LOVE CRUISE

EPISODE RECAP #7
By reality editor, Gordon Pepper

(For information on the players, visit FOX.com)

So here we are, at the end of a show that was supposed to be about a love connection, but in the last 2 episodes, has degenerated into a mess of let's see who has pissed off the least amount of people. We start by seeing all of the things that people have done that have gotten them booted off of the island and has turned this thing into 'Hate Connection'.

So we start this episode the way we left last one - with Jeanette getting her one way ticket to second place punched by Toni, who, in the dumbass move of the episode, is denying that she ever got bribed (Im using this early so that you don't know who wins based on the dumbass move - heh heh heh). Meanwhile, the cameras move us back a few episodes to Toni, who does indeed bribe Jeanette. I think Toni's boobies have more personality than the rest of her. Meanwhile, Anthony and Ralph are enjoying the fight and are thinking of
selling tickets to the main event.

The winning couple will be selected by everyone, which really takes away from the best couple and turns into the 2 people who least offended everyone. Meanwhile, all of the people are telling Jeanette that they will vote for her - as long as she dumps Michael. In the words of Michael 'All of the rats have come out to play'.

To the surprise of no one, Darin keeps Melissa - but Jeanette, to the surprise of everyone, keeps Michael, since without him, she wouldn't be in the finals. The thunk you just heard is the sound of Jeanette's empty wallet
as the 300 pound albatross by the name of Michael just made her wallet too heavy to put anything in it.

There is now a third couple added into the fray - which will be voted upon by the eliminated couples. According to Michael 'We're not going to vote for a team that can beat you' And the team that gets the second chance is Adrian and Gina (WHA?).  Apparently, they got to know each other very well in Skankville (which of course, we never did get to see) and so they're now in the finals. This is ludicrous - having a team that gets back in - by popular voting, nevertheless - is ridiculous, since, in the words of Gina 'We have a great chamce of winning, since nobody likes the other 2 couples'. I for one, will be pissed if they win.

So we have the final hotseat, where all of the questions are public. The questions are fairly straightforward, but each of the contestants say things that would shoot them in the foot. D'oh! From Michael 'I'm glad Jeanette kept
me, since she had every rat spit in her face' (Great to say that when it's the rats that will be voting for you,. Mike), Gina - 'It's my choice on who I wanted to spend time with. I didn't trust anybody'. Jeanette keeps feuding
with Toni, and Adrian forgives Toni for getting rid of him the first time (when she aligned with Toni).

But the most interesting confrontation is when Anthony asks Melissa about her real boyfriend - which breaks down into a major cat fight - to the point where Melissa says 'I don't want any of your votes. I don't want to win'. Darin also yells at Anthony, not wanting him to be his brother since he is out to wreck Melissa's chance of winning. And where is that iodine bottlehiding on the ship?

Afterwards, Jeanette consoles Melissa, who has always been lonely since her dad died. Meawhile, Gina is so convinced that they have won that she is already spending the money. What about buying some Dramamine and Fisherman's Friends for the next trip, Gina? (The strategy for the next one is this - make sure you get sick on the first night, so that everyone will feel sorry for you and you get the second chance at the end - so youre not hated by anyone on the ship.)

So in the finals, they have each of the people put leis on the couple that they vote for, So here we go. And no, Im not going to repeat the reasons that they say, since the reasons were pretty much a steaming pile of monkey crap.  Rather I will give you the real reasons, instead of I love you all and you all play the game well - BLAH.

Ralph, after taking the knife out of his back, votes for Gina/Adrian. Toni, who of course hates Mike and Melissa, also goes Gina/Adrian. Andrea must vote how Toni does, so 3 votes for Toni/Adrian. Tony (with a mohawk???) was buddy buddy with Darin, so he goes Darin/Melissa. Anthony can't stand Melissa, so he goes Gina/Adrian. Greg, Bob, Laura and Tomiko, who all can't stand Anthony, vote for Darin and Melissa. Lisa votes for Gina/Adrian. So we have a 6-6 tie. After a deliberation brings no vote changes, it is up to third place team to break the tie - and that happens to be Michael and Jeanette, who don't get ANY votes. Michael once again plays power broker, but probably not in the position that he wanted to be in.

Jeanette says that she made up with Adrian, but of course no one buys that and she goes Darin/Melissa. Finally, it's Michael's choice, and since him and Melissa have been allies since day one, this choice is a no-brainer. Thus Darin and Melissa is your winning Love Cruise Couple, and they each get $100,000 and a trip around the world.

Now how do they do this if Melissa alreadfy has a boyfriend? Well, according to Melissa, 'Darin andI are going to go around the world as a group to experience everything' - and that's how the show ends. awwwww. Fade to the ship cruising across the waters, and fade to black.

OPINION - my opinion? The first four shows were really good, and then it all broke down once the focus was away from love and onto winning the contest, including Michael trying to be the next Richard Hatch (though I guess that would be really hard with a mixed couple cruise, in this case, wouldn't it?).

Also, the game play near the end was terrible, with events that made absolutely no sense - a fruit squeezing competition to determine the final 2 couples? Allowing people to get back in - by a popular vote??? That
wouldn't be so bad if the last competition was something that the contestants had no influence in - like a newlywed-Game Style finish so that you can find out how close the couples REALLY have been bonding. But making the last event a popular vote, while it works in Survivor (since its based on social skills and politics as well) does not work here, since it should be couple based, not how well people stay under the radar. Gina, who you never really got to know, was a vote away from winning the whole thing.

The editing was also bad, since there really was a very thin storyline on Darin and Melissa - it was sort of like an afterthought. The main story seemed to be Michael Vs. Anthony Vs. Toni, and oh yeah, since they won, let's put some air time on Darin and Melissa too. They gave so much air time to Anthony and his jilted relationships that we missed the whole story about Darin and Melissa - but maybe we didn't, since she has a boyfriend to begin with. Did they take the casting staff from the same people that casted Big Brother?

I don't see this going to a second season, but who knows? But if it is, don't get a single woman WHO ISN'T SINGLE!!!!  [Webmaster's note:  They called the final episode the "Series Finale"...so I don't know if that means it's gone...but it sounds like it.]

I hope you enjoyed this covering of Love Cruise. If you did, be sure to check out Amazing Race and the Samburu tribe of Survivor, as well as Lost and my rants and raves section.