THE RECAPS
STORMSEEKER.COM RECAPS! Reality editor Gordon Pepper provides
recaps of each show.
September 22, 2003 September 29, 2003 October 6, 2003 October 13, 2003 October 20, 2003 October 27, 2003 November 3, 2003 November 4, 2003 November 11, 2003 November 18, 2003 November 25, 2003 December 1, 2003 December 1, 2003 January 5, 2004 January 12, 2004 January 19, 2004 January 26, 2004 February 2, 2004 February 9, 2004 February 16, 2004 February 17, 2004 February 24, 2004 March 1, 2004 March 8, 2004 March 15, 2004 March 22, 2004 April 5, 2004 April 12, 2004
Welcome back to this season's Fear Factor! We'll be starting this one off with a little more excitement than usual - tonight, one of our hapless victims will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!! For our 2 hour opening, we will start with 12 contestants, who get to toil through 6 stunts - the person left standing gets 1 million dollars!
'Are you ready to will a million bucks?' asks Joe facetiously. They all scream yes - but some of them may be changing their mind when they see 2 helicopters carrying a jungle gym-like apparatus. In teams of 2, people compete against each other to traverse the rings, monkey-bar style. Whoever gets from one side to the other and back, releases 2 sets of flags, and jumps into the water first advances - the other person is eliminated.
Heat #1 - Vivian Richardson (Richardon, CA) is an ex-marine (now current mommy), while Leanne Flom (Great Falls, VA) teaches little kids. Everyone thinks that Leanna is going home, but contrary to everyone else (and her home location), Leanne is not taking a great fall - unless it's into the ocean for the victory. The ex-marine is now an ex-Fear Factor contestant. 'A physical education beat a marine. That pisses me off.' Leanne is doing this for her baby daughter. AwwwwBarf.
Heat #2 - It's a battle of the blondes! Katie Ross (Greensboro, NC), a female wrestler, just wants to be quick and focused, while D'Nara Manning (Oklahoma City, OK), thinks that she will fall off of the bars rather quickly. The guys think that Katie is scary - and she may be, because she is handling the course masterfully - until she slips and falls into the water. This opens the door for D'nara - but she falls too before getting the first flag, which Katie manages to get to before she falls. Well, both blondes made a splash, but the wrestler moves on.
Heat #3 - Amanda Palencia (Colton, CA), is going to use a different strategy than the blondes, while Stephanie Braeklein (Tampa, Fl), is a physical fitness instructor. The guys believe that Amanda will be advancing, and once again, the guys are wrong. Stephanie falls in the middle of the first lap, but Amanda completes the course, and advances.
We are done with the women - time to see what the guys can do. Heat #4 - Durant Fowler (Ontario, CA) is a counselor for boys - but he didn't get any advice from what the women were doing. Joseph Marks (Atlanta, GA) got here through a contest from a radio station, where he got to eat lovely things, including moldy cottage cheese and bull...parts. Too bad the contest didn't include monkey bars. Everyone says Durant will advance - and this time, they are right. Durant just blows past Joe, as the self professed 'King of the Monkey Bars' advances in a romp - and Joe falls into the water for good measure. Durant is doing this for his kid. Awwwwwwbleagh.
Heat #5 - Both guys - Grant Dawson (West Richmond, VA), and Scott Merrill (Tempe, AZ) - also got here through radio contests. Everyone thinks this one will be close, and it is, as Grant motors past Scott (firefighter) and extinguishes his shot at a million dollar chance. 'When you lose, you are forgotten' says...who said that?
Heat #6 (Final Heat) - Eric Bryant (Nashville, TN) also got there via a radio contest, but Gordon Navarre (Waterford, MI) is a septic inspector. 'You inspect poopie water?' asks Joe incredulously. Yep, he does - but the water that he will be falling into looks pretty clean. Unfortunately, he does it without him grabbing the second flag. Eric comes from behind, thanks to Gordon's slip on the rings, and he advances - along with the 5 other people.
That evening, the contestants descend onto a deserted building area with plates full of various ingredients. It looks like it's time to chow down - or lie down. 3 women will be lying in a tank with blood sucking leeches. In addition, the tank that the woman will be in is slowly flooding - and they keep the water from them by pumping a handle which will delay the water (and leeches) from coming in. Whichever woman stays in the shortest amount of time gets eliminated.
The 3 men will be bobbing in a pool of ostrich egg liquid, eat a pig tongue, and eat 5 leeches. Ham, eggs, and a leech for desert, Yum, yum yum. The man with the slowest time gets to join the woman with the slowest time out on the sidelines.
'I can never say that I've been in a bathtub of bloodsucking leeches.' says Katie. Apparently, you haven't been with any lawyers. Katie starts out slow, but gets a pumping rhythm going and stays in there for a decent 2 minutes. Her bathing suit fell of in the middle of the stunt, and 'I would up with a crotch full of leeches.' Ewwwwwwwww....
Leanne was giving birth for 18 hours - but I don't think that she wants a crotch full of them like Katie got. Leanna isn't nearly as good with the pump as Katie was, and she only stays on for 1:13. While Stephanie is getting ready, Joe does an informal pool on what they would rather do - and everyone says that they would rather want to do the stunts that they are doing.
Meanwhile, Stephanie is asking for some decor - and she's not going to get it. 'No candles, no music - this is not a bath'. Stephanie doesn't make the experience into a scene from 'A Roman Holiday', but she does complete the stunt in 1:15 - and that's good enough to send the woman with child home. 'I'm a preschool fitness teacher - but I would have done better with the money.'
It's time for the guys to have a little midnight snack. Eric starts it off - and is Stephanie cheering him on? No - she just wants to get this over with, since the egg smells. Eric is getting through ok - until he moves the Fear Factor chuck bucket over and Joe is trying to convince him not to use it.
Eric convinces himself to get through it - but it's an agonizingly slow 5 minutes and 48 seconds - which means that Durant, who's next, can go to the store, buy some barbecue sauce, come back, sprinkle it on the leeches, and have himself a little mesquite cook-out. But Durant is taking his sweet time in the bobbing segment and that 5:48 may be looking good. Or maybe not - Durant finishes it in 4:38 and Eric is in deep trouble.
Durant has sworn off pork for life. Grant will try to swear off Eric from the show. In the words of Grant, 'Rub-a-dub-dub, here comes the grub.' Eric is trying to talk trash, but when Joe asks the women who they want to see go, they both say Durant. Ouch. Eric can't talk trash - and he can't stay on the show. Grant gets it done in 3:45 and 'It's devastating when you go from 6 people to 4, and you are not one of the four.' Bye, bye, Eric...
Hello, next stunt. The contestant's are asking 'What is that?' That, according to Joe, is a circular pendulum, which is swinging back and forth. The contestants have to move flags from one side to the other. The three people who gets the most flags (in the fastest amount of time) gets to be in the final 3.
Katie is afraid of heights - that's not good. What's worse is that she keeps on dropping flags off of the ledge, as she's already dropped 2. According to Joe, 'If you guys get through the whole thing, and you don't drop 2 flags, you're in.' She does get 5 flags, but those 2 dropped flags could be costing her a million dollars.
Durant goes first - and he already drops the first flag - so maybe Katie has a glimmer of hope. The hope is gone, when he doesn't make another mistake and posts up 6 flags. Katie's not going to get any help from Stephanie either, as she also gets 6 flags.
'I do not want to take the walk of shame.' worries Katie. Will Grant be taking it in her place? He could be - as he drops the first flag that he is grasping. H drops the second one - and Katie is really hoping for one more bad thing to happen. It doesn't. Grant gets 5 flags - but he does it 8 seconds faster and Katie does take the walk of shame. As for Grant? 'I just wanted to keep it interesting for the TV audience at home.' Thanks, Grant - I'm touched.
What will be touching the contestants for stunt #4? Rotting Disgusting Fish Parts! As a boat docks in, the contestants on the pier sees a tank with thousands of pounds of fish parts. At the bottom of the tank are 8 pairs of Fear Factor boots, which needs to be hooked up on a net at the top of the tank. The 2 people who do it the fastest are your 2 finalists.
Durant goes first - and Joe drops another can of fish parts on him just for good measure. Durant is flying...or should I say swimming...through this, as he gets in done in a very quick 1:09. 'You've gotta be kidding me.' says Grant. 'I would have shook your hand, but you're gross.'
'You will be gross next.' Joe says to Grant, and he is quickly, as Joe drops a bucket of fish on him as well. His time was far from gross - he gets it done in an even quicker 59 seconds. He looks gross, but feels like a million dollars.
If Stephanie wants to be in the finals, she needs to beat 1:09. According to her, if she wins the money, she will be building houses for poor people in Vietnam (as it costs around $7,000 a house). Stephanie can be doing that - but not from money won in Fear Factor. She starts out quick, but she gets lost half-way in the stunt and it costs her. 'It hurts to come this far...when you fall, you get back up and become stronger.'
Either Durant or Grant will become financially stronger in a stunt. Durant is treating this like a business trip, while Grant is smelling money. The only thing that separates them from the cash is a launchpad for a quad ATV. Whoever launches their car over a 200 feet cliff and closest to a Fear Factor flag will be picking up a check with 6 zeros.
Durant wins the coin toss and decides to go first. He launches it - and it's really cool to see - but not really close to the flag. He's a good 26 feet from the flag, and that gives Grant a lot of room for error. Durant got a good bounce, so Grants looking to do that. On his jump, Grant's buggy...does not bounce at all. It stops with a thump, and I don't see Grant winning the money. The distance away is...41 feet. Durant, thanks to a...well you can't say an unlucky bounce, because there was no bounce...but because of the non-bounce, wins a million bucks.
My take? Well, it was a cool start for the season, but it didn't seem to me like they were million dollar caliber stunts. Last year's tournament of champions looked better - and even the stunts from the coming attractions for this season looked tougher than this episode. The coming attractions look like this one will be just as much fun as the seasons before it, so I eagerly await Monday.
A few months ago, I've said Viva Las Vegas, as I wrote out my report on the Game SHow COnvention. I will say it again for a few reasons - 1. This Fear Factor is inded in Vegas, and 2. and more importantly, at least one of the segments was open to the public - which I was at and got to see played out life. Unfortunately, you can't see me very well, as I am one of the speckles in the back somewhere.
But before we get there, we need to meet our 6 gamblers.
Bobby Scali - Stoneham, MA - Computer Engineer - he wants to double the money on the black jack tables.
Krisandra Johnson - Hillsboro, ND, NBA Dancer - she wants to try everything at least once. Remember this statement - we'll get back to it later...
Jamison Gilkey - Wichita, KS - Retail Sales - he's a strong, athletic and confident African American - which is the profile of a winner - or the first person to go home.
Lark Schmidt - Lake Havasu City, AZ - Realtor - She says that she learns from her mistakes. You don't get a shot at do overs here...
Josh Schwadron - Miami, Fl - Business Student - He's not cocky - but he likes to get the job donw. Call him the anti-Jamison in term of personality. Now how will that translate on the stunts?
Melinda Russel - Bend, Or - Receptionist - She's the wild blonde who loves to do whatever is wacky. She seems perfect for Sin City.
Joe Rogan brings everyone together, and says that not only can you win $50,000, but like the last time Fear Factor went to Vegas, they have to bet at least $25,000 on a hand of Black Jack. Here's the catch - they can risk it ALL if they want to, for a $100,000 payoff - or if they have bad luck, then Mandalay Bay gets a little royalty bonus.
Speaking of them, we start 400 feet above the Mandalay Bay. There is a circular pole with Fear Factor Flags draped across it. You have to get rid of all of the flags - EXCEPT the last one, which you must collect and post on a seperate pole. The man and woman who gets the least number of flags - or the man and woman who is the slowest in completing the stunt, will be going to the black jack tables earlier than expected.
Lark is first and she is inching along - and I mean inching. She looks like a inchworm up there. She gets it done in 1:26, and I have no clue if that's a good time or not. She shows her pole marks on her legs. 'This is competition, baby!'
Krisandra, who is a dancer for the Minnesota Timberwolves, thinks that it's a bad time - and she is determined to beat it. She gets the job done and completes it in 1:14. Krisandra loves the view that she got - but Lark isn't liking what she's seeing.
She'll like it even less if Melinda gets it done quicker - because that means that Lark will be going home. Melinda, after seeing the women complete the stunt before her, changes her strategy - and it seems to be workking, because she is moving very quickly - until she commits the dumb-ass move of the episode and throws away the last flag. You have to KEEP the last flag for the post, remember? With that, Melinda gets eliminated and Lark avoids a huge bullet.
Will the men do anything as stupid when it's their turn to try the stunt? Bobby goes first, and Joe is already preceding this with 'I hope ge doesn't throw the flag away like Melinda.' says Joe. Sure enough, he does, and Bobby is an even bigger dumb-ass because he already saw someone do that and get herself knocked out. Bobby can sit with Melinda and play the dummy hand...
This, of course means that barring disaster, Jamison and Josh will get in - so Joe offers them a $1,000 bonus for the person who does it quicker. Jamison is next - and Joah can collect the money now. Jamison is terrified of heights, so he takes his sweet time - and since time is not a factor anymore, he gets it done in a time (6:17) that it could take some people to blow $50,000 at a craps table. Joe - 'Your time is longer than everyone else's time combined!' Ouch.
'How crazy would it be if Josh screwed up and you got the money anyway?' asked Joe. Bobby would love to see it, but Josh doesn't screw up. Josh gets it done in 2:01, which is good for $1,000 - and it's good to send Bobby (who was the quickest at 51 seconds) home.
'Who knows what crazines they could come up with?' asks Krisandra. In Vegas? Anything. Joe brings us over to a covered tank, which he uncovers over 500 hungry Pirahna. At the bottom of the tank, there is pig kidneys. The three people who get all 7 pig kidneys out of the tank using only their mouths in the quickest time goes on to the final (and televised) stunt.
Josh - 'What do pirahna's eat?'
Joe - 'They eat fleah'
Jamison (the African American) - 'I hope they don't like dark meat'
Josh goes first - and he's hoping that the gel in his hair will deter from the pirahna. I thought that Josh was taking his time in the first stunt because of the money - but Josh is nherently slow and he finds the kidneys in 2:57.
Lark is determined to make sure that her performance in the first stunt was a fluke - but it may not have been as she does worse than Josh. She gets it done in 3:20, ad barring a disaster from either Krisandra or Jamison, all Melinda did was postpone Lark's inevitable departure.
If someone screws up, it's not going to be Krisandra. She shows everyone how it's meant to be done, as she scorches through it in 1:20. Only Jamison is left, and Josh is starting on him, 'I would love nothing better than to be in the finals with 2 girls.' Based on what Jamison did in the first stunt, I would say 3 girls. Jamison does spend the first 20 seconds in the pool staring at the pirahna, bnut once he sees that they don't stare back at him, he goes to work and gets it done in 2:41. Lark does go home and Melinda must be kicking herself in the head.
We are down to the Final Three - and it's time to play Fear Factor Roulette, and Roulette is Josh's favorite game. It may not be as much fun for him when he sees that hanging out on the roulette table are African Cave Dwelling spiders. This is a bonus stunt - and no one gets eliminated. For each spider that you eat, you get 2 chip on the roulette table. If Joe spins the wheel, and the ball lands on your number, then you win a NEW 2004 MAZDA RX 8! YOu can eat as many as 6 spiders, which would be 12 chips, or almost a third of the board.
Krisandra starts first, and while she's wondering on whether or not to eat the bugs. Josh is wondering if he will get any women - and Joe says no - but he an probably get some hookers. Heh. After ten minutes of deliberation, Krisandra finally eats a spider and the audience goes nuts. She gets a second one and a third one - and she's done.
Jamison is next - and it seems like they finally have something that he's good at. He pops them down like they are chicken fingers and he gets the maximum of 6. Josh is up, and he does the buffalo shrimp method of eating Afircan spiders.
He's putting the spiders in his hair, and Joe tells him that he has redeemed himself. He bites one in half and shows everyone it's innards. Ewwwwwwww. Krisandra looks like she's going to yak all over the table. Josh gets his maximum of 6 and everyone puts all of their chips down.
Joe spins the wheel, and the number landed on...is....well, we won't know until next week. Will someone walk out with a car and $100,000? Or will Vegas claim 3 more victims? We will see next week...
We're giving away cars, we're giving away cash, and someone can win ONE HUNDRED THOUUUUUUSAND DOLLARS!!!! No, we're not playing Wheel of Fortune - we're playing Fear Factor...but we do have a wheel involved - a roulette wheel, as the spiining ball will stop at a number and someone will win a new Mazda RX 8.
The number that the ball stops on is....24. The owner of that number is....Jamison! He wins the car, and he is going nuts. Tallying up the scores, we have Jamison - Car, Josh - $1,000 and Krisandra - $0 and a taste of dead spiders in her mouth.
INtermission time - and Krisandra and Jamison are concerned about each other - neither of them are concerned about Josh, as they both think that he is too concerned about his hair than winning.
But we are done with the bonus round - let's get back to the game. Speaking of cars, our next stunt features two of them (Las Vegas Taxi Cabs), suspended over 100 feet between buildings. Starting in the first car, they have to release 4 flags, then jump to the second one, get the key to the taxi in the trunk, go inside the taxi, turn on the ignition, then honk the horn. To make things even better, the sprinkler system is being turned on, which means that the cars will be wet and slippery. The 2 people who release the most flags - or the 2 people that get them all the quickest, moves on to the Fear Factor finals.
Josh, Mr. Hair Gel, goes first. He thinks that the fear of heights will get to him. He's ceratinly taking his time, but he gets all of the flags off the first taxi without falling. Je jumps to the second car - and makes it, clutching to the hood. He is taking his sweet time, but he does complete the stunt in 3:46 seconds. He does get it done, so if either of them screws up, he's looking pretty. If neither of them screw up, he's in trouble.
One of the people determined to get him into trouble is Jamison. He is going much faster than Josh on that first 4 flags. Here is the jump...and he makes it as well. He is grooving, and although he hesitates a little at the end, he stored up more than enough time at the beginning to be slow now. It's done in 3:14, which guarantees him a shot to get in.
It's down to Krisandra. She also goes much faster than Josh, and everything is looking good for her. Can she make the jump between the cars? She gets the running leap...and...jumps way to soon. She does not hang on to the hood and goes flying off of the taxi. In addition, she closes her eyes before jumping, and if you can't see where you are going to hold on to the car, you can't see the money that you have just lost. Good-bye, Krisandra.
Josh and Jamison are left. We go to the Luxor, where 2 lovely ladies reveal a plastic coffin full of Madagascar hissing cockroaches. The men will be handcuffed and placed into the coffin with over 15,000 of those critters. They have a set of 5 Fear Factor keys. One of them opens the handcuffs. One of them opens up the cage. Whoever gets out of the cuffs and coffin first wins the $50,000.
Jamison does not want to go first - but Josh wins the coin toss, and sure enough, Jamison has to go first. He goes into the cage - amd to be blunt, he freaks out. He does eventually gets the cuffs off - but it takes him 4 and a half minutes to do so. He completes it in 5:18, and that's really really, slow. Jamison knows it and he knows that he will be leaving Las Vegas in his car - without the money.
Jamison thinks that there's no way that Josh will beat him (or so he says) but he balks when Josh wants to use the car as a side bet. Josh gets to go in the cage, and those cockroaches are certainly not going to help out his hair. Jamison is talking trash through the cage, but it's not doing him any good, as Josh gets the cuffs off in 1:30. He gets out in a little under 3 minutes, and Josh is the Fear Factor Champion, which is good enough for $50,000!
Can he win $100,000? He can if he can get through one hand of Black Jack, which he will wager $25,000 on. If you remember last season, the player who won the $50,000 lost $25,000 in the Black Jack game.
Josh starts off to spek to Joe - but we aren't at the casino table yet. We are in a swimming pool, where Joe tells him that he will be held by his ankles as he s repeatedly dunked into the pool. Each time he is in the pool, he has to grab as many flags as possible. He gets a total of 6 times, and the amount written on the flags is what he wins - and half of that is going to be gambled at the Black Jack table.
Josh gets dunked, and he is spinning around like a top. He didn't get all of them, but he got the nice sized ones - and he nailed a $10,000 flag. Josh netx a total of $38,000 - plus the $51,000 that he won earlier is $89,000.
It's time to go to the Black Jack table - and he has to bet half of it. He will either be leaving with $44,500 - or $133,500. Nice. Josh says that he hasn't had much luck with Black Jack - but hopefully, it will get better now. It would be nice time to do it...
He gets the chips - and puts down the $44,500 worth of chips. yee-haw. Wouldn't it be fun if he gets to double down or split them? Heh, heh, heh...Josh lets Joe cut the cards, and away we go...
The dealer is showing a nine. Joe's first card is a 6, and his second card is...a nine. He has 15 against a 9. Of course, you are supposed to hit that, but there's $44,500 at stake. Josh says that he traditioally stays on 15 (wha?), but he consults his odds card, which, of course, tells him to hit it. The crowd tells him to hiit too, and he does - with an ACE. He now has 16, and the odds card still says to hit it. Josh says that the crowd says to stay, and Joe says that there are a couple of maniacs say to hit it.
Josh does freeze and the dealer reveals...a 3. The dealer has 12, and she has to hit again, revealing...a KING! The dealer goes bust, and Josh has won $133,500! I hope he gives her a good tip. Here's a tip for him - don't go back to the table, since Fear wasn't a factor for him - but neither was good gambling.
Michelle Concalo (Dartmouth, MA), believes that good things come in small packages. Josh Davis (Salt Lake City) plays to win. Buffy Brown (Omaha, NE) is playing for her 3 year old daughter. Dominic Grubb (Brick, NJ) is playing for his sick dad. Gin Main (Washington DC) is going to lull everyone into a false sense of security. Sean Cashman (Sydney, Australia) is sick of the cocky Yanks. One of there people will be looking good - the other 5 will be looking like idiots.
I hope they like helicopters. The contestants will be moving across the bottom of a helicopter, picking off flags. The man and woman with the least amount of flags (or who takes the longest amount of time in getting all of them) is eliminated.
Josh is first - and he says that he's the big dog. Dominick calls him a poodle. He looks more like a daschund (a weiner dog), but he is moving quick, like a terrier. He gets all of the flags and gets it done in 35 seconds, which isn't too shabby. 'No Pain, No Gain.' says Josh, who shows everyone his bruises.
Dominic says that he wants to squash Josh - and he says that he's miffed that no one considers him a threat. His performance indicates that...he should be taken just as seriously as Josh. He gets it done exactly in 35 seconds. They both automatically advance - and Sean can too if he gets it done in less than 35 seconds.
'I have to make it - there's no questions about it.' says the Australian. He is moving like a Tazmanian Devil, and although he slows down near the end, he gets it done in 32 seconds - which is good enough to advance. All of the guys move on.
Can the women pull the tie-thing too? Buffy is ready - and the guys say that she needs the money to pay for the surgery. Nice. Buffy did a wedding ceremony in the 'Lord of the Rings' theme - and she performs the first stunt as gracefully as Golem. Buffy gets ZERO flags, and her 3 year old kid can only hide behind her pacifier in shame.
Buffy is automatically gone, and all the women have to do is to get one measly flag. No $1,000 bonus? Lame. Gina is first to the challenge - and she gets a few flags before going into the drink. Michelle who's $17,000 in debt due to excessive credit card spending, gets the whole thing done in 49 seconds. After the first stunt, we have 5 people advancing.
The fun continues in the next round, as contestants have to bob for cow's hooves in a vat of cod liver oil. They then have to drop it in a container of maggots, then take a mouthful of maggots and put it on the scale. The 2 people who get the least amount on the scale in 2 minutes don't get to see what the third stunt looks like live.
Josh goes first - and he looks like he's taking his sweet time. 'You've got to get bigger mouthfuls - I know you've got a big mouth.' yells Joe. Joe only gets 1.75 pounds, and that doesn't seem like a lot. Michelle, who is used to the smell of being in a nursing home, seems to go much faster than Josh. 'I thought you were a lady up until then.' Michelle only got 1.5 pounds, so Josh is in the lead.
Gina, who's used to disgusting things, like doing the husband's laundry, is next. She is going much slower than Josh, and Joe needs to remind her that she's in a race. She beats Michelle's weight. She gets a massive 2.7 pounds ('You are a savage!') and she automatically qualifies for the finals.
Sean can send Gina - or himself home. He's used to eating maggots (eh?) Sean is quick - but he's taking little mouthfuls. The speed outpaces his bites, and Sean racks up over 2 pounds. Bye-bye, Michelle. Dominic can send Josh home - unless he ties him again at 1.75 pounds. Dominic wants to make sure that it doesn't happen - and he does in convincing fashion. 3.05 pounds worth of maggots is good enough to send Josh home.
Sean, Gina and Dominic advance - and they brace themselves for one last stunt. For the final stunt, the players have to launch themselves onto a moving ramp car. Cool. Whoever launches themselves the farthest wins the $50,000.
Sean goes first - and he launches himself 65 feet, 6 inches. That seems like a decent length - but it also seems beatable. Gina is next - and her dad dies on a motorcycle. Meanwhile, Dominic admits that he fell asleep and he flipped his car. Sean - 'Did you flip it further than 65 feet?' nice.
Gina didn't get as much air as Sean did - but she got a nice roll. Was it nice enough? According to the tape...yes. She screams, and according to Sean, 'This means that I'm going home, right?' Right. G'Day, Mate.
For the record, she gets the length of 77 feet, 1 inch - and that's what Dominic needs to beat. Gina is praying for Dominic to mess up - but it doesn't happen and he goes 94 feet, 2 inches. That's good enough for $50,000 - and a victory lap.
'It's my money there to win' - Jeff Cash, Raleigh North Carolina, 'I've started to like competition - it makes me strive harder.' - Tracy Sheldon, Washington, DC. 'I consider myself to be a small guy.' - Sal Ulloa, Hesperia, CA. 'I think all the guys are going to underestimate me.' - Raylene Zatarani, Cypress, TX. 'I have the speed to accomplish the task.' Melissa Gable, Asheville, NC 'John Lucas is about competition...I want to compete against people at their best.' John Lucas, Brooklyn, NY.
Those aren't the people who originated those quotes (though it sort of makes it cool, doesn't it?). Those are your 6 contestants for this week - but we will be down to 4 rather quickly as we see the first stunt, which has a rather simple concept to it. The player is dangling from a rope attached to a helicopter. All you have to do is hang on as the copter tries to shake you off by thrashing you in the water at speeds up to 45 miles per hour. The man and woman who hangs on for the least amount of time will not be hearing Joe Rogan say 'Fear is not a factor for you.'
Sal, the shortest person there, has the biggest mouth, as he is asking people if their bags are packed yet. Hoping that her bags will not be packed for her is Michelle, who goes first, and she loses her bikini bottom. Ohhh la la. She holds on until we see her and her blurred out bits fall from the rope at 31 seconds.
Tracy is next - and we see a very nice full bloomed tree tattoo on her shoulder. Her tree doesn't wilt, but her shorts does as we have the second defrocked female contestant. Her chances on the show may have started to wilt as well - she only stays on for 28 seconds, which means that Melissa gets to keep her shorts - and chances of winning the game - on.
Raylene has a boyfriend, but she thinks that Jeff is hot - but only that she wants to beat Jeff's time. While she is getting ready to lose her bottoms, Joe is making fun of the women by saying that they never even got to 25 miles per hour on the copter. Raylene should have been concentrating less on Jeff (or her missing shorts) and more on the stunt - she only stays on for 23 seconds - and she follows her trunks as she disappears in the water.
Will the guys be losing their shorts? Sal says that he was a member of the marines - and he continues to talk trash. We all know what that means - he will probably be going bye-bye in the first stunt.
Jeff does not want to go bye-bye. The Fear Factor TV people do not want him - or any of the guys - to lose their shorts - hence the guys, instead of wearing skimpy speedos, are wearing big fluffy gym-like pants. He sets a decent time of 52 seconds...
...but will it be enough? John Lucas, who played for Kansas State in the 90's, tells his kids that 'Daddy is going to do it!'. He doesn't mention what 'It' is, but if 'it' was about beating Jeff's time, then he doesn't have the 'it' factor. Jeff only hangs on for 51 seconds (ouch), and Jeff gets to stay on.
If the man with the big mouth can hang on, then he can send the now-whining John home. 'He's got a lot of heart, but he's built like a 12 year old vegetarian, and that's going to hurt him.' says Joe. Since Sal can not use his mouth to grab on to the rope, I will have to agree, and we are all right, as the mini-me-marine only hangs on for a mini 3 seconds. 'I don't remember letting go...next thing I see is the helicopter leaving without me.' Everyone else will be leaving without you too, Sal.
We start the next stunt in a pasture, filled with tall green grass, a ranch in the distance, and...the mooing of big cows. I believe they are there to make sure that the contestants aren't steered in the wrong direction (yuk, yuk, yuk).
Joe pulls over a blanket to reveal the next stunt - a glass bucket filled with cow eye balls. Yummy. But you don't have to eat the eyes. You have to puncture the membrane and spit the juice from the membrane into the glass. After you get enough cow juice in there to surpass a line in the glass, you have to drink what's in the glass. The three quickest drinkers will get to experience the cowcophany of the final stunt.
Melissa starts off the she-bang. 'it tasted kind of salty, like dirt water.' She gets it done in 1:41, which seems like a half-way decent time, but she did drop a few eye-balls and that could cost her. Tracy was next - and she goes for the big eyeballs, because the mave more juice in them. That seems to be the right strategy, as she turns in a sweet time of 1:07. All of a sudden, that 1:41 doesn't look too hot.
John, as a personal goal, wants to beat the 1:07 - but all he has to do is beat 1:41. He admits that he is squeamish in eating gross stuff - and this would certainly qualify as gross stuff. He is grossed out - and that, plus the fact that he didn't pick big eyeballs, does not give him first - but the 1:21 it still good enough to advance.
It's all down to Jeff. Like Melissa, he also drops a few eyeballs, but he was quicker than Melissa and he gets it done in 1:27. That's enough for her to go home. 'I think it was the luck of the draw...I had to go first and set the standard.' I have to agree with her - she got the horned end of the deal.
Jeff, John and Tracy remain to look at the final stunt - but we get an interlude first. John says he will finally finish first, Tracy says that may the best woman win, and Jeff says that the money is all his.
Now for the final stunt - contestants have to transfer as many as 15 flags from one side to the other. Here's the catch - they will have to be running on the roofs of 2 dump trucks. The trucks will be swaying from 4 to 6 feet away from each other, so the contestants need to pick their spots. Whoever can get the most amount of flags across without falling off of the trucks wins.
Tracy, the best woman (because she is the only woman left) goes first. She doesn't fall off, but after 9 flags, she nails her knee on the side of the truck and she calls it quits.
John needs to beat 9 flags in 2:06. Joe likes to point out that John has had surgery on his knee, but John says that it will not be a factor. It isn't, as he gets the first 14. He goes for the maximum 15...but....he can't make the final jump. 14 in 1:49 is still excellent, but it is possible that he can lose yet again by a very slim margin...
And if that happens, Jeff will be the person that he loses to all three times. Jeff says that pacing himself is the key to winning this, although John disagrees. Jeff is also moving much slower than John, so it's apparent that Jeff needs to get all 15 flags. Jeff is starting to stumble at the 7 flag mark, and John is starting to talk trash. The trash works - Jeff falls off the truck at 9 flags, so John makes sure that the third time is a charm. Of course, $50,000 can make you feel pretty charmed, too.
It looks like we're back in Normal Fear Factor mode - no Million, no new car, no trip to Vegas - just 6 people competing for $50,000 - well, for now anyways, until the sweeps...or maybe not - this is a SPECIAL Halloween Fear Factor. One of these people will be $50,000 richer, the other 5 will be Halloweenies.
We start this episode in a graveyard, where Eleicia Brandolini (Weymouth, MA), Brian Hood (Roseburg, OH), Jennifer Long (Jonesboro, GA), George Chidak (Brick, NJ), Lexi Charomonte (Bakersfield CA) and Jason Bell (LA, CA) compete for the money. Quote of the night comes from Brian - 'Having all of those women win just shows the caliber of men that they have on the show.' Nice.
This seems to be a simple one at first - the person is handcuffed in a tank filled with 400 gallons of water. All you have to do is to find the right key to get you out. The 2 men and the 2 women who do this the fastest get to move on. Joe, however, is concerned that the players will be lonely, so he brings some of his friends to keep them company - a few hundred snakes!
Jennifer is going first - and she wants Lexi to go home because she's too talkative. For someone who's supposed to be setting the bar in terms of time, she's not doing a good job - especially since the keys are attached to her butt. She stays in there for an agonizingly long 6:20, which is enough time for some other people to make a leather belt from the skins that the snakes are shedding while waiting for Jennifer to get out of the tank.
Eleicia is next - and Lexi talks trash to her, too - as she throws a raspberry at her when she says that she will do it in under 2:30. She can't stand the snakes - and that sometimes is a very good motivator to move very quickly. That she does, and she gets done in 2:15 - well under her predicted time.
Jennifer is on the bubble - while Lexi (considered 'the hated one' by the other people) is blowing bubbles. She is screaming like a banshee when the snakes are poured in the tank, and she is taking her sweet time as well - but not sweet enough. Her 3:53 gives Jen a sour taste in her mouth as her bathing suit costs her the game. 'I'll never live this one down for the rest of my life.'
The women were VERY slow in getting this done - how will the men do? Jason, who calls everyone else 'spectators' in the opening promo, goes first. He may have been a spectator in the tank, as it takes him 4:15 to get out. That doesn't beat either of the surviving women's times, and you may as well warm up the bye-bye wagon for Jason.
'If Lexi wins the whole thing, that would suck.' This comes from Brian, who is the next person in the tank. What would suck for Brian is if he didn't get as far as Lexi - and lt's looking like that may happen as it takes him over 2 minutes to find the first key. He does get it doe - but he hesitates in getting the last handcuff off - and that hesitation costs him. His time - 4:16. He's off by a scant second, and that may be enough to send him home.
George, who teaches Special Ed., is ready to go - and unlike everyone else, he isn't dainty. He dives right through the snakes and gets all of the keys. This proves out to be the right strategy, as he is done in a very quick 1:33. It really will suck for Brian, who not only doesn't win the $50,000, but who gets knocked out in the first round.
But Lexi is around for the second round - and so is Joe, who is about to explain it. There are 7 'flaming' goblets. Each person will shoot an explosive pellet at the goblet, which will be cool from a pyrotechnic standpoint. The goblet, when exploding, will reveal a number - which is how many of these things that you have to eat. Which things are they? Well...STINK BEETLES! You either get to eat 8, 16 or 24 of them, and you don't get any ketchup (or human blood, being that it's Halloween) to help get them down.
George starts it off, and after 2 attempts, he gets to eat 8 beetles. He says that it was pretty nasty, but it looks like he munches them down without a problem. Jason, a professed sharpshooter, is next - and I hope he has a sharp stomach, since he has to eat 16 of them suckers. He hates the aftertaste, but he gets thew down as well.
It's the ladies turn. Eleicia gets the maximum 24 beetles to eat. Eleicia - 'I love secretion' Joe - 'This is a family show.' She does the stinking beetle dance as she eats them, but she gets it down. 'Now, it's everyone's favorite contestant, Lovely Lexi!' jeers Joe, as she will be hearing the sounds of gagging from her fellow contestants - especially since she has to eat 24 of the beetles. She pops them down like they were popcorn, and she also makes the finals. Everyone passes the test of the stink beetles. She screams, and Joe anoints her as one of the freakiest contestants that has ever been on Fear Factor. Thanks - she thinks.
For the last stunt, it's time to visit the Mausoleum! We have another tank - and in the tank is the return of the old favorite COW EYEBALLS! Also in the tank are pigs hearts - 10 of them. Whoever gets all 10 hearts out of the tank the quickest wins the $50,000...and of course, you have to do it with your mouth.
Jason is unlucky contestant #1. It takes him 2 minutes to find the first heart and it's not looking very good for him. He gets into a groove and works pretty quickly after that - but the slow start may come back to haunt him as he gets it done in 3:42.
Lexi, the freaky contestant is next - and she says that she can do it in 2:37 exactly. She is scooping th eyeballs away with her face -but she gets the hearts much quicker than Jason and she already has 5 in under a minute. She doesn't do it in 2:37 - she does it even quicker - 2:14 - which is enough to send Jason home.
Now will that time hold up against George? He uses Lexi's pushing the head technique - and he is just flying. He blows the 2:14 away - by almost half. He gets it done in 1:09, and 'Crazy' Lexi, who now calls herself 'Lexi the Loser' is gone.
It's now down to Eleicia - and she is moving very very quickly - even quicker than George. The key is that she didn't bury her head completely in there - so she can see the hearts. She can also see her time - 53 seconds. That is good enough and Eleicia is the firs female Fear Factor Champion of the Season. Maybe it's not the caliber of men this time - but the fact that the women's caliber was just a little quicker smarter, and - for this show - freakier.
Now who in their right mind would fear Lisa Bingham, Jennifer Enriquez, Keirsten Wingo, Nicole French, Catherine Ludwig or Paula Scalco? Why, no one - but they look to put fear aside - though 'we wanted to crush some men'. Well no men here, but $50,000 on the line for those who want it...
And in order to get it, they will have to grab as many flags as possible as the are repeatedly dumped into the water by their ankles in a flying helicopter. Does this sound familiar? It should, because we've seen this already in FF - Las Vegas.
Nicole does not want to be the 2 people who pick up the least amount of flags - because those 2 get to go home. The women are hoping that her hair gets caught in the chopper blades. Nice - but too bad that the blades are on the top of the copter and she's on the bottom. The women's fears may be justified, however - she gets a healthy 9 flags - and that will be tough to beat. 'They are all going to feel stupid when they fail' says a smug Nicole.
Will see how smug Nicole is after Jennifer goes - but Nicole will stay smug (albeit a little less so) after Jennifer only gets 8. Nicole is even less smug when Catherine gets 10 - and is guaranteed a spot in the second stunt. Nicole says that the has more room to store the flgs. Meow. Joe says that Nicole has more places to stuff her flags. Meeeeeoooow.
Keirsten says that she will get 11 - and she wonders if her top will stay on. Most of the men are hoping that it doesn't, but it does (awwwwwwww), but what does drop is a few flags as she does a precelbratory dance. It doesn't come back to haunt her, though, she gets 10 and can move on.
Next up is Paula - and she says that she wants 12. That will be fine - but 10 is good enough to go on, and 9 is good enough to send Jennifer home. She gets 10 - and that seals the deal for Jennifer.
The smug Nicole is now on the bubble - and Lisa can have her bubble burst. After her drops, she has a total of....9. Since they are not going to get rid of 2 girls and only have 3 left, they will have 5 left instead, as both Nicole and Lisa advance -along with the other three women.
Everyone is happy now - but happy will they be when they see their next stunt - as the women assume that it will be food-related. They guessed right, as they see platters of worms and cow brains moving across a conveyor belt. They have to transfer the food items (which aosl include cow snout and pig uterus) to a scale, and of course, they have to transfer it by mouth. The 2 people who get the least amount of weight across are 'lightweights' - and it's lights out for them.
Catherine goes first - and she manages to transport 5 pounds worth of delicasies over. Paula, who's next, looks to get 8 or 9 pounds - Maybe she meant ounces - she is not doing that well, and even the other women are telling her that she sucks. She does get 3.5 pounds, but it looked like she was really struggling and that looks like a really bad weight.
Lisa is looking to have Paule eat her words, so to speak. She does - barely - as she gets 3.75 pounds, but the 2 lowest people are out, so she is very much in danger. Keirsten is the next to try the I Love Lucy gone horrifically wrong stunt - and Joe says that Keirsten has a huge mouth. That she does, much to the delight of her 5.2 weight, and much to the dismay of Paula, who will be worming her way out of there.
Keirsten and Catherine are in - while Paula is out and Lisa is appearing that way. Can the smug nicole back up her words? She can, as she gets over 4 pounds - and spits some food at Joe as well. Well, that's interesting - but not as much for Lisa, who has to leave us.
That leaves us to the final stunt, which infolver an 8 inch wide giant-sized human hamster wheel. The premise is simple - run in there for as long as you can. The woman with the bext running endurance wins the money.
Catherin, who wasn't thrilled about going first on the last stunt, gets to go first again on this stunt. She sets a time of 1:29 - which seems decent - but not untoppable.
The question is - can either of the women top it? The smug Nicole gets first crack at it - and she's now even smugger as she lasts for 2:00.03. Cat's concern does become realized and she's gone.
It's down to Keirsten - and she says that she can do it in 2:30. She doesn't need to hang on for that long, because she does get past 2 minutes, She jumps into the water after that, so we won't see if she does get to 2 and a half minutes - but it doesn't mater, because neither fear - nore smugness - was a factor today.
Carrie Metzger, Erin Toland, Ryan Reitke, Johnny Johnson Jr., Jessica Jensen and Ross Kelly are all ready to win $50,000 - well they say they are - but are they really? That's what we will be finding out as Joe gives them the usual lecture.
You have to dive into a resevoir and go into a submerged bus, take out 4 crash test dummies and put them on a raft. The man and woman who are the slowest, or who resuce the least number of dummies before quitting, will be considered dummies themselves.
Johnny, who has successfully come out of the hood, has triplets - and $50,000 will pay a lot of food bills. We get to see a picture of his kids (awwwwBarf) as he's imagining that it's his kids in the bus to rescue. 'Think of the Triplets' yells Joe. Well, uh...there's only 3 triplets, and 4 dummies. Apparently, that didn't matter - and he wasn't thinking about the kids down there, because he only got one dummy out of the water in 53.7 seconds. Johnny is officially the killer of 3 drowning dummies.
That pretty much seals the deal in terms of the guys - or does it? Ross thinks that it does, as he considers himself a good swimmer. While Erin psyches herself up, Ross gets the first dummy in 33 seconds. That gets him into the next round, but just for the heck of it, he gets a second one out in 1:15.
Ryan needs to find 2 dummies (no, the members of the Pittsburgh Steelers do NOT count) and bring them in the raft to advance. He does that with ease - and he brings up 2 more of them just to rub a little more salt in Johnnies wounds. We are down from triplets to twins, as Johnny is out, out, out.
Both surviving guys warn the girls to avoid hitting their heads on the top of the bus. Carrie goes first - and she is ready to be the first person to get all four out, but 'I really want three.' 3 may not be enough, Carrie...and I definitely think that one is not enough - but that's all she gets - albeit in 54 seconds.
Could this be the end of Carrie? Jessica is a part-time lifeguard, so things aren't looking too good for Carrie to get in by way of Jessica. She does get the first one slower by Carrie - but she also gets a second one in, and that's good enough to save the lifeguard from drowning.
Erin is the only person that will save Carri'e chances from winning the $50,000 from drowning. Erin, still psyching herself out, is screaming with Joe, as Joe is convinced that she will complete the stunt. She gets three - and Carrie is gone. Erin does decide to get all 4, which prompts Joe to scream 'now that's what I'm talking about!.' She doesn't do it - but she does get three, which is the best that any woman can do - and that is better than Carrie, who's one dummy gets her bussed out of the competition.
The people are feeling confident - and Jessica is hoping that the second stunt is an eating one. Ross, who is a vegetarian, isn't too thrilled about the prospect - but the fact that they are walking through a dirty kitchen should be a sign that there will be something on the menu.
We see a hill of dirty dishes, and Joe saying 'Well, guess what you have to do next?' Uh oh...but no one's being eliminated this time around - it's a case of who can do this the best - and the winner gets a Trip to Brazil! But to do it, they have to first find 5 madagascar Hissing Cockroaches and put it in a box, then drink a glass of lard-blended cow parts, then drink a glass of rotten milk. WHoever does this the quickest gets to go to Brazil - and then throw up there as they are recuperating from the stunt.
Jessica is first - and she is drinking like a trooper. She's a bit slow, but she gets it done in 1:38.6. Everyone's impressed - especially as she uses the Fear Factor Barf Bucket right afterwards. So much for looking forward to an eating stunt.
Since this is optional, the contestant's don't have to do it - but Ryan is ready for it. He really wants to go to Brazil - he speeds through the roach finding and saves enough time through the 2 glasses for a 1:09.06 time. That one is going to be very hard to beat - but Erin will try - for around 10 seconds, then gives up. 'You big baby - you showed us how strong you were in the water, and you can't even get one roach.' Joe yells at her - and he keeps making fun of her.
He won't be making fun of Ross, who is very quick in getting the roaches - and holds his nose when drinking the liquids. He gets it done in 59 seconds, which means that he gets to go to Brazil! Erin, all of a sudden, isn't looking so dumb, because she didn't have to drink the nasty stuff...
...but will that hlp her in the next round? The 4 people left are now in a lab - 'This could be a rough one for you, Erin, considering how you reacted on the last one.' says Joe, who uncovers their next stunt - to reveal COW's BRAINS! 'They're not moving, that's fine' retorts Erin. Well that's good for her, as they need to find 10 discs in the brains while spinal fluid is coming out of a tap that's hovering over the contestant's head. The slowest contestant will be mooing in displeasure.
Erin goes first - and she's having a lot of problems getting the discs out. 'The texture of the brain is like tofu that's been three days old.'says Erin, who thinks she may have vomited in the brains, too. Mmmmmmmmm yummy. She gets it done in a very slow 5:17.9, which would be long enough for her to make her own cheeseburger.
Could it be because she's slow - or because the stunt it that difficult to do? Ross will find out right now - and we find out that it's the latter. The stunt is really time consuming and Ross gets it done in 5:32. Erin does indeed advance, and now Ross is in the hot seat.
Will Jessica be as slow, or will she able to get it done? She gets it done quickly enough - 4:20 - so she's in. Ryen can get revenge on Ross taking the Brazil trip from him by him taking the $50,000 shot away from Ross. He does so - he gets it done in 3:47 - and that will send Ross packing to Brazil a little bit earlier than he wants.
For the first time in a while, we have 2 women and one guy in the finals. The women think that they will prevail - and in order to do that, they have to move across a field of collapsing beams and get as many flags as they can before the beams catch up to them.
The lone male, Ryan, goes first, and he admits that it would suck if he lost. The wrestling is flyng accross the cross. 'I told you, don't sleep on the wrestler.' says Joe. I don't know if they want to sleep ON him, but they may want to after he gets completes the course in 34 seconds.
But will the wrestler be anymatch for a former gymnast? That would be Jessica, and though her balance is good, her speed isn't - she misses a flag, and she's done.
The wrestler is 34 seconds away from $50,000 - but Erin, who psyched herself up earlier, seems psyched out by Ryan's time. She says that she can't do it - and the beam falls out with a flag, which ends her time - but it start's Ryan's spending spree time, as he walks away with the $50,000.
Is everyone ready for the cash? They say they are, so we jump right in, as Joe tells everyone that they will be handcuffed and placed in a sack. You will then be dropped into a swimming pool - and you have to uncuff yourself and get out. The man and the woman who is the slowest on getting out and grabbing a Fear Factor flag from the pool (which stops the clock), will be brown bagging it instead of body bagging it.
Rachel Arnold goes first - and she admits that she is not good at holding her breath. She says that she, as a skiboarder, lives in her car - and if she wins the money, she will buy some land so that she will sleep in the car in the land that she parks her car in. Oooooooook. If she wins $50,000, it will be on snowboarding, because although she gets out of the cuffs, she can't get out of the bag and calls it quits. 'Oh man' - says Joe - 'This is going to be tough.'
The next contestant, Aaron Marino, is a personal Bodybuilder. We all know how good body builders do at this...'The last time I did this, it took me a little longer than I expected.' This time around, it takes him a lot longer than expected, as Aaron, who used to have asthma, also quits. 'I did not expect that' says Joe, and we may have another Contestant Killer stunt.
'I've always been wet when I'm in handcuffs, so I'm used to it' says Melody Czarnecki. Nice. Joe tells everyone that since 2 people have been eliminated, all you need to do is to complete the stunt. Make it 3 people eliminated - Melody fights the bag and the bag wins. She didn't wait long enough for the bag to equalize - and she hopes that everyone fails so that she can come back.
'If anyone can stay calm. a guy that should ride 70 bulls a year should be calm.' says Joe, 'Cowboy Up' says John Short. 'You have just been eliminated.' - says Me. John waits long - maybe too long - for the bag to equalize, and he runs out of air. 'Cowboy Up', by the way, means that you can summon up a little more strength when you run out of will power. See, you can learn something here - Unfortunately for Josh, the Cowboys lost a few games this year - and so did he.
With 2 people left, Joe reminds everyone that if they get both through, then they are the only people who compete for $50,000. If only one of them gets through, then they win $25,000 ON THE SPOT. Stacey Storey, who's from Alaska, should be used to the water - but she inhaled a bunch of water while down there, and that's not going to do you any good. It didn't do her any good - she quit.
The good news for the other 5 people is that they come back. The better news for Dwayne Thompson is that if he completes this, he wins $25,000. He's doing this for his unborn son, Todd. He gets out of the cuffs, and unzips the bag. When he gets to the surface, he pumps his fist - and does a backstroke to the flag. He picks it off - and that's worth $25,000. 'ow that's how it's done!' yells Joe, as Dwayne is at least $25,000 richer.
He's not done, though - Dwayne wants the other $25,000 - while everyone else has Dwayne on their mind. They better have something else on their mind - nightcrawler, millipedes and hissing cockroaches. You have to sort them out and place them into boxes - with your mouths. Oh by the way, you also have to do this upside down.
This is done in contestant vs. contestant format - whoever sorts the least amount from the 2 goes home. In the first heat, Melody goes up against Stacy, who has a big problem putting bugs in her mouth. Sure enough, Melody is dragging bug after bug after bug, and Stacey, who complains that she can't reach the bugs, quits. Joe calls Stacey a big chicken and makes clucking noises as she leaves.
Next up - Rachel Vs. John. John shows us his advantage - he has some false teeth thanks to riding the bulls for too long. 'It tasted like the nastiest Cajun food you had to eat' says the cowboy, but he does Cowboy up with 25 bugs (vs. Rachel's 21), which means that he sends Rachel on her little pony and sends her off.
In the last heat, we see Dwayne Vs. Aaron. Dwayne has already won $25,000 - and he will have a shot at $25,000 more, as he gets $1,000 a bug - for 25. Aaron only gets 20, so he leaves and the field of 6 gets cut to 3.
'There's o way I'm going to let this negative cowboy and this motorized Barbie doll take my $25,000'. That comes from Dwayne - and he can back it up if he can get the flags the quickest on a rotating vertical board. There is a 3 inch ledge to walk on as you rotate around the vertical ledges to grab the 8 flags.
John says that with the bull-riding experience, this shouldn't be a problem. Of course, he said the same thing on the first stunt, and apparently they don't do bull riding 100 feet in the sky. John takes his sweet time, and even Melody is making fun of him. 'Dan Hicks would be angry at you!' He gets it done in 3:58, and barring both of the other competitors falling off like a bull, he is Cowboy Done.
Melody wants to make hamburger out of that time. She does get it done faster - a while minute faster in 2:58. 'Not only did I lose, I got showed up by a girl' says John, who is Cowboy Gone.
Will Dwayne do the same to Melody? If he does, he wins the other $25,000 - for $50,000 total. He wants the title of Fear Factor champion, and despite Melody yelling 'You already have money, go home!', he is progressing nicely - until he misses a flag. Joe yells at him to get it - and he does - and now he has to blaze. Despite the screw-up, he gets back on track, and he gets the last flag in a time of...1:50.
Fear was not a Factor for Dwayne, but Joe was, since without him, Dwayne would have blazed right past the flag and would have lost to Melody. Dwayne wins $50,000 - but he needs to give Joe a chunk of the second installment of $25,000 - or at least take him out for a nice dinner.
Julie McCracken has been on every single episode and is ready to meet Joe. Land Kliger mand is ready for the unexpected. Monica Travis is ready to be competitive, Ryne DeGrave is ready wto win the $50,000, Kristina Justinano is ready to do what it takes - even if it includes lying, and 33 year old Shwan Hauser is ready to take the young 'uns to school.
Two of them will be ready to go home as we get to the first stunt, which involves a ladder, some flags and a helicopter. You have to move to the ladder from the platform of a speeding truck, and you have to release flags while cliumbing up the ladder. The slowest man and woman will be leaving the show earlier than planned.
Ryne is first - and Joe makes fun of his name. Land is making fun of everyone - including Ryne, who looks like a model, and Shawn, who is full of muscles and tattoos. Land is the lightweight of the group (think red-haired Jon from Survivor) and he has worn out with welcome with everyone.
Shawn says that the tattoos will make him go faster - especially the one of his wife on his neck. While he's talking, Ryne completes the stunt in 39 seconds. That's the time that Shwan has to beat - and he is using all arms, which Joe doesn't think is smart. It doesn't matter what Joe thinks - Shawm gets into the groove and flies - good enough for 29 seconds. Shawn is representing the muscle dudes...
...and little Land, according to Shawn, 'is worse than a woman - he can't shut up.' Land will be shutting Ryne up if he gets it done quicker than 39 seconds. He does get caught twsiting on the ladder - but he gets it done in 37 seconds. The model will be making good-bye poses as he leaves.
Time for the ladies to show their rung raising abilities. Kristina is going first - and is setting the bar. The bar, unfortunately, is set pretty low, as she has problems unlatching the flags. She gets it done in 40 seconds - and that is what Monica needs to beat. 'Monica is all legs.' says Joe, and with no upper body strength, she is in trouble - 48 seconds worth.
All Julie needs to do is to beat 48 seconds. All she does instead is to commit the dumb-ass move of the episode by grabbing the second lowest rung of the ladder. By doing that, she can't get her feet on the ladder and she falls off. Monica and Kristina advance due to stupidity.
This time around, people will need to do better than hoping that the other person does something stupid. They may need to hope that the other people have weak stomachs, as Joe unleashes buckets of cow and pigs parts, super worms, and rotting fish parts. You have to clear the lovely buck items with your mouth, for at the bottom of the buckets are numbers which are the combination to the locks that they are chained to. After they get out of the locks, they have to take a pigs foot in their mouth and drop it in a bucket. Whoever is the slowest person will be putting their face in nasty stuff for naught.
Kristina goes first - and she gets it done in 3:10. It seems like a decent time, but everyone else thinks that it's too slow. Monica thinks that she can get it done in 2 and a half minutes, but she is getting hampered by Kristina, who is yelling out numbers while Monica is working out the combination. Kristina's yelling pays off, as it breaks her concentration and it confuses her to the point that she almost quits. she gets it done - but it's in 5:07 and she wants to dump Kristina in the bucket of rotting fish parts.
All the guys have to do is beat 5:07 - but Shawn, the big muscleman, has big fat fingers, and he can't get the combination locks open. That, plus Monica doing what Kirstina did to her, leads to him completing the stunt in a turtle-like pace of 6:39. Shawn needs to do the same thing to Land - but he doesn't, and the women, who would much rather face a scrawny Land than a muscle boy Shawn in the finals, don't screw up Land either. Land gets it done in 2:17 - and that's enough to get rid of Shawn.
We are down to 3 people - and one last stunt. This one is pretty cool - the contestants get to drive a sportscar under a big rig for as many times as they can until they run out of road or until they wipe out. Whoever traverses under the truck for the most amount of times wins the money. KIDS - DO NOT TRY THIS ONE AT HOME!!!!
Monica starts the shebang off - and she is very tentative. Very tentative does not win you squat - but she does pick up the pace. She gets to 6 when she spins out with 370 feet left of road. Could that last spin-out be a $50,000 error?
Kristina would like to hope so - and wants to set the bar up high so that Land would be overzealous and make some mistakes. Joehas been very impressed with how Kirstina plays the game - and he will continue to be impressed as she gets 8 laps done. Once again, she gets the best of Monica, and this time, Monica pays the severe penalty of being eliminated.
Now the other strategy that she had would be for Land to be overzealous and spin-out. It may work - Land has a ton of speeding tickets. He isn't overzealous at all - he is too conservative and he only gets 5 laps. Fear was not a Factor, but psychology was, and Kristina, the master of psychology, gets to pay for college with a $50,000 scholarship - and straight As.
They say that Fear Factor can be fun for the whole family. In essence, that's what it is, as we have parents and kids of all genders and combinations - Michael (ex-marine for 22 years) and Lauren (no last names) are from Whitehall, Ohio. Dad says they are the team to beat since he install the marines into her kids. Kevan and Dakota are the only all-male group - and Kevan the dad is full of trash talking. In the Stephanie (mom) and Jake (kid) combo - they say that nothing is going to stop them. Tess (mom) and Morgan (daughter) say that Morgan is the smart one of the group - but they are a great team.
We will see very quickly how much of a team these people are in the first stunt - there are 3 rafts being carried by a motorboat. The kid has to bring a flag with him and jump from raft to raft to the adult, who must, in turn, jump back up to the kids raft. The slowest adult/parent combo will be getting into their first family argument off of the show.
Michael and Lauren start first - Lauren says that dad teaches her discipline from the Marines. Joe - 'I feel sorry for your first boyfriend.' Both adults and kids are talking smack about the adults - and the adults are talkig about the kids. Tess - 'I'll kick (Morgan) in the water if it will improve our time.', adding that Michael will be the first adult to choke. No he won't, but his jumping from raft to raft sends Lauren into the water. They did transfer the flag before she fell, so the fall doesn't count as he and Lauren complete the stunt. The time was a little slow (28 seconds) but at least they completed the stunt.
Dakota, who said they would suck, now says that they will do better anyways. This is the kid that we're talking about - but it's not his turn to go - it's Tess and Morgan's turn. They go at it back and forth, and after Morgan says that she wants to take the inflatable gloves and hit her, mom says that she's turned into the bad mom in 30 seconds.
We condinue with the Dakota show as he says that he goes out with 15-17 year old girls - meanwhile, he's only 11. He yells at Morgan 'good-bye' and says that he knows what will happen. No he doesn't - Tess and Morgan fly through it and finish it in 23 seconds - which puts them in first. 'It doesn't take a Marine.' says Tess, which gets the Marine to stare at him.
But there is one thing that they all have in common - they all want Dakota to fall. Dakota tries to rap in front of Joe, and Joe hopes that the Fear Factor skills are better than his rapping skills. Stephanie - 'It doesn't surprise me that Kevan is a weekend dad.' Parents can be so cruel...
Dakota gets to the end of the raft and gives dad the flag - and thn dad promptly throws the kid off of the raft. Nice. But he does finish it in 25.7 seconds - which puts the Marine and his daughter in Jeopardy.
Stephanie and Jake can complete the deal and send the Marine home. Jake isn't afraid of the water - or girls - but he's scared of his sister. He should have been more scared of the event, which was a huge mess. First, Jake gets his foot caught on the rope and then he slides under. She thinks that he's caught under the raft, which breaks her concentration. She bounces around the rafts, but she's distracted and she winds up falling off without completing the stunt. Jake winds up ok, but they get themselves knocked out of the game. It does have it's upside, though, according to Jake, 'I don't have to hear Dakota ever again.'
Tess/Morgan and Michael/Lauren have to, as they all go to the next stunt. Morgan says that she can eat mom's cooking, so she can handle anything. Joe says that in this stunt, no one will be eliminated - and they are playing instead for a 7 day trip to the caribbean (Curacao, specifically), if they win. Nice. To win the trip, they have to crawl through a tunnel of lard and pig parts. Not so nice now, eh?
The kid gets to carry a cow tongue, slosh through the tunnel, and hand it to their parent, who has to slosh through the other side of the tunnel and drop the tongue in a bucket. Whoever can get 7 tongues through the fastest gets to go on the trip.
Morgan and Tess start - and the mom may be wishing that she got knocked off of the show. They are moving very very slow, while Kevin and Dakota are talking strategy. They get it done in 2:19, which Joe says is very fast. I doubt that, but what did save time was Tess throwing it from far away into the bucket. Will that strategy come back to give them the trip?
Michael and Lauren are next - and while Joe is yelling at them to move faster, Lauren is muttering that she'd like to see Joe do this. Heh. He doesn't have to - but dad needed to go faster - he didn't throw it into the bucket and they get stopped after only getting 5 pig tongues in the bucket.
Dakota can talk all the way to Cruacao if their strategy pays off. Dakota gives a rap about how Jake is a fake. How real is Dakota? The jury is still out, but Kevan's strategy is sound - he lies on his back and uses momentum to move him through the tunnel. They complete it in 1:51 and the weekend dad has a whole week to spend with his kid. Dakota may take his 15 year old girlfriend. And no, I don't want to hear a victory rap about it.
We are up to stunt #3 - and someone will be having a losing rap. The kids will be cleaning up - well not really - they have to take a shower in syrup and then stick their head in a tank of red worms. The adults have to clean them off, put them in a tank, then transfer the worms from the tank to a scale with their mouth. Yummy. The 2 famillies with the most amount of worms advance to the last day.
Michael and Lauren start it off - and Michael says that he has something to prove. He has a lot to prove, because his technique is awful. He is not getting a lot of worms off of her, and after 2 minutes, they have a measly 6.5 ounces. Rapping Dakota is next, and Joe calls Kevan a human anteater. That would sound like an advancement for Kevan - and it is, as Tess says 'Wow'. They have 1 pound 12 ounces, and we get to hear another rap.
'This is a little experiment - let's what happens when you mix worms with mommy's saliva.' says Joe, as Tess and Morgan play some Fear Factor science. Morgan gets the technique down as a visibly upset Lauren looks on. A worm gets in mom's mouth, and her gag reflex causes her to quit, with 5 second left. When she's done gagging with the worms, Tess will be celebrating as they get 1 pound, one ounce. Lauren and Michael are sent packing. 'At least I don't have to see Dakota anymore - his rap just sucked.' Making friends and influencing people...
Its the girls vs. boys as we go to the final stunt - they have to run through a 100 foot tube obstacle course - 100 feet in the air. First one of the people in the tube have to do it then jump out of the tube and swim to a platform, releasing a flag. Then the other teammate has to do the same thing. Whoever gets through the quickest - or the furthest - wins the cash.
Dakota and Kevan are first - and we get to hear another rap. Tess tells morgan to make sure that she wipes her hands before hitting on the plastic - because they will be sweaty. Meanwhile, Kevan tells Dakota to swing in one good arc and to stay firm while the women are doing their own version of pound. Who's strategu will be better?
The men, to be blunt, are flying - they get it through in 2:21, and the women are visibly concerned, if not shaken. The women pretty much need to be perfect. Morgan misses the trapeeze, and it costs her precious time to get through - but she makes it up by swimming to the flag faster than Dakota, which gives mom some time. Mom fumbles on the swinging rope,but she recovers to actually beat Kevan's time on the course. The women finish the stunt in 2:11 - which gives them the win and the $50,000 - and thankfully, no more rapping.
We are back to a 'normal' Fear Factor - and the normal trash talking. Molinee Martillini wants to beat the boys, Tony Brown calls himself a winner, Dawn Miracle thinks that she has the mental edge, David Spicer isn't worried about the competition, Lindsay Gannott is a tom-girl and Skip Harris, credits his fishing heritage for his eye-have coordination. Yep - a normal Fear Factor.
But as we all know, the stunts are far from normal - like the first one, which is to jump from platform to platform of 2 speeding motorboats which are travelling at more than 30 miles an hour. You have to transfer 6 flags from one boat to the other, and the man and woman who's the slowest is eliminated.
Tony is contestant #1 - and we'll see how much of a winner he really is. He says he doesn't have much competition as he dusts himself off. The trash-talking has already begun and the rest of the contestants are already hoping that he falls off of the boat. They get their wish - he screws up the first jump and into the water he goes.
Maybe you should change the word 'winner' to 'whiner', as he first accuses the boat of cutting off (which it didn't), then accusing Joe of not doing the stunt - and just accusing everyone of screwing him over instead of the real culprit - himself. Tell him, Joe - 'Your ego is ruining yourself for millions of people...you jumped, you missed, you fell in the water, you're eliminated - you can't say it's the boat's fault.' Tony challenges Joe to do the stunt, which, of course he won't do. Tony, as he walks away, says that Joe owes him $50,000 as Tony is the dumb-ass move of the episode.
Well, with the self-proclaimed whiner gone, Joe is offering $1,000 to the guy who can do it the quickest. David is first - and he gets the stunt completed in
2:07. You would expect fisherman Skip to really move - which he does - but he is very hesitant at the start, and that costs him $1,000. Time of completion - 2:09, and David wins the money. Skip is happy about it, because he knows that Dave needs the money for his kids. A warm, gushy moment on Fear Factor? Blah.
We are done with the warm gushy moment - and on to the reality that a woman will be joining Mr Whi...I mean Brown. It probably will not be Molinee who's going home - she gets it done in 2:07, which ties David for best time in the event so far. Lindsay is next - and she has a tall order to fill - will she get the best time of everyone? She says that she has gymnastics experience - but she needed to work a little more on the jumping apparatus. Playing the role of Skip is Lindsay, who also gets it done in 2:09 - ouch. She couldn't find one of the flags, and that could be the cause of her going home.
That's still a tough time to beat - and Dawn will need a really good effort to beat it. Dawn is going slower than the first 2 women, and she knows it. She tries to pick up the pace, but she slams into the side of the boat and down she goes. While the eliminated Dawn is sobbing about how she is going to pay for grad school, Molinee and Lindsay rejoice about moving on to the next round.
Will they be rejoicing after the second stunt? Joe wants to celebrate the rejoicing by offering a glass of wine - but the wine wont be made out of grapes - they'll be made out of NIGHTCRAWLERS!!! Just like in wine country, the contestants have to jump in a vat of worms and squeeze worm juice into a glass. ONce the juice gets past the line, they have to drink the glass of juice. The 3 people who do this the quickest will advance, and I am wondering why the ASPCA isn't complaining about the insufferable cruelty of the poor worms that have to die in a disgusting fashion.
Molinee doesn't care about the poor worms, as she is stomping up a storm. Her stomach was concerned as she stalled a little, but she gets it done in 1:21. It's a decent time, but her stalling on the drinking makes it a beatable time.
The worst thing that Skip has eaten is the innards of a raw codfish. Ewwwwwww....Skip says that this shouldn't be a problem for him. His problem is stomping on the worms, but he gets the pattern going quickly enough to finish it in 1:15. David ate worms in Louisiana, so he also doesn't think that this will be much of a challenge. Skip is rooting for them all to win - and Skip is actually a nice guy. Well, whatever he said, it worked - Dave gets it done in 1:08.
'Your excellent time of 1:21 isn't so excellent anymore.' way to state the obvious, Joe. The spot is Lindsays to lose - and she said by seeing everyone's technique, she isn't going to lose. She did get the technique down - by staying in one place, she gets the best of the juice, and she gets the glass filled in 34 seconds, blowing away everyone else. She needed some of it, as she gagged, but she gets it done in 49 seconds, which is good enough to send Molinee home. Any last words? 'Thank you for feeding me.' Uhhhhh...yeah.
One of the contestant's wallet will be fed with $50,000 - if they can get past the last stunt, which features two big rigs. Standing between the trucks, the contestant has to transfer flags from one side of the truck to the other as they are balancing on an inch and a half ledge on both sides of the truck. Whoever gets the most flags over before falling - or whoever gets it done the quickest, wins the $50,000.
Nice guy Skip is the first person to go. Skip is blazing with 11 flags - but he does drop one, and that could come back to haunt him. All Lindsay the gymnast has to do is to get all 12 flags over to take the lead. She is taking her sweet time, so she better get all of them in order to stick around. She gets them all - and although it's much slower (1:12), she does complete the stunt, and the nice guy (who will probably finish in last), will be finishing without the money.
The good news is that David only needs to be a little quicker - but the bad news is that he can't make a mistake on the transferring of the flags. He does complete it - but was it quick enough? The time was...1:09! By THREE seconds, David wins, as neither Fear - nor speed - was a factor, as his total (with the bonus at the beginning) is $51,000.
Ho ho ho! It's the Christmas Fear Factor. I have always wanted one of those stunts to eat some sort of raw venison - but that's just me. Let's see what sort of Winter Horrorland that our contestants will be having to go through this time around.
Since, of course, it is a holiday show, we have some...let's just say different points of views. Lea Wade predicts that she isn't ging to win (wha?), while Michelle Giraedi predicts that she will be winning the money and Selena Jay is Mexican, not Mexican't. On the men's side, Brian Smith thinks the other contestants will be intimidated, while Daren Ferden will win by bringing together his feet and mouth and Julian Laurence will be bringing 'Championship Qualities' to the show.
We'll soo be seeing some of those prediction and qualities as Joe introduces the first stunt. The players get to be Santa as they scoot across on a sled, which is actually a platform held up by wires located fixated 100 feet in the air. While they are motoring on the platform, the players have to grab candy canes without falling off. The four people who get the most candy canes get to see what else Santa Joe has laid out for them.
Lea is first - and she's a professional bodybuilder, showing off her ability as she walks across the street on her hands. Will that ability help her on the platform? 'All you have to do is to be a candy-cane snatching fool for $50,000.' says Joe. Well, she gets the fool part right, as she starts the event by standing on the wet platform. When you stand on something wet, and it starts to move, what happens to you? Yep - bye bye. She flies off the sled without grabbing a single candy cane, and in the words of her, 'Platform movesd, Lea fell.'
'I'm like the biggest loser in the history of Fear Factor.' says Lea, as she fulfills her own 'I'm not going to win' prophecy. But as a parting gift, we get to see her walk on her hands as she departs from the show.
Earlier on in the show, Joe asks Daren, who is a corrections officer, to show off some of his moves when he is dealing with a prisoner who just broke out of his cell - and he runs. Nice. Well, he can't run off of the sled, but he has the right idea - he starts on his knees, and then once the sled moves, he stands up to get his balance before getting the canes. He misses a few, but he gets 6, which should be good enough to advance to the next round.
Michelle, who needs the money to pay for her sister's wedding since their parents passed away due to a drunk driver, believes that Fear Factor is in her life so she can win the money. She misses 2 candy canes, and then after missing the second one, she slips, loses her shoe and falls off the platform for a total of zero canes. So much for the big fancy wedding. 'I suck!' says Michelle, who adds 'I don't think my sister will be too disappointed, because she knows that I am going to be at her wedding.'
Selena says 'I advance!' where as Joe reminds her that she still has to grab a Cane. 'Are any of the girls going to advance?' asks Joe - and the guys say no. They tease her for being daddy's little girl - but after a quick muff, she shows up the guys and Daren.
'I think they all under-estimate Julian' says Julian, and Joe asks why he is talking about himself in the third person. He takes partial credit for screwing up the 2 girls who didn't pass the stunt, and Joe asks him who gets the credit when he falls on his ass. Heh. He does fall on his ass - but not before he gets three, which means that he will be hearing more third person-speak in the show.
Brian is the last person to go - and his strategy is to wing it. He wings it enough to get 2 before he goes flying off of the platform. 'That sucked' says Brian - but he does advance alons with Selina, Daren and Julian.
The carolling will have to wait, but it looks like the people will be using their mouths as they sit at a Christmas table with Joe. We will be having a gift exchange, Fear Factor style, as we have gifts under the Christmas Tree. One contestant opens up a present, which will be some sort of item that they have to eat. The next player can either take their gift, or go to the tree and get their own 'delicasy' gift. This continues until all of the 'gifts' are opened. The players have 20 minutes to down their food, and I have a feeling that in this case, it will be truly better to give than to receive.
Selena goes first - and she unwraps a cod egg sac covered in ants. She is freaked out, which prompts Joe to say, 'This is Season 4, we have to kick it up a notch...maybe Julian has a taste for ants.' It turns out that he does, as he thinks it's not that bad (and I have to agree with Julian), so Selena gets to pick again. This time, she gets a LIVE worm sausage, which is a combination of worms in a sausage casing. Those ants are looking good, aren't they?
Daren is up next - and he decides that he wants the live worm sausage. Selina gets to pick again - and this time the present is 6 rotten squid covered in flies. This just ges better and beter for Selina, doesn't it? Brian takes a gift - which is Julian's Ant and Cod Egg Souffle. That means that Julian gets the last gift left - which is 5 live dragonflies. That doesn't seem too bad when you look at what else is on the table.
It's time to start the feast - and Selina can't even bother smelling the food, much less eating it. 'Once again, we really need to have the smell-o-vision at home.' says Joe, and that does her in. She balks at eating the squid due to the smell and she has to leave. The last female shimmies out of the game.
'Julian, it's dragonfly time.' says Joe, and Julian starts to get into it. 'Time to say goodbye, Mr. Dragonfly.'says Julian, as he rips his head off. Joe reminds him that he only has 20 minutes as Julian puts on the theatrics. He doesn't need the time as he munches them all down and secures himself a spot in the finals.
Daren is next, and it's time to eat the sausage. Joe keeps reminding Daren to worry about the time - and to not puke. Daren listens to Joe, which is good enough to have him join Julian.
Brian can join them if he eats the sac. He's eating it and talking about it while he's eating. Joe tells him that there should be less talk and more eating. At the 10 minute mark, Joe tells him that he should talk less, and I have a feeling that there's a reason why he's saying it. My thinking is justified - with one minute left, there's still a decent amount of fish left, and he gets the last amount of fish in his mouth when time runs out. But the fish is in his mouth, not sawllowed, and Joe tells him that he has been eliminated.
Brian finishes the fish around 30 seconds after time runs out - but it's too late and Joe tells him again that he is out. Brian tries to deny that he didn't finish it, but Joe reminds him that he didn't - 'You had a time limit, and you didn't eat it in the time limit.' Flashback to when Brian was talking and not eating, and that talking, which is the dumb-ass move of the episode, costs him dearly. Brian, needless to say, is not a happy camper. He says that he's not leaving, then he curses out at Joe. Brian says that it's wrong and he's pissed but he eventually does leave, as he wishes Julian and Daren the best of luck before storming off the set.
Speaking of storms, we have a snowstorm outside the set. What better to hat things up than have a fire - a lake full of fire, to be exact. The contestants have to swim under the fire and the structure under it and release 5 'Christmas Balls'. Whoever can release all 5 balls and get across the lake the quickest wins the $50,000.
Losing a coin toss, Daren has to go first. Daren does complete the stunt, but he takes his sweet time and he is really pausing when he goes up to take breaths. His time of completion - 2:48. Daren is exhauted, and what does add to the difficulty is that the fire on the top eats out the oxygen that you are trying to breathe - but it's still fairly slow and Julian believes that he's taking it to the bank.
Will he? He says that it's already done, and he predicts that he will get it done in under 2 minutes. Daren - 'I hope he uses all of his hot air talking.' He may have - he gets the first 2 without a problem, but he winds up out of air and he is struggling to get ball #3. He stays up on the surface and Joe screams at hom, wondering what he is doing. Daren 'I don't care what he's doing, let him stay up there.' Daren's own prophecy comes true - Julian does run out of air, and he runs out of time as he's stuck on the water trying to get a breath. A half naked Daren hugs Joe, then hugs the snow, knowing that he has won the $50,000 and a whole bunch of Christmas presents.
We are back for the new years - and my new year's resolution for this article is to not invoke the 'Twins' song of Kid Rock when we discuss the twins episode. Will Joe Rogan's resolution be to make sure the contestants not do anything painful? After this episode, you know the answer will be a clear, resounding - NO.
But before we get to that, let's get to the first stunt - each twin will get to hang on one side of the helicopter. They then have to drop in a set of boxes, grab a flag and swim over to the Fear Factor platform. If either of them miss the set of boxes, they have to swim to a penalty buoy and take the flag from there, then swim to the Fear Factor platform. The twins that get there the slowest will be singing a different Kid Rock song - Grit Sandwiches for breakfast, because that's all they could afford with the money that they will win on the show - $0.
The first set of twins are Becky and Jessie O' Donohue from Dobbs Ferry, New York. They feel like they are invincible, according to their opening introduction. Apparently, invincibility does not include falling on boxes, because they both miss their targets and they both have to go to the penalty buoy. That's not very good. After going through my head and thinking of all of the Kid Rock songs that I know, the twins finally finish the stunt in 2:03. 'That's not a really good time' says Joe, understating the obvious.
Rick and Rod Carter, from Murfressboro, TN are looking to 'Wax the Booty' of Becky and Jessie - but they also fall off the boxes and that gives me more time to think of more bad Kid Rock references. The get on their 'Fist of Rage' swerve on (I told you it was a bad reference) as they overcome the penalty to get it done in 1:44. They advance to the next day, and the women are still twisting in the wind. Rick and Rod's stomachs are twisting in the wind to, as they use the Fear Factor grass as their own personal Upchuck Bucket.
It's appropriate that Slade and Trask Bradbury, Phoenix AZ are rock guides - Slade gets the flag - but Trask falls off and it's off to the penalty buoys for him, too. He is a much better swimmer than either of them so far as he gets the stunt completed in 1:30, so the O'Donohues are hoping that their female counterparts, Tammy/Debbie Young (from Waddsworth, OH) both have to go to the penalty buoys - and get attacked by the creature from the Black Lagoon.
Will the Youngs be 'Drunk in the Morning'? It looks like it so far, as Tammy also misses the stacks of boxes. Debbie hits the boxes, and that may have kept them in the game, since they are both slower in terms of swimming than the O'Donohues. It's going to come down to a matter of second, as the Youngs finish in....1:57. The Youngs escape by 7 seconds, and the O'Donohues have to walk the 'Lonely Road of Faith' and shame as they are eliminated.
We have 3 sets of twins left - and we see that something's a'buzzing - BEES! Lots of bees - hundreds and thousands of them. One of the twins will be shackled to two poles as they are covered in bees. The other twin will be going through bee-covered boxes for the keys to unlock the shackled twin. The slowest twins will be stung by not going to the finals.
Tammy and Debbie go first - and she has no problems with the first box. She has plenty of problems with the second box as Debbie is being turned into a human honeycomb. Tammy accidentally swats the key out of the box and it takes her a full minute for her to get it. They get it done in 1:55, but they are immediately sent to the medics and it looks like Debbie is in a lot of pain.
They come back and Debbie has over 30 stings and her whole left side is covered in welts. I believe the buzz around here could be lawsuit...
Did the other 2 twins learn from the women? It seems so, as the Carters blaze through it in 1:08 and Slade/Trask get it done in 1:18. Tammy and Debbie are covered in bee stings - and are now a;sp covered in misery as they leave the show.
It's time for the final stunt - and it involves 2 dummies. No not the twins - 2 crash test dummies in the back of the car, The twins are in the front of the car, and when it's completely submerged, the twins have to free themselves and the dummies and get out of the car. The first team to do it wins the 50 large.
Trask and Slade win the coin toss and they elect Rod and Rick to go first. Maybe they shouldn't have - they get it done in an amazing time of 19 seconds and were just about flawless. Not only do the geology twins need to be perfect, they need to be faster. They start out blazing, and they get out of the car quicker, but they place the dummies in the wrong area at the finish line. Does it come back to haunt them? No - because even with the screw-up, they were able to get it done in 18 seconds. That's good for the win and the $50,000 as we hear the song 'Cocky' fade into the distance...but they deserve to be.
You knew that this was going to happen. I called it after the Married to the Altar couples were running around to try to win a wedding. 9 couples. 7 weeks. One million dollars. Will they still love each other, win or lose? We will find out over the next 2 months as we get our first soap opera in a stunt show.
Before we meet the couples, we'll see the first stunt, which involves dune buggies. They will be rasing across a sand track, and the guys ankles will be tied to the back of the buggy. They will be holding a rope, and attached to the rope will be the women. There will be 3 heats - 3 couples in each heat, and the couple that holds on for the least amount of time will be getting some very short face time for a 7 episode series.
Heat #1 - has Rachel and Todd (Rachel was finally glad that they got engaged, and Todd, who sarcastically says 'Aren't I lucky' sounds like he wouldn't mind burying Rachel in the sand. The second couple for the heat is Megan and James, who are both blonds and look like surfer dudes. Megan - 'I like to be tossed around.' Hey Now! They accuse each other of not working out. Couple #3 are Meg and Adam, and they are convinced that they will advance to the second round. The casting people, apparently, found them while they were arguing, and they continue to argue.
None of these couples have too much charisma, but Rachel and Todd do have strategy, reminding each other that they only have to hang on until one of the teams drop. The other teams think that Megan and James are too high maintenance. Rachel drops the rope - and she knows that Todd's going to kill her. So much for strategy. Todd - 'I think I need a new partner.'
So what happened? 'My pants were halfway down my ass.' complains Rachel. 'You'd have your modesty of the world seeing your ass cost you a million dollars? I'd show my ass for 4 bucks.' says Joe, who probably would, too.
Heat #2 - The first couple is Melissa and Jim, who aren't worried about beating the mark. The second couple is Tommie and Gina, who are married for 12 years and have 2 girls - the are the oldest couple in the group - and they think that they will be underestimated. Jen and Ty have been married for 4 years, and they also have 2 kids - so they want the money for the kids.
The second heat starts with all 3 couples having no problems. Jen let's go of the rope and they are out. Did they fall out before Rachel and Todd? The answer is....yes. Rachel and Todd, the strategy pair, are back in the running, and now it's Jen and Ty that's on the bubble.
In the final heat, he have Monica and Jackson - who have the biggest height disproportion (she being short, and he being tall). Jackson accuses Monica of having a self-esteem problem - and she does. Simone thinks that married couples have more balanced. She (of Brazilian heritage) and David have been married for 4 years, so they should have plenty of balance. Of course, the team on the bubble is also married for 4 years. Finally, we get the African-American couple of Gichi and Nafisah, as Joe gives them the awards with the coolest names. Nafisah, who sort of looks like Pink, has been with Gichi for 6 years - and they draw the lane that the other couples have been failing on. Will they do the same? The answer is no - and neither do any of the other couples as they all go past the flag. Jen and Ty are the first people to be eliminated. Jen tries to get consolation from Ty, but he;s staring ahead, and it looks like that he'd like to strap her on a dune buggy - for a one-way trip.
The other 8 couples are going the other way - into a gymnasium with a table with a plastic box - and a bowl filled with worms. One person has to carry the worms with their mouth - and dump the worms into the box - where the other person's head is. Nice. The fastest couple to get all the worms into the box wins a 22 day vacation to Africa. NIce.
Nafisah is telling Gichi to use his big mouth for something (heh), but it's Simone and David who go first. They will be challenged by Melissa and Jim, who need the money just to make their bills (which is what happens when you are a construction worker and a teacher). David, who is stalling, needs a breath mint - but Jim gets it done in 1:59, which seems like a very fast time.
Next up - it's the old folks Tommie and Gina vs. bickering Adam and Meg. Adam just blazes through it in 1:50, much to the dismay of Jim, who are pissed that someone with money beat them, who are poor and struggling. They stare daggers at Adam/Meg, and I have a feeling that this little tiff is far from over.
Gichi and Nafisah do show up in the third round - as does Rachel and Todd. Todd is racing through it - but not fast enough as Todd finishes it in 1:54. Jackson/Monica and Megan/James are the last 2 couples who can beat Adam's time.
Meg is talking trash, and it seems to work as both couples are slow. Jackson picks up the pace - but not quick enough. Final time? 1:51. OUCH. So are the winners happy? 'I don't know if I want to spend 21 days with Meg.' says Adam. OUCH!!!
There will be lots of OUCHES in the final stunt for this episode. One person of the couple will be on a helicopter, while the other person will be waiting for them on a kayak. The first person drops from the helicopter to the kayak, as the second person rows them ashore. Once on the shore, the teams will race in a sprint to the flags. The slowest couple gets eliminated, while the fastest couple wins $10,000.
The first 2 couples will be Jackson/Monica and Nafisah/Gichi. Todd and Rachel discuss strategy while Meg, in a blonde moment, can't see where the big orange spot on the helicopter is. Her and Adam get into another fight, and I start to agree with Adam that they wouldn't make it for 21 days alone in Africa.
The ladies drop from the helicopter and Monica gets to the kayak long before Nafisah (who looked like she was doing the backstroke atone time) does. Jackson/Monica get it done in a not-bad 5:38, but Nafisah/Gichi don't get any of the timing right and come in at a horrendously slow 9:09. Gichi and Nafisah better get their luggage ready to go...
Gichi/Nafisah's rotten performance means that the suspense for last place is virtually gone - but the suspense for the $10,000 is still there. The next 2 couples to try for it are Megan/James and Rachel/Todd. Will the lack of exercise come back to get the blond surfers? No, as they come in 6:42, while Rachel/Todd get it done in 5:58. Playing it safe worked in this case, as both couples are safe. Gichi, heads in hands, know that him and Nafisah are in deep trouble.
Third stunt - Meg/Adam and Tommie/Gina. Meg has no problems, but Gina dropped way too early on the stunt and she has a long way to swim to Tommie. Adam/Med complete it in 5:06, and for the second time, they are in the running for a bonus prize. Gina/Tommie make up the early screw-up and get it done in 6:19 - and the African-Americans are in deep trouble.
It comes down to Jim/Melissa and David/Simone. Jim and Melissa want payback for losing to Adam/Meg on the last stunt. Both teams are looking strong and are well ahead of the elimination time. David/Simone complete it in 5:38, and Jim/Melissa win it in....4:48! They win $10,000 as a dismayed Meg/Adam look on. It seems like we have a little rivalry brewing. There will be no more rivalry with Gichi/Nafisah, as the people with the cool names are eliminated. We'll see how heated the rivalry becomes next week - and if there are more teams that join in the pissy-fest.
We have our first full-blown rivalry between Meg/Adam and Jim/Melissa - and we also have our first 2 eliminated coupled with Jen/Ty and Nafisah/Gichi. Who will be the next to go?
We will not get any eliminated people in the next stunt - but there will still be a lot at stake, as the winning couple this time gets a pair of Jeep Ford Wranglers. Nice. Here's how the stunt works - the couples will be chained as individuals on opposite sides of a platform and submerged underwater. The couple to find the key that unlocks them and then swims to the Fear Factor buoy in the fastest time will win the wheels.
Meghan/James and Jackson/Monica discuss strategy, but Melissa/Jim, who won $10,000 on the last episode, will be the first team to try this stunt. Joe reminds everyone that if one of the people on the team quits, then the team quits and the stunt is over. They struggle on the locks, but once they get to the top, they swim very quickly to the buoys and complete the stunt in 33.9 seconds.
Next up are Tommie and Gina. Tommie gets out rather quickly, and he gets to the buoy in 23 seconds - but Gina is nowhere to be found. She struggles and she quits as Tommie stares on. Simone is very nervous about being underwater, while David calls the other couples all losers. He can join the losers as Simone pulls a Gina and quits. A crying Simone apologizes to David, who promises to buy him a pair of Jeeps. Meanwhile, Tommie is cool with Gina - he says that they will wait until they go back to the hotel and submerge Gina's head underwater. Well that's love for you...
Jackson/Monica are next - and they are worried about Adam/Meg winning everything - but they are also rooming right next to them and they hear them yelling at each other all of the time. They think they may have the edge. Whether they do or not will be determined, but Jackson/Monica have the edge on Melissa/Jim as they finish it in 26.3 seconds. One factor in it? Melissa tells them the secret to winning the stunt - and Monica uses that to beat their time. Oops. Jim tells Melissa to stop being so nice to other teams...
...but she won't have that problem with Meghan/Adam, who everyone agrees is the most unlikable couple. They are next, and they once again give the couples a reason to beat them as they complete the stunt in 24.1 seconds. Unlike Jackson and Monica, who get cheers from everyone, no one congratulates them, and they don't have a problem with it, since Adam and Meg don't like any of them anyways.
That feeling escalates when everyone is rooting for Meghan and James. Meghan actually gets out of there on the first key and is at they buoy in 17 seconds - but this time, it's the guy's turn to panic and quit. James gets stuck and they bow out of the stunt.
It's all down to Todd and Rachel for the cars. Will their strategy pan out? No, as they were too slow with the locks. Adam/Meg win the cars - and only one couple claps. Joe even tells the couples to step up the clapping, but no one wants them there and James/Meg were even thinking about quitting the show. Is Osten on that team?
While one team wants to leave, another one wants revenge - Jim/Melissa wants to kick Meg/Adam's butt - and maybe they will do it on this stunt. One person will be removing 7 cow hearts from a vat (filled with cow, roach and pig parts) with their mouths, and then drop it into a troth. Their partner will then take the heart from the troth and put it in a bucket. The quickest couple can make a down payment on a jeep with $10,000, while the slowest couple will be making a down payment on a TV to watch the rest of the show, as they will be gone.
Jim and Melissa will go first - and Adam/Meg want them gone. IN this game, time is of the essence, because the big though is lowering the contents to the little trough. If you are not quick, then you will be doing a lot of searching. Jim is yelling at Melissa to get her teeth into it, and they get it done in 1:36.6. That's not a quick time, but I don't think it will be bad enough for them to be eliminated.
Todd and Rachel are next - and Todd has the right idea. He is going very quickly, which makes it really easy for Rachel to spot. She is having problems biting it down, but they are going much faster than Jim/Melissa - until the last heart. That last one does them in, as they complete it in 1:58.2. That 1:36 isn't looking so bad...
David didn't do so well on the worms, and Simone didn't do well in the water. ONe of 2 things will happen - they will either both do well on this one, or one of them will freak out, which will cause them to lose. It happens to be the latter, as David is having problems finding the hearts, and when he does, the hearts fall into the trough and land on Simone's head. Nice. She screams while she is doing it, and screaming doesn't help when you need to be looking in the muck for cow hearts. They do get it done, but it's in a very slow 3:08.5 and David/Simone are looking very much like Gichi/Nafisah.
Now that they know they have a little time to burn, Jackson/Monica do a little change of strategy - instead of the guy going first, Monica decides to start looking on top.I wonder if Monica is usually...ehh never mind. That strategy works very well, as hey get it done in 1:14.4. That's good enough to take the lead, but they still have a few couples behind them...
...like Tommie and Gina. They start with Tommie on top - but maybe they should have switched it because Gina can't find the hearts. They don't win the $10,000, but with a 2:30 score, they will be seen on the next episode.
Meghan and James does the Jackson/Monica strategy, which works great - until James misses the bucket with one of the hearts. That's a penalty which means that he has to get an 8th heart, and by that time, all of the water is on the bottom trough, which makes it impossible for him to get the $10,000. They do make it in under 3 minutes (2:30), but he knows that he screwed up and he blames himself for some of their losses. 'If she had a stronger partner, she would have won all of these prizes...I am such a wuss.'
Who will be the wuss when Adam and Meg are up? Adam and Meg already get into it when it comes to setting up the goggles - but they use the woman on the top, guy on the bottom strategy by Jackson/Monica. It doesn't work out as well, as Meg pulls a Simone and gets freaked by the hearts. They don't win the $10,000, as Jackson/Monica gets on the board with the money. Did they get eliminated? FInal time - 2:03.6. They are safe, and Simone and David are eliminated. 'We weren't ready to go home yet.' says David. Well, sorry, but you needed more heart - heh, heh, heh...
The stunts already taken it's toll on the married people - there is only one married couple left - Tommie and Gina. In addition, Monica and Meghan have the flu - and Meghan is so sick that she isn't there.
Will the couples be sick over the next stunt? The couples will be hanging on by their ankles to a crane that is spinning faster and faster. The couple that stays on without letting go of the rope that they are holding on to will win a Capital One card that ranges from $10,000-$50,000 - depending on which one that they pick.
Tommie is telling Gina that they have the advantage on this stunt, since Gina is a huge shopaholic and probably wants it more than anyone, but Adam and Meg, the hated ones, go first. They hang on for 51 seconds before Meghan lets go of the rope and they fall in. Of course, Meghan is bitching at Adam as the bickering bickersons continue.
Next up is Meghan and James - but since Meghan is sick, and James can't hold on to himself (well, he could, but hee..eeee...let's skip this one). He has to sit out. Jim and Melissa are next up, and Jim reminds us that he is poor, Adam and Meg are rich, and he despises them. He despises the stunt too, as they only hold on for 30.3 seconds.
The strategy is simple, the woman has to be holding on to the weight of the guy, and the strategy of the guy is to give the woman as much slack as possible. Todd should know this, as they have been the strategy team. Strategy doesn't help Rachel's grip, as she lets go in 43 seconds. '$50,000 worth of Capital One Credit Card went flying away from me.'
Will it fly away from Jackson and Monica, who have already won $10,000? They make it past the 51 second mark, and Monica screams as she lets go of the rope. 1:07.4 is the time, and we have a new player in the 3 team race.
It comes down to the Shopaholics, but the next time that Gina shops, she'll be looking for some stick-um. The only hang on for 33 seconds, so Jackson/Monica win their second straight event and they may be the team to beat. Tommie tells Gina that she doesn't deserve the cards. Gina's reaction? 'Kiss My Ass.' As for the cards, Monica picks the top card - and it's worth $25,000! The more flu you have, the better you do?
If that's the case, then Meghan, who has returned from the hospital, should be doing ok, but one of the couples will not be after this stunt, which is akin to a pie eating contest. The ingredients in the pies, however, are a little different then what's on the standard menu. Here are the delicacies for this contest:
Duck Tongue Pie
Maggot Pie
Pig's Stomach Pie
Rotten Fish Pie
and let's not forget the bile crust.
In each of the 4 pies is a coin. the couples have to put each coin in a bowl, and then share a shake for two - but the contents of the shake are the same contents that are in the pies. The couple with the strongest stomachs win $10,000, while the couple with the weakest stomach will have all the time in the world to get Pepto Bismol.
Fear Factor Milkshakes - sponsored by Kelis, who says that her milkshakes taste much better than yours. In this case, she is completely right, unless she uses maggo...I guess I should stop now on this one before I get some nasty e-mails.
'I like disgusting things.' says Meghan. 'That's why she's dating me.' says Jim. Nice. This can't possibly be good for someone that's dealing with the flu. They are making great time, until Jim stops to gag. Part of the reason? Meghan only drinks 20%, leaving Jim to drink the rest of it. He upchucks and they don't finish the stunt. Jim is eliminated and that's another stunt that he can be blamed for.
They can still survive, though, if someone else doesn't finish the stunt - but JIm and Melissa know that it won't be them. Despite Melissa and Jim gagging, they get it done in 2:51.9. After they know that they completed the stunt, they relieve themselves in the bushes. Jim talks about how this is the worst thing he's even seen in Fear Factor, and I'll have to be close to agree, with the maggoty cheese pizza being a close second.
Todd and Rachel start the stunt - or should I say Todd, as Rachel is getting freaked out and allows Todd to get the coins all by himself. Rachel joins him on the milkshake, and they guzzle it down in 1:05.1. Maybe they used Rachel's cooking as good practice for these stunts. 'It tastes like your lasagna.' says Todd. Nice.
Monica and Jackson is next, and this time around, it's the guy who bails. They get to the shake in plenty of time, but Jackson bails, which leaves Monica to drink the whole shake down. She does so, but in 1:13, which means that if Jackson did anything, they would have won it. 'Jackson is your weak link right now.' says Joe. Jackson should take a seat next to Jim.
Adam and Meg go up. They actually have the reverse problem - they wolf down the shake, but they lose too much time trying to find the coins and they complete the stunt in 1:17. A pissed off Adam curses everyone out, and of course he blames Meg. They do get the stunt done though, which puts Meghan and James in the oven, ready for their gooses to be cooked.
All Gina and Tommie have to do is complete the stunt, and they advance. They are struggling, and their hesitation gives Rachel and Todd the $10,000. Adam, seeing that they can knock out Jim and Meghan, tells Tommie to help Gina out, but Tommie gags and they can't complete the stunt either, giving new life to Jim and Meghan.
Since both teams screwed up, the tiebreaker is...the other teams vote. Wha? This isn't Survivor? Tommie and Gina make sure that it isn't, as they say that Meghan and James did a better job - and they vote themselves out of the competition. The other teams are forced to comply, and there is a great spirit of fair play by Tommie and GIna. Fair play, however, doesn't make them win a million dollars, and Tommie and Gina are gone. As for James? 'I still feel like I lost.'
Meghan and James are clearly the weakest team left - and they are also the only team left that hasn't won anything. Will they be out due to fait accompli, or can they rebound and send someone else home? We shall see in 7 days.
We are down to 5 couples - and by the end of the show...none of them will be
eliminated. Well, that's nice, so what's the purpose of this show? Well,
let's play along and find out.
The first stunt of this uneventful Fear Factor takes place in a carnival
setting - but not everything is festive. The stunt pits the couples against
a dunk tank. One of the people will be thowing balls, the other person will
be sitting on a ledge, gettnig ready to be dropped in a vat of pow parts.
Somewhere in those cow parts (which include brains, intestines, spleens and
skin) are 5 cows tails. The person in the tank has to give the other person
the tails (using their mouth, naturally) and the team that does the the
quickest will win a trip to Pamplona, Spain, where they can see cow parts -
but in action at the Running of the Bulls.
The first couple of the night are Jim and Melissa, but the first bickering
bickersons go to (e3 guesses here, and you don't need the first two). Yep,
Adam and Meg are once again whining at each other, as Meg refuses to be the
person sitting on the dunk tank. Adam is convinced that Meg won't be able to
hit the target that would drop him down, but since no onw is getting
eliminated in this stunt anyway, does this really matter? It matters to Jim,
who gets Melissa into the tank on the second ball and they complete the
stunt in 1:55.
Next up are Jackson and Monica - and Monica takes some Meg pills and also
refuses to go into the tank. Jackson relents and he goes in the tank - but
he has nothing to worry about because Monica can't hit a target to save her
life. After time runs out on them, Jackson tells Monica to stop throwing,
because it wasn't worth it. Joe Rogan, who wants to see Jackson fall into
the dunk tank, runs over to the target and hits it with his bare hands, but
Jaskon wants no part of the cow slop and holds on to the top of the cage,
effectively stopping him from going into the tank. I can't say I blame him.
The fact that Monica couldn't hit the target gives Adam even more fuel to go
after Meg with as he tries to convince Meg to take the cow like a ma...er, I
mean woman.
While we have the interlude of Adam and Meg STILL sniping at each other,
Todd and Rachel go next. Todd hits the target on try #3 and Rachel moves a
little quicker than Melissa did. A little quicker was quick enough, as they
finish the stunt in 1:50, which puts them in the lead. How do you celebrate?
You share a cow kiss! Mmmmmmmmmmmyummy.
Adam and Meg are now up - and Meg FINALLY convinces Adam to sit in the dunk
tank. As he is sitting there, Meg throws balls at him - and she gets him in
the second try. With the man in the tank moving much quicker than either of
the ladies, this could actually be the correct strategy to do - and it very
well could be, as Adam and Meg are your new time leaders with 1:48.
Could Meghan and James (who still haven't won anything in this show) pull it
out? They also use the 'girl throwing at the target' strategy, but that
fails miserably as it takes Meghan down to her last ball to hit the target
for James. At that point, it's too little, too late as James only gets 2
cow's tails before time runs out. Adam and Meg win again and get another
prize in their list of goodies.
But how many of those goodies will they be able to keep? That's the question
that they must agonizingly ask themselves as Joe Rogan provides another
little twist in the next stunt - no new prizes are up for grabs, but the
winning team gets to take anything they want from the any of the losing
teams! Let's do a quick recap as to who has picked up what so far -
Adam and Meg - a pair of Jeeps, an African Safari , and a trip to Spain
(that's enough right there for a TPIR Showcase).
Monica and Jackson - A $25,000 Capitol One credit card
Todd/Rachel and Jim/Melissa - Nothing to steal, but they each have at least
$10,000 in cash
Meghan/James - All they have is the Wheel of Fortune Ceramic Dalmation door
prize.
Here's how this stunt works - The man is dangling by their ankles out of a
moving helicopter. He will be holding on to the woman's ankles as she tries
to grab as many flags as possible. The team that grabs the most amount of
flags (or does so in the quickest time as they swim to a Fear Factor
platform), gets to play the Grinch.
Monica and Jackson start off - and they make their intentions known that if
they win, they are taking the jeeps, because, according to Monica, 'I hate
Adam'. Well, that goes along as smoothly as an unclawed kitten in a silk
nightgown, but Adam and Meg won't have to worry much about them, as they
only get a feeble 3 flags. What makes it worse is that Monica swam the wrong
way, so that anyone that gets three flags is a shoo-in to beat their time of
40.6 seconds.
That should be so feeble that even Meghan and James could beat it...but they
can't and the best that they do is tie with 3 flags. In addition to that,
Meghan, like Monica, also swims the wrong way - but she corrects herself a
little quicker and they actually do beat the 40.6 secnds -barely - with a
little bit less feeble 37.1 seconds. Would Todd and Rachel add to the air of
feebility? Well, sort of...they do take the lead with 4 flags, but Rachel,
who apparently was taking slow swim lessons, completes her jaunty swim in
57.7 seconds.
Adam and Meg can put all of the talk about stealing wtheir wheels to rest as
long as they come up with a good flag capture and time. They don't, as they
only get 3 flags, which makes the time irrelevant. Say bye-bye to the
jeeps...
But who will be saying hello to them? Will it be Todd and Rachel...or Jim
and Melissa, who are the final couple to go? They start off the
competition, and they also wind up with 4 flags, so it all comes down to the
time. Melissa's swim time was....under 40 seconds, which blows away the 57.7
mark set earlier. They win the chance to steal a prize, and of course, they
take the Jeep Wrangtlers, which causes Meg to hate the rest of the teams
even more.
What's going to add to the lack-of-love fest? Less love, as two more teams
will be shown the door on the next episode - and no, not the door of the
Jeep Wranglers, either.
So last week nothing happened except some prizes changed hands and some people got more irritable at each other. THose irritable people, Adam and Meg, want to take it out by getting rid of another team - any team - but preferably Melissa and Jim, since they are the arch rivals - and they have Adam and Meg's set of wheels. Will that happen - or will Adam and Meg get hoisted by their own petard?
Meg and James, conversely, haven't won squat - but they only want to win the last one for a million. This stunt will be for a hundredth of it - but for $10,000 and a pair of underwater digital cameras, this isn't too bad. The guy has to climb up a rope and hand the woman 2 keys, which unlock doors to a cage that will free them. The catch? both the cage and the ropes are being flown around by a helicopter.
Jackson and Monica start us off - and Monica still hates Meg, while Jackson was hoping that this was an elimination stunt, because he predicts that he will beat half of the teams with no problems. He may be right on that, since they get it done in 46 seconds.
Jim and Melissa, who now have the jeeps, are next up. Despite Jim nailing his head on the top of the cage, They nail it quickly in 37.7 seconds and Jackson/Monica may be happy that it wasn't an elimination stunt.
Adam and Meg are third - and they think that if they beat Jim/Melissa, then they are set. Adam kisses his biceps for good luck, and away they go. Adam goes flying up the rope, and although Meg is slow with the key, they finish it in 37.5 seconds - and there goes the 10 grand. Everyone thinks that the money is Adam/Meg...
But here comes James and Meghan, and James is determined to finally get them on the board. The determination will happen on the next stunt, as James's technique of getting up the rope was the wrong one. He didn't even get up the rope until more than 40 seconds elapsed, and James, once again, is the reason why they have no money.
It's only Todd and Rachel who are left - and Adam/Meg are already spending the money in their mind. They can spend it in real life as Todd also can't get up the rope. At least James made it all the way up -Todd decided that he's had enough and quits, jumping in the water and leaving Rachel in the cage. James pumps his fists in the air and says that he felt like he won $10,000. Rachel gives Todd a talking-to, and Todd is concerned about that - as Rachel is concerned about Todd giving up in an elimination stunt. Still waters run deep...
But the next stunt is deeper - this is the elimination stunt of the episode, and the couples have to do this one in the pouring rain. The men will be going into a dumpster, trying to find a canister of pig uterus and cow stomach. ONce the guy finds a canister, the woman has to find a key that opens it. If the canister is empty, they have to find another one. If the canister has the ingredients in it, then it must be eaten. The slowest couple can make all of the pig and cow pates that they want - after the show.
Jim and Melissa go first, and Jim is having a heck of a time trying to find a canister. The reason? He's looking on the top of the dumpster. Jim may be fast, but he commits the dumb-ass move of the episode by not realizing that the canisters would be at the BOTTOM of the dumpsters, since they wouldn't float - they would sink in the rain. Joe told them that they lost by 2 tenths of a second on the last stunt - and not to let that happen to them here. With a time of 9:18.5 that was completed, I guarantee that they will not lose by 2 tenths of a second - they will lose by a lot more.
Meghan and James are next - and we will see real quickly how good - or bad - Jim and Melissa's time is. Meghan gags - a lot - but finishes in 8:53.1. That would be the closest that anyone would get, and I think that Jim and Melissa should be comfortable with the cars - because that's all they are getting.
Adam and Meg are third, and they are not going to help out at all - they get it done in 5:35 and blow out the other 2 team's times. Can Jackson and Monica stop Adam and Meg? Monica finds the first canister of food rather quickly and she gets it down much quicker than Meg. Their time? 4:44, and Meg and Adam have another team to be pissed at. Adam and Meg bitch at each other some more, which culminates in Adam being slapped by Meg. Ouch.
It could be even more painful for Jim and Melissa if Todd and Rachel get this done quicker in 9:18. If not, then it's Todd/Rachel who goes home. Todd finds the first 2 canisters immediately and Rachel wolfs it down. The result? They get it done in under 4 minutes, and they win the $10,000 - and we are now seeing other teams making a play at the top.
Jim and Melissa will not be one of those teams. Thanks to Jim's brain fart, they will be going home. They did have a good run and they will be grabbing some goodies with them - but that's all they wrote and they leave in an upset. That could be the break that Adam and Meg wanted, as they think that only Jackson and Monica are the legitimate threats left. We'll see if they can get them out next week - or if it will be someone else who takes the walk of shame.
Meg and Adam's biggest threat, Melissa and Jim, are gone - and although they take Meg and Adam's cars with them, Adam and Meg are eyeing a much larger prize - one million dollars. Will they get it? Or will Jackson and Monica (now their biggest threats) or Todd and Rachel (who just won the last stunt) or James/Meghan (who have won squat)
It's a funny thing that I bring the wheels up - because Joe brings another pair of cars out - a pair of Mazdas. Those go to the winners of this stunt - and that's the team who can get the most amount of flags. They do this by the female leaning over a 2o inch beam and grabbing as many as 6 flags. They will be holding on to a pole that the male member of the team will be holding. WHoever gets the most amount of flags (or who are the quickest at it) will walk away with the cars.
Meghan and James go first - and maybe they can win something this time around. While the other teams talk strategy, Meghan just yells at James. You can already tell that this stunt will take awhile, as they take over 4 minutes, but Meghan gets 4 flags in 4:38.05. She could have gotten more, but James drops the balancing rope and once again, James is to blame for the team's collapse.
Still, 4 flags is tough to beat - but doable. Meg and Adam see this as the perfect second chance - and they play like it, as they get flag #4 in 1:14. She's leaning all the way over - and it pays off as they complete it in 1:49.6. 'Obviously, they compete much better up there than they do on the ground' smirks Joe. They finally get a feeling if trust - and is it possible that the bickering Bickersons have finally turned the corner?
Todd says that they can do this in 1:30 - but Rachel rolls her eyes at him. She has good reason to - she only gets 2 flags in the same time that it takes Meg and Adam to get all of the flags and they are out of the running. But instead of quitting, they are trying to get all of the flags, and it's taking them a while - a long while.
Past the 4 minute Mark, Joe starts to have fun with them, telling Rachel to not quit because Todd quit on one of the stunts in yesterday's show. After that doesn't stop them, Joe continues to heckle them - 'The 2005 Mazdas will be out before you guys are done with the stunt', and then him and the rest of the contestants on the ground decide to boycott them, by turning around, not watching them complete the stunt, and then, eventually, mooning them. Nice. What happens if you take too long? You get to ass the fannies of everyone else in the competition. Todd and Rachel finally get the hint and they stop trying at the 6 minute mark.
To save themselves from seeing Joe Rogan's behind, Jackson and Monica need to get the stunt done quicker - but to win the cars, they need to beat 1:49.6. Not wanting to see Joe's butt is a good motivator, as they get the first four flags at break-neck speed. On the last flag, Jackson lets go of the rope, forcing Monica to lunge for the flag. She leaps for it...and misses, causing them to only get 5 flags and Monica to rip into Jackson. Meg and Adam win their second set of cars - and they have to be the favorites to win it all.
Whoever wins the next stunt will be the favorite wins a weekend in Las Vegas - with $5,000 worth of gambling money. Joe shows everyone 2 vats. In the first vat are ten chicken feet covered by 400 rats - and the men need to grab the chicken feet using their mouths. The second tank contains another 400 rats - and the women have to lie in the tank with the chicken feet. The fastest couple goes to Vegas - but everyone else gets a free pass.
James and Meghan starts first, and James, according to him, wants to throw up. It shows, as it looks like he's taking his sweet time. He finishes it in 1:13.8, which isn't a bad time - but I don't think it's going to be quick enough.
Meg and Adam are next - and she is asked if she'd rather be in the tank or taking the feet. She says she'd rather be in the tank - but she changes her tune when the rats come pouring in. Meg is told to not sit up - but she sits up and decides to quit. The forerunners are not going to win this, and all of the love from the last stunt is gone now as Adam yells at Meg.
Todd and Rachel want to get married in Vegas - as does Jackson and Monica, so they both want this. While Rachel is being covered, Adam and Meg are still bitching in the background. Todd is doing this like someone who wants to be married in Vegas, as he does it in 41.7 seconds - but they are being foreshadows by Adam and Meg who are still whining.
Can Jackson win the trip? He is going fast, too as he gets it done in...35.2 seconds. Adam can only watch in disgust as Jackson and Monica will be going there for the Honeymoon.
But whoever comes in last on this stunt will be leaving for their honeymoon a bit early, as the losing team is eliminated. One of the members of the team will be suspended by 4 cuffs over the pool. The other person has to get the bolt cutters and cut all 4 wires, dropping the teammate into the pool. When that happens they have to get the flag on the side of the pool to stop the clock. The winning team gest 10 grand - the losing team makes a grand exit.
Joe talks strategy, advising that the stronger swimmer should be the person doing the cutting - even if it means that the girl should be doing it. Meghan says that she is the strongest swimmer - but she tells James to do the swimming. James has the chance to once again screw up - but he gets it done in 1:22.8 and that seems like a decent time.
Todd decides that he wants to do it - against Rachel's wishes, since she wants to do it because she thinks that she's the better swimmer. Todd tries to hyperventilate himself to get more oxygen, but on the fourth station, he has to go back up for breath, and that costs them priceless seconds - and it's painfully evident when they complete the stunt in 1:24.9. Rachel says that it's ok, but Todd wants to hang himself by his limbs - maybe good enough for some drawing and quartering.
Jackson and Monica just blaze through the stunt in 1:02.1, and they are in prime position for the $10,000. Adam and Meg can stop them - but they need to get past 1:24.9 to stay on the show. Rachel and Todd know that they are beat - and Rachel tells Todd to to cry. Jackson and Monica will be crying, because Adam and Meg get it done in 1:01.9. Todd and Rachel shouldn't by crying too much - they win $20,000 as a consolation prize - but that's all they are winning.
We are down to the final 3 - and we will see next week which one of them will be winning A million dollars.
It all boils down to thie - 3 stunts away from a million dollars. This stunt, however, won't knock anyone out of the competition - but it will give someone a trip to Russia and a chance to fly faster than the speed of sound. How do they win the trip? One person has to drive their truck onto the back of a pickup truck, while the second person has to give directions - because the first person will be blindfolded. The quickest team gets to test their speed in the USSR.
Adam thinks that it's all about calling out right and left. James thinks that they can win this car stunt - which is good because he and Meghan haven't won diddly squat.
Jackson and Monica will be the first team to go - and Jackson says that their communication needs to improve, as we see that they blew chunks in the flag catching stunt from the last time out. The skills don't improve any here, as they screw up the first time - but get it done the second time in 1:24.42. It's a decent time, but it's certainly beatable...
...and Adam and Meg, who already have trips all over the world, will be the ones to try to beat it. Meg tells Adam that she can give directions - but Adam has pointed out that Meg has already screwed up directions twice today. Make it three times - they get on the truck - and then fall off, going spinning around and taking themselves out of the running. We get more screaming and arguing as we see a slow motion of the car going bye bye.
Meghan and James can also go bye-bye - to Russia. Joe asks them if they are frustrated that they haven't won - but Meghan wisely points otu thet they are still on the show - something that 6 other couples can't say. They also can't say that they haven't won anythingm as they get it done in 12 second. 'They finally won something!' yells Joe, as James and Meghan will be eating borscht for 2 weeks.
But will they be eating crpw om the next stunt? Someone WILL be going home in this one. Remember the rat stunt, where the women got coveredin hundreds of rats? Well, this time, someone will be covered in hundreds of TARANTULAS!!! The men will suck a mixture of blended crickets and spit it out into a tube, which will release a ball to unlock a key to a hcaksaw which cute off a metal bar to end the stunt. The slowest team is out - but the quickest team will decide who goes first for the final stunt.
After Joe lets the teams decide who wil be doing what duty, we start with Meghan and James - and Meghan will be in the box. As Meghan sits in the box - we see that crickets have been added so the tarantulas can dine on them instead of Meghan. James gets through it rather quickly - and athe 2:22.4 seems like a decent time.
Jackson and Monica are th next people to go. Meanwhile, Meg, who already quit in the rat stunt, is freaking out. Monica isn't too thrilled either - but she'll do it for a million dollars. I thought the 2:22.4 was good - but Jackson blows that away and he and Monica will be going into the finals.
Will Adam and Meg be joining them? It looks like no, as it also looks like Meg won't take 10 million to get into the box. Meg does get into the tank - and she has second thoughts. Adam tries to talk her out of it, telling her to picture going to SPain, Afirca or taking a car, but it's no use and Meg , one stunt away from a million dolllars, throws it down the toilet.
Meg apologizes to Adam - but Adam doesn't want an apology, he wants the million - which he isn't getting. They could have switched roles, but Adam thought that Meg wouldn't do it in 2:22 - and I'm forced to agree. They leave - and the look on Adam's face makes it clear that even though they are hugging, he wouldn't mind stuffing megan in the cage - and leaving it locked.
Could James and Meghan, the eternal underdogs, win the million? They could pull off the huge upset as we see the one million dollar stunt - the women are handcuffed behind a boat. The men are dangling from a helicopter. When they meet, the men have to unlock the women and they both have to swim to the platform on the other side. The team that does this the quickest wins the cash.
Jackson and Monica force Meghan and James to go first - and they hope that their physicality, combined with James propensity to suck, will make it easy on them to win. The second part is working like a charm, as James has massive problems trying to take off the handcuffs. They complete it in 1:21.6, which is decent, but a clean run wil beat the time. Meghan knows it, and she curses out James for being stupid enough to keep the key on his wrist, instead of taking it off. James knows it and he wonders if she would have had the million - and a lot more goodies - with a better partner.
Jackson and Monica go - and Jackson is having problems with the keys as well. It looks like it will be very close - and it is. The time that Jackson and Monica get is...1:06.6. They win the million nd James knows that they could have won it if he didn't screw up with the cuffs. Jackson and Monica embrace, and Meghan and James congratulate them in a gesture of good sportsmanship.
7 teams - and 17 stuns - later, Jackson and Monica win the million - and they get the wedding in Vegas. Nice. We'll see how nice it is when we have new people going after new stunts...
We aren't giving a million dollars away on this episode, but we still have Melissa Heatherington, Michael Klein, April Davis, Luis Ordonez, Nicole Dawson, and Garrett Anderson looking to win $50,000.
They can take the first step by climbing down the cargo net of a moving helicopter, releasing flags along the way. The slowest man and the slowest women will be like the flags - flapping out in the wind.
Nicole, who has had boating experience, goes first. She takes her sweet time in getting the flags - but she does get 8 of them in 1:49.9. The problem? There were 9 flags - and the time seemed long.
Melissa , a cop from Iowa, is the next to go. She flexes a lot of muscles - which the other women say will be her doenfall. Maybe on the other stuns, but not on this one, as she uses the strategy of pulling the rope up to get the flag at the end of the rope. Nice. She gets them all - and in 1:43.6 - 6 seconds faster than Nicole - to boot.
If April completes the stunt, then she will be giving Nicole the boot. She is going very slowly - which is fine, as long as she completes the task. She doesn't though, as she falls off after 4 flags, and April is washed away with the tide. 'I have to tell everyone 'I lost after the first stunt' , which just sucks.'
It's time for the guys to compete. Luis is quick on the rope - and he tries to use the same strategy that Melissa uses and tries to get the rope at the end with his legs - but that doesn't work and he only gets 8 flags. Still he gets it done in 1:06, which is a very quick time.
Can Michael be as quick? No - but can he get all of the flags? No - Mike only gets 8 in 2:27, and being that he's worse than what the women did, Mike's as good as gone. Garrett confirms it, as he ses a rope grabbinsg strategy of his own to get them all in 1:43. Mike does not get to see the second stunt...
...which looks like this - you will be tranferring flags by jumping from platform to platform over a 5 foot gap. You will have 45 seconds to move, and when time is up, the platforms, drop, which drops you along with it. No one will be eliminated - and whoever does the the quickest will get a week stay in Jamaica. Nice.
Luis, who wans to go to Jamaica, goes first. He gts a respectible 7 flags in 43.7 second - but it's beatable - and Garrett says that he'll have Luis bow to him once he gets more than 7. Garrett doesn't care about the trip - he just wants to have Luis bow down - and he'll get his wish as he gets 8 flags. Luis does do the feat - and Garrett says that if Melissa the supercop beats him, then he'll kiss her feet.
Is that enough motivation for Melissa? It is - but there will be no feet kissing from her, as she only gets 5 flags. Nicole also has a shot to have her feet pampered, but she also only gets 5, so Garrett is going to Jamaica - with Luis as his Cabanaboy.
Will Garrett be going sooner than expected? The women want it to be an eating stunt - and they will be happy. Everyone will be in a vat of hundreds of cow intestines. They have to bite into the intesting, spit the juice out into a cup, and then when the fluid is past a line on the cup, they have to drink the fluid. The slowest person is out.
Garrett starts it out first - and everyone is making puking noises. 'This is wrong on so many levels' exclaims Joe, but Garrett gets it done - albeit in 2:34. We'll see how good of a time that is as Nicole goes up. Apparently, it is
good enough, as it takes Nicole 3:08 to do it.
Luis is just ignoring Garretts attempt to make him yak - and he completes the stunt in an impressive 1:12.08. It's so impressive that Garrett bows down to Luis, as repayment for the last stunt. It's down to policwoman Melissa - and she squeezes it in at 2:55 - which squeezes out Nicole.
WHo will get the final squeeze play for $50,000? All you have to do is to move the fursthest across a small plank using a mini bicycle - which looks like it was meant for a 4 year old. Luis goes first - and he knows that $50,000 is not child's play. He's ridden on motorcycles for 4 years - and he has ho problems with this stunt, nailing it in 6 seconds. 'Luis just set the bar very high.' says Joe.
The other players have to complete the stunt in less than 6 seconds - but neither of them can even complete the stunt - much less getting it done in 6 seconds. Luis wins the $50,000 and I'm sure that right now, he feels like a - dare I say it - big wheel.
Anthony Dibierto is a self-proclaimed winner, Traci McCarthy was in the army in Korea, Claudia Agosto wants to get this done and over with, Jason Chambers holds him self up to his own standards, Bruna Robio is more worried about the guys than the girls, and Scott Turner is on the show not caring about the money - but looking for a girl. Wha?
These wacky people are all here to complete the first stunt - which is to collect flags off of a pole which is being carter around via helicopter. He has to take the last flag, not drop it - but put it back to the starting mark - and then fall into the water. The slowest man and woman to do this won't be seen by anybody after the 9:30 pm mark.
We start off with our own looney-bird - Scott, who is looking to find the girl that she spent 2 hours with at a reggae festival. The name is Kristy, who's birthdate is May 7, 1975 and she lives in California. Well, maybe Scott would remember more if we wasn't smoking on the stuff that use usually have at the reggae festivals. Joe reminds Scott that he better complete the first stunt - because if not and Kristy comes home late, then it's all over. He completes the stunt in 36.8 seconds, and that looks good in terms of a time for Kristy to see him later on in the broadcast.
Anthony is ready to send Scott to a Rocky Mountain high - and he thinks he learned something - Scott flipped from the top to the underbelly of the pole - and he moved faster. Would Anthony try that same strategy? He does - but he moves a lot slower - 52 seconds. Jason, who's into mixed martial arts and has a tattoo of a warrior, tells Anthony to kiss his ass good-bye - and with a time of 43.6 seconds, Jason gives Anthony's ass his walking papers.
WHich woman will be joining Anthony and his...uh...assets? Bruna, who plays a soap opera villainess on Spanish TV, says 'You will never talk to me again' in Spanish for her acting line. That may not be completely true, but a time of 1:05.9 does seem to be a little slow.
Claudia believes that she can beat it - and says 'Bye, honey' to Bruna. She may have been right - but not in the way that she wanted, as she was struggling - but she squeezes it in 104.1. Traci is just going to start in the quick position, and she says hi to her daughter Drew. She is doing great - until the Fear Factor flag gets in her face. She can't see what she's doing, and the indecision costs her as she lands face first in the water with a time of 1:13. A disappointed Tricia looks from her rescue boat as she sees everyone else leave the stunt...
...into the second stunt. There is a oil tank in front of the contestants - but it's not filled with oil. It's the Fear Factor Fondue party, and in the vat is some stinky cheese. The players have to get 5 chunks of cheese - and then eat one live giant horse grasshopper. The three quickest people will move on to the next round - and the fourth person will be able to stare at the bugs.
Jason starts it off - and he gets the cheese with no problems. When it comes to the grasshoppers, he takes a little while longer, but he still munches them down in 1:44.5. He did take some time - but he should be ok.
The lovely Bruna is next to go. She is really taking it seriously to the point that her eyes are closed with the cheese and she is feeling around the glass container for the grasshoppers. ONce again, she is second away from the top, as she gets it in 1:45.6 - but once again, I expect that she will be ok. Her stomach isn't, as she uses the Fear Factor chuck 'o bucket.
We continue the love quest with Scott, as Joe says that 'These grasshoppers are for Kristy.' He is struggling in the cheese, and he easily looks like he will be setting the slow bar. 'I've got the weakest stomach out of everyone that I know.' He gets it done in 3:26.7, which means that you could probably go out and buy some chocolate covered grasshoppers and finish them before Scott does.
All Claudia has to do is to beat that time - but she has that 'I don't want to do this' look on her face and she may not complete the stunt. She doesn't seem that way when she completes the cheese - and she gets through the first grasshopper, but she is struggling with the second one and she is showing times of weakness. She is even worse than Scott and she goes past his time, which eliminates her. 'I was very closer to $50,000 - closer than I may ever be.'
The three remaining people are also closer than they would ever get to be...not the $50,000, but maybe to a 2004 Mazda Speed MX5! They can own the car that Joe is driving - if they can get 7 car keys out of a tank of moray eels. The quickest person gets to drive away in the car.
Scott goes first - and Bruna and Jason think that he is moving way too slow. They are right - he gets it done in an agonizingly slow 5:57.9. Fortunately, he won't get eliminated, so he can still impress Kristy. unfortunately, he won't be able to impress her with a new set of wheels.
Jason is next, and he is breezing through the stunt. He completes it in 2:30...wait a sec. Jason drops the last key, and he has to go back in the tank to get it. He completes it in 3:01, but it's a full 30 second penalty and that opens the door for Bruna - but she also drops a key and she goes past Jason's time. Jason escapes the time and he wins the Mazda.
Can he drive off with the cash too? He could if he, runs over more flags on poles that are sticking out of a flat bed truck before he runs out of road. Whoever drives over the most flags in the least amount of time wins the $50,000.
Jason, who had already won a car, starts out great - but then commits the dumb-ass move of the episode and flips his car over. Oops. He does get 4 flags in a quick 43 seconds - but it's only 4 flags and it's a mark that can be easily passed by Bruna - who is even worse than Jason and only gets 3 flags.
This really opens up the door for Scott - but he struggles also to the point that he falls off of the truck with no flags. He still has road left, though, and in a last ditch effort, he runs across the truck for 5 flags and the win! Scott may not have the girl yet, but $50,000 could pay for a lot of want ads.
March comes in like a lion, and even though Pamela Toulden, Tammy Minchiello, Christine Bratton, Sheena Perry, Rochelle Ovlit and Jennifer Tiersma aren't lionesses, they are looking for have the most amount of pride (heh heh hee) on this special women's only Fear Factor.
Do Lionesses like water? We'll find out as the women will be stuck in a homan-sized vial, be dropped into cold water, unless the screws at the bottom and swim up to the surface. The two slowest women are eliminated, while the person who comes in first will set up the order of the women to go for the second stunt. The first-place-getting-to-pick is a great idea, and I wonder why they haven't been doing this before.
For the first stunt, though, they do the random draw, and Tammy goes first. Tammy can't get both handles unscrewed in one breath. Fortunately, the vial isn't completely submerged, so she can go up for air as needed. Unfortunately, she takes her sweet time, and she actually tightened the screws instead of loosening them. She realizes that by the time she is done that the whole crew would be done watching Titanic - the Director's Cut, and she quits.
Rochelle is next - and she says that she is not going to give up. She gets one done, and the coming attractions before the movie have finished. Despite being bribed a hot chocolate from Joe, Rochelle says that she can't turn it and she quits too. Joe does get her the hot chocolate anyways. AwwwwBarf.
Well, now this changes. All the women have to do is to complete the stunt and they advance. The quickest person still decides the order. Sheena goes - and she quits after 30 seconds. She says that she is terrified of the dark and she says that none of the women can finish the stunt.
Pamela wants to refute that, claiming that she will be the first person to complete the stunt. She won't - she gets the first one easily, but at the 9 minute mark she loses strength and she quits. She is pissed with herself.
There are now 2 women left - and Joe tells them that if they both do it, it's down to both of them for $50,000. They both wish each other luck - and they mean it, since they would love to get rid of 4 people. Christine is next - and she quits as she smacks her head on the top of the vial - without even starting the stunt.
It's down to Jennifer. If she completes the stunt, then she will win $25,000 by herself and the rest of the women will join her for the next stunt. If she doesn't, then the pot will only be for $25,000 and and the women are wimps. Jennifer does the 2 things that the other women don't - she only uses one breathe and she plops her feet on the floor and anchors them as she opens up the portals. That's enough and she wins the $25,000!
Who will win the other $25,000? All of the women say that they will, as they were all humiliated by Jennifer. The question is - how will the be humiliated by Fear Factor? Joe shows the women a box of 30 boas and a few hundred geckos. The women will be going against each other by sliding up magnets from the bottom to the top to the cage. The losing woman of each heat will be slithering out of the competition.
Jennifer will select the 2 women who compete against each other. Jennifer sets Christine and Rochelle against each other because she wants Rochelle to go. It's part strategy, and part dislike - especially since Rochelle says that she feels the same way. The strategy works, as Christine wins and Rochelle, who thought that the show would be more glamorous and admits to be a spoiled girl, is eliminated. Well, this isn't America's Next Top Model, Rochelle...
Heat 2 will be Jennifer herself - and Sheena. Sheena says that she's not a quiitter - which is true - but she's not too fast either. Jennifer picked the right competitor, and despite being bitten by a geckpo, she advances and Sheena goes home. The final heat, by process of elimination, is Tammy and Pamela. Tammy just storms up there, being that she wants nothing to do with the geckos, and she advances. Pamela, who was pissed that the got stuck against Tammy, goes home.
Will Jennifer pick up the other half of the $25,000? Or will Tammy or Christine who achieves a split. The winner will be the person who picks up as many flags through a crooked tube before being blown out of it by the 100+ MPH winds and water that are inside the tube. Christine says that it will be hers - and that she will get at least 4 of them. She does that - and gets an extra one for good measure. FInal tally - 5 flags in a minute.
That's not too bad - but it can be beaten. Will Jennifer, who already won $25,000, beat her time and get into position for the full amount? She also gets 5 flags - but in 39 seconds and that blows away Christine's time. Tammy can beat Jennifer is she gets 6 flags - or get 5 flags in less than 39 seconds. Tammy says that she is going for 7 - but she doesn't even get 3 as she goes flying out. Jennifer, as the only person to complete everything, is the only person to win everything - which makes her the queen of the jungle.
Is blood deeper than water? We will find out very quickly as Fear Factor unveils their 'Sibling' Show. Erica Olivarez and Fredo Marquez are here to bring the 'Latin Swing', Kali and Jenna Macy will want to use the 'Blonde' thing to their advantage, Collen and Katie Dwyer are looking to add another trophy to their collection and Shane and Jared Marlowe say they are as smart as they are buff.
So why did I say that we'll find out quickly if blood was thicker than water? Because the teams will be trying to get flags in a rotating cylinder. They have to pass the flags from one cylinder to the other. The team that gets the fewest number of flags before falling through the hole or the slowest team will be eliminated. The best team will select the order for the next stunt.
Fredo and Erica are first - and the so called 'Latin Swing' are swinging very well. They get 5 flags in 1:06 before falling off. That seems to be tough to beat, especially as they made traversing through the holes look very easy. They have used those cylinders before in other Fear Factor stunts and it has been anything except easy. They should be able to make it - the question is which team will be the first one to realize the hard way that it's much tougher than advertised.
Shane and Jared are next - and they strip down to their Speedos. Apparently they didn't really think that this stunt would be like this, because they are very skimpy as the 5 women who are there are having a field day and whistling at them as they try to complete the stunt. Fredo and Erica will really be having a field day as they only get 2 flags before falling through the holes. Jared gets dizzy and flies right through the hole at the end of the cylinder, which means that Erica and Fredo get to move on to the next stunt. Still, they are confident that 2 flags will be enough.
The blondes are determined to make sure that 2 flags will not be enough. THey brandish a war scream beforehand but are struggling mightily before one of them falls into the 'hamster' position - which is the 'crouching I can't get up so I'm going to wait until I fall through one of the holes' position. They only get one flag in 1:26, which means that the men are safe. They want to try again, but according to Joe, 'This is Fear Factor, not Do-Over Factor.'
All Colleen and Katie need to do is to get more than one flag in 1:26 - or get one flag and then quickly jump in the water - which would stop the clock. According to Joe, the worst thing that they could do is to get one flag and struggle for the second, fall, and spend more time doing that than the blondes, because since the time doesn't stop until someone hits the water, the blondes would advance. Colleen and Katie gets the one flag and immediately jump in the water to stop the clock - which causes the blondes to cheer because they thought that Colleen and Katie didn't get any flags on the side. The women did, though, so the Blondes are gone. As they leave, they say that they still love each other and they hug as they leave. AwwwwBarf.
Joe is happy that they won't be seeing Jared and Shane in their Speedos anymore - but all of the siblings are happy that no one will be eliminated - and this stunt will be for a trip for 4 to the Bahamas.
Will they be happy about what they have to do to get there? Joe uncovers a Fear Factor bug souffle of aphids, beetles, slugs, scorpions and millipedes. One person will scoop up the bugs in their mouth and drop it into a grinder. The grinded remains will fall into the second person's mouth, who will spit it out into a scale. Whoever gets the most in the scale will be going to the Bahamas and will be buying a lot of mouthwash while there.
The Latin Swing get to decide the order - and they decide that they want to go first. They look like they did a very good job - and they obtained 1 pound and 13.8 ounces worth of bug remains.
Shane and Jared are next - and Joe is already going after him for bad technique. The pretty boys are scared of the nasty bugs, and they only get a measly 9.4 ounces. Jared - 'He's never had that big of a mouth and I've never been that hungry.' Oooookkkkkkk...
Conversely, both Katie and Colleen says that they have big mouths, and Joe is complimenting them on their strategy. Colleen is very smart, going after the worms and avoiding the biting bugs. Would the strategy be good enough? When time runs out, the women get a final weight of...1 pound and ....13.34 ounces. Latin Swing will be enjoying themselves in the Bahamas, but the bummed out women swear that they will get their revenge by grabbing the $50,000.
All I want to know is - where is the ASPCA complaining about the needless death of all of these bugs?
How badly will the couples be complaining about the third stunt? In a remake of the first $100,000 Tournament of Champions stunt, one person will be sloshing around in an oil tanker getting pieces of a flagpole. They give the pieces to the other person, who will assemble the pieces and then traverse the top of the tanker to create the pole. The team that does this the quickest will win the $50,000.
Jared and Shane, who may arguably be the weakest male couple in Fear Factor history, goes first. They said that they would get 8 flags and they get 2, they said that they would be going to the Bahamas and they come in last, and then they take their sweet time in the last stunt, don't screw the flag in properly, and as a result, it falls off the truck, properly disqualifying the guys from the rest of the show. 'I guess we're just not Fear Factor Material'. They said that they had a good time, and I am just wondering if maybe they weren't blondes underneath the brown hair.
It's time for Latin Swing to do their thing. They are actually slower then the guys, but they do complete the stunt in 5:27. They congratulate each other - but don't give out strategy on how to complete the stunt. Playing a little gamesmanship, eh?
The women have a tough task ahead of them - but 5:27 is clearly beatable, since the guys were going at a 3 minute pace. The women are setting the pace quicker, and Fredo is visibly concerned. Katie tells Colleen to take her time - and that is a hug mistake, because they run out of steam at the end. Katie gets the last piece and is about to complete the flag - when time runs out. In a matter of seconds, Fredo and Erica win the $50,000 as Fredo is hunched overhead in his arms, crying. They celebrate in a big AwwwBarf-like hug, but that's ok as Latin Swing will be swinging away with the cash.
We are back to a regular themed Fear Factor, as Stacy Atlin, Greg Nigro, Susan Henson, Kit Core, Kasey Clark and Derek Cristalucci all compete for the cash. All of the women are blondes and all of the men are short dark-haired athletes. Maybe my stunt is to get all of them accurately right.
The first stunt for the men and women takes place in a plastic telephone booth-like box. As the contestants wedge themselves in the box, the bottom falls out and the box starts to spin. In addition to that, water will come flying out in an attempt to dislodge the person out of the box. The man and woman who spends the least amount of time in the box will be dealing with the TV box as they watch the rest of it from home.
Gregory starts out first - and he has some very tight pants. Maybe the pants will help him as he takes on the stunt. Apparently, it does, as the pants make some great traction and he is sitting there with no signs of discomfort. Joe wants to know if anyone wants pizza - and they could have gotten it, as Joe lasts for a whopping 17:55 in the box. Greg, at the intro, wants to grab the win - and he's doing that so far.
Kit is next - and he is a world champion kick-boxer with 17 wins - 8 of them coming via knockout. Those sort of athletes usually do really bad in this sort of competition, and it's evident that he is not as comfortable as Greg his. He leaves the cage at 8:53.1, but there was no realistic way that he was going to stay in there for 17 minutes.
The question is can Derek realistically send Kit home? He says that as a hairdresser, he has a lot of leg endurance, and Joe immediately harps on it. 'Thai Bo champion gets beaten by hairdresser.' cackles Joe with glee. Unfortunately for Kit, Joe is absolutely right as he loses on the first day to a hairdresser.
The women now get to try to stay for as long as the guys do. Stacy goes first, and it takes her a long time to get set, slipping because of 1. her height and 2. the slipperiness of the cage. That all comes to get her, as she lasts for a feeble 1:23.1.
This seems to be curtains for Stacy, but she is hoping that one of the other two women do worse than she does. Susan, who has 10 kids, is also nervous about setting herself up in the cage. Susan doesn't have a problem in setting up, though, and beats the 1:23 time easily.
Kasey, who is a horseback rider, says that she will have no problems with the stunt - but she sets up her legs differently, putting them in the middle of the cage instead of branching out in the corner. Her strategy did work, though as she also surpasses Stacy's time and Stacy is the first woman to be gone.
Horseback riding is considered an elegant sport - as is the elegant table setting that awaits the contestants. How elegant? The women are wearing semi-formal gowns and the guys are wearing jackets and ties, which means that this is got to be one sick, nasty stunt awaiting the players.
Joe takes a dig at The Bachelor, saying that the dinner will not end in roses, but instead they will be eating...escargot, which is a delicacy in France. Here's 2 problems - 1. Escargot is French for SNAILS, and 2, these snails are ALIVE, unlike in France, where they kill them and cook them (usually with delicious spices) first. Greg says it all when he stares at them and says 'Yummy!'
Here's how this works - everyone has to eat 12 live snails. The man and woman who eats the most - or the man and woman that eats them all the quickest, moves on to the finals.
Kasey goes first and proceeds to eat the snails - shells and all. I'm not sure how good a snail's shell is for your abdomen, but she eats them all in 2:32.6. Susan wasted seconds trying to get the snails in their shells before eating them - will that come back to haunt her as Susan attempts to beat her? No, as Susan eats one, and with the convincing of Stacy, only gets 4 down before she quits. Joe yells at Susan for lacking the mental skill needed to become a Fear Factor champion, but Susan says that she's happy that she set her mind to be on Fear Factor and she did it. Too bad she couldn't set her mind to munch on some snails...
It's time for the men to compete. Derek has a great strategy as he gets ready with the next snail while he's eating. Snails don't have hair, so it doesn't stop him from munching them all down in a very fast 1:07. Greg, who calls himself a bastard who will eat anything, just storms them down and wipes them out in 44 seconds. Greg wins the event and knocks out Derek, who responds with this - 'I put a strong mark out there and Greg beat it. I can deal with that.'
Who will be able to deal with the final stunt better? The person who can their Fear Factor car out of a moving truck and closer to the starting line will be able to. They get the car by figuring out which of the three keys that they have starts the car and drives them out of the truck and towards the $50,000.
Greg, who wants to dispel the myth of the muscle guys sucking in the show, realizes that the only way to dispel this is to win the whole thing. He has been very impressive so far with the first 2 stunts, is just as impressive with this one, as he gets the car with the first key and gets out very quickly. He does neglect to step on the brake, so the motion forces the car to move backwards, so there is a glimmer of hope for Kasey.
That sets up a very high bar for Kasey. Not only does she have to move quickly, she has to get the car on the first key. She does indeed get it on the first key and the strategy of stepping on the brake does indeed prove the difference. She beats Greg, who was just the man for most of the show, for the $50,000. The muscle man once again fades into obscurity, as apparently, in this show, the muscle man has no shot against the wacky blonde.
Heidi McIntosh says that she is the weakest person on the show - but she says that sometimes the weakest people win. Next to her is Eric Thulander, who works out twice a day, 6 days a week, as he will sit back and laugh all the way to the bank. He's got nothing on Tatiana Butler, a blonde African-American woman who has muscles on muscles and who describes herself getting angry as 'The Hulk on PMS'. Next to her is Michael Rashatello, who says that he's just on to have a good time. Stephanie Strynek also is happy-go-lucky, but she is determined. Stacy Teems thinks that he is everyone's biggest fear and the show should be changed to 'Stacy Factor'. We have an...interesting collection of characters on this episode.
For the first stunt, the collecting is flags, as the people will be sliding down a 60 story building. The man and the woman who collects the least amount of flags will not be egging on their ego on this show.
Eric is doing this for James Lee, his best friend who dies over a year and a half ago. People dedicating their performances for deceased friends and relatives usually fare well. How well is 4 flags? Too early to tell, but I don't think that it looks good.
While she is doing her stunt, we compare the 178 pound amazon Tatiana, who is picked up by weight-lifter Joe. Tatiana, in turns, fireman carries Joe, who says 'Mommy!' heh.
Michael is up next - and he says that he is afraid of heights. That is not a good combo - and the fact that he didn't actively grab for the flags doesn't help him. He gets an even worse three flags, and it looks like Stacy will be giving Michael his walking papers. 'He's got to go.'
Joe says that guys like Stacy usually choke, but after a prayer to Jesus, he is on the move - and using his smarts and grabbing all of the flags on one side. Joe - 'How many do you got?' Stacy - 'See you later, Mike.' Stacy 'stopped ' at 5, so Mike, who will be leaving, apologizes to his friends and family. 'It's all fun and games until you look like a deuschbag on national tv.'
None of the women want to look like a deuschbag, so they all need to get as many flags as possible. Heidi's strategy of only grabbing the flag on one side is a sound one - but her being afraid of heights isn't good as she hyperventilates throughout the stunt. She only gets 2 and she should be joining Mike on the train to Loserville.
Stephanie is warned to not be overconfident, but she was brought up from a crazy family - as she was taught to swim like she had no arms. Wha? After some early difficulty, she swings her body around and grabs 5 flags.
All Tatiana needs to do is to get 2 flags. 'There's no such things as failure, and there's no such thing as Fear. I'm hardcore, baby.' She didn't exactly fail - but she didn't really succeed either. She did get two flags, which keeps her in the game, but that also keeps heidi (who ties with her) in the game as well and she gets a second chance at the money. Is that a mistake that everyone will pay for?
Their stomachs will be paying for it as Joe Rogan unveils his second stunt. The contestants are taken to a car junkyard as they see two car's windshields with covers over them. On one car's windshield are earthworms, superworms, grasshoppers, beetles and crickets. On the other windshield are the same types of bugs - in a squished form. What the contestants have to do is to transfer the squished bugs on the windshield to a scale. The 2 people with the least amount of bugs in the scale will be eliminated.
Tatiana is first, and she is looking forward to it. She is described as 'Ray Lewis in a tank top' and she is going to town on that windshield. She tired down, but Joe tells her that she needs her cardio work in for the day. Her total weight is 6 ounces and Joe is impressed. Joe's impressiveness should be an indicator that 6 ounces should be good enough.
Not as sure is Heidi, who is concerned that she won't get enough bugs in the scale. Her fear is justified, as she only gets 5 and 7/8ths ounces. Tatiana screams 'Yes'!.
Eric has a strategy - and thats to use his face to smear all of the bugs to the center and then pick them all up. That strategy doesn't work, as all of the bugs aren't moving and he is having a very tough time picking them up. He also peters out at the end and both of those things come back to hurt him. Eric's final time is 5.5 ounces, and that sends a now crying Tatiana to the finals. She is doing this for her friends who has cerebral palsy as she bawls all over the place. AwwwwBarf.
Stacy says that he is going for 8 ounces. Tatiana says that his mouth is so big that he shouldn't have a problem with it. Stacy is using the making love technique to the windshield - he pounces on the hood and slides his mouth all the way up from the bottom to the top, like he was licking...well, you know. A pissed off Eric is looking on, realizing that his time on Fear Factor may be over. It is, as Stacy gets 7 ounces and the dedication to James will have to continue elsewhere.
Stacy and Tatiana are in the finals - will Heidi be joining them? Or will Stephanie beat 5 7/8 ounces? Stephanie gets a mouthful in at the buzzer - but it doesn't matter because she was well over the mark long-before-hand. She gets 7 3/8ths ounces, so Heidi's survival in the first stunt was only a temporary reprieve to her elimination.
We are down to the African American Woman with the big muscles, the African-American Man with the big mouth, and the demure white girl who we haven't really heard that much from for the episode. If she wants to make herself hears, she needs to win the final stunt - which is located 100 feet over the pier's water. The objective is to transfer flags from one station to another while walking across a rotating balance beam. WHoever gets the most amount of flags carried (or gets it done the quickest if there's a tie) will win the $50,000.
Tatiana goes first - and she knows that she needs to set a high bar. We also know that she does not do well with heights - and in this case, the heights win. She gets ZERO flags, and she is gone. She is upset and winds up crying. 'I busted my butt. I did my very best and my best wasn't good enough'.
It's Stephanie's turn to set a high bar for Stacy, who says that he won't lose to the women, who would have better off by staying home and baking some apple pies. He is doing this for his kids, who may be baking $50,000 in the oven for him. To bring home the bacon though, he will have to be perfect - and faster than Stephanie, who gets all the flags transferred in 3:33.9.
Stacy is the last person up, and he says that it would be devastating to lose to a woman. He gives another mantra that he will win everything and he tells his wife that he will be home with the cash. He is moving much faster than Stephanie, and she is hoping that Stacy makes a mistake. He doesn't - but he did slip after getting the 5th flag and he moves noticeably slower. Did that tumble cost him the $50,000? His time was....3:20.
Stacy has enough of a time reserve to over come his slip and his wife better be having the oven ready for the bacon, Then again, she'll probably be using some of that money for the ingredients to the apple pies, so it can't be all bad.
Last week's episode was a rerun. Will the contestant's on this week's episode wish that last week's episode was on this week? Kara Watkins doesn't care - she's looking for something to get her focused. Kevin Nosar, an Asian who is pierced and tattooed all over, is looking for the dark side of life. Andrew Manczik is a white bread college guy who wants to win, while Shawnie Kiel says that she can throw a softball fast - and drink a can of beer faster. Ryan May is a grown-up cowboy while Masiumi Max is your normal fire eating contortionist who likes to run around naked (her words, not mine - though I wouldn't mind seeing it anyway...)
There will be no running around naked or eating fire in the first stunt, but the players have to get on a moving oil tanker and collect flags from the ceiling of a tunnel. WHoever does it the best will be selecting out the order of who plays on the next stunt, while the guy and the girl who collect the least amount of flags will be naked on their own time.
Kevin, the dark one, is up first, and everyone else thinks that he isn't going to do well because he has to operate in the light. Well the rock climber doesn't do well - because he's as coordinated as a rock. He has 14 flags - but he missed a lot of them and I see dark things happening for the dark man.
Ryan is up second. He stumbles a little, but he gets that rodeo balance going and skunks Kevin with 23 flags. Only Andy can screw things up - but the shrimp farmer doesn't screw it up and gets 21. 'What we know for sure is that Kevin, it's over for you' says Joe, as Kevin is bummed out that he doesn't get to do the disgusting second stunt. Trust me Kevin, the people will be more than happy to swap places with you.
It's time for the women to go - and Shawnie isn't afraid of an oil tanker. She isn't afraid of Kevin, either - because she matches his score of 14 flags and she is pissed. She has good reason to be - Masiumi gets 20 flags, though she was concerned that she would fall off of the truck.
Will Kara get 15 flags? Or will she fall off the truck? The answer is....the former, as she racks up 19 flags. She is upset at herself as Kara talks trash - after she eliminates her. Well, that's not very classy...
...and neither is a bazooka, which the contestants will have to shoot at. The ammunition? A potato. The stakes? The number that the potato hits is the number of...POTATO BUGS...that they have to eat. Makes sense, no? Kara thinks it's cool while the look on Masumi's face clearly reveals that she'd rather contort her whole body around a sack of potatoes.
Ryan had the most amount of flags - and he selects the order. The order is Andy (who says that he'll remember it), Kara, Masumi and himself. Ryan says that the worst thing that he's ever eaten is old fraternity food - and I have a feeling that this is going to be worst - and what's worse for him is that he nails the maximum 3 potato bugs. Joe tells him that they bite - and they are already all over his fingers and he has to drop it. He does manage to hold it in his fingers - and he manages to eat them all. He says that they taste just like shrimp. Surrrrrreeee...if shrimp bite...
Kara is next - and the guys are digging the chicks with guns motif. They'd dig it better if she can aim - which she can't. When she finally hits the target, we see that she also needs to eat 3 bugs. She gets it down - and then she glares at Masumi, who only needs to eat one of them. She does - and bites that sucker right down the middle.
That leaves Ryan, who also hits the maximum number of three. Despite everyone jeering at him, he gets all three bugs down, which has all four people advance to the final stunt. As for the eliminated Kevin, I don't think he'd be too impressed with this one...
...but how impressed will he be with the last stunt? I am impressed. There are 6 keys - and one of them starts a car that the contestants are in. They need to get it done quickly, because if they don't, a bulldozer will be coming from across the other side of the playing field and take the car with them - and push it over the ledge they are on. The contestant who completes the stunt the quickest - or the person who gets the furthest before getting knocked off of the course - wins the $50,000.
Andy goes first - and goes nowhere. As Joe aptly puts it - he's doomed. He doesn't even start the car and he's out. 'I do not believe that I couldn't get any key in the car to start.' Kara does start the car - but not before the dozer hits the car and pushes her over the ledge.
Ryan says that he will not let $50,000 slip out of his hands - and he does get the car started, which keeps him in the game - but all Masumi needs to do is to start it before the bulldozer hits the car and she'll win the money. She....doesn't. Ryan is the only person to get the car started, and although it's a lame finish, it's still a finish - as he finishes with the money.
Here she is...Miiiiiiissss Ameeeeericaaaaaaaaa....well, sort of. 6 of the Miss American women are here - and if they can't win the title, getting a little spending money in the form of $50,000 isn't too bad, either. We have Miss New York (Jaclyn Nieseheiwat), Miss Alabama (Tara Darby), Miss West Virginia (Carolyn Jennings), Miss Utah (Kyla Dickerson), Miss Michigan (Stacey Lee) and Miss New Hampshire (Vanessa Bissanti).
Well, there's a no-brainer in terms of who I will be rooting for. Go New York Go New York Go!
For New York to go - she needs to transfer flags from one end of a platform to another. The catch? The platform will slowly be tilting, and speed in an essence, because the two women who transfer the least amount of flags before falling off of the platform will have some extra time to get ready for the pageant.
You want to see how nicey-nice the girls are? Joe asks them how she is going to do - and they all say that they are going to do great. Joe asks them who will be eliminated, and they all say (in a prefect air-head valley girl unison), 'No One.' Smile, though your heart is breaking...
Miss Utah goes first - and she used to play flag football. She is nervous because she has to go first. The girls, in typical pageant fashion, cheer her on for her to do well (?) as she gets 5 flags in 49 seconds.
Tara (Alabama) is up next - and the women don't buy her 'I'm scared of heights' act for a second. They have reason to think that - she gets gunning and goes very fast - maybe too fast, as by sliding down, she goes past where she wanted to stop and falls into the water, but she gets 6 flags in 49.6 seconds, which should make her safe.
Joe says that Stacey, who has seen two people go ahead of her, wants the title of Miss Fear Factor. So far so good, as she gets 6 flags in 47.4 seconds and automatically advances to the next round. 'Kyla, you have to be a little worried about this.' says Joe, and the look on her face emulates that.
Jaclyn is up next - and the other women say that 'she'll knock someone over in the subway just to get a seat.' Nice. She does beat Kyla - but she does not beat anyone else, as she gets 6 flags in 52 seconds. That puts her as the second person on the bubble, as both women need to do better to get rid of her.
Carolyn is the first dagger - and she cuts deep. She gets 6 flags in 55 seconds - and that eliminates Kyla. The good news is that my Miss New York now gets it because the 55 seconds is worse than her 52 seconds.
Vanessa is the last person to go - and she needs to beat 6 flags in 55 seconds to advance. She is blazing through the first 5 flags - but she can't get that 6th one and she goes past Carolyn's time. Everyone's happy - except Miss Alabama, who still wants everyone to stay. Uh...yeah.
We are down to Alabama, New York, Michigan and West Virginia - and Joe challenges them to a round of Miniature golf. The number of stokes that the women take to get through the hole is the size of the SEA CUCUMBERS that they have to eat. If you get a hole in one, you don't have to eat any of the cucumbers. Joe - 'They're usually found in kelp beds, but today you can find them near hole #5'. Vanessa - 'They look like milk covered poop.' Joe - 'They taste worse than milk covered poop.'
Stacey, who did the first stunt the best, determines the order. Tara gets to go first - and the first ball is hit off of the green. You may as well give her a 50 on the hole, as Joe has to complete the hole for her. She eats the biggest Sea Cucumber and munches it down with 2 seconds to spare.
Jaclyn goes next - and she gets it in 4 strokes, which spares her from eating the monster cucumber. That helps her out, as she was struggling with it, but the Fear Factor finals will have a little New York, New York in it.
Stacey, who's starting to get revolted by this, wants to get this over with and elects to be the next putter. She has the easiest time so far as she gets it in 3 strokes. Joe has the women do the 'Miss America Shuffle' as Stacey is eating her cucumber, and she gets it down before her stomach shuffles it back up.
Carolyn is the last person to go, and the women, who still don't quite understand that they want to see people eliminated, are rooting for a hole in one. She HITS THE HOLE IN ONE!!!!, which gets everyone going nuts. She also doesn't have to eat any Sea Cucumber, and all 4 ladies move on to the finals.
Can Carolyn ace the final stunt? She can if she likes helicopters and chin up bars. The last stunt is surprisingly simple - the women will be getting on a chin up bar that's being carted around by a helicopter. The women who hangs on the longest wins the money.
Tara starts it off - and she is holding on for a while. Miss Alabama stays on for 1:15.6 and that seems tough to beat. Carolyn is next - and she can only hang on for 57 seconds. Stacey is up to the challenge - but her arms aren't, and she gives out at one minute even.
The last person who can beat her is...Miss New York. MY MISS NEW YORK. The one who's going to show everyone that the Big Apple is the best, baby! The home of the Champion New York Yankees, the Stanley Cup Champion NJ Devils, the Eastern Conference Champions NJ Nets, and....she falls off at 1:05, ten seconds away from beating Tara. Crap.
So the title has been passed, and Miss Alabama is also Miss Fear Factor. No, she didn't win the pageant, but with $50,000 in the bank, she can buy her own crown and scepter.
