THE RECAPS
STORMSEEKER.COM RECAPS! Reality editor Gordon Pepper and writer Ryan Vickers provide
recaps of each show.
March 1, 2004 March 2, 2004 March 8, 2004 March 15, 2004 March 25, 2004 April 2, 2004 April 9, 2004
(Ryan Vickers)
HOTEL PARADISAQUE
Welcome to Eden. A reality show without and end. The
longer you stay, they higher your pay. 11 people have
came here to Eden, where all their needs are provided
for.
But, this being Fox, anything is possible...
TONIGHT'S EPISODE: "Reap what you sow, pt. 1"
Mary (25, Sports Club manager) says that she's not sure
what she's getting into. Naveen (21, DJ) says females
love to hate her. Brooke (22, office manager) is
worried about "making it". Matt (23, software
salesperson) is interesting in clearing his name as a
"mamma's boy". Craig (28, fitness model Ð the only one
whose job actually makes "Central Casting" a
likelihood?) is a former army captain. Shawna (25, pro
cheerleader) says she's never left home for more than a
week.
Ruth England (age unknown, TV host) welcomes us to
Eden. She explains that everyone starts with 4 gold
coins (worth $1000 each; unknown Euro value). The
longer you stay... wait, I already covered that. There's
no limit... you could win MEEELIONS. BUT! Get booted
out lose half; leave voluntarily, lose all.
Rest assured that everything in their past is fair
game. Everyone is initially given the chance to bail,
but nobody takes it. Another Rupert Murdoch initiative
is on its way.
At dinner, everyone is happy. Mary tells us that
drinking is bad, it's empty calories. Craig states
that he's the only one that has a girlfriend. Mary
states that "she's never seen so many black people".
This is not a good start Ð Mary's comments are rubbing
the guests (and I'd imagine, some viewers) the wrong
way.
After the break, we go swimming. This is FOX after
all. Two of the girls (not sure which) rate the boys.
LOUDSPEAKER: Lorenzo Lamas... paging Lorenzo Lamas...
Eden's apple (which can be good or evil) is first
offered up to the boys. In essence the apple is always
a test. This time, they must decide which woman is the
least desirable and will receive the apple. Oh, and
they can't tell the girls what they're doing.
Matt and Michael (24, youth counselor) initially
discuss who they think the apple should be awarded to.
Over a nice game of pool. Jordan and Craig also mull
it over. And the consensus seems to be Mary. The boys
ask the girls who they think, and they agree with the
Mary vote. Mary does not help her cause when she
questions why Michael's toes are black. Michael thinks
the comment is racist but Matt would still have sex
with her anyway.
That evening, Kahliah (student) and Kassie (21, country
singer) state that they've been teasing Jordan about
being short. And he's standing outside their door.
Smooth move, ladies. The three of them have it out.
Michael and Craig wonder about the "toe issue" again.
But lookee here kids, Craig is warming up to Mary. He
tells Mary that she needs to loosen up and stop
sticking out like a sore thumb.
The morning comes, and the boys cast their votes. And
then at breakfast the boys and girls are eating
separately. Because they're voting! And the girls
want to know what's going on!
Mary enters her room and finds the apple. She answers
the high tech video phone (which we all know was around
in biblical times, thus making the show very accurate).
The apple brings her EEEEVEL. She is told to meet at
the banishment temple with the other guests at 9 pm.
EEEEVEL, indeed. Shawna drops by for a chat and Mary
does a wicked impression of Ruth. David (23, student)
says it's (referencing Mary) like looking at cardboard
with breasts.
Oh lookee, Matt's started lying. That's NEVER happened
before on a reality show. He tells Kassie that he had
no say in giving Mary the apple.
At dinner, Mary is quite humble. At world o'banishment
(TM Ryan Vickers, 2004), Mary is told to step forward.
She's told as well that she's the least desirable (as
voted by the men), and she's welling up. Each man, in
turn, tells her that he voted for her and why... the
consensus is that Mary is too reserved, and that she
made inappropriate comments.
Ruth: Mary...
... it is time for you...
... to get your revenge.
Longest. Sentence. Ever.
She must choose one man to banish from Eden. And not
to open the envelope given to her.
Craig apologies back at home base but she's not taking
any of it. Shawna feels really bad. And later at the
bar it looks like Mary's in the sauce. Ain't that
precious?
(Ryan Vickers)
"Reap what you sow, part 2"
I'll give Fox one thing. Catchy theme song.
Remember, that so far, people have argued, Mary was
given the evil apple, and the chance to banish someone.
It's the morning after the night before. We start with
yoga. Which is over quickly. Matt and Kassie discuss
the events. They'd like to know what Mary's thinking.
She actually asks the girls what to do. Mary feels
that Craig lied to her. But the others disagree. It
looks like one of Craig/Michael/Matt will go.
More footage by the pool. Mary approaches, and the
games begin. Matt and Craig are trying to save their
behinds, and Mary takes off with Matt. Matt thinks
Mary should be mad at other people. He's digging a big
whole. Mary in confessional says that she thinks Matt
can double cross others. It would appear that Mary's
got thinking to do.
Now it's banishment time! No, wait, check that. It's
more time at the bar. Craig again is trying to make
amends. It's not working. At dinner, Mary sits with
the men so they can beg some more. Mary wonders why
Michael didn't say much today. Matt is a bit arrogant
in saying that he'll stay.
Okay, now it really is banishment time. Mary has a
decision to make. She picks... Craig. It was due to his
girlfriend he left behind, and that she felt that he
backstabbed her.
HOWEVER! Mary now can confirm his banishment or spare
him with the choice of a card.
Now kids, here's a little lesson I've deduced over
time. If, given a choice, you can change it Ð
especially on a REALITY TELEVISION SHOW Ð you change
it. Surely, she can forecast that the envelope that
she was not previously opened and now is the possession
of Craig holds very important information.
Of course, she didn't. She picked BANISH and had the
same fate given to her when Craig read the card.
(Rumor has it the next card says "Go to jail, do not
pass go, do not collect $200"; but no confirmation can
be made at this time).
They are both asked to give their coins (after they
give back half to News Corp) to another member. Mary
gives to Naveen, and Craig gives to David.
Mary and Craig, YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINKS Ð G'BYE!
After that debacle, everyone commiserating over their
leaving. Kassie and Naveen are going to take Mary's
room. They play 21 fingers to confirm it and they do.
Then they play Truth or Dare (Fox didn't have the
rights to "Spin the Bottle" apparently). David is
dared to give a passionate kiss to Kassie, and then it
just snowballs from there. It's turning into Girls
from Eden Gone Wild.
In the morning, the new guests arrive, but not before
everyone gets four more coins!
The first new guest is Wallace (28, ex-pro soccer
player). The girls are going nuts! The new girl is
Elizabth (23, sales rep). The girls are continually
excited.
And here comes Ruth. It turns out that one of the
girls is about to get banished (save for Liz). And one
guy gets to determine it. By the end of breakfast, the
girls must pick the most desirable guy... and they
picked... ah, who knows!
You'll find out next Monday, though.
(Gordon Pepper)
I thank Ryan Vickers for covering the first week while he is on break. The job of handling this modern-day fable now falls to me, who thinks at first glance that these may be the most ignorant and self-centered contestants to ever grace a show. That being said, it should be fun to torture the sheep and I did like the fable that Mary fell into. Will we have any more fun with the torture - or will the contestants become as unlikable as they seem after the first week?
After we get the recap of week #1, we see that the women get to decide Eden's most desirable man. In the morning, the men come to find an apple and see that Michael (the bald African American) has gotten it. He thinks he's doomed, but it's a good apple, as he gets a dinner with all of the women - and he gets to invite some of the women over for romance on the next day. Even better for him is that each man has to give him two coins.
Needless to say, Michael is thrilled ('I have 16 frigging G's') and as someone who works at the YMCA, that's more than half of his yearly salary. Unfortunately, he decides to brag about it to all of the guys, and needless to say, the guys aren't too thrilled about it. 'When we're alone without you, that's when something is going to go down.' says Jay.
Sure enough, a slightly tipsy Matt is trying to hook up with any woman that he can find, which upsets Brooke. Matt says that he's trying to flirt, but Brooke finds it a major turn-off and they exchange words. 'You're the dog of the group' says Brooke and Matt needs to find a cold shower. The women separate Brooke from Matt and they go into the woods. 'Matt is pretty much a pig.'
The women then whine to some of the guys about Matt's behavior - and then Matt shows up to be even more of a pig with the women. Matt tells Brooke to tell it to his face - but she already did and she is running away from him. Everyone thinks that Matt has a crush on Brooke which is why he's acting like that and we now have Zack Vs. Amy, redux.
Taking attention away from Matt, we go to Michael, who is looking forward to hanging out with the group. THis pisses off the guys, who are whining. 'We're not going to get fed - and if we are, it's going to be scraps...I hate you Michael!' This, once again, comes from Matthew, who's pissed about losing $2,000 and he is acting more like a woman then the females.
In comes Ruth the hostess - and everyone is sensing trouble. Ruth tells Michael that it's decision time, as he'll be experiencing a day of pampering - but he can only take 2 ladies and he must decide now. He decides to take Neveen and Brooke. Matt, the man who's been tormenting Brooke, must be a very unhappy camper - but now he'll have company, as the 4 women who didn't get selected join the rest of the boys at the pool. 'This is the only good news that Ruth's given me.' says Brooke. You sure that it's going to be nice? Heh heh heh...
Do you notice that they use the same music for Paradise Hotel as they do for Eden? Just a comment. Do you ever realize that the Eden people have the same problems as the Paradise people? Neveen is playing the role of Zack, as she says that she has had a brutal childhood with her father. She is told by Kassie that they have each other. AwwwwBarf.
Everyone else at the pool is happy because here comes the champagne - and here comes more alcoholic behavior as they all watch Mike leave with Neveen and Brooke. Ruth comes in to talk to them - and she tells them that it's banishment night - but there's a twist. The four banished girls can either banish Neveen or Brooke. If they can't decide who to get rid of, then the tables are turned and Neveen and Brooke will decide who to get rid of - except for Liz, who is the new girl and who we haven't heard hide nor hair from.
While the three are blissfully unaware, Khalilah picks to get rid of Brooke - while everyone else wants to get rid of Neveen. Khalilah has had enough and she leaves. The women say that they have to agree - and realize the problem when they see that Khalilah will not vote against Neveen, who probably wants to get rid of Michael when she finds out that Michael would rather have sex with Brooke than with her.
Khalilah is sequestering herself in her room and the guys are wondering what the girls do. Wallace makes his cameo and says 'I'm going to be stressed.' Way to hear from the new people!
Khalilah has made up her mind - and it doesn't matter if the rest of the women try to talk her out of it - which they do. Kassie, who feels like she has the greatest connection, is the leader, but she is spurned by Khalilah, who asks her if she can go eat. Kassie says yes, and Khalilah barrels through them to the breakfast table. Ouch.
Shawna and Kassie talk strategy - but there's not much strategy to talk about as
Khalilah won't change her mind. The women, sensing that Shawna and Kassie will be one of the people who will be gone, send Jordan to be the peacemaker, and he's as convincing as a used car salesman selling a bicycle. Kassie and Shawna call Khalilah out - and they accuse her of showing her true colors. Khalilah turns around and accuses Kassie of backstabbing her and Neveen, as they were plotting to get rid of her. A very frustrated Khalilah goes back to her room. Kassie says that she hasn't made a choice yet - but she has said a bunch of times that she is voting to get rid of Neveen and Khalilah isn't buying what everyone is selling.
Unbeknownst to everyone, Michael, Brooke and Neveen are celebrating - but that will end once they get to the banishment ceremony. Before that happens, the women get one last chance - and Kassie votes to get rid of Neveen, which pisses off Khalilah. Shawna also votes to eliminate Neveen, and that sends Khalilah off to the bushes. They all line up for the elimination ceremony, and Michael, Brooke and Neveen all come back from the day of pampering. Neveen notices that everyone is at the banishment ceremony - and they are on the outside looking in, which prompts her to say 'this sucks', thinking that they are immune. If only they knew how much it really is going to suck...
Everyone shows up - except Khalilah. Eh? Ruth explains to Michael and company what happened - and that one of his companions was going to be booted. The ceremony does continue, and Ruth asks the women who they would banish. All of the women say 'Neveen' and she is marked for banishment. Neveen says 'Bitches' under her breath and Kassie knows that it's a good thing that Neveen is leaving, because if not, there'd be hell to pay...
...but Neveen isn't leaving. The key word here is 'was going to be' booted, because Khalilah, who didn't show up, has quit because she wanted Neveen to stay. IN addition, she forfeits her entire amount and sends it to Neveen, making her the richest woman with $18,000. On the initial level, it looks like an act of self-sacrifice, but it's really an act of stupidity, since she could have stuck around, gotten one of the other 3 women out and really caused some good drama in Eden. We could still get some good drama, though, as Neveen swears to get revenge on all of the women. We'll see how much revenge she can get on the men next week, as one of them are targeted to go bye-bye.
(Gordon Pepper)
Let's see why none of the characters in Forever Eden are likable. For starters, the women console Neveen, telling her that they didn't want to do it, while behind her back Jordan toasts to the fact that all of the women (except Khalilah) are still there, but she calls them all tramps and she is pissed. She gets consolation from...Matt, who tells her to play the game. She resolves to - and also resolves to eliminate the rest of the women out of Eden.
Flashback to when Neveen and Kassie say that they are roommates for life - and Kassie hopes that things will go back to the way that they were. Neveen says that it's not going to happen, and that she is only here now to make as much money as she can.
Booze time! We get another party, and Jordan, once drunk, is turning again to be the drunk party animal - to the point that Wallace whispers to Liz that Jordan has to go. Also on her hit list? Matt, who has been putting her hands on her like she was a bar of soap. Matt drops the soap when he sees that Liz is responding to David. Matt still talks to Liz inside when everyone is partying in the pool outside. Everyone except - Neveen, who is still fuming and if Matt was smart, he'd be going to talk to her about an alliance. He isn't - and everyone else is too drunk to care, as they all pile into Brooke's room for showering fun - which we don't get to see.
Speaking of relationships, David talks about his with Liz - and how he is only going after her because he sees that Wallace is going after her. Ouch. Who is he talking to about this? The annoying Jordan, who apparently also is a confidant to some of the other people in Eden, His place in Eden may be more solid than what we are led to believe...
The next morning, Jordan says that he went into the shower with Shawna and Brooke, which they admit happened - but they also said that they kept their clothes on and they have no problem showering with him because neither of them are attracted to him. OUCH! What no one else has a problem with as well is the $4,000 that they all get for surviving the week.
Will they have a problem with Jason - the new guy who wants to be the bad apple of the group? He's from Scottsdale, Arizona, and he will miss his dad, while his mom is in Chicago. He wants people to talk smack, because that's when the true feeling come out. Is it just me, or does he look and sound like Zack from Paradise Hotel? Just imagine Zack who's taller, more muscular and who has more tattoos.
Zac...I mean Jason shows up and once he tells everyone that he used to be a Chippendale's dancer, immediately gets into it with Matt, who challenges him to a dance-off. Jason trounces Matt and Liz says that Matt will be immediately jealous. Yep. Jason walks into his room - and he immediately gets the apple - and a necklace. He is told that he gets a good apple, and he is now the 'Adam'. At the party later on in the evening, he will select his 'Eve'. He is told to make a good decision, because 'every action in Eve has it's consequences.'
Jason - 'I got an apple already.' Matt - 'Hopefully, it's a bad apple.' Way for Matt to make friends and influence people. Everyone is making costumes and Jason takes a blade of grass and acts like a praying mantis. Everyone acts to him like he is a real praying mantis and try to avoid him. The women are complaining that their boobs are showing out - yet they all decide to wear skimpy outfits. Wha?
At the party, a sober Liz talks about hooking up with David - and everyone is sober when Ruth shows up. Ruth tells Jason that he has the night to pick Eve - and the women can't refuse the nomination. The woman that Jason selects will both choose the man who's the next person to go.
Michael talks to the guys that Jason is a cool guy - but he has a lot of power, and that power will make him seem better than anyone else in the group. David counters that by saying that since he is new, he needs to drop the outward braggardness - but that there is a good guy underneath. The aforementioned Jason tells Shawna that he's attracted more to her than with anyone - and he is interested in her but he wants to talk to all of the women. All of the women that he talks to tells him to go with his gut feeling, and it seems like the women are leery that some twist will come and snap them.
Matt is feeling that he is the one that's going to be snapped - and he tells everyone that if he is going, to just tell him that he's leaving. Jordan is talking to David that they have a 'drowning man' and they think that he's gong down. Matt, in turn, would love to get rid of Jordan - and Jordan, who is sensing Matt's demise, would be more than happy to help Matt out while he is treading water in the pool - by throwing him an anchor.
Jason thinks that the women will be clamoring for the necklace - but in the interviews, neither Neveen, Brooke nor Liz want anything to do with it. Those women don't have to worry about it, because Jason selects...Shawna, who looks like she is trying to sleep. She will be sleeping on her decision - and while she is doing that, none of the other men can sleep. Shawna tells Jason that for her, it comes down to Jordan, who is politicking with everyone, and Matt, who is annoying everyone and is annoying the girls. Jason calls Matt a 'schmuck' and it seems like he's the one to go - but he is eyeing Michael in the future, because he has the most money. Hmmmm...
Matt talks to Michael, as he calls Shawna unpredictable and thinks that Jason doesn't like him. Well, let's see - you've gone right after the new guy challenges him to a dancing contest, and trashed him behind his back - why would you possibly think that he would have it in for you? Not helping Matt's cause is that Jordan is actively going to Shawna and campaigning for Matt's demise. Matt senses that and tells Jordan that there could be a twist - and that he'd save him. (Flashback - Matt telling Liz that Jordan has got to go). They both say that they would each other the cash as they shake each other's hands - while they are brandishing the knives behind their backs.
Jason then talks to Matt and Jordan and has a talk with them - and both of them are brown-nosing as best as they can. Matt asks Jason who Shawna picked - and he tells Matt that Shawna hasn't made her decision yet (although we know that if she had her way completely, Matt's gone).
At dinner, Jason converses with the women, and tells them that he has targeted Michael, Matt and Jordan. He asks the ladies for their input - because he wants to stick around for awhile. The women, who are defensive, tell Michael about it and the women are upset with Jason. 'To say that he wants to get rid of Michael is playing with fire...what a f*cking tool.' says Liz. They also have no problems telling Michael about it - and he's not a happy camper. Sensing that by getting rid of Michael, he will probably be the next person gone, Jason takes Michael off of the block - but by telling the women that Michael was even in his sights to begin with, Jason just created a new problem for himself. Oops.
After a final conversation with Shawna, in which they agree to get rid of the weakest person, we start the Banishment Ceremony. Shawna and Jason are the people who have to make the decision, and Ruth England asks them if they will spare or banish Wallace. They spare him - and David and Michael. Michael stays on with his 20 gold coins ($20,000), but they decide to banish....Jordan, which is absolutely no surprise, since he has been pretty much asking for it since the beginning of the episode.
Jordan's reaction? Well since he thought that he was safe from the politicking, he is pissed. 'Keep looking forward, sweetheart.' says Jordan, as Shawna looks down. Will Jordan keep his promise to give his money to Matt, although he actively campaigned to get rid of him? No, as Jordan gives half of his fortune to...Wallace. Jordan ends his run by saying that Shawna is a backstabbing snake who will get what's coming to her.
So the politicking man is gone, and the socially inept man is still there, as he asks if he can hear his heart beat. Shawna feels bad because she was hurt that Jordan lashed out at her. She is realizing that she may have made the wrong decision, but it's too late. 'It's a stupid, stupid game that really does get to you.'
Jason comes to talk to Michael and that we hants to forge an alliance with him, but Michael isn't buying what Jason is selling. 'Jason is playing the game, but he is playing it so stupid.' Meanwhile, Matt brags about how he managed to survive the vote - but it wasn't anything that he did - it was something that Jordan did, as Jason changed his mind at the last second because of Jordan's constant chattering to Shawna about wanting to get rid of Matt. Michael wants Jason to be the next guy gone - but it's not the guys that are at risk next week - it's the ladies. We'll see next week which woman will be joining Jordan on the loser train.
(Chico Alexander)
Okay, we start today's ep with... a music video for the "Tru Calling" theme. Yes, that's how bad things have gotten. Last week, we saw people getting it on with other people, people plotting to get it on with other people, and the guy from Scottsdale was named Eden's first "Adam", meaning that he was guaranteed to get it on with someone. End result, Jason and Shawna elect Jordan to receive the you-are-the-Weakest-Link-goodbye. Bringing us to today's' installment: "Stand By Your Man".
Jason and Shawna start off tonight's soiree with "a moment." No, it's not what you think it is. Jason thinks that Shawna has a "thing" for Wallace, mostly due to flirting. And only due to the fact that she hasn't flirted with him. And for good reason, what, with his "last person on the face of this planet" demeanor. And sorry to say, Jason, the come-on lines aren't helping matters... at all.
Enter Wallace to save the day. "Jason's got zero game, and he's not a threat." Jason's also got zero shame, as Shawna complains to her hero that he could be the next incarnation of Drink Man. You know, the guy at the bar who's always buying a lady a drink and then expects to get with her.
But then the serpent enters... (oooh, imagery). Next morning, Simon the waiter enters with four more gold coins (each) after Jason sings Shawna's praises... again... and misrepresenting the situation... again. That brings Wallace to $15,000 and Neveen to $26,000, the richest person in Eden. Because, you know, they had money back on those days. Simon also brings in a fricking huge apple. But this one has some good news for once, as each lady is instructed to choose one man most admirable to be decided later tonight. And surprise, surprise, no one wants Jason.
Diving montage ensues. Afterwards, Neveen and Matt warn each other to be careful of what they say. They bring up "Shawna" and "banishment" in the same sentence, which is never good. Which brings us to dinner, and Neveen's drinking tonight for the first time since she got plastered and kissed a woman. Part of me is looking forward to this now. Will she kiss the cat that's under the table? Not if Michael has anything to say about it. He hates cats. That, Simon dropping the dinner, and the bread basket burning means that there's trouble ahead. Either that or the show's about to be cancelled.
Neveen's well on her way to kissing another woman, while Michael and Wallace talk about alliances. This isn't really an alliance game here. The girls bring up the scroll, and Kassie pairs up with Matt, despite him being annoying. So I'm guessing it's the alcohol talking there. Brooke cries while picking Michael. Neveen is left with the "new cheeseball" Jason. But the cheese is cut, as Neveen gets some knowledge about his hang-ups with Shawna.
"But here's a twist. I think a new girl's coming on. I think the new girl gets to look at the guys. I think you two (David and Wallace) are the top two. And if you get picked, I'm f(^_^)ed." Good analysis, Liz. Really. Nice and to the point. So David and Wallace counter-strategize by thinking about busting each other up. "I will dress it down. We'll throw the vote!" And so they do, via video phone. Video phone? Oh, man, I want! So David and Wallace dress down seriously. And if the new girl has any brains, she'll see past it. We'll see.
Matt reveals that Kassie > Neveen > Shawna. Neveen reveals that New Guy = safety net. They pair everyone up on safety, but, as you will soon see, that means absolutely nothing. Not one person thinks of these things, do they?
Onto the temple of doom, and resident demigoddess Ruth is waiting with said new girl. Okay, so ONE person thought of these things. Enter Claudia, a sorority girl (C-Note: Oh great...) from Tennessee by way of Arizona State. She describes herself as the All-American Girl, because she's blonde and blue-eyed. High opinion of herself, the little elitist, but of course, if she saw "All-American Girl", she'd know not to speak like that. So confession: hopes aren't high at the moment for brainpower. BUT they are high for survival, as she gets first pickings of the lot. And after all that, one woman will be left on the island without a man. And that woman will be banished! Simple!
Claudia's first choice is... David. "god just blessed me with picking David. He seems just like he was the least threatening." Sweet and na•ve. Well, David, your strategy didn't work. We'll match up the others, but first, party join us. And by that, I mean that David and Wallace have to find a way to keep Liz in Eden.
Claudia admits that she has a boyfriend at home and she will not be partaking in any sex in Eden. Which has me (and Matt) saying, "... and you're here because...?"
Matt begs Liz to find someone to stay with, even as she's ready, willing, and able to turn her gold coins back into the front desk. She even invites the noob to stay in David's room. Liz firmly decides that she doesn't want to slither up to every man she sees and beg for a pick to stay. She's been screwed over too many times for that.
Michael is disappointed about David getting picked after trying too hard not to get picked. "Fine. Vote me off next. Who cares?" David leaves in tears, tears that are quickly dried in the bed of Liz. "If you get banished, I'm coming with you."
Wallace's calling Liz on all that. Kassie's just plain annoyed with her and David (who she thinks changed). Our suspicions are quickly confirmed as Liz plans to use Jason as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Kassie's further annoyed by Liz's "flat stomach". Liz reveals that she's not attracted to David, so really, Jason might not be a used after all. Jason reshuffles his order: Liz > everyone. Mostly for the sex, but Jason isn't trusting anyone.
Dinnertime, and Simon directs David and Claudia to a separate table. Claudia gushes over not wanting to send someone home. David, on the other hand, mentions that Liz is her closest friends. At the head table, more matching ensues, while people start to think that Neveen may get the shaft tonight.
Back at the temple, Ruth asks Claudia if she wants to swap. She does... and goes for Wallace. David = relieved. Liz = insured. Shawna = screwed.
As predicted, Matt & Kassie, Brooke & Michael, and Liz & David are safe this week. Leaving Shawna and Neveen with Jason. Neveen knows a lot about the new cheesehead, while Shawna only knows that Jason has the hots for her. Big decision. Big mistake?
Yep. Jason gets the final choice and selects Neveen. Shocking, but fitting revenge, as Drink Man sends Shawna to the land of parting gifts. Half of her coins will go, with an "I love you", to Brooke.
"Shawna, your time at Eden is now at an end. You are banished." Jason's a player. Shawna, clearly, isn't. And that's why she's gone. Shawna leaves Eden with $8000. Her banishment puts Brooke at $28,000.
(Chico Alexander)
As you know, Fox has lured several humanoids to Eden with the promise of millions of dollars. But now with public uninterest and a time period change, the winner will be lucky if he or she leaves with both of their front teeth and bus fare back to Sheboygan! They can take a seat in the back next to Shawna, the last of our exiles.
Meanwhile, promos taunt us about the new entry into the cast, which, if you read the TV guide or have an on-screen guide, you know is really nothing to write home about. Then it's onto the beach for some volleyball American style, while Jason rambles on about thinking about, like, something to, like, Kassie, mentioning the whole "flat stomach" remark from Liz on the last show. She feels like he's deliberately trying to stir up stuff. Because she's Kassie and she doesn't really know better.
More volleyball, and Kassie brings up the flat stomach AGAIN at Matt's room, thinking that it's rude and malicious. Hello, no one really knows THAT much about you. Not even the snake. And speaking of which...
There's that stomach again. Okay, lesson learned, if someone steps on your foot, let it slide. Why spend the rest of the time in a veritable limbo just because someone hurt your big toe? Enter the next confront, with Kassie asking Liz if she said it. Obviously she said "no". Meaning, of course, she said it and refuses to admit it, or she didn't say it and Jason's trying to start something. Liz confronts Jason about it and we find out that... she doesn't want anyone's feelings hurt. You know, even though she DID say it. Argument ensues. David takes Liz away from this idiot, per her request, while said idiot (who isn't really an idiot if you think about it) breaks at the pool table.
And Liz rallies everyone to try and get rid of him, even though he's the only one telling the truth. David feels nervous in the middle. And meanwhile all Neveen can think about is getting her grub on. Understandable! Let's eat!
Liz: "If I sit next to Meat (Jason), I'm killing you, Simon." That's basically her sum up, not so much the sentence, but the word "Meat". And Jason gets grilled on being the Meat of the group, talking bad about every woman except Liz. Meanwhile in the bathroom, Brooke convinces Kassie that perhaps Meat didn't make that stuff up, alongside Michael. Good call, Kassie.
Jason, on the other hand, is used to getting a little unwanted alone time, even from growing up and being forgotten at a bus stop or something. Matt joins him, and Jason managed to convince he and his other buddies Wallace and David that what was said was said. Michael and Kassie believe that Liz is scandalous. All this and I forgot what she said again. Michael says the words that no one wanting "millions" would say: "I'm ready to go home." Walls have ears, Michael. Walls have ears.
Onto the Temple of Doom, where the ever-so-chipper Ruth awaits with news of the oncoming guest. Man or woman? Idle question. "What if Eden's new guest knew everything about you while you knew nothing about them?" Important question. Enter Simon with the Apple of Eden, which Ruth will give to the next guest. And she gives it... back to Simon? Well, yes and no. First of all, his real name isn't Simon (yeah, like Fox could get away with that TWICE), and he's no waiter. Meet Chris. I think we have a potential body double... Let's see, Chris aaaaand "Canadian Idol" winner Ryan Malcolm... we have a match (insert "Match Game" theme here).
After Chris receives the apple and four gold coins to start, he gets news that this week, the apple is a good one. But it's a bad one for everyone else. He has the power to bring back one banishee out of Mary, Craig, Khalilah (who really quit instead of being banished, so that's a real good move there), Jordan, or Shawna. "Be careful what you wish for," Ruth chirps upon exit.
Chris never fit into one social group, but was good at blending into all of them. A little like myself. He is actually a fitness club manager and admittedly a fashion whore, who was called out on his tray-carrying skills. Ow. He said that Matt was a character, David was a tailored-shirt guy, and Neveen is "totally awesome" but would never take her out to dinner, especially with those grotesque-looking hot pink pumps. Okay. Little too much tension there, Neveen.
Claudia's deduction: "I think we have our first non-heterosexual guest in Eden!" Wow, you must not've heard him talk about his girlfriend! David thinks bi. Claudia thinks gay. "Playing it Straight" doesn't continue until July, but I'm willing to give the ball... to Dave.
Correct answer: "It probably doesn't help that I have a gay roommate." What the heck kind of answer is that? A better answer would be to the question "Who to bring back?" Chris makes his decision, and thinks that Eden will be a different place come morning.
Neveen wants Khalilah, while David and Wallace want Shawna to come back. Instead... we get Jordan. After someone has a tripped out dream about it. "Foreshadowing," Neveen said. That's the first thing she got right all day. Jordan reenters the game and all of a sudden, everyone's happy about it. Matt sees it as a "huge problem".
And because Simon quit and became Chris, we get a new waiter, who brings Jordan his money and Chris a scroll... thingie.
"Welcome back, Jordan, and welcome to Chris.
Let's get down to business - your mission is this:
There's not enough women and too many men,
So send one guy packing at banishment's end."
And that was this week's Def Poetry. Jason pleads to Jordan for his life, even though he is sure that he won't forget how he himself got banished by Jason's hand. Matt and Jordan recall an earlier deal gone wrong.
Jordan heads to the gym, where Matt confronts him about the deal, hearing that the only thing Jordan can do is not wrong him twice. Michael, on the other hand, is still having thoughts about leaving before anyone else can wrong him. It's getting to him, but he doesn't want to get deep into the game. But will he ask to be voted out and keep $14,000 or leave on his own accord and lose everyone. He'll ask. Jordan'll deny. He'll ask again. Jordan'll say "Stop being so stupid."
Kassie tells Jordan that the biggest threat, if she was a guy, would be David. "He's the nice one and everyone overlooks it. The quiet ones will get you." Then she brings up Liz as half of his whole. Brooke also brings up the David-Liz alliance.
Jordan, meanwhile, tells America that everyone in Eden has gone "absolutely psychotic". They were psychotic then. They just didn't have anyone to be psychotic WITH. Makes sense, doesn't it?
Michael still wants to go home, and is willing to put out 14K to do so. Liz and David think that the women are out to get her, and it's putting David on edge. Neveen, Jordan, and Kassie play pool and talk about Michael wanting to leave and not really knowing why. Basically, if he leaves, then Kassie is not too far behind. Kassie talks to Michael later, telling him that she needs him here. She was raised not to even talk to another race, yet Michael talks to her like it's nothing. That's pretty cool of her.
Later on in bed with Brooke... "I'd like him if he was white." Okay, never mind what I just said. Chatter goes on a bit, and Brooke reveals that she wants to break up Eden's power couple. More people in bed later. "First base is like someone seeing a bra in that room." And here comes first base. And Matt runs back to tell the others: "It's official... No (^_^) going on in there." Safe at first. For now, at least.
Next morning, Jordan outs Michael's approach to Chris. He has influence, but he wants to go home. But then again, would you want to talk to Jason for another week? And then there's David, the ladies' pick to go home. Kassie, meanwhile, tries to convince Michael otherwise. "You'll be fine," he says to a visibly crying Kassie.
David tells Kassie that he knows of her and Brooke's talking. Brooke talks?! Could've fooled me. Jason tells her that it's Camp David around here, and Brooke... ran away. Kassie decides to just go off to David first about him being a threat. Argument ensues again, and the "flat stomach" comes back up.
And Michael's just tired of it. As am I. Let's get to the bloody temple. Jordan is the first to say, "I don't think this is Eden. I think this is Hell. Which makes you the Queen of Hell," to which Ruth replies, "Got that one right." Heh, that's good. I oughta keep that in my memory banks. But enough of that, Chris and Jordan have to trim the fat, and having to go with Jason's gut and Jordan's friends, they choose to banish... Michael. He gets his wish and his banishment, leaving with $14,000. But his other $14,000 goes to... Kassie?! She's now the richest little spawn-of-a-hypocrite in Eden with $34,000 to her name, and Jordan... "I got screwed."
Screw back next week.
(Chico Alexander)
Last week, Simon the waiter transformed into Chris the contestant, and Jordan the banished transformed into Jordan the returned. Meanwhile, Michael the interested transformed into Michael the uninterested, and it was the latter that screwed Jordan out of half of his stash upon being exiled.
We leave where we left off, with Michael gone and Kassie blubbering about it. David, meanwhile, discovered that Brooke and Kassie were going to get him kicked off because of Liz, which he refutes out in the open. "Just because Liz and I are an item doesn't mean that she's making my decisions for me." Yeah, it does.
Matt and Kassie revel in her $34,000 ("Michael will be missed."), as Wallace wishes he didn't go, because we have Jason instead. Speaking of which, Jason brings up Kassie's badonk, which, if you have been watching "Chappelle's Show", you know means "a desirable ass." Next thing you know, Jason does his Chingy impersonation, prompting Neveen to think up a new name: Donkey Kong Jason. And where's a barrel when you need one? Especially now that someone's suggested that they kiss? Ugh. Neveen lays him a kiss alright. Well, not a kiss, but she does give her a fair share of her lip. "You make me look like a genius and I know I'm not that smart..."
Well said. Or something. But let it not be said that Jason's got a little smack of his own. Too bad he doesn't use it. Instead, "she's starting to grow on (him) a little bit." Scary. The smack goes on for two hours. Claudia can feel the sexual tension. "You can cut it with a knife!" Brooke, on the other hand, starts to have a delayed reaction from last week (when she walked) and starts going off on how David is treating Neveen like dirt. Gosh, as much as I could watch this all day...
Jason feels like he's on "a (^_^)ing soap opera" right now. Dude... you are.
Brooke vents to Wallace about being pissed off. Wallace tries to dissuade her fears, saying that Neveen will come out the bigger woman for this. Meanwhile, Liz is wondering why everyone thinks she's a bitch. Only because you are, yo. David thinks that Liz is feistier than most of the women that he's ever dated. But Liz will agree to basically play Stepford wife to keep the peace. Or hide under the radar.
Kassie finds a new "best friend" in Matt. He's cocky and she likes it. But he's wondering what would happen if he put a move on her. Oh, that (kissing). And that (more kissing).
Next morning, Wallace walks up and starts to canoe as Brooke and Kassie think that they're boy crazy. That night, Chris and Kassie engage in some girlfriend talk about the kayaker. They like his laid-back attitude, and... oh, wait. Food's coming! Yay! Jason, you heard the guy, get your ass outta bed! That's right, a dance party under the starts, as Chris, Matt, and Wallace engage in some bodyrocking... together. Then comes the pool jump while Chris ogles Wallace.
David carries Liz away home, while the rest of the crew determines that by his actions, yes, Chris be liking up on the men, particularly Wallace. But Wallace finds this "very far from funny."
Wallace heads up to call Neveen to let her know that he's up on the mŽnage, if you know what I'm saying, if only to put Chris off. "Let's call a spade a spade. The man prefers men. That's just not the way it is. I don't want to be the guy that's hooking up with Chris. Brooke made it obvious that she has a crush on me." He acts on that crush by visiting her and just talking... for a long while.
"David pairs off with Liz. Matt has paired off with Kassie. Wallace seems to be pairing off with Brooke. So where does that leave little Jordan?" Leaves you with Chris, dog! Actually, it might leave you with Neveen, as she doesn't have anyone to cohabitate with, which scares the living crap out of her. What does Claudia think about the hooking up? While she's seen reading the Bible, she says that the hookups don't sit with her morals since there is no solid basis.
Meanwhile, Wallace is both sleeping with Brooke and using her as a scapegoat. For what, I don't know.
Next day, more volleyball. Tell ya, they need a gridiron in Eden, because the guys suck at volleyball. Which the girls eat up at lunch, especially Neveen, prompting Matt to try and find a way to get rid of her.
That night, Brooke and Chris have "girlfriend talk" at the pool table, which defeats all meaning of the reality show pool table. This is hallowed ground, people. This is where men bond. From the early days of "The Real World", that place was sacred. But enough ranting. Chris and Brooke talk about Wallace. Actually, Chris is talking about Wallace, Brooke's just staying button-lipped. Brooke just calls it cuddling. Oh, so THAT's what the kids are calling it these days.
That night at dinner, Wallace tells Neveen about the "cuddling"... or "overcooking" as he calls it. Much to Brooke's dismay. At the bar, Matt tries to talk to Kassie away from Neveen for once. Talking turns into yelling, as he tells her to stop babying her and start babying him.
Back at the bar, Chris and Wallace go off to talk, as Wallace tries to convince Chris that somewhere in the back of Chris' mind, there's a homoerotic tendency. After all, he's attractive, young, good body, and attention to detail. "Whatever you're into, it's cool with me. It's just not my thing." Good for you, Wallace... Wallace... Where's Wallace?
Brooke and Neveen try Claudia's room. Not there. We find him at the courtyard walking toward his room. Brooke finds him, and offers to give him a room for the night. "Not a chance," he says under his breath. Now he's in trouble, as he's only here to make an easy buck. We see Matt and Kassie kiss goodnight, Liz and David kiss goodnight, and Brooke and Wallace go night night in separate rooms.
Until the phone rings in Brooke's room. "You gotta get down here. If anybody sees you, then turn around and walk back home." She agrees and heads down to meet Wallace.
Next morning, the Edenites engage in a relay race, where the losing team would be the winning team's slaves for the day. Jordan and Matt are the team captains, competing in rowing, swimming, and... more swimming. We end with a wheelbarrow race and... more swimming. Donkey Kong wins it for the black team of Jordan, Wallace, Jason, Claudia, and Brooke. Now, for you Kenny vs. Spenny fans... Humiliation! The losing girls wear lingerie, while the losing guys wear Neveen's dresses. Isn't that a little inhumane?
Not as inhumane as this... Ruth just showed up. All of a sudden, it's like "How'd she find me? How'd she find me?" She informs our guests that later there will be a meeting under the Tree of Truth after writing one question which each guest must answer truthfully.
And I can tell you the truth, it won't be pretty, since we go to dinner first, and you know what that means. Neveen plays stylist. And Jordan plays Ruth. Scary how the two sound alike. Not as scary as Neveen crying though. Matt promises revenge by making her wear one of her own outfits.
Then, underneath the Tree of Truth, we learn that Liz did make a "flat stomach" remark about Kassie (we knew that, though), that Wallace has a real sexual desire to be with Brooke (hey!), that Claudia trusts Brooke the least, that David was told by Liz (and Claudia and another person) that Kassie and Brooke wanted him off the island, and ... that's it. That's IT?!
David takes Liz back to her room to figure out what compelled her to get out of line at the Tree of Truth. "If a girl's attitude causes me problems that I shouldn't have to deal with, then it becomes an issue." Liz retorts, "Then we have an issue." Yes we do.
And we have an issue at the bar, as Claudia, not really liking her question, admits that she trusts Liz the most. Sweet irony is that she's most uncomfortable when she has to tell the truth. Shouldn't that be something she's doing anyway? Kassie says that if she wants to stay, she'll have to start using her brain. Claudia says that she doesn't want to stay. "This is so stupid!" Sweet na•ve little Claudia... If you want to go, then go. No one's forcing you to hold onto your coins, you know.
Matt thinks that Claudia thinks that Kassie doesn't like her anymore. Don't be embarrassed, Claudia. This is stupid and evil. They hug and everything's okay for a moment... with Matt and Kassie, that is.
Next day at breakfast, we're bringing in a new lady. Now how would the guys know that? Anyway, we meet the new arrive, a 21-year-old party girl with an impressive body named Michelle. Admittedly over-opinionated, Michelle hails from Brook-LYN! and she's here to win at the expense of separating herself from her sister.
The men notice our "top-heavy" new arrival as she notes that she's here to make everyone's life miserable.
Well, she's already making a good start. *raises hand* We'll see where she goes from here next week.
