LOVE CRUISE

EPISODE RECAP #6
By reality editor, Gordon Pepper

(For information on the players, visit FOX.com)

So since this has turned into 'Hate Cruise', let's see if this episode turns into 'Divorce Cruise'...so what have we learned? Michael hates Toni, Toni hates Michael, all of the women hate Anthony, Darin and Melissa try to hide so that no one hates them, Toni wants Jeanette to think that everyone hates her, so this leaves no one hating Ralph or Tomiko, which means that they will probably be the next ones off of the boat.

Or at least they ised to not hate Ralph, until he blabs to Toni that Michael actually wanted to kick Andrea off of the boat (remember last episode that he wanted to bring Jeanette on and consequently get rid of Andrea because they all wanted him to) and Toni and Michael get into it - again. Michael reminds Toni that she was part of the alliance and that if it wasn't for him, she would be feeding the goats with all of the other losers on Skankville.

The - let the backstabbing begin! In the steaming pile of monkey crap part of the episode, Toni (yes the one who agreed to split the money with Jeanette should either of them win) now wants Jeanette off of the boat, Jeanette finally gets an clue and realizes that Toni is probably not the friend that she is portraying herself to be and is only after the money. Gee, you think?

And speaking of people who are only in it for the money, Melissa (now how in the world do the cast people let in someone into a SINGLES show who already has a BOYFRIEND? Wha?) is being pursued by Darin, who believes that she is his ideal mate and now gets to show off the angst that we were promised that he would give us in episode one. On the flip side of Melissa, Anthony, who realizes that Melissa hates him, is sounding like he is resigning himself to writing his own passage off of the boat.

Toni now talks to both Darin and Melissa about getting rid of Jeanette, as Melissa realizes that Toni is as artificial as her boobies. But she gets an unlikely ally - in Ralph, who wants to recouple. But it seems like Ralph's mouth and Toni's actions may have them recoupling with the Skankville goats.

It's now jury time - and Michael and Toni both want each other off of the boat. Michael gets his wish, as the men bounce the bouncy Toni and her bouncy bouncers. Mike gets saved by Melissa, who remembers where her bread is buttered (and that they still have a smaller secret alliance brewing with her, Darin, Jeanette and Mike), and the women go after Ralph the mouth.

Melissa has the switch card - which gets ripped up by Toni since she wants to go to her boy toy Greg in skankville. Ralph meanwhile, after he takes the shiny new knife out of his back, has a whole new bunch of friends that he can practice his toe sucking technique on (unfortunately, Im referring about the goats).

After more bitching by Toni, it is time to recouple again. Your couples are - Darin/Melissa, Anthony/Tomiko, and Michael/Jeanette

Its time for another round of the hot seat. All 6 get to sit in the seat, and all of the questions are open. Everyone pretty much says the obvious - Darin likes Melissa (awwww), Anthony, who has tossed off most of the women that he has roomed with (but most of the problems being his own doing) - says that it's all Melissa's fault, and Jeanette makes the dumbass (but entertaining) move of the show by announcing that Toni and Ralph bribed her to make decisions for them (with a $20,000 payout for her if they won) - and she wanted to say that Toni told her that she wanted to leave the boat. I can guess where this is going...

Anthony tells Jeanette that they are there becuas they didn't play anyone. This is coming from the guy who said about Lisa 'Yeah it was fun for a few days, but that was that'. Anthony will now be known as Mr Pot, since he is calling everyone else black, so to speak.

Meanwhile, in Skankville, Toni hugs Greg and talks about all of those nasty things that those Meanies Mike and Melissa did and that Toni told them to vote her off. So even when she's out of the game, she still has to manipulate other people. Is there anyone that she hasn't treied to manipulate?

Toni takes out all of her frustration on (or in) Greg, as she won't come to the door for Andrea's coffee. Note to Andrea: I think that Toni is having her wake up cup in the morning - and I think she's taking it with extra cream.

Back to the couples that are still in the game - the final competition consists of them grinding fruit together in a pool and the couple that makes the least juice gets eliminated.
This competition is the big finale to determine the final two couples, and the best they could come up with was THIS??? The debating competition that I thought up earlier would have been better than this.

The Switch card goes to the first place team - but here's the catch - they can now switch their partners out with ANYONE on the island - including the people eliminated. Anthony and Tomiko finally run out of juice (yuk yuk yuk), and get to go to Skankville, but the other 2 couples tie for first, so they each get to pick the envelopes. But they don't get to open the envelopesyet - because they get to open them in front of ALL OF THE PEOPLE THAT THEY HELPED TO GET RID OF. Anybody else sensing the cluster of chaos thats going to happen at the end of this episode?

So they get there and there are hugs for everyone (lets see how long THIS lasts - heh heh heh). And the holders of the Switch Cards are...

Jeanette and Darin

All of the women swarm Jeanette, telling her to get rid of Mike (should al of the women be swarming Darin, telling him to get rid of Melissa so they can come back? I absolutely do not understand the logic of the people in this show).

But the real sour graper is Anthony. He decides to ignite the powder keg that ends the show. Anthony tells Toni that it's al about bribery, implying that he knows what went down with her and Jeanette. Toni goes to Melissa and starts to scream - but Melissa points her to the direction of Jeanette - and the fur starts to fly. Meow. Meow. Meow.

OPINION: My 2 cents before the last episode - the only person who's been playing this game to win is Michael. He and Jeanette should win - as long as it is not a popularity contest at the end - and it shouldnt, since the game should be about who is the best couple, not which people have screwed around everyone in the boat.

Also, they are already hyping the last episode as a third couple coming into play. I guess the producers realized that a woman who already has a boyfriend and a guy who just coupled with a woman in the finals just to keep him alive sort of taints the idea of the show. But it wouldnt be fair that a team that's been fairly eliminated gets a second chance at this, It seems like the rules are being rewritten just to get the happy ending. I would hate to see that happen.

To Be concluded...