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Last Update:
1/7/2002 Return to the main game page! |
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Last Update:
1/7/2002 Return to the main game page! |
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SERIES 2 |
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Hey everyone, and Happy New Year! I am back from
vacation, and I get to recap....a show that is officially the lowest
watched non-sports show in NBC's history. This is what I get as a
Christmas present, Jason? (Editor's note: Yes, Gordon, you
asked to do this show...heheh.) NBC now has the dubious honor of having the lowest non-sport show (Lost) AND the lowest sport (XFL) show aired - IN THE SAME SEASON. (I may have been one of the 12 people to LIKE the XFL - since there's nothing to watch on Saturday nights - and I liked Lost. Does that mean that NBC is catering their programming to me? They better hope not...) So Lost is more signifying the TV Audience (or lack of) than the people in the show. BUT there can not be a show airing with no one covering it - so that is my assignment. And since everyone (myself included) is hyped about The Lord of the Rings, it is my duty to present... THE LOST OF THE RINGS - A TRILOGY (sort of catchy, eh?) Episode 1 - The Fellowship of the Teams We start off with the traditional intro - there are 6 people that will be paired into teams of three - they don't know who they are paired with, and they don't know where they will end up. The objective is to get to the Statue of Liberty in NYC. First place gets $100,000 and a new set of wheels per person. Each team gets some food, coupons for more food, and a little money provided to them by (PLUG PLUG PLUG) VISA (It's everywhere you want to be). We also spend 5 minutes showing a little about each person. Since we don't know their names at this time (and since they're all pretty much saying the same thing), let's move on to the actual game. All 6 people are dropped off in a grassy section of a set of mountains. They are all happy to see each other, and there are guesses all around as to where in the world that they are (Africa and Australia are bounced around), but we still don't know who any of the people are (well, obviously, we do, if you've gone to the web site, but if I am a Joe Blow watching this, I still have no identifiers whatsoever - and we're almost a quarter way through the show.) After the second set of comercials, we now get to meet the contestants. Pairing #1 - Donna - An athlete/waitress who 'loves beautiful women'. Reality Show watchers have been introduced to our first African-American Lesbian contestant. She is determined and gutsy. Veronica - a 41 year old woman who is taking this trip to 'live in the moment'. She wants to sit back and enjoy the view. She is paired with the aggressive Donna who wants to go all out to win. This already does not look like a good pairing, and unlike Joe having a crush on Courtland in the first series, I see ZERO in the terms of romantic chemistry here. Veronica says that she wants to go close to the cliff to get a better view. I have a feeling that by the end of the series, Donna is going to regret that she didn't push Veronica off of it when she had a chance. Pairing #2 - Fred - a 22 year old spontaneous college student with a thick Southern Drawl. He does things for the sake of doing them and he can say afterwards that he did them. Fred and Veronica would be a good pairing. Fred and Bob does not seem like a good pairing. The spontaneous college student gets a 59 year old retired police cop whois a people person and who does things by the numbers. before we even see the third couple I will put my money on them just simply because these other 2 teams see completely mis-matched and in the first series, the team that won was the team that did not implode when mixed together. But let's meet that third team... Laurie - 22 year old recent college graduate who's all or nothing. A perfectionist who can also see her girlie side. Lots of shots with her in a skimpy 2 piece. Grrrrrrrrrowl. Dan - 29 year old self-starter who is eotionally deficient but who is looking for a female partner so he can fall in love and raise 2.5 kids. Lots of shots of him working out. This has got to be your favorites - and the favorites to be seen in lots of shots - probably not wearing much clothing in most of those shots. This could be as much of a rout as the first series. The teams start to split up. Dan and Laurie find a road with some farm animals and proceed towards the road. Veronica and Donna decide to explore around the mountain to find the best path off of it, and Fred and Bob decide to scale down the mountain and then figure out what they're going to do once they get to the bottom. All 3 teams are kvetching about the weight of the bags that they are carrying, and almost everyone falls a couple of times. Dan tells Laurie not to fall - and immediately slips himself. Bob says that one false move will cause someone to break an ankle and him and Fred get into an argument when they cross a riverbank. 'The next time I tell you to do something, you do it', Bob reprimands Fred. Ok - if they finish the race at all, they're in third. Dan spots what he think are cows and runs over to see if he can tame one and ride it - except it's not a cow - its a bull. What are the chances of taming a bull? Zero, as Dan finds out after try after try. He winds up petting it instead, saying that they'll pick one of the fifteen that are there the next day. To do what with Dan, milk it? Night has come down on the teams - and they are all around 100 yards away from each other. Bob, who is hearing Veronica and Donna right above them on the mountain, invites Team Verdonnica (yes, me with the cutesy names again) to stay with them - which upsets Fred, since he wants to gain some ground on all of the teams. You're withint earshot, Fred - how much ground are you going to have over them - 30 feet? Meanwhile, Dan and Laurie set up camp, and any shot of a romance this early on is dashed when you hear fro Laurie 'This is the worst blind date that I have ever been on'. The next morning, Dan and Laurie continue to look down the road that they found yesterday - and they find that it leads down the mountain. The other 2 teams find them - and Dan and Laurie tell them about the path and send them towards...the starting place. Then they disppear down the trail. The other 2 teams can't find the trail, so they are stuck on the mountain. Frustratedm Bob, Fred, Donna and Veronica temporarily ally themselves so they can get down fro the mountain. Fred and Bob, find some natives, and after some really bad attempts to communicate with them, the natives show the 2 teas how to get down. Team Verdonnica is slowing everyone down though, so the alliance gets broken as Fred/Bob and the natives leave the women behind. Dan/Laurie, who have a 2 hour lead, find a wrapper of some chewing gum, and they determine that the wrapper has South American origins. Team Verdonnica find a native, and discover that they are from Bolivia. After an unsuccessful visit to a woman who wants to show them goats, Dan/Laurie find a seperate native to also find out that they are in Bolivia. Fred/Bob still don't know where they are, but the other 2 teams, for finding out where they are, get to unlock a suitcase filled with their VISA's, passports, and more money - they now have a total of $360 between them and the cameraman that is accompanying them - and that's all that they get for the trip. Fred/Bob does get to go to the local village though, so hopefully they find out where they are from that - or we can have a repeat of the 2 dumb guys from the first series. Fred, excited, says that they can now be the Village People, and starts singing YMCA. I have a feeling I know why the NBC execs did not want this episode to go anywhere near Prime Time. But they do get to the village - and they catch Dan/Laurie, who realize that their little deception plan didn't work well enough, and Fred is more than happy to gloat about it in front of Dan. Fred puts down Dan in front of Bob, who is not happy about it. Meanwhile, Donna is not happy that Veronica is holding something back from her, what Veronica is holding back is that the 41 year old white woman is carrying most of the weight over the 29 year old jock, and Veronica knows that Donna is sensitive about that, so Veronica is not saying anything, which is causing turmoil within the team. Dan/Laurie decide to go into the village and strike a deal with the natives - they get horses, and then they get a trip to the next village - Santa Cruz. Fred/Bob stay put outside of the village - but they find a guy who tells them they are in Bolivia and agrees to take them to Santa Cruz. Meanwhile, Team Verdonnica finally get off of the plateau - but they are way behind both teams. Just when Dan and Laurie are about to take off with the horses, the guys, who offered $50, now raise the rate to $150, which Dan and Laurie refuse - that puts them back to last. Meanwhile, The women catch the guys, after Fred accuses the women of following them, and Donna accuses Fred of staring at her ass. Well, there are a lot of jack-asses there - which one are you referring to - the 2 or four legged asses? =). The men and women alliance reaches a big river that they need to cross and cap out for the night. Dan and Laurie reach the same river - but they cross the river through the middle of the night and make camp on the other side of the river. In the morning, Dan/Laurie bathe in the river, as the announcer says that 'Dan and laurie were chosen for their....personalities'. Dan has a personality? The personality is more like their skin as Laurie has the bathing suit on and Dan is topless. While bathing, though, they get caught by the other 2 teams, who get to see them bathe. OOPS. The sparkling personality gets covered up after bathing though, and they are back on their way. All three teams get to the next village within minutes of each other, and a bartering race develops between the teams for opssesion of burros. Fred/Bob win with $5 and a watch, but Dan/Laurie are confident that they will win. Why? After seeing the other 2 teams squabble, Dan says 'we ay be close to them, but in terms of getting along with each other, we're ahead of them by miles'. Andhe's absolutely right, as Fred and Bob, though they are in first, start sniping at each other, and the women, who are in third, finally breakdown as Donna confronts Veronica about her not comunicating with her. But the women to catch up to Dan/Laurie. But both of them need to catch up to Fred/Bob, who got to the village first and took the only truck the village has to the next destination. The driver is so happy that he offers them some....shall I say...recreational substances. Bob thinks that its cocaine (looks more like grass to me, but what do I know?). Offering a retired cop drugs, eh? Of course, Bob is not exactly in his district here, so he let's it go. Welcome to South America, Bob. Dan/Laurie and Team Verdonnica find a stalled truck, and barter to get the horses from the truck. The 2 teams split up from that point and Dan/Laurie are in third, trailing the women, who find a ranch. Meanwhile, Fred/Bob find a restaurant, and find that the ride, which they thought was $3, is actually now $30. Fred says 'see you in Hell' to a guy who obviously doesn't know any English. Real classy, Fred. Nevertheless, they find themselves in first in a village, with a room and bed. Team Verdonnica take a truck from the ranch and wind up a few miles behind them in second. Dan/Laurie also get to the ranch, but don't wait for a truck and hike to another village and stay there, in third. But they're having fun, so that's all that matters. And thus ends the first part of the trilogy... Episode 2 - The Twin Towns Well....uhhh.....there is no second part of the trilogy, but don't blame it on me. NBC, who realize a non-cash cow when they see it, say they merged the 2 episodes together to create a final episode - so we get a little blurb that goes like this (yes, this is their version of a 'merge'): .......... Well, they didn't merge the episodes either. They cut out episode 2 ENTIRELY and put us to Episode 3, so that the three people actually watching this episode will have no clue as to what's going on. BASTARDS!!!!! Well, here's what I got from the montage. Team Verdonnica can't stand each other any more, according to Donna, but they are still in first. Fred/Bob, who sort of like each other (Fred more than Bob), are in second, and Dan and Laurie, who Dan likes enough to strip in a gay bar for her, are in third - but they're having the most fun. Well, who ever reads the second book of a trilogy with much attention, anyways? I don't... Episode 3 - Return of the Teams All three teams manage to get themselves in Brazil - and all three teams are running out of dough. The women find themselves able to take a boat to get out of South America - but the boat doesn't leave for another 2 days, which gives all of the teams time to play catch up. The teams play different strategies as to how to do that. Fred and Bob panhandle from place to place trying to get money as they go along - they get enough to take a 24 hour bus up to Porte Vello, which is where that boat that Team Verdonnica is waiting for is leaving. Dan and Laurie, however, stay put and raise cash where they are, getting backpacks and trying to get enough $$ to be able to move for a few days. Fred/Dan meet the ladies at the boat, Dan/Laurie, though, is still trying to get there - if they miss the boat, they have to wait 2 days for the next one, and at this junction, it would be Iloveyoubuhbye for Dan and Laurie. But they do make the boat, which surprises the other 2 teams, and all three teams are off and running - and are all back with no lead on the other teams whatsoever. We now have a lovely 10 minute montage on the lovely activities to do on the (according to Bob) 'Boat From Hell', which should have been condemned 35 years ago', including diving nude (Fred/Bob), arm wrestling, showing off your belly,and talking trash about your competition. Meanwhile, a Norweigan traveller conducts a mini-auction, which gives all three teams more money, but not nearly enough to reach state-side. All 3 teams will be even when the boat docks at nightfall. Both Team Verdonnica and the guys camp out for the night, But Dan/Laurie go to the bus station and find a bus that leaves at midnight. Laurie gets the ticket person to get them on the bus and away they go. Fred/Bob miss a 5am bus, but the person that they were staying with catches the bus via his car and they are on their way as well. Donna/Veronica are still sleeping in the city. But the race is between Dan/Laurie and Bob/Fred, who catch the co-ed couple. According to the rules, you can only take a plane to NYC from a Caribbean island. There are 2 to choose from - Aruba and Trinidad. Dan/Laurie head off to Trinidad; Bob/Fred to Aruba. The women get a benefactor who gets them to the Venezuelan border. The ladies take a bus to the coast. Bob tries to use his police experience to get them to Aruba, but the furthest that he gets them is right to the coastline. Dan/Laurie also get right to the coastline, thanks to a psycho cabbie, but they too are waiting a boat to get them to their island of choice. Dan/Laurie get up the next morning and convince a woman at a travel agency to let them get on to the ferry - if they can give them a copy of the paperwork. It takes them 25 minutes, but they do it and get on the ferry. Team Verdonnica also get to a ferry office - but they miss the ferry that Dan/Laurie get on - and the price of the ferry is more than they have. So they are stuck trying to get money in order to make the ferry for the next day. Fred/Bob finally get to the boat, but they are both afraid (justifiably so) that the 2 day wait was the dumbass move of the series. They leave at night - but earlier on in the day, Dan/Laurie got to Trinidad and talked to Marcus, the travel agent, who is trying to sneak the three of them into a plane to get to the U.S. Team Verdonnica is able to sell their stuff to the people who worlk at they Ferry and they get anough money to get to Trinidad - but they only have $9.18 left, and that's not nearly enough to get airplane tickets. But it may all be academic. Dan/Laurie got the airplane tickets, and land in New York the same day that the other two teams just get to the airport. Dan/Laurie get Glen, a limo driver, to take them to the ferry that will get them to the Statue of Liberty, and they hang out there and wait for it to open the next morning. Barring the limo being ambushed by a bunch of 60's hippies, who hijack them over to Maine, they will win the game in a rout. Team Verdonnica get a direct flight to New York the next morning. Fred and Bob get a direct flight to...Miami!!! (Wha?), and then to Chicago, and then to New York. Fred says 'I think that both teams got there a few days before we do' You think? But it is Dan and Laurie's game. After staying in a hotel conference room, they get to the Ferry, the Statue, and the win. They share hugs, family, and a little kiss (awwwwwwww). Team Verdonnica get there in second, a few hours behind, but they are not nearly as happy. They didn't click, and that probably cost them. What cost Bob and Fred is the dumb-ass move to go to Aruba instead of Trinidad, but they wind up crying about seeing their loved ones (awwww) and missing the money and the car (awwww). but hats off to Dan and Laurie - they win this edition of Lost. And everyone lived happily ever after....maybe. MY TAKE - This is the series they should have started with, just because you have 4 pieces of eye candy on the screen (Dan, Laurie, Donna, Fred) and lots of charisma from everyone playing. The series had promise, but with the pressure of being hyped as one of the big reality shows with potential for the Fall season, you have to go with the T and A first, and then suck people in with the game play. Instead of 2 knock out blondes, 2 buff guys, an attractive black woman, and (from episode 2, which we didn't see) lots of stripping and nudity in episode 3, We got for the first series instead, which featured no female eye candy, only one buff guy and many old people - and that won't cut it for an audience that wants to see beautiful people. And though the game was played better for the first series, this series also had good gameplay and more smart people playing - and it's vital that when you are showing a series premiere, you have attractive people who you can like and get behind who know how to play the game. This series had it, the first series didn't, and that's why these episodes are being burnt off now to bordering-on-disastrous ratings. Too bad - this one could have been around for awhile, and this show does not have a happy ending. I hate sad endings - they make me cry at movies...boo hoo hoo. Thanks for reading this long epic story. |
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