June 9, 2003
The story thus far... Rob, 20 ladies, Jordan, secret, million dollars, never tell, five women eliminated. Now fifteen compete for love or money, thus the title. Because a reality show based on "Coupling", entertaining as it may be, would more than likely never sell.

Alima, Lauren, Kelly, Melissa, Paige, Laura, Erin, Melanie, Stacey, and Christina are remaining. Now that we're five short, we're looking at a bigger house. At breakfast, Jordan gives the announcement that the dates begin today, BUT only eight will go. "Two of you will be staying home," Jordan notes. Way to state the obvious. But it will be via voting for the one woman who will be excluded. The two with the most votes stays home. One of those two (via public voting, mind you) is Kelly. "I just felt so special! These girls just love me." Yeah, you're feeling special alright. However, there is a tie between Paige and Melissa. Whoever finds a red heart on the circle will decide. Because, you know, having the strongest link cast the deciding vote is complicated when everyone claims to be. In the end, Paige finds the heart and, yeah, like she's going to vote for herself. She ousts... herself? Wha? Lauren, Christina, Melanie, and Laura will go on one group date today. Alima, Melissa, Erin, and Stacey go on the other.

Meanwhile, Paige hopes that karma shines brightly on her.

Today's date: a boat. Rob waits on the landing as the ladies enter stage front. This seems to be the "Love Group", except for Laura, who says "Heck, if I get a million dollars at the end of it..."

Giving new meaning to the term "Love Boat," there's a lot of touching, kissing, and thinking about the million-dollar secret. The other three think Laura is a player, especially when she is singled out to go downstairs into the lower deck. "I felt very adamant that what happens today stays in today." She's not a player. She just crushes a lot. Washington, Lincoln, Jackson, Benjamin...

Back at the house, Christina feels the need to vent on the whole "I Can't Read You" thing. The vent turns into a blow-up when it came to Laura, who went from "not her friend" to "competitor" in a matter of seconds.

The next day: a costumed affair for Alima, Melissa, Erin, and Stacey. Romantic period costumes. Hideous-looking romantic period costumes. The type that would make the girls on What Not to Wear blush with laughter. And a period car to match. Next up: a period walk in the garden, ending in a period picnic. Enter a 21st century competition, as Stacey tries to gauge her rivals. Spending most of their thought energy on the million dollars, this can, with the exception of Alima, be called the Money Group.

That night: dinner and, yep... a drink. Or two. Or a dozen. But first, Rob shows up at the door, with eyes on Kelly and Paige, who were house bound. Kelly orders her staff around in the kitchen, as she goes makes nice with the Rob. Paige went into the room and interrupted them for a drink. Kelly's not ready for downstairs. Rob is, and he goes. Later, by themselves, Paige and Rob lock lips in the heat of the moment. Any more heat, in fact, and Rob's jheri curl would melt.

Now the dinner: chicken curry with a side of drunkenness. Taking his boots off? Looking at low-cut shirts? Checking out asses? Rob's moving a little too fast, even for this recapper to write all down. All I caught was something about classy girls and a hot tub? From there on out, it's your obligatory hot tub scene, only Rob's playing the part of the come-hither-to flirt.

After the dry-off, the collective began to think ill of our hero. Melanie asks us the question: "If we're not in it for the love, which we are obviously not, are we in it for the money?" But that's just it; you ARE in it for the love. Otherwise, why would you feel the way you do about Rob? Paige, on the other hand, is still high off of his kiss. If anything this event separated once and for all who's in it for the love or the money. Love: Paige. Money: everyone else.

The next morning, everyone's expecting an apology. If you've seen the commercial, you know he's going to deliver. And here he comes. And there he goes. And goes. And goes. And cries. But the important thing is he's a better man for it, at least now. He goes on about how he would tell this story to his grandkids, but first, how he must live the story. That took guts. Rob, my hat is off.

Jordan enters to inform the ladies of the upcoming elimination round. Tonight, we go from ten to five. Two hours to prepare. One he makes his decision, Rob thinks he'll feel better. About what, though?

Rob enters for the ceremony and acknowledges the classiness of the women for listening to his plea of forgiveness. Erin is first down and she's in. Alima is next down, and she's next out. "He lost out on a virgin!" Alima, we feel sorry for your loss. And if you feel that you need anyone to talk to, I can be reached at... Oh, finish it off first? Oh, alright. Melanie, Christina, and Melissa get the heave-ho, while Paige, Laura, and Kelly get the yo-ho-ho, leaving Stacey and Lauren. In a somewhat surprising move, Stacey is sent packing.

For Paige, though, karma has shone brightly, but she better consider her actions very carefully, as Kelly may decide to mark it out and write "a big piece of meat" in its place. We'll let you know what happens next week. Sayonara!

June 16, 2003
Rob used to be a JAG student. He was rejected. He used to be a lawyer. He was rejected. He tried out for "The Bachelor". He was rejected. In the span of two episodes, we know why for all three. But the five ladies remaining--Paige, Lauren, Kelly, Laura, and Erin--don't know. We'll see if they catch on later.

But in the meantime, what we do know about Rob makes it that much easier to root on the women who are in it for money, doesn't it?

Laura is the first one up, and, therefore, the first one to take advantage of the Early Bird Special. Ahem... "Last night, Rob slept over in the guest house. Because you are the first to read this, you are being given an opportunity to spend some romantic time alone with him." Basically, it's breakfast in bed a la Laura, who still doesn't know who to wear. Lauren, being the friend that she is, helps Laura out as soon as she gets her other contact in. Then she's cooking AND serving with Laura. Now THAT's friendship!

Laura and Rob spend the rest of the morning in bed together, leading up to Robism #1: "It's kinda nice to start your day that way, with a beautiful woman in your bed."

Back at the mansion, the other four are finding out the hard way (via Lauren) that the early bird catches the worm. "Oh (^_^)!" Kelly's taking it well. Laura returns with the same phrase of "The early bird DOES get the worm. Or in this case, the man!"

You were right the first time.

Speaking of worms, Rob heads over to the house for a little surprise after breakfast. He's taking two people on a double date today and two tomorrow. Paige and Kelly go out on the first one, and... we don't know who else he's taking. So you have bubbly na�ve Paige who is sooo nuts over Rob and Kelly... In a word, conflict.

The two take a chopper into Avalon. Paige is being the skeptic about Kelly's front, but, truth be told (well, Kelly's version of it anyway), Kelly's starting to feel a little Rob mojo working its way into her system. If you've never been to Avalon, CA, it's like a combination between the Catalina islands and the hokiest part of a European villa.

Taken aback by the setting, the three notice a box. Paige opens it to find documents and pictures pertaining to Rob. It's a memory box! Wow! I'm wondering if TSG documents are in there, too. Well, Paige and Kelly get inside the head of a Scottish-Peruvian lawyer, and Paige, being... well, Paige, wants to keep one of the photos. "It was the best date of my entire life. And there was another girl there!" That about sums it up.

While Paige is in the restroom, though, Kelly and Rob make nice in the back of the limo. After Paige got back, Rob started to act like... well, Rob, teasing the girl about her age, her innocence, and... her age. Leading us to Robism #2: "You're only 21; you're way too young for me."

Next up, Rob chooses his next two double daters. They are Laura and Lauren. Erin, the odd girl out, says he could take whoever she wants. So as L and L pack the limo, Rob decides to go to the bathroom... by way of talking to Erin. He lets her know that the two of them are going on a single date that night.

But let's concentrate on this one date first. Here we are at the Derby, a hip swing club. Laura wants to know if Rob'll swing. Rob just says he's not ready to make that decision yet. The two indeed swing, as Lauren watches... the singer. Five minutes later, they switch. As Rob white-boy-dances his way into Lauren's heart, we realize here that Lauren is in it for money. Mark your scorecards accordingly.

That evening, Erin perfects the art of the tease as she meets Rob at a beach. WE begin with Jack and Jill falling down a hill. They walk to a beach-side picnic area, where we meet Thai chef Tommy. Now if I was Erin, I'd just say "Screw the game, I'm going for the chef."

We learn that Erin's dad is John Brodie, a pro football player. Erin thinks that Rob's down to earth. Rob doesn't see an instant attraction. But he does see something that can develop. Erin lowered her stakes to 60% money and 40% Rob. It looks as if Rob is sensing that, as there was no good night kiss. Not even on the cheek. And don't even try to give me that jazz about kissing your sister.

Enter the requisite third degree inquisition from the other four. Kelly brings up her theory that she and Paige are the playtoys and Erin isn't. What that means in the long run... I don't know either. But it seems that Erin's buying it.

One final night before the elimination, and the girls get one last chance to plead their case. Never have I seen so many predictions go so many ways. Not even during this year's American Idol. Once again, Jordan comes in to remind the ladies of the activities, but this time, he's less animated. Probably going into the seriousness of the money on the line, but dude... smile once!

Rob likes Lauren being near her. Kelly sees the million dollars as a nice side item, but sees Rob as being the trophy. All Laura can be is herself. Erin wrote him a quick note, just a thank-you note. Paige is getting more nervous. Her pride is telling her to keep walking and not stop by to talk to Rob. Right hand love KOed by pride.

Time to fish or cut baits, but before we do, let's review the scorecard.

Erin: MONEY (moving toward wavering)

Paige: LOVE

Kelly: WAVERING (moving toward love)

Lauren: WAVERING

Laura: WAVERING

Now it's just all about one person. Lucky for us, it isn't Jordan. Rob acknowledges each elimination as bittersweet. Kelly is first up, and she is in. Same can be said for Erin and Lauren. It all comes down to Paige and Laura. Youngest, oldest. Rob calls on Paige. First of all, Rob wonders why Paige didn't come to the fire. To make a long story short, Paige is asked to stay, and Laura takes the walk.

So he's a man of youth, eh? Well, you saw the scorecard. You know the odds. The rest is on Rob. We'll see if he antes up next week.

June 23, 2003
We've reached the dating portion of the series, after having two group date episodes and several more secrets pop up. In an hour's time, though, Rob will have one less bell to answer, one less egg to fry, one less check in that room that he still doesn't even know about.

OR DOES HE? But I'm getting ahead of myself here. We rejoin the adventures of Erin, Paige, Kelly, Lauren, and Mr. Grabby-Hands in progress.

Looking at the opening credits, this is the first time that I realized that JD Roth created this. Man, he's just eating the game show genre up for all it's worth, isn't he? While some opt for coffee, some opt for wine with their breakfast. All are in agreement that no one is sure what's next.

Jordan enters with 21 questions a la 50. Okay, just one, the titular question. Imagine for a moment the gaping glow that Kelly's face has at the moment he said "Money." Over the next two days, the four ladies will go on dates alone with Rob to explore their true intentions. But hey, to keep things nice and interesting, it's basically pick-a-date-any-date. Date 1: a gondola ride and dinner by a canal. Date 2: horseback ride through Malibu. Date 3: bowling (always a favorite, my personal high's 189). Date 4: a big-old question mark. That's right, a mystery date to be determined at zero-hour. The ladies have to decide who's going on which date. Erin decides to get up on a horse. For the rest, it's luck of the draw. But wait, hold the phone. The rest of the ladies decide that Erin should throw her card back on the table. So it comes down to a number draw. Erin draws number one, the ? date. Paige gets the gondola. Lauren, who didn't want horseback riding, gets horseback riding, while Kelly is throwing balls around. So everyone else gets a nice fantasy date. Kelly goes bowling. Ut sementem feceris ita metes. Latin phrase for "Karma. Ain't it a bitch?"

Jordan arrives back and witnesses the choices. Seeing that Kelly chose bowling, he shouts, "Fantastic! Be ready to go in half-an-hour."

Date 1: Bowling.

Rob pulls up in a '55 Thunderbird. Convertible. Drive down the coast. Sunny day. Quality nice. Rob is wondering is Kelly's the type of girl who can let her hair down and just have fun. Long story short, Kelly comes up short, but later comes on strong and brings her "A" game for the turkey. Oh yeah, and she got three strikes in a row, too. Final score: 140-139, Kelly. Rob's a good sport about it, though. Kelly eggs Rob on about making a pass at Erin. Rob is at a loss for words. And to cement the date, Rob and Kelly swap tongues at every stop light.

Date 2: Horseback riding and moonlit dinner.

Both Rob and Lauren are intimidated. Rob presents her with a potted plant, remembering that her favorite color was green. They rode down a trail to the Inn at the Seventh Ray, surrounded by tea lights. They toast to "amazing horse-riding ability." Lauren believes she has no other choice but to lead Rob on and play a game. Way to be obvious. Rob enjoyed the date. Lauren is playing the game to the fullest.

Back at the house, Lauren rates Rob's looks an eight, then lowers it to 5.5, making Paige suspect.

Date 3: Mystery date.

Erin is jetted in a limo, very excited. She's getting on a plane. Rob entered through a pretty swank-looking biplane. Imagine looking down from a biplane onto the ocean below. The view is spectacular.

Back in the limo, Rob and Erin are wondering where they are headed next. Rob is wearing his heart on his sleeve. Any more heart and Rob'll push the girl out of the car. Erin and Rob end up in a safari at the zoo. Both touch the rhino's horns for luck, feed the giraffes, and basically say to themselves "Oh my gosh! I can't believe she didn't kiss me!" while feeling awkward about their own changing hormone levels. The scary thing is... I'm 100% serious. Now here's the testimonial that gets me: "I'm a very affectionate person and when I care about a person, I like to show it."

There's a dirty joke in there, but I digress.

Date 4: The gondola ride.

Paige, stomach butterflies and all, are in a limo awaiting Rob. He brings sunflowers. She brings African violets. They hit the gondolas and, in a scene almost directly plucked from last week's Amazing Race, the gondolier tells them about the traditional "grandissimo bacio", or "big kiss", under a bridge. Cue the bridges. Rob was holding back, and Paige, on the other hand, takes a page from the book of Rob and pulls him toward as the gondolier starts singing. I haven't had to sing as a gondolier, but I have had to sing Italian love songs before. This guy's pretty good. Apparently Rob and Paige are too busy looking at each other. They both click instantaneously. Paige is on cloud nine. Her lips are still on the boat. In the testimonials, Paige is putting her naivete on display to a public audience as the other little killjoys are bringing the hurt.

The next morning, Jordan enters with news: tonight is an elimination. "Enjoy what might be your last day." How direct. No one knows what to expect. Not even going up to the fireside chat. Erin was more impressed with Rob over the past couple of days, thus bumping her up to "wavering."

By the fire, not even Rob is sure of what to do. Kelly passes along a note and a flower. "What is truly sought, you might ask? Insight? Inspiration? A spark? The desire to fill a void, an end too alone? Anxiously awaiting the next stoplight, Kelly." I have to give her points for that. Lauren apologizes for being too shy. Erin brings up another note. "In my thoughts" in the form of a giraffe. Her wall is tumbling down. Would Paige stop and talk to him? Only for a bit.

Alright, let's review the scorecard after episode four.

Erin: WAVERING

Paige: LOVE

Kelly: WAVERING (moving toward love)

Lauren: MONEY

So far, two that are definites (Paige and Kelly), and two that are still struggling (Erin and Lauren). If I were a betting man, I'd close the door on Lauren. It's raining now, but it'll be raining even harder for one woman. Paige is a keeper, as is Kelly. Next up... a commercial! Lauren is next down. Rob lays her claim on the table... and leaves it there. Lauren is out of the running. Erin gets to stick around for another week.

Now again, this is the part where I have to do my research here and there because "National Lampoon's Funny Money" starts on GSN at 10 and that's when the DVR kicks over (Damn you, NBC!). But from my research, Jordan leads Rob to the secret chamber, where he is told that even as the women came into the game for him, they were competing for a million-dollar prize.

That sound you just heard was Rob's jaw hitting the ground. We'll see what else hits the fan--or the floor--next week.

June 30, 2003
If you missed last week's conclusion, you missed the climax. So far, 15 women who were in it for love but found out about money are whittled down to three. And Rob didn't know of the money until his final three were chosen. Now we're in a whirlwind of greed, lies, and intentions that knows no bounds (until next week's episode where a winner is finally crowned, that is).

But first, we have to get through this week.

We pick up exactly where we left off, with Rob finding out the million-dollar secret, replete with the same Wink-Martindale-School-of-Game-Presentation dramatic pauses by Jordan. But wait! There's more! "They believe that they can have both you and the million dollars! But soon, they'll learn that they have to make a choice: love or money." And EVEN MORE, you say? Yes, as Jordan gives Rob the same opportunity. "If you can convince the final woman to pick you over the cash..." Cue pulling out the novelty check. "... you get both."

Rob: It doesn't seem real!

Jordan: It is real. But if she chooses the money, you walk out of here with nothing.

The plot thickens. Bum bum baaaaaaaah!

Honestly, if Rob had a brain cell in this game as he did as a public defender, he would start making plans. But as it turns out, Rob's taking the noble route and remaining true to love. He wants to be with the girl that's best for him. Jordan leaves him to his thoughts, all of which coalesce themselves into a mindless mass of blah blah blah. Blahblahblah blah blahblah blahblahblah blah.

Paige thinks of Rob's ego being crushed once word of the secret leaks. Kelly, on the other hand, takes the Kelly way out and assumes that Rob doesn't know anything.

Altogether now, friends... LIIIIIIIIIIES!

Still closed, Erin is 24-hour date number one on today's show. They enter a plane, where Erin reads his face all too accurately as Rob is trying to figure out his next move. The trip is to Santa Barbara in the rain. Anyone who knows Cali as well as I do knows that full enjoyment of Santa Barbara requires sunshine. All they could do was stay inside and play Scrabble. Unless Chuck Woolery's present and officiating, this isn't going to build on anything. Which leads us to major conflict number two of this episode: "Sea otter: one word or two?" Mail us at [email protected] with your thoughts. Final score: 265-281, Sea Otter Girl. Is it me or is Rob just letting them win? First bowling, now this. Erin's starting to waver on her intentions. Rob, as always, is hoping for the best.

Down to dinner, as Erin proposes a toast to--cue the string quartet playing. "... The tunes, I suppose." Dinner and wine start to make their effect known as Erin slips a word about whoever wins will take the rest of the girls to Vegas. No real damage on Rob's end, since he already knows, but Erin is now in big trouble. She thinks of Rob as a prize to be won. He disagrees. And all of a sudden, Erin is trying to read Rob's mind, with less of an avail than Rob had. So to every person who was looking for an out to Erin's so-called ingenious, here you go. Happy July.

Dessert and more wine waiting at home. Drunken Erin talks Semi-drunken Rob into staring at her eyes for a minute. Rob decides to use what remains of his sobriety to push Erin into a corner where all available outs are blocked, otherwise known as "the fork". She can either lie now or lie later, but she will have to be held accountable and face the two prongs of "the fork": Fork me, or fork off. She goes for "fork me" as they share in their first deep lip-lock. Erin, who was in this for money, is now overwhelmed with feelings that she didn't want to have. I'm sure we all felt this way at one point or another.

Next day, Paige meets Erin as Erin goes home while Paige goes a-jetting with Rob. Erin arrives back at the villa with Kelly taking about how much dole Rob is really worth and... you know what, I kinda forgot where I was going with this. But I remember where Paige is going with this, as I've rode past the Napa Valley in my youth before. Looks a lot different on TV.

Rob has the problem of who is being the most sincere. So much, in fact, that he is compelled to share that problem with Paige. "You're the most sincere, huh?" she replies, "I hope so" and he counters with "I hope so too." Paige doesn't want Rob to be hurt in the end, but at the same time, she doesn't want to get hurt herself. Rob points out the gorgeous scenery and the little town of Calistoga in the distance as they go on a horse drawn carriage ride to a winery and I swear if I hear the words "fairy tale" one more time, it's going to be on. Rob thinks that Paige is indeed the most sincere. But, of course, he can't say for sure.

Speaking of which, Rob and Paige get to her promise ring. Basically, Paige swore herself to chastity until a time to be determined later (the bets are now on). What time? "I will take this ring off when I fall in love."

They arrive at the basement of a winery for a dinner. More alcohol. Just what this show needs. Paige barely grabs the cork when she has something to say. She blurts out that he might have noticed that she's been more quiet and distant than usual and it's because she's scared of getting her feelings hurt because of the others. Rob tells her how wonderful she is, but Paige is still worried. Rob is even more so, but he points out that you have to risk something in order to gain something.

Four good questions: Should Rob believe what Paige tells him? Is Paige being sincere? Is Rob having second thoughts? Do those two EVER come up for air?

Four good answers: "Yes," maybe, possibly, and ... okay, make that three good answers.

The morning after, and we see a hot-air balloon ready and waiting to take them to their happily never after. Rob also notices that Paige's promise ring is off. Sounds like ill freaky na na tonight. "Can we talk about that later?" Paige begs.

And later... Paige reveals that she took it off, and then lays everything on the table. "I barely even know you but... I feel like... I'mfallinginlovewithyou." Somewhere in that quickie word, she dropped the L-bomb.

That afternoon, Paige meets Laura at that same hangar and another date ensues.

Laura and Rob jet off to a snowy wonderland. Rob reads Kelly as talking more about money and less about love. Rob and Kelly play good-prince, evil-queen en route to Colorado, where they spend their time in a log cabin. Really comfy and rustic according to Kelly. The two head out for some cross-country skiing when Kelly, money completely out of her mind, starts to look pretty cute with snowflakes in her hair.

And then Rob falls over.

Dinner, and more alcohol. But Kelly is more controlled than the others. Rob is reading Kelly's every move. Rob then asks Kelly about if there is someone who's seeing this as a competition. Kelly reassures him that all the girls that didn't feel a connection with him are now gone. He does not seem reassured and it's harder than ever for him to be himself.

Meanwhile back at the house, Paige has another panic attack.

Of course, it wouldn't be a dating-reality game without a ... oh, we already did a hot-tub show? Well here's another one, because I loves my peeps. "Bikini and balck furry boots. Doesn't get much getter than that!" Rob bows to Kelly's sexiness. Kelly staves off Rob's "what if" questions, as he tries to back her up into a corner. Kelly's cool about it, though. And suddenly, cool turns into hot, as Kelly and Rob play nice in the tub.

They go back together on the jet. Kelly hasn't thought of the money on this date (sure, only in the confessionals, but not in the actual date). Summing up: Kelly's the sexy one, Erin's the beautiful one, and Paige is just... "the best."

But how do we sum it up?

Erin: MONEY Paige: LOVE Kelly: . probably just sex, I don't know.

Paige reveals her nerves at the fire, as well as a letter. "Rob, I have sincerely meant every word I have spoken to you. Every time I look into your eyes I forget about the rest of the world. All I see is just you and me in the moment. Like I said from the beginning, I think you know what and who you want, so this probably won't affect your decision much. Just know, always know, I have been sincere. Paige."

Kelly, sporting the cursed red (all of the eliminated women have worn it), tells Rob that everyone wishes the best. Erin is scared that all her walls are broken. "You just kinda grabbed my heart."

Onto the elimination. They all want the best for him. The feeling is mutual. Erin is down. After all the talk about breaking through the walls, she makes the final two. Paige, still a bit jittery, recalls the Napa date and can't wait until the next big thing. She's in. Which leaves... the sexy one. A bikini and a pair of furries wasn't enough. She's gone on the next taxi out, assured that she'd one day be a billionaire.

I honestly haven't heard as much denial since Edgar Nova on AI2. But now, we have Paige, who honestly believes that she is in love with Rob, Erin, who's broken down the walls and is secretly trying to feverishly build them back up, Rob, who's working on his best "please-please-please" as he prepares for the decision of his life, and "a heart-pounding finish."

And if THAT wasn't enough, in two weeks, in the words of great Jedi master Yoda, "There is another."

Can't wait.

July 7, 2003
I'll just skip everything and let you know the outcome now. Ahem. "The prize, which totals $1,000,000, is payable in a financial annuity based over 40 years, or the contestant may choose to receive the present cash value of the foregoing annuity." There. I feel better now, let's get started.

After all the drama (in which we are treated to for the first ten minutes of these proceedings), we're left with two women, underdog Erin Brodie and na�ve frontrunner (not to mention drunkard-who-was-foolish-enough-to-get-caught-ha-ha-ha) Paige Jones. By the end of tonight's proceeding, Rob will let one woman down easy, and one of these women will have at least another 500 large in their pockets.

Erin and Paige meet up with Jordan, where he congratulates them on making it to the end. "Whether you truly have fallen for Rob or not, one of you is a millionaire" (Of course, we know that this isn't necessarily true--in more ways than one). "Take a good look at them, because what I'm about to tell you could change everything. What I didn't tell you is that in the end, you'll have to make a choice: the man or the money." Way to take the drama out of it. Erin begins to smirk while Paige is getting antsier by the minute. Take the man: "You leave on Rob's arm. Penniless, but the beginning of a beautiful relationship." Take the money: "You're a millionaire, but for as long as you live you can never set eyes on him again."

Erin talks about having a million dollars. Paige doesn't talk so much as she stammers. Naturally, it's the hardest decision she's ever had to make in her life, as she just stands there repeating "Oh, my God!" Paige asks Erin what her choice is, but she's not talking. Meanwhile, Paige is stuck with another choice: her family needs the money, but picking the money would go against every fabric of her being. So in retrospect, picking Rob or the money would be like picking Rob over your family. And hey, who wants to be with a disbarred lawyer anyway? "She'll make the choice that's right for her," Erin says. Onto turn 3: if Paige chooses Rob, there is no guarantee. If she chooses the million, it's a sure thing.

But one thing is for certain: Erin's in it for the bling-bling.

And hey, talk about impeccable timing, no sooner does Erin say that does Rob show up for dinner. Neither of them hug him, but Paige is reassured that she is truly in love with him. As reassured as a 21-year-old boozer can get, anyway.

On the menu today, Thai. Rob pays attention to Erin most of the time, much to Paige's dismay. Oh, and there's something about Bob Kerrey's autobiography. While Paige is upstairs brushing her teeth, Erin and Rob swap fingerprints. "I was thinking that he was gonna pick me. Totally," Erin notes. But... I know something you don't know.

Rob takes Paige outside, where she proceeds to give him a hug that he was longing for. They finally get alone. Then there's the whole issue of the promise ring, which she took off for him. Dude, she's taking the ring off for you, man! Think about it! Of course, he can't. "I'm waiting for another ring to be placed there," Paige says. Wink wink, nod nod, say no more.

Another thing is also certain: Paige is in it for love. Rob senses this too.

Insert more clips for fill. Hey, we've got two hours to kill.

Erin gets the final moment with Rob, right after she badgers Paige about kissing him. Insert more fill, but it's relevant fill, as we talk about the fireside when Erin reveals that she's just been smitten. If Erin didn't see Rob as a good guy, then she'd have no problem taking the cash. But she didn't, so she does. Even more so, she's getting more into Rob (or so she says). Some time together, as they both can't stop talking about Paige. They find some time to exchange carbon dioxide atoms (because who can breathe in a kiss THAT deep?).

But what about Rob? If he picks Paige, then he's assured himself (and Paige) a million bucks. But if he likes Erin better, then there's less assurance on her end. So again, it comes down to the titular question. "I've got about 24 hours to figure it out."

"Paige... You are going to win tomorrow. I know it," Erin tells her as she returns to the house. "No, you're just freaking me out!" No, Paige. She's telling the truth (I think). "I don't mean to throw a pity party here, but nothing ever works out for me?" In the kitchen, Erin keeps telling Paige to do what her heart tells her, because Rob is definitely "got a Jones", so to speak. She brings up the money, to a startling revelation from Paige: "I've already decided about the money." She can't take it, but I'm sure you already knew that.

And, for the ninety-third time this series, the whole multiple date thing is taking its toll on Paige. I don't mean to say "Geez" again... but, "Geez..." Erin herself thought that playing hard-to-get was going to work. It didn't. Further, if Rob proposed that night to Paige, she'd say yes. That would be a guarantee.

For something that's a guarantee, Paige isn't getting any sleep over it, though, as we come to the day of destiny. Tonight, there will only be one. In the morning, she's getting all cerebral over a bagel, wondering if she'll take the money or not and how exactly Rob feels about her. Also, she finds it hard to base a decision on faith and believing. "This is the weakness that you humans call emotion"). For those taking score, this is Coupling reference #7. Meanwhile, Erin is trying to reassure Paige that she is THE ONE. "If Rob chose me, I'd be flabbergasted," Erin says... in confessional! So all this time, we know that this is the truth.

It is the question that binds us. It is also the question that drives us mad. "Is Rob worth a million dollars?" That's what we find out as Erin finds out about the promise ring being removed, and all that transpired afterward. Erin is genuinely jealous. Paige believes that she can be Rob's best friend and eventually, the love of her life. Erin believes in money. Simple as that.

It's getting closer and closer to zero hour. Rob reviews the options and gets nervous all in the same toke. Rob now has to tell both Erin and Paige that he has known about the money since the round of three. Erin believed that the person with the right intention will win in the end. Paige, somehow during the commercial break, made the decision not to take the money. But back to Rob. We haven't had enough of him today. "The basis for my decision is who I'd see myself with in five years."

Jordan reenters for the final elimination. Standard rules apply. Both women must talk to Rob, as he lays everything out on the table. She, in turn, must lay everything of hers out on the table before final decisions are made.

Both women say their goodbyes before being separated once and for all.

Rob waits on the balcony, waiting to find someone. "I'm really looking forward to the fairy-tale ending." Not this again. Jordan enters Paige's room to claim her, as she is still in an emotional tailspin. Jordan also enters Erin's room to tell her the same thing that he told Paige. Again, another emotional tailspin.

And yet another thing is certain: Rob has already made up his mind.

Up first: Paige. They get to some small talk now. Rob revealed that he too has some nerves. Going through the motions and emotions, Rob reveals that he's amazed by the person Paige is, as he tells her that he is unworthy of her. Yesrerday, he felt comfortable with her. She's here for a reason, he believes. The person in front of him right now is not the same person three weeks ago, and... Oh, will you just get on with it? "Ultimately I have all these strong feelings for you, but..."

BUT we move onto Erin now. Again, we go through the small talk and I just get tired of waiting, so, boom. After comparing her to her mother and Paige, Rob reveals that he's finally glad that Erin fell for her. "I don't think I'm going to have any regrets about what I do tonight, but..."

Back to Paige: "... but... I feel as though I have a better chance with Erin." Nothing more needs be said except... Altogether now: "MAN IS THIS GUY AN IDIOT OR WHAT?" Paige seems to agree in retrospect, as she says that "if [Erin] doesn't take the money, it's only because she's going to feel guilty." One more shot of Paige's painting. "Looking for <3". ... In all the wrong places.

Now back to Erin, the winner: "... but... I don't want my life to be about fear." Well, I'll just let you know when he gets around to telling her. "And that's why I've chosen you." All Erin can do is just close her eyes. "I'm so flattered." Floored is more like it. Erin tells Rob of her "interesting predicament", the million-dollar secret, and that she literally didn't make this decision until that moment. "I have never ever done anything for money in my life." More small talk ensues, as they discuss Paige and being nervous. So what does she choose: Love or money?

Austin Powers: "I choose love, baby!"

Okay, that was weird. Here's Erin.

"I am choosing the million dollars. And I might look like THE biggest gold digger in the world. That was not my intention at all." If she felt something there, she would've taken the man over the money. But that's the chance she's taking, and there's no going back. But then Rob has something to tell her. He tells her of his own million-dollar secret, as well as how he really wanted to be with Erin. "I just did what I did just to be honest with myself." Which is more respectable than what Erin can say for herself. As Rob proceeds to exit stage right, Erin just says, "I don't know if I've made the right decision. I guess I'll never know. I guess that's something I'll have to live with."

Or will she? Three weeks later, a limo pulls up to the mansion. Jordan steps onto the front porch to meet the passenger of said limo... "Hello, Erin. Welcome back!"

Jordan and Erin enter a room to talk. We remember that the last time she was here, Rob chose Erin over the others, and Erin chose $1,000,000 over Rob. "As you know, in life we don't get that many second chances, BUT that's what we're about to offer you right now." Jordan offers Erin a second chance at her first intent, love. But it means giving up the million that she had won already. As it turns out, Erin is being offered to 15 men in the same situation that she was in nine weeks prior. They do not know that Erin has won the money. Erin knows EVERYTHING about the game. So Jordan pitches the idea: "If you can convince the final man to pick love, you'll walk out of here with not $1 million, but $2 MILLION. But if he picks money, you walk away with nothing." As the Winker once said himself, it's a big risk, but it's a big payoff.

"I am crazy."

Ending question from Jordan: "You think you can succeed where Rob failed?" Personally, I think anyone who could outwit a used tea bag could, but I guess that's what we're about to find out as we prepare to do it all over again. Next week, the game begins anew for Erin Brodie, on "For Love or Money 2". See you then.

July 14, 2003
THE STORY THUS FAR! Fifteen women began to compete for the heart of Rob Campos, but they were also competing for a $1,000,000 bounty on his head. Last week, the choice was whittled down to two: Paige, who was in it for love, and Erin, who was in it for money. In the end, money won out twice, as Erin won Rob's heart, but gave it back in favor of the million dollar bounty! Thinking that her opportunity for love had passed, Erin went home not thinking that she'd be back in the same house three weeks later! Jordan greeted our winner with an offer she couldn't refuse: give up the $1,000,000 for a double-or-nothing chance at true love (and true money). This ought to be good. The stakes have never been this high. The opportunity has never been this great. Erin's pants have never been this low cut.

Okay, so the latter only raises my eye. In any event, the game begins anew on "For Love or Money 2."

Let's reacquaint ourselves here, starting with the returning players:

Jordan Murphy: The host, the fast talker, the connection, the only one who knows Erin's secret of having been the winner of the original "For Love or Money".

Erin Brodie: 30-year-old software sales manager from San Francisco (two hours north of my hometown of Monterey). Newly single. Looking to snag yet another quick buck at some poor bloke's expense. Fun fact: She honestly doesn't know why she took the million dollars in the first place.

The Men: Vic (25), Greg (34), Eric (27), Thomas (23, same age as yours truly... He's 23 and going for Erin... good luck, man), Chad V. (29), Richard (25), Wade (29), Sean (32), Deric (28), Chad F. (28), Paul (29), Dan (26), Rodney (heretofore known as "Munch", 31), Dustin (25), and Chris (27) all arrive at the mansion in a Hummer line. There's a dirty joke in there somewhere. Anyway, they all hope to be the Fresh Prince of Erin's Bel Air.

While the men gawk at the size of the house, Jordan invites them to explore it better from the inside. "Your adventure begins... right now." Commence bunking. As the boys scope out the new digs, we see something that wasn't in the house in FLOM1, a pool table. Because anyone who's ever watched "The Real World" knows that it is the epicenter of male bonding and sizing up everyone's manhood.

In a phrase: "This is the Munch Palace."

Except, and this is just a personal gripe: this place is missing a Playstation. Fifteen guys, no Playstation. How?! But they do have pool, cards, and beer, a combination that, according to Eric, "spells trouble." Funny how a small poker game or Richard-rules Chess among friends can turn into an allegory for the entire series, but that's precisely what happens.

For dinner: baked lasagna. Looks like Stouffers. Yummy. Jordan interrupts the meal for a bit of business, to be discussed in the salon after dinner. They think they're about to meet Erin, and dress the part. She doesn't show. But Jordan does, and gives the men the lowdown on what's about to go down. They all came in the game for love, but what would happen if we sweeten the pot? "The one she chooses above all others... will win... one... million... dollars." Turning on the Winkster charm again, I see. Since this is men we're talking about, it's greeted with the typical man reaction ("No way. For real?"). Well, that's how I would react.

But to drive home the point further, here we have fifteen customized checks for $1,000,000. "You can play the game any way you want, but the most important rule is that she can NEVER know about the money." Too late. But in the end, that's what the NBC gods decreed. Jordan locks away the checks at the all-too-familiar illuminated case.

Game on.

The next morning, it's men working out and being proud in their manliness. Yay, manliness. Wade, on the other hand, claims to be in it for the right reasons and hopes to play that card out to the end. Jordan arrives to inform that Erin rides at sundown.

That sundown, we see replayed footage of last week's meeting, only this time, it's held at night. Erin will give each man a ring that symbolizes friendship and the possibility of something more. As he leaves, each man will be forced to relinquish their ring. Erin has a feel that she definitely is on the flipside of things.

One by one, they meet Erin and lose capacity for a) controlling a conversation or b) forming a coherent sentence. Highlights: Dan gives Erin a little wooden elephant. Erin loves compliments, especially the "second coming of Aphrodite". All make what appears to be a good first impression. Well for five of them, that'll be all that Erin leaves with, because they will be gone.

Next day, breakfast and a barbecue with Erin. Highlights: Deric thinks or Erin as a magazine cover girl. Richard is more of a gold-digging slut than Erin was. Chris "macking it up". Myself rebuking highlight number two once Erin brings up the fact that she's basically whoring these guys for another million.

Nightfall, and the first elimination. Since this is show #1, we won't get into details. Deric, in. Richard, out (How's that for checkmate, (^_^)wipe?). Chad V., in. Thomas, in. Dustin, out. Vic, in. Wade, so in. Dan, elephant-sized in. Sean, out. Chad F., in. Greg, in. Paul, "let's just be friends" out. The worst kind. Eric, in. That leaves Chris and Munch. Chris comes on down first... and heads for the door. Munch is in, meaning we get another week to do this...

"MUNCH! MUNCH! MUNCH!"

Yeah, he knows he's in. So we have our ten for next week's show. By the end of that hour, it'll be down to seven. We'll see what happens next week, but first, a quick stop to the check room, as Richard ("The most expensive first date I've ever been on"), Dustin, Sean, Paul, and Chris admit that life goes on... all with their hearts -- and their checks -- burned. Oh, and another thing about Erin, as per the disclaimer: "The lead participant has been offered a consolation prize in connection with her appearance if she does not receive the $2 million grand prize." Probably a Croton watch with the word LOSER emblazoned on it.

But that's another story for another day.

July 22, 2003
THE STORY THUS FAR! After picking $1,000,000 over a three-time loser, Erin is back and looking to earn another $1,000,000 simply by convincing one of fifteen men that she is THE ONE. The men have no idea that she knows everything about the game, including the choice that the eventual winner will have to make. All they "know" is that the winner will also get $1,000,000. Five men knew too well, so Erin had to let them go. Imagine what the other ten will know next...

Still taking score? The remaining men are Vic, Greg, Eric, Thomas, two Chads, Wade, Deric, Dan, and the Bob-from-Bachelorette-and-Bachelor-4 wannabe Munch. (crowd of four behind him: Munch! Munch! Munch!)

Now that there are only ten in the house, there is going to be a little more pouncing. Jordan enters with an itinerary of the day's event. The dating begins today for eight, just as with the last show. Two groups of four, no change there. The change: Erin has chosen two captains to make teams. Meaning if you were the last one picked for ball at recess, then you're going to have a problem. Wade and Munch are the captains. Wade picks Thomas, Greg, and Deric. Munch picks Dan, Chad F., and Eric. Vic and Chad V. stay in the house. And immediately they compare it to last week's All-Star Game. With no All-Stars. But hey, at least it didn't end in a tie.

Team Wade's date begins today. Team Munch will date tomorrow.

Wade's team decides to embrace their newfound unity like men who really don't give two damns one way or the other: by dressing up in loud shirts that make them look like idiots. But there's a reason for this: Erin's waiting on the beach. Thomas likes walking with a gorgeous lady, but on the other hand, he's walking with three other guys. They end up at a luau, where they face 1) hanging out and being themselves, or 2) a chance at temptation. Greg thinks that Erin is leading several of these guys on. But that doesn't stop Erin from getting alone time with him. Torches alit, the men and Erin head back to the cove. Thomas said it reminded him of the 12th century. It reminds me of a reality series on another network, but anyway. Greg offers a piggyback ride to Erin down to the cove. Could he be the one that can take her away from this?

Back at the house, Chad V. and Vic think that Munch chose strategy over camaraderie in his teams. Altogether now... DUH!

The next day, it's Munch and his corps with the non-matching single colors. Today's date: a little fast-pitch. Erin awaits in the infield, and as you know, there's nothing hotter than a sexy woman who dresses like a little kid. The four get jerseys. Munch is packing the fro, in what will most likely be the worst white-man afro since Bob Ross. Highlight of the day: Munch sliding into third like Pete Rose. But Eric gets the Erin-time. They ask about age differences, as Eric discovers the dream that is Erin. At the same time, he discovers that keeping the secret a secret is a burden. On the way back, Erin reveals that Eric was coming on a bit strong.

That night at dinner, the doorbell rings. And at the door, a mysterious message (cue mysterious music). According to the note, Erin will arrive at 8:30 for a pajama party, and they need to change into some worthy clothes. Only problem? It's 8:00 right now. "Getting ready for the ball, Cinderella. Upstairs waiting are two racks of clothes that not even the most metro of metrosexuals would touch.

Cue the girl. "I felt like I was at Hugh Hefner's house!" She's looking forward to seeing Vic and Chad V. Vic and Erin got some tea room time. Chad V. turns it into "tempus interruptus". Chad V. gives Erin the grand tour of the house that she spent her time in. Then her secret of living here before becomes hard to keep.

Good thing there's always... That's right, friends...

The Hot Tub! They all knew that Erin was worth a million bucks. They also knew that she LOOKED the part. But she's not really playing that much to the guys as Rob did (of course, we remember that Rob had a little before time **does drinky-drinky motion**). Greg went to bed early, maybe feeling a little awkward. Erin also notices that Eric is being a little quiet, probably because he's feeling that the show is being a little more than a frat party to the rest of the men.

That night, at around 3, we've got ourselves a barnburner with three guys playing WWF in the main room. Sorry, four guys. Eric calls it a train wreck. Well afterwards, the room looked like it was hit by a train, at least. Munch is surprised it took this long, because it was a testosterone fest already. We learn that Thomas and Wade were in the mix. But that's pretty much it.

Jordan enters with the news of that night's impending elimination. Chad F. thinks that the more people eliminated, the more that the money becomes an issue. Erin, meanwhile, is not looking forward to the eliminations at all. "Do I follow my heart in this situation or do I think about this realistically in terms of the $2 million?

Erin enters, still nervous about being on the sending end of three dreams. Dan is first. She feels the connection, but it wasn't a romantic one, so he needs to return his ring. Next up is Greg, who does feel her mojo working, as he gets in. Thomas is next. If you remember, he was one of the fighting four. Fighting doesn't matter. He's one of the final seven. Chad F. is next, and in. Munch... (Crowd: Munch! Munch! Munch!)... is gone. (Crowd: NO!!!!). The other Chad, Wade, and Vic are all in. That leaves Eric and Deric. Eric gets called down... Deric is smirking... Eric is worried... Erin... keeps Eric. Deric is gone. Once again, your seven are Greg, Thomas, both Chads, Wade, Vic, and Eric. The other three watch their dreams go up in smoke and their bags go in the back of a taxi.

For Erin, though, "Trusting my heart could lead me to the $2 million. Or it could be a $2 million mistake. Only time'll tell."

And that time will come next week, as 21 makes a brief return to NBC... well, the card game, anyway. And on the line, a dream date with Erin. Until then, I'll take my 19 and stand.

July 28, 2003
THE STORY THUS FAR! Erin, in her second go-round on "For Love or Money", has kept seven prospective men around after first impressions, walking on the beach, a game at softball, a hot tub, a pajama party, and a fisticuffs event. Gee, I wonder what's next. Your seven are Greg, Thomas, both Chads, Wade, Vic, and Eric, as I said before.

The numbers are beginning to thin out as each man takes their main target. Jordan eliminates the middle man and targets all seven. In the main room, we've got a 21 table. Here's the score. Six of the remaining seven will go on triple dates with Erin, with one left to go on a date by his lonesome. Which one will be decided at the turn of the cards. Where's Eubanks when you need him? Anyway, game is simple. Win a hand, stay in the game. Lose a hand, you're out. Last man standing wins the single date.

Vic starts with a bullet. He hits, and gets the 10 for blackjack. Greg gets 22 and busts. More busts for Thomas, Eric, and both Chads, leaving Wade and Vic in a showdown. Vic's got an ace up. Wade's got four. Vic goes for it and has (1)5. Wade gets a fiver for 9. Vic hits for another bullet for (1)6. It's Beat the Dealer time, as Jordan reveals a six up. Vic hits for 13 and stays. Wade still has nine and hits, getting a big ten for 19. It looks good; he stays. Jordan reveals his whole as a three for nine. He draws a two for 11... Ow. Jordan draws again... A three; dealer has 14 and beats Vic. One more draw... a four. Dealer stays at 18, Wade wins the date.

Which begs the question... Why isn't Gambit back on the air?

Wade will get his date later. Chad F., Eric, and Thomas will go out with her tomorrow. Chad V., Vic, and Greg will go out with her... in an hour. Jealousy and panic ensues.

One hour later, the boys are on their way through a park, up a mountain, and to a Survivor-type rope course, which Erin believes will test the limits of trust under extreme circumstances (nope, that would be the Trust Box, my dear). So far, Chad V is the front runner (and this is before ANYTHING happens).

Vic and Erin are first on "the big long pole" leading to a double rope bridge. All Vic and Erin need to do is hold onto each other and make it across. Did I mention that Vic wasn't really that good at this? Greg fares better, but Erin doesn't get that feeling. Still, Erin falls... off. Finally, there's Chad V., who think he's an honest person. They're on a high balance beam. Did we mention that Erin was afraid of heights? "I love it! You did all the work for me!" Score.

Ride home. We're doing the whole age thing again, as Vic is Johnny-on-the-spot. Erin likes men two or three years older than her. Vic... is only 25.

Next up, Wade gets ready, dressing to kill for his single date with Erin. They race around in a classic Chevy convertible. Like many dates, we have no idea where they're going until they actually get there. They finally end up at the Hollywood Bowl. Worst toast ever: "Here's to Machiavelli and the blackjack table." Erin, meanwhile, draws parallels to her alone-time with Robbie.

But back to today. It's pretty much a given that Wade won't shut up. Nothing there, really. But check this out...

"Erin... Wade..."

Disembodied voices! (*oooOOOooo*) A figure with a guitar who looks like either Moby or Michael Stipe tells them to come forward towards the stage for some dancing. Gee, if I could hear the song, maybe I could point out who the hell it is. Oh well. Erin is waiting for some more affection. Wade already thinks Erin is worth more than a million dollars... after just one date. He seems to think the date went pretty well. Do we have a winner here? Erin seems to think so.

Thomas, Chad F., and Eric are heading for a day at the park the next day. They head to the Santa Monica Yacht Harbor, where they have the whole amusement park to themselves. "You can't go on a date at the carnival without winning some prize." The prize in this case, a stuffed 49ers dog. They've been doing their homework. They know that Erin's dad was Mad John Brodie from the Niners. But only Erin did his homework in football-throwing. "At least he wins where it counts."

Next on the Ferris Wheel, Erin begins to probe where each three is going. One at a time. So we have some alone time, but not really. Eric tries quoting Einstein: "Put your hand on a boiling pot for a second and it feels like an hour. Talk to a pretty girl for an hour and it feels like a second." That's part one. Part two:

Eric: I think I'm falling for you.

Erin: Thanks.

Smooth, Erin. Really smooth. Meanwhile Eric pulls out the old standby: "My mom always says if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." Eric's getting smart. One to watch, I believe.

Jordan informs the pack that tonight is elimination; this time, two people are going home. Some are "definitely in". Some are "definitely out". Eric is "even money."

Fish or cut baits time, as Erin once again makes the most-difficult-elimination spiel. Honey, we haven't even begun to most-difficult you yet. Single-date Wade is first... and he's in. Even Money Eric is next... and he's also in. Thomas is next... but his energy is fading. He's gone. Chad... V. is next (Erin seems to think that there is just one Chad). He's in, as is Greg. Down to Chad F. and Vic, who aren't giving themselves much hope. Chad F. is next... He and Erin are the most similar. Chad F.'s dead on... But Erin is looking for someone different... so she asks for the ring back. Vic is in. Chad is out.

Thomas and Chad F. do some burning while the rest of the guys do some drinking. But... now the four words that have almost become synonymous with reality TV in 2003: "There is a twist." One player will reject Erin, giving up a chance at $1,000,000 for guaranteed cash buyout. We don't know how much, but it's enough to put Erin in tube tops for the rest of her life. And if that wasn't enough, Rob... is back.

August 4, 2003
THE STORY THUS FAR! Rob chooses Erin over 14 other women, Erin chooses $1,000,000 over Rob, Erin chooses a double-or-nothing shot over the million, fifteen men choose to participate in FLOM2, Erin chooses five to stay around: Wade, Eric, Chad V., Vic, and Greg. But by the end of the hour, one man will choose a guaranteed buyout over Erin AND the million dollars!

What the boys know, and probably no accident given the spoiler from last week, "One of these guys is a millionaire." Eric's rebuttal: "Some will try to deceive their heart and win the money, and if anyone says otherwise, I'm calling them a liar right now." Gentlemen, game is on.

And here comes the Black Angel of Death Jordan with another assignment. Hey, these guys are better at this than I am... First thing we see is scaffolding over the pool. Jordan presents the opportunity to go on two double dates with Erin. One will stay home. Basically, the boys will hang on for dear life and the player who lasts the longest will get to choose who stays at the house.

Oh, and did we mention that Erin was watching? I'll skip the drama and get to the result: Greg is first, Vic second, Eric third, Wade is fourth, Chad wins. Chad leaves Wade behind, mainly because of last week's single date. Chad and Vic head for their date today. Eric and Greg will go out tomorrow.

We arrive at a farm where the boys speculate bull riding. They meet Erin outside where they have some lunch. Chad and Erin seem to be connecting, and Vic was more than willing to let them have their time. While Vic's in the restroom, Chad senses some sincerity in Erin's eyes. Erin sees him as intriguing and tough to figure out. On the other hand, "those are the guys I should try to avoid with $2 million on the line; they'd pick the money over me." Chad is trying not to think of the million dollars, but all's fair in love and game. Chad and Erin kiss, taking some time to breathe, not really knowing that Vic is watching his chances at a million go up in suck. Well, at least he has his horse.

Vic doesn't even try to rebuild the dyke, even though Erin is taking in every moment with him. So leave it to Chad to interrupt that moment of non-being with the notice that the limo is here. Even so, Chad, Vic, and Erin had a blast. Chad and Erin more so than Vic, but hey, what are you gonna do?

Speaking of which, everyone seems to think that Chad is a lock. But on the other hand, Greg seems to think that Erin is leading a couple of people on. In any event, Chad is one to watch.

The next day: Greg and Eric come running down the stairs, triggering a flashback of Paige and Erin. On the way to the destination, Eric was the takler. And how. They head to a polo/racquet club. We're playing with more horses! Eric thinks he turned into a superhero wearing... whatever it is that polo playing men wear. Eric thinks that the conversation will elevate him to something more with Erin. Erin's already smitten, albeit with a few hardballs, but Erin seems genuinely interested to an extent. Erin's take: "That guy that I'm most attracted to and most intrigued with is also the riskiest." They take the scene (and each other's mouths) in. "Eric would probably take the money over me, but that's the risk I'm willing to take."

Meanwhile, at the actual polo game, Eric has no idea how to ride a horse, but is doing it fantastically... comic-like.

Greg and Erin get some quality time. Greg gets the feeling of connection, and Erin seems to see him as a safety net for her $2 million. But on the other hand, Greg thinks that he's just a third wheel. Eric though the date was "un-freaking-believable." Chad thinks that Eric's a conniving weaselly ... yeah. A sentiment echoed from the rest of the guys. "Something is off," says Chad.

Cue Bad Angel of Death with the news that one of the guys will have a romantic dinner with Erin under the gazebo. But this time, Erin is doing the picking. They narrowed it to two guys: Greg and Vic. Wade compares this to Russian roulette. "You spin the chamber, you click the gun." And then Mark Walberg comes and drops you through a hole in the ground. Imagine the look on their faces when Erin shows up picking... Eric. One word for their collective thoughts: ERIC?!

So here we have an ideal date with an ideal woman having an ideal dinner. In the midst of sweet-talking Erin, Eric quotes verbatim reality TV rule #1 (see Joe Millionaire recap): "If something is too good to be true, it probably is." Erin is taken aback with the notion that Eric may find fault with her past.

So what does Erin think of the others? Wade's the all-around good guy. Vic is a down-to-earth guy friend, Chad is a tough one to read, and Greg's ... totally out of the conversation. And Eric? "I'm not above throwing a back-handed compliment." Chad seems to charm his way to her heart, as they decide to take a dip in the spa. Meanwhile, the others seem to see the snake that Eric might be. While that might be fine and good, only Eric is seeing 98% of Erin's skin at this moment. And he's experiencing every moment of it. After that night, Erin though that he would definitely pick her over the million.

We go right to tonight's elimination of one. And by tonight, I mean the next night. For us, it's the moment we've been waiting for. Here comes Angel of Death: "But first, we have some business to discuss, so if you would please leave me downstairs." We cut to the game room, where each man is set up with a tray. Jordan gives the men the opportunity to take back control of destiny by offering up a cash bribe for one player to leave the game. As of yet, we haven't figured out how much the payout was going to be. No longer!

"$10,000."

That's IT?! Giving up a shot at $1 million for a guaranteed ten large?! Well, maybe. Here's how it's going to work: each man will remove his ring and be blindfolded. Whoever voluntarily drops his ring first will take himself out of the game. "You will never see Erin again, and you will give up your chance at $1,000,000.

We start the offer at $10,000. Rings stay put for a while. One ring drops. You know, they were willing to go as high as $25,000. But money is money, and now someone's richer by $10,000.

Long story short, there will be no elimination today, and whoever took the cash will have to explain to Erin why he picked money over love.

But not before Jordan does! He talks with Erin by the fire. "Tonight, the five remaining guys were offered money to leave this house and forfeit their chances with you. One of them took the money."

The guys report to the patio for the reverse elimination, as those who did not take the money will have to express anything they have on their mind, while the one person who chose money will have to tell Erin.

Wade goes down first. He just tells Erin that she's someone that he is looking for, and is not bought out by the money. Greg is next... he bypasses the money for love. But at the same time, he said earlier that "$10,000 is not $1,000,000. That's one-tenth of your potential winning value." Eric is down. He refused the money, because "what does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul?" Thus leaving Chad and Vic. DVR clicks over to Funny Money, so I do some research.

Vic chose the money. To further add insult to injury, as well as maybe dip the IQ level more than a few notches, Erin breaks it to him that he would not be eliminated anyway. So someone remaining is either a good actor or Erin's more of an idiot than we realized. In any event, the four boys put Rob up for the night next week. Yeah, THAT Rob. See ya then.

August 11, 2003
THE STORY THUS FAR! Erin got a second chance at love or money. Fifteen men got a first chance at love or money. Ten of them are denied both love and money. And last time, Vic forsook love for money. So the question is, now that one person thinks that Erin was worth $10,000, what do the other four, Greg, Chad, Wade, and Eric, think? And what will happen to Erin once Rob decides, "You know, maybe I'll hit up NBC for another 15 minutes of fame"? We'll find out shortly (and by shortly, we mean in about an hour)...

BUT FIRST!

The following takes place between 9:00pm and 10:08pm, on Raleigh's NBC17. Events occur in real-ity time.

First thing we see is BAD Jordan dropping four cell phones -- one for each dude -- and explaining the next round: whoever gets the first call gets the first date. First call goes to ... Wade. No, wait. Phone switch. Okay, it's going to Chad. Erin's waiting downstairs in the limo, so Chad's off.

It was the first time that Erin opened up since her return. And it was en route to a Pasadena ice rink. Chad spends his first date with Erin slapping around a few pucks and grabbing Erin's considerable rear. And she does have one. "I felt like a little kid on a playground." Yeah, pulling pigtails, slapping pucks, grabbing asses. You know, kid stuff.

So while Erin dons her dumb Power Ranger goalie-nator mask, Chad really begins to think about Erin's true intent. Of course, we're the only ones who know of her true intent, love AND money. But connections were made, and in the end, that's all that matters. "To meeting someone special under weird circumstances." Chad is still wrestling with his million dollar decision. Erin misconstrues that with not knowing his true intent.

Meanwhile, the boys are at the all-knowing clock, waiting for another phone to ring.

We have a phone ring... But it isn't at the house. It's at the ring. And Chad and Erin play phone tag like complete morons. So Chad and Erin spend another date together, thus invalidating a date for one of the other three.

We get another date... in the limo? Actually, we go to the Los Angeles Arboretum, where they make a wish upon a dime at a wishing well.

Erin's wish: "I wish I could tell you, the money, the secret, everything." Chad's wish: "I wish I could tell about the million dollars."

Of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't make my own wish. (wishes) Okay, I'm done. Next up, a picnic. Absolutely amazing, they say.

The boys are still at the all-knowing clock, waiting for another phone to ring. They take a break at the pool table. They all think that Chad is playing to win.

Back at the clock. And we have a commercial.

The boys are still waiting at the... hold on, we have a ring. This time, it's no fakeout, as Wade hits the date scene with Miss Brodie. Eric is distraught by the dismissal. "Wanna shoot some pool?" Greg's defense mechanism. Chad returns with news of the date (he's being a bit straight up, even though he's being a little uncomfortable).

Wade and Erin hit the Conga Room. If you remember the first FLOM, we had the Conga Room with Kelly and Rob. It's your basic reenactment. Wade gets lost in Erin's eyes. So much so that he trips once or twice. Then he makes multi-dating reality show mistake #1: Never forget who you're up against. He mentions to Erin that she has three great guys to choose from (oops, forgot Eric). But at the same time, Wade notes, "Eric is the odd man out).

Back at the clock, the boys are still waiting... Aww, screw it, they think, as they dismiss themselves to their bedrooms.

Meanwhile back at the Conga Room:

Erin: Hello, is Mr. Wisler there? (we're assuming that she's talking about Wade)

Wade: Yes, Mr. Wisler's here. He will be available for the evening and through breakfast tomorrow morning. (Good one, man).

So there it is, the fourth date, and it's all Wade. And through the magic of television, Wade's already ready. They head to a silence, where Wade heads for the kill, err... kiss. Afterwards, they head to a Moroccan restaurant and a Henna parlor. Wade senses some irony for his choice of tattoo: be true/be real. Mainly because of the secret held on his head.

Man, I want one of those. Tattoo, not secret.

Wade thinks that Erin fills the void for him. And so does her tongue. Erin's verdict: "My best shot for $2,000,000... Wade." But of course, she won't know that for sure, because Greg and Eric didn't go on dates with her yesterday. But hey, you play the game how you want.

Eric is outcasting himself from the rest of the group, meanwhile, mostly due to his "sell our selves" remark at the last elimination. Thus leading to tonight's elimination. And after all that, it's time to revive the scorecard:

Wade: LOVE

Greg: WAVERING

Eric: WAVERING (moving toward money)

Chad: WAVERING

Okay, Erin's waiting downstairs for each of the four to talk to her. Or not. Chad is first, thanking Erin for her two dates. Wade is next, thanking Erin for her two dates. Next is Greg, who misses Erin about as much as Erin misses him. Erin tries to explain why Greg was stood up for Wade. One word: delirious. Yeah. Finally, there's Eric. "Look terrific... have a seat... conversation." In between all that idiocy, Eric apologized for his earlier remark. Erin was gauging the sincerity of the moment... not revealing anything other than "I can't trust anyone, and nobody can trust me."

The elimination: The men take their place. The Erin takes her place. Stuff is said. It's all formulaic now. To the nitty-gritty. Chad is down... and in. Wade is down, and "Beautiful" sends Mr. Wisler to the balcony as well. That leaves Eric and Greg. Eric is down, but... we have a commercial.

We are out of commercial, and playing the role of toast is......Greg, who she says that she didn't get to have much time with. Greg responds that it's because that he never got a date. Ouch. Well, I guess, the nasty circle of communication is completed.

Greg is gone, and Erin has three guys to pick - though this seems like a fait accompli, since it's an almost lock that Wade is going to be the one that Erin makes her gamble with.

But just when you think that we are going to shut the door on this episode, we get an interesting epilogue. We do have a new competitor, and his name is...Rob Campos. Rob is finally back as a competitor, and with 3 episodes left, it is truly down to the final four. Let's find out next week who is the first person to play in the colsolation match.

August 18, 2003
THE STORY THUS FAR! As we continue with Erin's second chance at love and/or money, we see deep spiritual connections with Wade, Erin's pick to go all the way. It looks as if she had this game all sewn up, but the reality gods decreed, yet another twist! We go from four to four as we dismiss Greg, who didn't have as much time as he would have liked with Erin, and reintroduce the first FLOM object, Rob. How will this affect Erin's strategy toward Chad, Wade, and Eric, and will Rob play for her heart or his one and only chance at revenge?

And now, part two of "My Boyfriend's Back and I Think I'm In Trouble."

As the boys get to know their new friend, they want desperately to know how Rob was connected to Erin. Of course Rob can't tell them. "I know what these other guys don't. I know about the money. I know that they will have to make a choice between Erin and the money. My real goal is to have Erin choose me over the other guys."

Nice to know that Rob still has that staggeringly high IQ.

Chad decides to play pool. Eric sees some changes in the pack (i.e. swearing), but all are in agreement: No one likes him.

The morning after: Jordan comes back with another isolation game. Jordan will answer questions and the last player standing gets to choose who goes on which of the four dates this go round. The four dates are "Train of the Stars", "Deep Sea Dolphin Party", "Erin's Perfect Date" (a quiet night alone in the house), and, of course, the very popular "pottery painting". Rob is the first person out, thinking that Erin has blue eyes (BROWN!). Eric goes down on the second question. Chad gets the third question right by knowing where Erin was born and raised (Los Altos is where she spent most of her days). The dates are:

Dolphin Safari: Chad

Pottery Painting: Eric (an artist? Naaah)

Erin's Perfect Date: Rob

Train of the Stars: Wade (is he trying hard?)

Chad's first, and he's on his way.

Dolphin Safari (or, "Every Decision Has a Porpoise"): Erin's main concern is keeping Rob's secret... a secret. Trust plays a big decision. Chad notes, "When I see Erin, it's like we picked up where we left off", as Chad declares his want for Erin in confessional. Erin and Chad migrate with the dolphins. Chad seems to think that she's playing a game with her head, but at the same time, she is. Erin's not convinced.

Pottery Painting (or, "Hopping Onto Eric's Pity Pot"): "Erin's not met the real Eric", Eric says before hopping into the limo. As you can suspect, Eric's never done pottery. And he's never done painitng. They had the determination to make this one the best date ever. Eric's "a great guy with a great heart", and for someone who hasn't painted in his life, he's done a pretty good job for himself. "It's a good sight to see the real Eric," Erin quotes, thinking that he'll go for the money. Eric plays the role of Erin in this series, as he tries to step back and just gets washed away by the moment. At dinner, Erin and Eric talk about Chad, as Chad is wondering why Erin is asking about the intentions. "The questions make me believe that she knows about the money. Rob is not the final twist in this plot." All this, and we didn't see one fricking terra cotta pot. What's up with that?

The next morning, Eric begins to let the guys in on what he thinks he knows. All he "knows" is that "Erin knows about the money." "You have to have faith right?" No.

Train of the Stars (or "Wade Gets Railroaded"): Of course, Erin wants to tell her secret. Wade wants to tell his secret. Their train eventually derails as we have the arrival of... Erin's sister?! Wade finally gets to meet the Diane that Erin keeps talking about. Diane starts the usual sisterly grill ("When did you know you were falling for her?"). Erin's getting nervous, primarily (and this is a key plot moment) because Wade might bring up Rob being "a man from her past." "She doesn't know who Rob is." Wade misconstrues that for being tight-lipped. Diane basically confirmed what Erin knew about Wade, that his is a safe bet for the big score.

Erin's Perfect Date (or "Home Alone... Again"): Rob stays at the house while the other three head for a retreat. Trying to hide their history, Rob goes with instinct in saying that he's worth another shot. Both battling nerves, history, and a champagne bottle, Erin is just thinking "payback." "I'm not trying to get back at her, I'm trying to get back WITH her," says Rob. Both Erin and Rob are wondering why Rob is back. Simply put, Rob wanted to see Erin again. Unfortunately, that's as simple as Rob can put it, at least toward Erin. She had no idea that Rob was still after her. Rob pulls out Erin's gift, a photo album. Erin finds comfort in this as well as comparing her experience and Rob's.

On the other side, the boys find time to take in a water and pizza.

But lo, the reality gods decree prop placement: This time, a TV, and a video with a note: "The choice to relive the past is yours, a moment you will both remember." Rob and Erin pop it in and see... a commercial. Great luck. Okay, we're back. We're expecting their first meeting or time together? No such luck. This is IT, the final moment on the balcony. "My motives may not have been entirely pure now that I look back at it." But think about it. Are they entirely pure now? They're not, are they? In all honestly, even after the scene, Rob is still hoping to be the one and Erin still has doubts.

Tonight's the elimination, and we're wondering if Rob will stay on for another round. Rob's not all that confident. Eric's willing himself the next round. Wade is thinking about the money AND the girl, while Chad just wants to get it over with.

So as we see the fireside chats and the thanking for the dates, the videos, and the sisters, we have this scorecard:

Eric: WAVERING (not as contrived, though)

Chad: LOVE (Erin thinks he wavers, though)

Wade: LOVE

Rob: LOVE

Hold the phone, Rob has something to tell you. "I wrote some poems last night." This man's along the same lines as Mojo, without the freaky pictures. It's down to tonight's elimination. Wade is a sure thing, as he goes through to the next round. Chad is less of a sure thing, but a sure thing's a sure thing, so he's in. That leaves Rob and Eric. Rob is next down. Will fate deal him a second crushing blow? Uhh... No?! Eric's about as perplexed as I am. Rob thanks her for giving himself another chance, as Eric comes down and watches his fate be sealed.

Rob's awfully smug about that. But we do have three people who will basically guarantee the big score for Erin. And hey, there are drivers wanted for taxis in Southern California. Will keeping Rob around cost Erin the $2 million? And who is the "surprise guest" (My money's on Paige, but...)? Looks like we'll find out together now won't we, as we move ever so steadfast toward the 2000 grand finale. See ya next week.

August 25, 2003
THE STORY THUS FAR! Erin's second chance at love and money saw fifteen would-be suitors be whittled down to three, but just as she thinks she has this game figured out, out comes potential suitor #4, the original love-or-money guy Rob Campos. Now she much scramble to think of another plan. The plan will not involve smug Eric, as he is shown the door.

In today's round, we have three 24-hour fantasy dates. Erin is beginning to have doubts on everyone's motives, therefore calling on herself to follow her heart.

Chad spends 24 hours with Erin first. Their destination, Puerto Vallarta. As picturesque as the scene may be, Erin and Chad both find it frustrating that they can't be totally open. They settle in to the completely open-air version of the house back home. And speaking of openness, Chad credits the surroundings for helping him to open up.

And fear is definitely a factor for these guys. "This could be fate. I think there is definitely love in our future. It's scary."

Meanwhile, back in America, Rob is still trying to recover from the fact that he has to pretend that he never lived there before. Wade is pressing Rob for information that he isn't allowed to divulge into, turning the game of love into a game of trust. "Maybe he's not even an ex-boyfriend, period."

Back in Mejico, we have the whole emotional roller coaster within Erin's mind, as she wonders what would happen if Chad was the last one standing. "It's hard to know where any of these relationships will go when real life hits." BEGIN THE CROSS-EXAMINATION! No big details, but Erin is still trying the playing-by-heart approach.

And cue the shot of Erin in a bikini. While Chad AND Erin disclose about trust issues. Chad worries that these feelings can be duplicated with Wade and Rob, thus prompting another trust issues. We head to the switch off, and Wade intervenes before Chad and Erin have a kiss goodbye (smooth. Very smooth).

Wade and Erin are off. Their destination: Sedona, AZ. Again, a picturesque surround is underscored by internal torment. In Wade's case, it was chemistry. How to transfer from Chad to Wade? Masseuses. "Is it okay if we remove your bikini top?"

And it goes from there. Wade is trying to "keep it as romantic and as sensual as possible. I was anxious to see what kind of feeling that Erin would put into her massage." Unfortunately for Wade, it wasn't a good one. Don't get us wrong, it wasn't a bad one, it just wasn't a good one. "I don't want us to become tighter or more connected, but I know that he would probably choose me over the money."

Back at the house again, and this time, Rob is being peppered by Chad with questions. "I don't know him well enough to fully say I can trust him."

Back in Sedona and dinner, Wade makes it very clear that he likes him. "You're easy to trust right off the bat." Wade's in it for love. Erin's pretty sure of that. She messed up in the past, but that's the past. It's all about the here and now. And here and now, Erin's being awkwardly uncomfortable, as she gives Wade just a little peck. Wade thinks it's her way of bailing out of an uncomfortable situation. Wade hopes that he's wrong.

Rob is on his way to the final date. Their destination: a redwood forest. Rob thinks that this date may seal his fate. It helps that Erin and Rob can be more upfront than they have been previously. "I think Chad is going out of his head," Rob says. As for Wade... well, we won't find out here.

Back at the house, Wade and Chad can't stop discussing Rob. "Something's weird. I don't know what it is or where it comes from, but I'm just a little wary," Chad says. "I don't think it's as simple as everyone gets the money and the girl and we get out."

Is this guy quick or what?

Back at San Francisco, Rob tries to explain why he picked her, and explains his fears of getting rejected by the same girl again. "He has a lot to lose in terms of his ego. He also has a lot to gain, but either way, there will be closure," Erin says, as she finds out why Rob's back. "I'm here for her, I'm not here for the money," Rob says. More signs of his staggering intellect ensue. "I'm really really glad you came back," Erin finally admits. Is Rob truly a freebie? We'll find out in a moment, as they both come back to LA.

Speaking of LA, Chad is back wrestling with the whole ordeal. "We're deceiving her, she's probably deceiving us. She may know about the money. She may be trying to play against us."

Here's the situation as Erin sees it. Chad: connection was strong, but he's still a wild-card. Wade's an open book and an easy ticket to $2 million. Rob has completely 180ed Erin's perception of him. My guess is Greg's going home.

Rob's back home, but not everyone's glad to see him. The guys shut him down. They pretty much don't care about what happened.

Straight to elimination time. Enter Angel of Death with the news that only two will make it to the end. He quickly disappears to meet Erin by the fireplace. Does he have a surprise? "You know me, I'm always full of surprises." He notes that chair beside Erin, which, strangely enough, wasn't there before. This is a big elimination, and someone else is here to help her out. But who?

Erin: (GASP!) Oh, my god. We go to a commercial.

When we come back, we reveal the mystery woman as... not Paige (damn, I would've put money on that). It's Erin's very-best-friend from San Francisco, Christy... who is currently running for Governor. No, not really.

What does she think of Rob? "He seems good. He's devoted. So maybe you oughta give him another chance."

What does she think of Chad? "I think Chad is fantastic. My only reservation is that he's every other San Francisco guy."

What does she think of Wade? "He's sweet, and loyal, and compassionate. I think you should just think about what you came here for and who you think is going to get you there."

And who will according to the scoreboard?

Wade: LOVE

Chad: LOVE

Rob: LOVE

It's decision time. Chad, "muy guapo," is down... and he's up. Rob is next. And pouring the heart out on the table and everything prior... ISN'T ENOUGH! He is gonzo. Again. And this time, he gets the last word as he thinks that there was something missing.

Altogether now: "DURRRRR!!!!1111oneoneone"

So it will be, as it had been destined before the events of three weeks ago, Chad and Wade in the final two. I guess that Erin DID think about what she came back for (more money) and who she thought would get her there (Wade). Tomorrow, all the lies, surprises, and reality TV clich�s come to a head in the explodey two-hour finale. See you then.

September 9, 2003
THE STORY THUS FAR! Erin has been given a chance to double her winnings from FLOM1 by trying to convince fifteen men that she's worth more than $1,000,000. Tonight, after several twists, a recap special revealing NOTHING and Rob giving Erin what will now and forever be known as "the stare that shook the heavens", we are down to two, Wade and Chad. Both strapping men, both with monosyllabic four-letter names. Tonight, one will be richer by $1,000,000. However, it's up to that one to decide whether Erin gets a cut of that sweet-ass money.

Chad and Wade begin the day by shaving, grooming, and... stating the obvious. "We're best of friends, and we're big time rivals," says Chad. "I want to be the guy who ends up with Erin, and winds up with the million dollars."

The two report to the game room where they are finally let in on the game by Jordan, that whoever Erin chose would have to make a choice himself: Erin or the money. Nah, not yet. Let's string it out for a bit longer. Give them the checks first. Okay, NOW drop the bomb. You know, this is starting to look like the ending of FLOM1. You think it's an accident? At least where I'm standing, the main question is "What if this is your last ever woman?" Tonight's dinner and alone time will tell all the story.

"A lot of thinking to do." "For love or money. There's the rub." Way to speak the obvious, guys. But this is where the differences lie, as Chad questions that Erin may be playing her. His questions are inadvertently answered by Wade's scenario that Erin may have to make the same choice. But there's no question about it. Erin's getting money if this guy says yes. "Maybe she's playng a game, and if she is she's damn good at it, because I'm falling for it," Wade says while noting that Erin is probably the closest he'll ever come to what he sees as an ideal mate. Chad, though, is still much the skeptic, as the impending decision is tearing him inside out. Wade gives no one in particular an ultimatum. He's feeling romantically linked, but "she has to show me something tonight."

Hmm... wonder what that is.

The table is set, literally, for a final feast. Erin is torn between love and money as well, seeing Chad as relationship potential and Wade as a $2 million meal ticket. Erin, Wade, and Chad sit down as the men try to compete for Erin's attention. Chad once again states the obvious as he says that there are still two people dating Erin until the end. Chad asks some key questions for some key responses, i.e. after-show plans, motive for coming onto the show, and Wade putting things forward while Chad dances around the subject. Wade wants a firm relationship. Chad wants to steal some thunder, as this dinner becomes more like a heated Pong match. Boop, you're an honest person. Boop, true. Boop.

Now to some alone time. First with Wade and Erin. Erin believes that Wade would pick her over the money. Wade's still looking for something. Erin's trying to give it to him, but her inhibitions are standing in the way, even as Wade reminisces about the disaster that was Sedona. "The one thing that I hate is that my emotions are heavily involved," Wade says of his big choke. What does Erin have to say about it? Turns out that she was just thinking of his mom. Wade wanted stuff... and he didn't get it. "It's Erin's fault if I take the money."

Onto Chad. Erin concentrates on reassuring Chad that the connections are real, hoping that he will reply in kind. They go farther in their time than she and Wade did, to the gazebo, the stairs, the skating rink, and Mexico. Chad's still trying to decide between his heart and his head at this point, as he addresses doubts that he has. Erin tries to reassure and rebuild the dyke, but it only recalls Rob-and-Erin-from-the-end-of-FLOM1. Erin wants Chad to trust her, Chad can't. "When she said that she had no expectations, it was kind of like a dart." Chad, start making sense, dammit! At this point, I remember a line from the first season of 24 from Sen. Palmer: "If I can't trust you, how am I supposed to love you?"

I'm pulled back to business by Erin asking the absolute WORST question she can ask at the moment: "Do you think I'm like, a liar?" The perfect end to a perfectly horrid hour, as Wade tries to replay the idea that there's a secret out there.

The next morning. The final morning. Wade and Chad are still wrestling with the decision that plagued them since Jordan met them last. It all comes down to (for Chad) whatever the hell is out there and (to Wade) himself.

Day moves forward. Still more cerebral wrestling. Who'll be intercontinental champion? At this point, it's anyone's guess, as Chad pits money against the possibility for a relationship while Wade wars what could be, what he wants to be, and what actually is. Chad was thinking... and he had no idea what he thought, except that Erin may be playing a side game. Chad comes to the conclusion that taking the money and run would weigh on him more than he's willing to handle, because he DOES have feelings for her.

Cue the "memory montage" for Wade please and thank you. Wade's game? "It's like LA traffic, all clogged up." And now, cue the "memory montage" for Chad. He rationalizes taking the money over Erin by putting this whole game into context of the real world. Five dates, you're going to fall in love? We'll see. It will be a game time call for both players.

Erin rolls up to the house once more with the entire story, to await the winner once he makes his final decision. Erin thinks about her odds of winning, as do Chad and Wade. Chad, being the classy gentleman, wears the baseball cap. Wade concentrates himself, aside from the dilemma, on the four commandments of grooming: cleanse, tone, moisturize, exfoliate.

Erin takes her position on the balcony where it all began. Jordan wrangles the boys up before separating them once and for all. They get their male bonding and continue to pal around after the show, but in the here and now, it's to separate holding chambers. Wade tries to look at reality and wonders if the million is the right out. Chad still have no clue what he's going to do.

Jordan summons Chad for one final showdown with the divine Miss B. He begrudgingly picks himself up and heads downstairs. Then Jordan summons Wade and... aww man, not THIS again. Let's just cut right to the chase, shall we?

Erin will meet Wade first. Nervously, Erin goes through all of the motions, telling Wade that he lights up the place and that she expected him to be at the end. Remembering the moments in a sheer ploy to eat up valuable time, Erin gets to the nitty gritty at long last: "Our connection has been so real and I'm just so grateful for that." Fade to grayscale and bring on Chad.

Chad compliments Erin's favorite dress, but her dress isn't the one holding the money ball at the moment, I'm afraid. Chad was the one that stood out as the charming one that looked like Hef. That started the chain reaction of events that led to tonight. Going through all the connections and feeling something real, Erin lays her heart out on the table thusly: "I don't know what you're thinking and I don't know what you're feeling, but I guess what I'm trying to say through all of this is that..." NBC Premiere Week begins two weeks from tonight. Nah, that can't be it.

Let's go back to Wade for a moment. "Ultimately I felt like the connection with Chad is just stronger." Say with me now. "Kaboom." So once again, Pai... erk, Wade gets the shaft and his turn to explain how he saw so many qualities in Erin. Tough loss for Erin, though, as he would have NEVER picked the million dollars over Erin. So Wade proceeds to torch a million bucks and a side a crow for Mr. Winner as well. And speaking of winners, is Chad worth the gamble? Let's watch.

"... I'm falling in love with you and I choose you." No words, just hugs, long hugs, but it isn't over yet. Now Chad has to tell Erin EVERYTHING. But first, let's kiss ass for a bit. He too saw the connections that he and Erin shared.

"And now... for the twist." Chad tells Erin of the million dollar choice. "So here we are. Erin OR the million dollars." Chad works his way up from lying to laying everything on the table. After all the stall tactics, it's time to choose.

"It's nothing against you at all, but, at this point, I'm going to have to say to you that I'm going to have to ... (commercial) ... not take the money, and keep the ring, and see where it takes us."

I've said this before, and I'll say it again. Damn you, Chad. Damn you to hell. Here he is. Erin, he's all yours. But wait, now Erin has something to say, albeit with some reassuring. She tells Chad of the previous competition, of Rob, of Erin's original choice, and, finally, of the $2 million. Chad totally went off for about a second until Erin revealed that she would split the prize money with him. And it ends up... well, not coming up for air, that's for sure.

Any final thoughts? (heart beats) That's what I thought. Well, in the end, the million dollars wasn't enough to change Chad's mind. Erin, on the other hand, took a chance to atone for a previous mistake and won out. Guess the lesson here is, you pay your money, you take your chances. So to Chad, 500 large and our best wishes.

And to Erin... don't (^_^) this up. As much as the game was entertaining, I can't go through a FLOM3.

Cliches, moon shot and *makes scissors motion with fingers* cut.