LOVE CRUISE

EPISODE RECAP #4
By reality editor, Gordon Pepper

(For information on the players, visit FOX.com)

You know, when something is late, most people sit down and say, well Im sorry, this happened, and Im sorry for that. Am I going to apologize? No. Why is this late? Because my computer went down and destroyed all of my email that Ive written up for the past month. I have lost my relationship with my e-mail. Sort of like what Lisa's doing on this show. She's been destroying almost all of the relationships on the show. And she's not apologizing either. Lisa is my new idol. I may start a Lisa fan club. Will the trend continue?

We're still at La Blanquilla Island. Michael is talking about how he is 'under the radar' 'I think I'm becoming the Chessmaster', or, in the words of another one of my idols, Stuart Scott, 'I play my enemies like I play a game of chess'.

Meanwhile, Anthony and Lisa are talking, which consists of this week's clueless dialogue.
Anthony (who already got burned by Laura) - "Im not being played' (To Lisa - who has already sent 2 relationships in flames) - 'You are real, you are honest, you are sincere'. Would you like to eat the poisoned fruit from Eve now or later, Anthony?

So we go back to the re-coupling session. 2 couples have stayed together from last week - Melissa and Michael, and Anthony and Lisa. The new couples - Darren and Tomiko, Toni and Adrian, and Andrea and Ralph. Tomiko wants to meet new people, and decided to switch from Adrian. Could it be because she realizes that if she didn't change, she could be wearing a 200 pound albatross on her neck?

So Michael talks to Lisa and wants to know if he can kiss her. In the dumbass move of the episode, part one, Lisa, who deosn't want to turn him down. says yes and they kiss. Then Lisa turns around and does the dumb ass move of the episode, part 2. She tells Tomiko and Anthony that she kissed Anthony and Michael in the same night, and 'I'm hoping that this is being kept real quiet'. Well, OF COURSE in less than an hour, everyone knows about it. And, of course, Anthony feels slighted. Well, duh.

In the hot seat this episode - Tomiko starts - the first question is asked by Anthony - why isn't she coupled with him? Now it's Lisa who feels slighted. And Anthony and Lisa will be bickering by the end of the night. Meanwhile, Melissa gives an answer that no one buys, ho she was to do a pose with her covering her breasts. We don't even get to see a pic of her holding them. COME ON. For the sake of the horny males watching this, WE NEED TO SEE BREASTS!!!! What is the point of doing this show if you don't even HINT at showing breasts??? BOOOOOOOOO!

Meanwhile, Mike has decided to take a page from Survivor and form the Chi-Town alliance. The Chi-Town alliance consists of him, Ralph and Melissa - they need a fourth peson (logically, since Andrea and Toni are buddy-buddy, I would guess that Tomiko would be the logical fit - then again, logic went out of the window a while ago, and the most common source of angst would be Toni - so my money will be on her.)

Meanwhile, Anthony and Michael will not be sending Christmas cards to each other in the near future. Michael accuses Anthony of being a manipulator, Anthony accuses Mike of being a back-stabber. Can't we all just get along? No.

The couples competition is a 'mudpit fight'. If your woman falls into the mud, you lose. After the first skirmishes, the 2 teams left are Tomiko/Darren and Toni/Adrian. Gee, I wonder which one will win - frail little Tomiko, or she-beast Toni with the muscles (and boobies) to match? Toni and Adrian easily win the match-up, and Toni wins the switch card.

Toni has nothing but good things to say about Adrian 'I got the best partner in the world', etc. This probably means that Adrian is a goner. At the dinner, Toni announces to everyone that 'I love you all', This is only a game, and that 'Im not going to let her (Andrea) get her off the boat'. Well, it looks like Adrian and Andrea are both going bye bye.

But making her case to get thrown off of the boat is Lisa. She apologizes to Anthony and Michael and asks them both for forgiveness. Michael will forgive her - if she votes Anthony off. She refuses, and Michael is pissed. Playing the role of the beast with 2 heads is Lisa, who finally gets to taste some of her own medicine. Adrian provides the comedy by saying such inteleect as 'Was there more of his tongue in your mouth than your tongue in his?' As for Michael - 'I recovered (from Lisa) when I said hi to Melissa 2 seconds later'. That's professional, but the classy moment of the evening comes at the end of the episode.

Any thoughts of Toni's loyalty to Andrea in question get bolstered when she joins the Chi-Town foursome. Any thoughts about Lisa getting eliminated also get bolstered when she talks to Chi-Town Alliance member Ralph, who flat out says 'I don't believe you'. Ouch. I think we have some of the iodine left that Laura used last episode for you, Lisa.

In the jury section of the program, Mike has the classic 'The integrity of the system is compromised if we're off making promises before we get here' line when everyone knows that the alliance targeted Lisa to go bye bye. Meanwhile, the women decide to not even bother with the integrity of the system and do closed voting. Adrian gets the most amount of votes. Surprisingly, Toni, who says the lovely things about Adrian, does not save him, which on the surface, doesnt make sense, but in reality, it does, since the alliance doesn't really want to be completely known yet. So it's off to Skankville for Lisa and Adrian.

The classy moment of the episode comes when Lisa wants to spend some quality time with Anthony - 'I think it meant something, me and him', etc. Anthony's response? 'I think we had a couple of nice days, and that was that'. Real classy.