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So we're here for the semi-finals and finals...BUT FIRST - we need to see who the guys from the Southwest are. Those 2 people are Jimmy the surfer dude and David the bald African American dude.

We are down to the final 8 - and now the competitor has to make a declaration of hotness - to do or say whatever it takses to show that they are the sexiest people in America. Ugh.

According to JD, due to current events (and/or lousy ratings, take your pick), the contest will no longer be interactive - it will be down to the three judges (AKA, since this sucks, let's just finidh this and get this over with for the 12 or 13 people who are still actually watching this who don't have to recap it).

We start off with Kevin from Miami. He comes out in black trunks. His declaration is that he's ambitious and goal oriented. Yawwwwwwwn. Lorenzo asks what it would do to him if he won. Yawwwwwwwn. Rachel wants him to shrink the boobs and nipples and Randolph notices that he added some oil to his body. No scores apply to any of the contestants. This is so brutally sad.

Ryan is next - and he says that 'if the face and the body got me here so far, I'm hoping that I can throw in the personality.' Lorenzo thinks he's got it all going on, Rachel thinks that he's too clean, and Randolph thinks that he looks like Clark Kent.

#3 - Tony - and he wonders if this is how a celebrity is treated like. He says he's confident, but not cocky. Randolph wants him to have more fun, Rachel likes his body and ears, and Lorenzo would like to see his hair grow out instead of his current bald physique.

Contestant #4 - David, who got three 10's straight across the board from Rachel the first time out. Randolph says that it's all about him, Rachel thinks that he has the package, while Lorenzo was impressed that he wouldn't quit teaching if he won.

Contestant #5 - Jimmy the surfer dude. 'I declare that I thought that I never had to make a declaration of hotness.' Rachel thinks he's average, Lorenzo says the lacksidasical attitude is a plus, and Randolph says that the same attitude could mbe a minus. Hmmm...

Contestant #6 - Travis, who points to ihis heart and says that's where his declaration of hotness is. Randolph says that there's nothing to criticize. Rachel is not nuts about the top cut, and Lorenzo is impressed with his attitude.

Contestant #7 - Shipley, who's hoping that his personality shines through. Lorenzo thinks that he has it all together, Racvhel thinks that his boobs are too big and Randolph thinks that he's real. You can pretty much take Randolph's commentsa and interchange them with each of the male contestants.

Contestant #8 - Kevin Bessel- he of the bad teeth. Is his teeth any better? He shows us his back. Randolph tells him to smile - and his teeth still suck. Rachel brings that out. His response? 'It isn't are you Perfect - it's are you hot?' Kevin, we knew you well, but you're done.

So who moves on to the Finals? We get the final parade of meat. Tony walks out - and gets the NOT sign. Travis goes out and gets the HOT sign, so he's one of the finalists. Jimmy the Surfer boy is HOT, so he is the second finalist. Ryan from Georgia takes his Southern accent home with him - he's gone.

Kevin P. starts the second half - of the rejects. He's out of the competition. He is joined with Kevin of the bad teeth. According to my math, that means that the last 2 guys - David and Shipley are finalists - and they are.

So we're down to our final 4 - Travis, Jimmy, David and Shipley. Now if t was just the judges, then your winner will be David. But we'll see next week after you the people vote....you mean the finals is now? You mean that it is all up to the judged? You mean that it's not live? Oh, well then I guess i'll cover it now and get the pain over with...