the women will be getting their just deserts. The parents have 15 minutes to dump one of the women. Giancarlo talks to the women, and the slam dunk to go - Daniella - is the person who Giancarlo wants to see stick around. That's different - since mom and dad were more than willing to get rid of Daniella.
The parents have made their decision, and...Lisa has to go. The parents keep the 2 models and they get rid of the 'fake' person, according to her ex. 'We thought that the other 2 girls would be more compatible with Giancarlo.'
We are at breakfast - and the parents want to know why Daniella left - and she said that she had to move on because her parents were not supportive. 'She did what she had to do...and it brought me closer to her.' AwwwwwwBarf. The parents then had to talk to Giancarlo, who likes her better, but dad still isn't convinced. I think that Giancarlo may be thinking with his heart, and not with his head.' Well, that's what love is, isn't it? Giancarlo is drawn to her good heart 'She had noticed qualities in Daniella that I didn't notice.'
The parents come up for an interview, and Danielle charms the pants off them too - so much that a slam dunk for Desiree is no longer a slam dunk - it's now a toss-up - which means that it's up to the Lie Detector man to settle the tie!
Desiree says that she'd like mom as a mother-in-law (TRUE), she'd be faithful (TRUE), and that she'd date him if he was bald (LIE). She says that she did lie to the parents (TRUE), and that she's not attracted to their son just because he has money (LIE).
That last one is the killer. Barring Daniella saying that she hung out with animals on the Playboy Shoot, she should win this one.
Daniella says that she did not pretend to cry (TRUE), that she did flirt with dad (TRUE), and that she wouldn't marry a man for money (TRUE). She says that she would want a long term relationship with their son (TRUE) and that she would not do another nude magazine (TRUE).
That seems to be a slam dunk win for Daniela - she gets every question truthfully - and I don't see her losing this, despite the awful start that she had. She will - mom learned not to be judgmental. Daniela does indeed get picked and dad says these parting words to Desiree - 'A strong sea never produces a good mariner' says dad to Desiree. OUCH.
Mom apologizes to Daniela again - and dad was impressed with the responsibility of her to take control of her actions. That's what gets her the guy - and we should all learn a lesson from this - don't judge a book by it's cover - especially if it's the cover of a Playboy magazine.
We end this season after 8 months of episode-staggering. Maybe we'll get a staggering climax. Maybe not - but we'll see.
We start the finale at 3pm on a Friday, which is where we meet Hawk - a 21 year old who wants to make the other 2 guys look like idiots. Like a name like Hawk and a profession like professional wrestling doesn't make you look like a Rhodes scholar. He is a 49er fan, which is good, since Janelle is a cheerleader for the San Francisco 49er football team. Wowzers.
Next up is Robert, a 25 year old Pilates instructor, who wants to befriend the guys and use their info against them. We have 2 people who are ethically challenged - and mom senses something is amiss immediately. Dylan comes in with some flowers - and his charm is to be a little bit of everything - dork and all. He plays it smart - but the competition thinks that he is a suck-up. Well, duh, isn't that the idea?
The parents talk to the kids. Robert's mom throws him out - he says that it's because she never saw him because he worked all of the time, but mom is not buying what he is selling. 'I'd really like to hear the mother's side of this.'
We'll be hearing someone's side of this, because we get a package of 'Dirty Little Secrets'. Hawk, supposedly, tries to run into bicyclists for his amusement. He says that he never tries to run anyone off the road. Mom is thinking 'Anger Management Problem'
Next up is Dylan - and we find out that he modeled for a gay men's magazine wearing nothing but a sparkling pair of spandex underwear. He says that International Male is not a gay magazine, but mom thinks that it is and the other guys, of course, jump on it. Mom is thinking 'Switch Hitter'.
Robert is accused of having relationships with 3 people at the same time. He admitted to cheating - but not to that. Mom is thinking 'Player'.
Everyone is now thinking 'pool' as they go for a swim. No one noticed if there was a bulge in Dylan's shorts or not. Robert goes off with Janelle to another type of pool - a pool table, and a 'phenomenal' (according to Janelle) date.
'My second perfect date was with Dylan' says Janelle, as she and Dylan go salsa dancing. He dances well - and he is affectionate - perhaps he's trying to show that he's straight? He says that he's trying to be a gentleman...
...which is not Hawk's style. They decide to pro wrestle each other. This is around as romantic as it sounds. He shows her some moves, which culminate in them kissing on the mat. Hawk thinks that the other guys envy him because of what he's doing. I don't think he's going to last too long in this episode...
After a date of the guys choice, Janelle decide to take them into her world. 'I want the guys to understand that cheerleading that is a tough sport.' The men come out - as male cheerleaders. They are going to be 'Team Players' and do some cheers with Janelle. 'It's hard to look manly in those cheerleading outfits.' says Robert, while Hawk is worried, 'Men + Splits = Groin Pull.' This is, of course, right up Dylan the salsa player's alley, and he outdances the other guys.
In addition to the cheerleaders, we have three mascots, and if you've been seeing the show, you can guess who's under the masks. If you haven't, then know that the mascots unmask to reveal themselves as - the guy's exes. Give me an S! Then a C R E W E D!!!!!!
Hawk's ex Jennifer goes first. She said that Hawk is jealous and told the parents that she was doing drugs to keep tabs on her. 'He told people that I was a lesbian, and after dating him, I thought about it. Trust me.'Even Hawk says Ouch.
Dylan's ex is next - and she actually says that Dylan is a saint compared to Hawk and that he's a good guy. She says that he's reserved and guards his feelings. That's pretty tame - and Janelle wasn't sure that Erin was trustworthy.
Ameeka says that Robert was great - and then the real Robert showed up and wormed his way in to a free room and no presents. The family didn't like that and Dylan is clearly in the lead.
The guys each bring something of themselves to show to the parents. Robert brings a fat pic of him and says how he can change. Dylan brings his diploma - and he and his sister could graduate together. Hawk shows his parents - his own self-action figure, saying that he could make something of himself. This is an eerie transition of shows - Hawk should meet Austrian Rob, Dylan should meet James of Boy Meets Boy and Robert should see Rob Campos. Yes, they fill THoSE types of stereotypes.
We turn on the TV - to see more secrets. Hawk has worn a woman's bra and panties. Robert's mom (the one who threw him out of the house) says that she did it because he reneged on the rent and took over his sister's room. Here's Dylan - and he stripped to his tighty whiteys to dance in front of gay men - and he told his parents he was gay to get out of a date with a girl. Hawk sums it up the best - 'You're gay, you're an abusive son, and I'm a cross-dresser.'
Did the guys admit it? Hawk admits that he did it as a wrestling dare. Rob says that he was supposed to move to San Diego, but didn't go. Dylan admits that he did it when he was drunk - and he says that he's straight. What does mom think? 'It's not like I have issues with someone being gay - but if you're gay, you are obviously the wrong guy for Janelle.'
Someone will be the wrong guy, as the parents now have 15 minutes to figure out who to get rid of first. They don't seem to be taking a lot of time on this one - and they tell the kids that...Hawk has to go bye-bye. This didn't seem like a hard choice, as the parents were obviously freaked out by his potential temper problem. Dad says that Hawk is not compatible with the types of guys that she dates. Mom tells Hawk that he can prove that he is somebody, and Hawk, who seems like Grape Ape, gets to drag his knuckles home.
Robert thinks that he has the game won. 'Who would you choose - a gay guy, or a guy who's mom's a little mad?' According to Janelle, the game is not won at all, as she thinks that she could go out with either guy. 'Robert isn't as bad as he portrays himself, and Dylan isn't as good as he portrays himself. The real people are somewhere in between.' says dad. It's time for THE LIE DETECTOR MAN!!!
Robert goes first - and we'll see if he's not as bad as everyone says that he is. Robert says that he did flirt with the wife this weekend (TRUE), that he likes mom's cooking (LIE), that he has not lied to the daughter this weekend (LIE), and that he would respect dad's wishes if told not to sleep with his daughter (LIE). He says that more than one woman is not aware that he is in a monogamous relationship (LIE).
Well Robert isn't as bad as they think - he's worse. As long as Dylan can get 1 good answer - that will be more than enough to win this. Dylan gets off to a bad start - he says that he has cheated on a girlfriend (TRUE) but he has not lied to the parents (LIE). The guys are bating 1.000 here. Dylan says that he is not pretending to care to win a trip to Hawaii (TRUE) and didn't tell the parents that he was gay to date his daughter (LIE). Finally, he says that he is not gay (TRUE).
The last one sealed it, as this episode is clearly a lesser of the 2 evils show. Neither of these guys look like winners - but one of them has to be picked - and that person is Dylan. Robert tells Janelle that he would be around if she got tired of Dylan, but the parents see that the bad boy is not the type of person that Janelle would date and the clean cut straight man wins. They get to go to Hawaii, and we say Aloha to the show.
My take? Well, as you guys know, I hated the show when it started, but I got to like it and actually looked forward to covering it when it came on the air. Was it because I liked the show, or was it because I saw all of the other dreck that was on and realized that this was better? I don't know, but this show was actually not as bad as I thought, and I'll give it an above average B, for entertaining and solid (albeit cheesy) gameplay. It's amazing how you change your tune after sitting through Are You Hot, Fame and Cupid this season, isn't it?
