EPISODE 3
NOTES FROM THE AUTHOR
What follows is a televised-hand-by-televised-hand
account. Obviously, since it's only a one-hour
show, most hands are not televised so you're going to see a lot of jumping of
the dealer button.
What's a "dealer button"? What's
"all-in"? What the heck is this weird poker game they're
playing? Well, I'll do my best to give the rookies out there a run-down
while maintaining the flow of the hands for the veterans.
Welcome to Las Vegas, Nevada. What happens there
stays there...unless you televise it to a cable and/or satellite
audience. In this case, it's CELEBRITY
POKER SHOWDOWN from the Palms Casino. Five celebs have converged
on the poker table to play for their favorite charity. The winners
of each table moves on to the Final Table, where they will play for a
$100,000 share of the $250,000 prize pool.
And host Kevin Pollack introduces us to the big five
this week:
CELEBRITY
|
BIO
|
Hank Azaria
playing for the Alzheimer's Care Committee
|
Azaria is best known for his
animated voice work, specifically from being almost every non-Simpson
role in the hit FOX series The Simpsons. Will he get the
others to eat his shorts or will his playing make him go "DOH!"? |
Michael Ian Black
playing for Endeavor House
|
Black has mostly been on
short-lived TV shows, but has found a bit of a niche on Comedy Central's
Crank Yankers. Can he truly "call this in" or
will he be hung up? |
Peter Facinelli
playing for R.P. Foundation
|
Facinelli has been in films
like "Scorpion King" and, recently, was a star on UPN's Fastlane
. Will he drive fast through the other players or will he run
straight into a rock of bad hands? |
Mo Gaffney
playing for Planned Parenthood Federation
|
Gaffney had a recurring role
on FOX's That 70's Show and has recently on the WB's Run of
the House. Will she have run of the table or will this comedienne
be laughed out of the building?
|
Nicole Sullivan
playing for Alley Cat Allies
|
After a few voice-acting
gigs for Disney, Sullivan landed the role of Holly Shumpert on CBS's King
of Queens. Will she get the Kings and Queens she needs to win
this table?
|
Each celebrity will start with $10,000
worth of
chips and the game will continue until one celebrity has all $50,000 and
earns the right to play in the Final Table later
in the year for a piece of that quarter-million dollar price pool.
No Limit Texas Hold 'Em is the game
being played. A dealer button will be
passed around the table after each hand to show the dealer where to start
handing out cards (to the right of the button). The two players to
the right of the button post blinds, forced bets to insure there's
money in each hand. Each player is dealt two cards face down, called
hole cards, then
will either call the highest bet, raise the bet or fold their cards and remove
themselves from the hand. After the bets are in, three community
cards, called the flop, are
dealt face-up on the table. After another
round of betting (and/or folding), a fourth card is turned up, called the
turn.
More bets (and/or folds) are made, then the fifth and final community card, the river
or fifth street,
is turned up. After more bets/folds, the best five-card poker hand
(made of any combo of the five community cards and the two hole cadrs) wins
the pot. The game is called no limit because, at any time,
any celebrity can go all-in and bet all their chips. But, if
they LOSE the hand they go all-in with, they're eliminated from the tournament
At the announcers' position beside the Losers' Lounge are
your hosts Kevin Pollack and poker expert Phil
Gordon. They'll be calling the action emanating from the main room
and greet those that bust out.
Tournament director and
announcer Robert Thompson tells everyone it's time to SHUFFLE UP AND
DEAL!
Initial blinds are $100
(SB) and $200 (BB). The Dealer Button (D) starts on Nicole.
Peter
|
Mo
|
Nicole
(D)
|
Michael
(SB)
|
Hank (BB)
|
A♦
K♣
|
?????
|
?????
|
7♦
7♣
|
?????
|
Calls
$200
|
FOLD
|
FOLD
|
Raises
to $500
|
FOLD
|
Calls
$300
|
|
|
|
|
Peter
has "Big Slick", the best non-paired hand in Hold 'Em. But
Michael's "wired" sevens make him a moderate favorite.
|
FLOP:
2♥ J♦ K♥
|
Michael, the first one after
the dealer button who's still in, bets first -->
|
CHECK
|
|
Bets $500
|
|
|
FOLD
|
|
WIN
$1,700
|
|
After a number more (non-televised) hands, the blinds go up to $200 (SB)
and $400 (BB). Blinds
increase during the tournament.
Michael
|
Hank
|
Peter (D)
|
Mo (SB)
|
Nicole (BB)
|
?????
|
?????
|
A♠
Q♥
|
K♦
10♥
|
Q♠
6♦
|
FOLD
|
FOLD
|
Calls
$400
|
Calls
$200
|
CHECK
|
Mo
only had to call $200 because she had $200 bet already in the Small
Blind. Nicole checked, or didn't bet at all, because her Big Blind
was $400.
|
FLOP:
Q♣
J♠
2♦
|
Mo
has an open-ended straight draw, meaning one of two cards (9 or Ace, in
this case) gives her a straight. Peter and Nicole have flopped the
"top pair", pairing a hole card with the top-ranked community
card.
|
Mo bets first this time --->
|
CHECK
|
CHECK
|
|
Bets $2,000
|
FOLD
|
Calls $2,000
|
TURN: 9♦
|
Ouch.
Had Mo not been scared off by Peter's big bet, she would have made a
straight, and only a King on the river would have had Peter winning the
pot from her.
|
|
CHECK
|
|
Bets $2,000
|
|
FOLD
|
|
WIN
$5,200
|
|
Nicole
|
Michael
|
Hank (D)
|
Peter (SB)
|
Mo (BB)
|
J♠
5♠
|
?????
|
?????
|
A♣
4♠
|
A♠
6♥
|
Calls $200
|
FOLD
|
FOLD
|
Raises to
$2,000
|
Calls $1,600
|
FOLD
|
|
Nicole
has a
"Motown" hand...as in Jack(s) 'n' Five.
|
FLOP: 9♥ 6♠
7♥
|
|
CHECK
|
Bets $600
|
|
Raises to $1,200
|
Calls $600
|
Peter
did a "check-raise". He checked at first to see what Mo
would bet, then raised that bet. Sometimes, those check-raised
against would fold, but Mo felt (correctly) that she has the better
hand. If the raise was more significant, Mo might have folded.
|
TURN: Q♥
|
At
this point, Peter is "drawing dead". No card in the deck
can help him beat Mo's hand. Even if an Ace comes on the river to
pair Peter's, Mo would have two pair.
|
|
Bets $2,000
|
ALL-IN
$1,300
|
Peter's
bet is reduced to cover Mo's all-in. |
RIVER: 9♠
|
|
9♠
9♥
A♣
Q♥ 7♥
|
9♠
9♥
6♥ 6♠ A♠ |
|
WIN
$9,600
|
CURRENT
CHIP COUNT
|
Michael Ian
Black |
$14,400
|
Peter
Facinelli |
$13,400
|
Hank Azaria |
$10,200
|
Mo Gaffney |
$9,200
|
Nicole Sullivan |
$2,800
|
Blinds are now up to $300 (SB) and $600 (BB).
Hank
|
Peter
|
Mo (D)
|
Nicole (SB)
|
Michael (BB)
|
10♣
6♠
|
A♥ Q♠
|
?????
|
?????
|
A♣
J♥
|
FOLD
|
Raises to $2,000
|
FOLD
|
FOLD
|
Raises to 4,000
|
|
Calls $2,000
|
|
The
Ace-Queen, or "Big Chick", is far superior to the Ace-Jack, or
"Ajax".
|
FLOP: 4♥
2♥ 8♥
|
Both players have a flush draw. But Peter's
flush, should a heart come off, will be a "nut flush", the best
kind of flush one can get.
|
|
CHECK
|
|
CHECK
|
|
This
is good strategy. Both were seeing if the other had two hearts in
the hole and already had the flush.
|
TURN: K♦
|
|
Bets 2,000
|
|
Calls
$2,000 |
|
RIVER: 8♣
COMMUNITY: 8♥ 8♣
K♦
4♥
2♥
|
|
CHECK |
|
Bets $1,000 |
|
Calls $1,000 |
|
8♥ 8♣
A♥ K♦
Q♠ |
|
8♥ 8♣ A♣
K♦
J♥ |
|
WIN
$14,300
|
|
|
Behold
the power of the "kicker", or tie-breaking cards. Peter
and Michael had the same top four cards (pair of eights with Ace-King),
but Peter's fifth card beat Micahel's |
Peter
|
Mo
|
Nicole (D)
|
Michael (SB)
|
Hank (BB)
|
K♣
J♠
|
?????
|
Q♣
5♣
|
?????
|
?????
|
Calls
$600
|
FOLD
|
ALL-IN
$2,500
|
FOLD
|
FOLD
|
Calls
$1,900
|
|
Peter
is a 62% favorite in this hand.
|
FLOP: A♥ Q♠
9♦
|
Nicole's ahead with a pair of Queens, but Peter can
still catch a King or, better yet, a 10 to make a "Broadway"
Ace-high straight.
|
TURN: 3♠
RIVER: A♦
|
A♥ A♦
K♣ Q♠
J♠ |
|
A♥ A♦
Q♠
Q♠
9♦
|
|
|
|
WIN
$5,900
|
|
Michael
|
Hank
|
Peter (D)
|
Mo (SB)
|
Nicole (BB)
|
10♥
3♠
|
6♠
5♠
|
A♠
K♠
|
8♣
2♦
|
A♣
10♣
|
FOLD
|
Raises to $2,000
|
Calls
$2,000
|
FOLD
|
Calls $1,400
|
Hank
and Peter have "suited connectors", which is good in Hold 'Em
because you're automatically given a chance for a straight and/or flush
draw on the flop. Too bad for Hank that Peter has the best suited
connectors you can get.
|
FLOP: 6♣ 8♥
5♣
|
Hank has flopped two pair, but Nicole has a flush
draw.
|
|
Bets $2,000
|
|
Calls $2,000
|
FOLD
|
|
TURN: 2♠
|
|
|
|
|
CHECK
|
|
ALL-IN
$1,800
|
|
Calls $1,800
|
There
are eight clubs still in the deck of 36 (excluding "burn cards"
before the flop and turn). She has a 22% chance of making the flush,
which is what she MUST get to knock Hank out of the tournament.
|
RIVER: 7♣
|
|
6♠
6♣
5♠ 5♣
8♥ |
|
|
A♣
10♣ 7♣
6♣ 5♣ |
|
OUT |
|
|
WIN
$14,000
|
So Hank, heartbroken that his
mother's charity will not be getting a shot at most of the $250,000 prize
pool, retreats to the Losers' Lounge and meets with Kevin. He
illustrates with the foam balls in the centerpiece of the table what
happened to him: he essentially lost his "nuts". The
Alzheimer's Care Committee does get $5,000 for Hank's participation, but
he says, "SCREW that! I wanted to win!"
CURRENT
CHIP COUNT
|
Nicole Sullivan |
$19,100
|
Peter
Facinelli |
$16,300
|
Mo Gaffney |
$7,500
|
Michael Ian
Black |
$7,100
|
That's the beauty of No Limit Texas Hold 'Em: in
just a few hands, some one can go from "short stacked" to
"chip leader" with patience and good cards. That's why
they always say that, as long as you have "a chip and a chair",
or money and a seat at a table, you're never out of a tournament.
Blinds are up to $400 (SB) and $800 (BB).
Nicole
|
Michael (D)
|
Peter (SB)
|
Mo (BB)
|
6♦ 2♣ |
A♠
3♣ |
10♠
3♠ |
A♦ 9♣ |
FOLD |
FOLD |
Calls
$400 |
CHECK |
FLOP:
K♠ 7♣
6♦ |
|
CHECK |
CHECK |
Nobody
HAS to bet after the flop, turn or river unless bets are already
made. Since Peter checked, Mo doesn't have to bet in order to
see the turn card. |
TURN:
9♠ |
Mo
has a pair of 9s...sometimes grotesquely called "German
virgin" ("Nein" is German for "no"...you
figure out the rest), but Peter has a flush draw. |
|
CHECK |
Bets
$1,000 |
|
Calls
$1,000 |
|
RIVER:
9♥
COMMUNITY: 9♠ 9♥ K♠ 7♣
6♦ |
Mo
now has a "set" of 9s, three-of-a-kind. |
|
CHECK |
ALL-IN
$5,700 |
|
FOLD |
|
|
WIN
$9,300 |
After more hands, blinds go up to $500 (SB) and
$1,000 (BB).
Mo
|
Nicole (D)
|
Michael (SB)
|
Peter
(BB)
|
????? |
A♥
4♥ |
????? |
Q♦
5♦ |
FOLD |
Calls
$1,000 |
FOLD |
CHECK |
FLOP:
Q♥ 8♠ 6♠ |
|
Bets
$2,000 |
|
Calls
$2,000 |
|
|
TURN:
4♠ |
|
CHECK |
|
Bets
$2,000 |
|
Calls
$2,000 |
RIVER:
9♦
COMMUNITY: Q♥ 9♦ 8♠ 6♠
4♠ |
|
CHECK |
|
Bets
$3,000 |
|
FOLD |
|
WIN
$13,500 |
|
With
the top pair, Peter "mucked" his hand, which means he
folded a good hand. Nicole was bluffing that she was holding a
spade flush when all she had was bottom pair. Nicole was
playing by Peter's reactions, not just by her cards. |
Nicole
|
Michael (D)
|
Peter (SB)
|
Mo (BB)
|
A♥ 7♠ |
A♣
K♣ |
????? |
10♦ 10♣ |
Calls
$1,000 |
ALL-IN
$5,600 |
FOLD |
ALL-IN
$5,000 |
FOLD |
|
Michael's
bet is lowered to cover Mo's all-in. It's pretty close,
despite Mo's pair, since Michael has two "overcards" or
cards of higher rank than Mo's. |
FLOP:
3♥
4♠ 6♠
TURN: 5♦ |
If
a 7 comes off on the river, the pot will be split, since neither
Michael or Mo can beat the straight on the Board. If a 2 comes
off, Michael wins with a "wheel" or a five-high straight
(A-2-3-4-5). Michael can also still win with an Ace or a King,
a grand total of nine "outs". |
RIVER:
9♦ |
|
A♣
K♣ 9♦ 6♠ 4♠ |
|
10♦ 10♣ 9♦
6♠ 4♠ |
|
WIN
$11,500 |
With
that "double up" by Mo, Michael is down to a mere $600 in
chips, which isn't even enough to cover a Big Blind. When
you're extremely low on chips like that, they say you're
"riding the felt", as in there's very little between you
and the felt of the poker table. |
Fortunately, Michael managed to pick up some SMALL pots
during the commercial break and...
CURRENT
CHIP COUNT
|
Nicole Sullivan |
$27,500
|
Peter
Facinelli |
$10,800
|
Mo Gaffney |
$10,500
|
Michael Ian
Black |
$1,200
|
And a small pot more later...
Peter
|
Mo
(D)
|
Nicole
(SB)
|
Michael
(BB)
|
10♥ 5♠ |
J♦ 6♦ |
A♥ J♥ |
3♥ 2♦ |
FOLD |
FOLD |
Raises
to $1,700 |
ALL-IN
$1,700 |
Nicole
"tapped" Michael, meaning she bet exactly how much it
would take for Michael to go all-in. Being that he was in the
Big Blind, it only cost Michael $700 more to go all-in anyway, so he
called it blind. Too bad his hand wasn't better that 3-2,
grotesquely called "Polish Big Slick" (as in the polar
opposite of Ace-King...don't write me 'cause I didn't make this up). |
FLOP:
7♦
4♦ K♦ |
Michael's
fortunes have turned slightly. He has a flush draw. One
more diamond and he doubles up. |
TURN:
5♥ |
Now
he also has a "gut-buster straight draw", needing a 6 to
make a seven-high straight. |
RIVER:
7♠ |
|
7♦ 7♠ A♥
K♦ J♥ |
7♦ 7♠ K♦
5♥
4♦ |
|
WIN
$3,400 |
|
And a disgruntled Michael joins Hank and Kevin the
Lounge de Losers. Kevin says, "Not even Nostrodamus predicted
the two of you would be the first to join us." $5,000 goes to
Endeavor House, but Michael says "To HELL with that!" Such
great losers, ain't they? Before things get too violent, We go back
to the NON-losers who are still playing:
Mo
(D)
|
Nicole
(SB)
|
Peter
(BB)
|
A♣
2♣
|
K♠ 9♦
|
Q♦
4♠
|
Calls $1,000
|
Calls $500
|
Raises to $3,000
|
Calls $2,000
|
FOLD
|
|
Nicole
had a "dog" of a hand (K-9). It's offsuit so it's a
"mongrel". If they were suited, they'd be a
"pedigree".
|
FLOP:
10♥
10♠
K♦
|
Had
Nicole stayed in, she would have flopped two pair.
|
|
ALL-IN
$7,800
|
FOLD
|
|
|
WIN
$14,800
|
Another
bluffed win. Phil Gordon says that, with a pair on the board, the
first one to bet usually wins. And we just saw why.
|
At this point, Richard not only wear his cap like a
rally cap, he dons THREE pairs of glasses, making him look...well, like a
superstitious and/or non-serious poker player, really.
Nicole
(D)
|
Peter
(SB)
|
Mo (BB)
|
K♣
7♣
|
Q♥ J♦
|
8♣
8♦
|
Raise to $2,000
|
Calls $1,500
|
Calls $1,000
|
FLOP:
6♦
9♦ J♥
|
John flopped "top
pair", meaning he's paired one of his hole cards with the
highest-ranked card on the flop. Timothy flopped "second
pair" or "middle pair".
|
|
Bets $3,000 |
Calls $3,000
|
FOLD
|
|
TURN: 7♦
|
Peter
has a flush
draws, but Mo has an "open-ended straight-flush draw".
She needs a 5 or a 10 for a straight, a diamond for a flush (though
Peter's flush would beat that) and a 5 of diamonds or 10 of diamonds for
a "straight flush", the best hand in poker. She
can ALSO win with an 8, so she has TEN outs (a 5, a 10 or an 8).
Still, she only has a 23% chance of winning.
|
|
CHECK
|
ALL-IN
$3,000
|
|
Calls $3,000
|
|
RIVER:
3♣
|
|
J♦
J♥ Q♥ 9♦
7♦
|
8♣
8♦
J♥
9♦ 7♦
|
|
WIN
$18,000
|
OUT
|
Po' Mo. She sulks her way to the
Losers' Lounge where Kevin treats her to a one-hit wonder by A Bit of
Honey (look it up). 5 grand is going to Planned Parenthood
Federation...and, unlike the guys, Mo is actually HAPPY for that.
She admits that the last hand was exciting, particularly with the
straight-flush draw. And, unlike Hank and Michael, she admits she
had fun.
So we're down to heads-up action
between a Queen of King of Queens and a supporter in "The
Scorpion King". Who will be king of the table?
CURRENT
CHIP COUNT
|
Nicole Sullivan |
$26,200
|
Peter
Facinelli |
$23,800
|
Nicole
(SB)
|
Peter
(D) (BB)
|
7♠
5♠
|
K♦
10♣ |
Raises to
$3,000
|
Calls $2,500
|
Nicole
has a "Heinz" hand (5-7, as in "varieties").
Peter's hand is sometimes called "Woodcutter" (since, if you
say it fast, it sounds like "cuttin'".
|
FLOP:
9♥
5♥ 3♠
|
|
Bets
$3,000
|
Raises
to $6,000
|
|
|
FOLD
|
WIN
$15,000
|
|
Nicole
"grinded out" Peter, raising modestly to force Peter to think
about what he bet and possibly fold. Had Peter just checked, he'd
most likely still have that $3,000 he bet.
|
Blinds are up to $1,000 (SB) and $2,000 (BB).
Peter (SB)
|
Nicole (D) (BB)
|
10♣
5♠
|
10♥
4♣ |
Calls $1,000
|
CHECK
|
Peter
has "Woolworths", since that store started off as a
"five-and-dime" (get it?). And Nicole has a
"CB" hand ("Ten-four, good buddy."). Peter is
a slight favorite.
|
FLOP:
4♠
10♦
6♦
|
Nicole
flopped top pair and bottom pair. Peter just has top pair.
|
|
Bets
$6,000
|
Calls
$6,000
|
|
TURN:
|
|
Bets
$4,000
|
Calls $4,000
|
FOLD
|
This
might be strategy on Nicole's part. By betting less on the turn
than on the flop, it tells Peter that she's not too confident now about
her hand, like she was on a flush draw. Peter took the bait.
|
RIVER: 2♥
COMMUNITY: 10♦
8♥ 6♦
4♠ 2♥
|
Pretty
"even" Board, don'tcha think?
|
|
Bets
$2,000
|
ALL-IN
$9,800
|
Calls
$7,800
|
For all
Nicole knew, Peter had caught a small straight or three deuces on the
river. Still, she was confident that her two pair would hold
up...and they did.
|
10♣ 10♦
8♥ 6♦
5♠
|
10♥
10♦ 4♣
4♠ 8♥
|
OUT
|
WIN
$43,600
|
Tens-fours,
good buddy...Peter is over and out!
|
And, so, Peter hands $5,000 to the R.P.
Foundation. But it's Nicole Sullivan, who was down to $2,800
earlier in the game, who rises to the occasion and wins the event.
Kevin presents her with the silver chip that signifies her entry into the
Final Table to get part of the quarter-million-dollar prize pool for Alley
Cat Allies. Kitties everywhere will be singing Nicole's praises
tonight!
|