THE RECAPS
STORMSEEKER.COM RECAPS! Reality writer Chico Alexander provides
recaps of each show.
February 16, 2004 February 23, 2004
Glen Foster's a 23-year-old cell phone technician with a certain je ne sais quoi about him. From Philadelphia, born and raised, Glen is very outgoing and thinks he has everything that he could want out of life, except a woman to share it all with. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? But before you write this one off as yet another "Bachelor" ripoff, there's a ... little twist.
At four-foot-five, Glen's what you call a little person.
NOW you can write it off as yet another "Bachelor" ripoff. All on the same page? Yes? Good! On we go. We meet Dani "Skank from 'Boy Meets Boy'" Behr, who, if you remember, was trying to hook James up after "Queer Eye"... or before, I'm not really sure which. He introduces us to Glen, who just wants a nice girl to love as much as she's willing to love him. Aren't we all? About his stature, Glen says it's made him humble and more compassionate. And we love Glen.
And what's more fun than a little person? Six more, of course, all female. Each one gets to mingle with our minute hero, and each one is excited over their prospects with him. Sure, Glen's used to dating women of average height, but to date someone he can look eye to eye to is something that he's looking forward to, mostly because they share some common ground. It's a party that we've all seen before, so let's just go right to the schematics:
First, we see Maxie, a 21-year-old elementary education major with long dark hair. She wants to teach the third grade because the kids are not too old, not too young, and not too tall. Maxie loves Glen's blue eyes, wit, and personality, and we all love her shimmy.
Marissa's a 22-year-old masseuse. And she's got magic hands. Whoa, now.
Actress Mika, 23, gets all tingly when she thinks about Glen. Although she seldom dated anyone her own size. And we'd learn even more about Mika if it weren't for the obligatory "Hi, mind if I cut in?" moment courtesy of Kaaren, a 36 year old with too many years and too many A's. Kaaren's in love with Glen's eyes. Everyone loves Glen's eyes. She also notes that he's "Pretty freaking charming!"
Leeann, 26, is a child psychology student who has only dated little people, even as she said that height was never a factor in her book.
And finally, we have Jenny, a 21-year-old who's "all about off-roading." Hey... gotta love that, right? To the camera she says she's very outgoing but not "hoochie" in any way. And Glen welcomes all of them with this: "Love is composed of a single soul, inhabiting two bodies." Deep, bro.
But just like the people, the series, and the host's attention span, the meet and greet is a short affair, as we start to hand out bouquets (wow, that's original). We have six women, and five rose... err, bouquets. Whoever doesn't get one gets the bus. Mika (very mysterious and really likes to have fun), Leeann (lives life to the fullest), Kaaren (very down to earth)... sorry, random camera pans... Joe Millionaire reverb. Anyway, Mika, Leeann, Kaaren, Maxie (makes me feel warm inside), and Jenny ("A heart that's clear as day") get the nod to the next round. And the keys to the mansion. Yep, all those rooms and only one bathroom. But everyone's cool with it, so...
That's it, really. Not much is there to the story, so what do we do now for about half an hour? So far, absolutely nothing has happened.
Well, not yet, actually.
Mika is the first person in the mansion to turn on the ol' charm. She turns an honest cry for help and Glen's welcoming heart into a booty call... quite literally. Kaaren, who I'm already eyeing as the potential, well... to put it bluntly, woman-whore, uses the same move, except with much less booty action. What have we told you about putting your butt into things?
And speaking of butts, Mika's is in it to win it, as she takes the show's second cut-in moment with Glen. "I will do whatever it takes to make it happen." Including a big kiss and a suck up. Glen says "She's a really, REALLY nice girl" (The extra REALLY means extra BOOTY!).
And we weren't about to let the show go unmarred without mentioning the age difference between Kaaren (nee Demi Moore) and Glen (nee Ashton Kutcher). Turns out that Kaaren has a 6'5 twin brother. But that isn't the worst of the problems, you know, as much as the whole thirteen years is. Glen thinks it's cool, citing the Punk'd guy and the former Mrs. Bruce Willis.
Leeann isn't afforded that luxury (come on, she's only 26!), but she does get some me time with Glen, as we see them enjoying themselves while she complains slightly about the competitiveness of Maxie and Mika. I'm hoping for a screamfest but these people are just too damn nice!
Doing my best Pepper, but... Awwwwwwwwwbarf.
The group date ends with Maxie talking about how difficult it is for a little person to find another little person they have chemistry with. And we're all rooting for Maxie.
Second group date, and Mika's a gangsta all of a sudden, just because she won't do some weird line dance. Well, if it helps, she has a stretch Hummer. Glen and Leeann, meanwhile, go somewhere for food and idle chat about parents. And just when you think they're gonna do it (woops, wrong show again), Dani reappears muttering something about the view. Heh. I guess Rebecca was right. Check out the Boy Meets Boy recaps to see what I mean. Girls can't stop talking about how cool and great Glen is, while Glen can't stop talking about how genuine Leeann is.
Meanwhile, Maxie eggs on Mika, who she thinks, "has a lot to say."
And I have a lot to say, too, namely about the next elimination... that isn't. Dani appears with the twist (because, per the GSNN mantra, "There's always a twist. Something always has to go wrong before you get to the happy ending.")... and what a twist. Three women, all of average height. Okay, who didn't see this one coming? Hands?
The originals look freaked out, Glen's mouth hits the floor, and Dani's just... there, I guess. Kristina, Zoe, and Amy look about as scared as the others as they each make their entry. Leeann can't believe it, and Maxie wants to kill someone. The real elimination comes tomorrow. Right after the obligatory hot tub moment.
Afterwards, the originals pact to stick together while Glen gives the wink and the gun. "To be continued." Will the little women find love? Will the taller women get over the initial shock? And just what did Glen mean by "If she wants it she'll work for it"?
Guess we'll find out in the conclusion, next week.
Last week, we met Glen Foster, a little person looking for love amongst more little people. That is, until we brought three not-so-little people into the mix. Now little people Maxie, Mika, Kaaren, Leann, & Jenny compete against average-sized Christina, Zoe, and Amy for a Mediterranean cruise, a diamond ring, and 53 inches of full-bodied Glen.
We start this half of the show with the requisite hot-tub footage, featuring Glen with our three comparatively tall women. The original group of five comes in to crash the party. Zoe notes that Maxie's pissed off about something. Meanwhile, Glen is being compared to everyone from Hef to Beckham. Yeah. Anyway...
Christina thinks that Glen's a ladies' man. And rightly so, proving that he's a butt man himself. The butt man takes four women with him to the shower, where Leann points out that Mika's the most aggressive of the group. And speaking of showers, Kaaren suggests to Leann that she go for a one-on-one shower with Glen. I've heard of one-on-one dates, but one-on-one showers? That's new. Maxie gets some me time in the shower stall and... well, that's all we see. "I really don't think these girls are interested in him." I honestly wouldn't know if they were, since they spend the rest of the night talking about dating someone of average height. And drinking. And playing cards. And teasing the tall people. But hey, it's all good.
As people expect Christina to stick around, Glen wants everyone to know that he's keeping people based on what he's looking for and who he is. The cut this time? Half. Glen gets some input from the newbies on their personas.
The next morning, Glen is escorted by our bleached-blonde host Dani Behr into the bouquet room, where he'll present four women with, well, bouquets. He chooses to keep a really sincere Leann, a really shy Maxie, a really real Mika, and a really genuine Zoe. Hm, really.
Later that day, Glen's catching mad fakies off a skating rank. Mika's a pro, while Glen's just learning from her. After some ice cream all over the place, Mika says goodbye to her "sexy daddio". Okay...
At 1p, we go fishing with Leann, who's really gutsy for casting her own bait, and catching her own fish! "It's not the size, right?" Funny. But Glen appreciates her background more than anything else. Leann feels some sparks.
We're off to the beach afterwards, and Zoe leads Glen to a picnic, where she says that she's "glad that now she doesn't have to steal you." Glen is taken aback by her beauty, and thanks her for the date. They leave off with some kite-flying. "She's definitely a catch for any man. ANY MAN!"
Finally, Maxie, the hot chica, meets Glen for some dessert on another beach somewhere. "She likes to love people." And Glen likes not to have kids for a while. And we like to add in a fortune teller, just to keep things interesting. He tells of a lot of intensity and a lot of passion. He also sees a trip, possibly overseas. Fooooooreshadowing, maybe?
Later, the girls meet up for dinner, where Mika and Maxie start up a rivalry. Maxie thinks that Mika's there to win, not necessarily Glen, but just to win. The consensus is that Maxie may be staying around, whereas it's between Zoe and Leann as to who else might be staying. We go right into the next elimination. Two will move forward, and two will be shown the door. Glen's feeling okay about this, shut up, Dani, can I just get to the bouquets already? And the flowers go to Mika (wha?!) and (after a lengthy explanation) Zoe.
Leann and Maxie are surprised and disappointed by the choices he made as he gets some time alone with each. "And then there were two."
And dammit, Dani talks too much.
Early the next morning, Zoe and Glen limo over to Santa Monica, then chopper over the city to Catalina Island, then cart around the island. Glen likes Zoe's carpe diem attitude. "She made me glad to be who I was." "Seriously, he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met," Zoe says. Definite favorite? Maybe.
Mika and Glen then limo back to Marina Del Rey, where they picnic on a yacht. Glen tells Mika about twenty years on, a house on the beach, and a good job. Mika, on the other hand, breaks out a fortune cookie fortune from some three days behind: "A short stranger will soon enter your life." From the Peking Noodle Co., no less. "It was probably the most touching moments in my life." Then Glen and Mika get a dinner at a hotel, complete with violinist and Eskimo kiss.
So here we have the final decision. Glen meets Adam Graham from diamonds.com (nice of Dani to slip the web address in) to show Glen "the ring", a 2k platinum ring. This is the prize for the lucky lady. "It's coming down to picking the perfect one."
I'll give you a hint, no matter what Dani wants you to believe, it ain't her. Zoe's out first. Glen tells her that he had a wonderful time. But he only sees a friendship out of it with her. Damn, the "F" word. Nothing more to say except... here's your winner, Mika.
After talking about how much Zoe made him feel like a man, Glen drops the news to Mika: "You won my heart. Your beauty runs from the top of your head to the tip of you feet." He presents Mika with not a ring of engagement, or a ring of promise, but a ring of thanks. Mika reciprocates by telling him how much he's made everyone feel so comfortable. "I'm honored, so thank you very much!"
And then Dani comes in again, this time with the second prize: a Mediterranean cruise. "I'll give you some alone time now."
Promise? So we'll see Glen and Mika off to their cruise, and we'll close up the biggest little dating series ever conceived. And by little, I don't just mean the people involved. This was just entirely too much to cram into two shows.
Well, can't win 'em all, I guess. Unless, of course, you're Glen Foster, The Littlest Groom.
