THE RECAPS

EPISODE 1
Welcome to the third season of The Amazing Race! Once again, I am your tour guide, who will try to steer you through this silliness as 12 teams race around for a million dollars. The rules are easy - you follow clues to a checkpoint. Teams get choices through the way, and each team can use one (and ONLY one) short cut called a Fast Forward throughout the game, The last place team is eliminated, and gets to be the brunt of my jokes throughout the article.

So here are the teams that will either be rich or will look really stupid trying to be rich (or a combination of both) -

Heather and Eve - roommates and graduates of Harvard Law School 'We've always been underestimated - we've always been seen as ditzes.'

Michael and Kathy - Internet relationship - this is the first time that they are spending time together. 'By day 7, we may be clawing each others eyes out'

Kenneth and Andrew, from Kentucky - Dad is a strict Southern Baptist. Son is a gay male cheerleader. 'We're either going to come back and be best friends, or we're going to come back and I'm going to file a restraining order.'

Flo and Zack - friends from Vassar College - now they're both single.

Derek and Drew - Identical twins and models, from California. 'We'll be cutthroat with a smile'

Gina and Sylvia - Soccer moms from South Carolina  'Fear the soccer mom'

Tramel and Talicia, an African American brother and Sister from Gary Indiana 'When the rubber hits the road, I can really go'

Aaron and Arianne - best friends since early childhood. 'We think outside the box'

Teri and Ian - Married parents (for 22 years) from Florida 'We have expereince and knowledge, and its working in our favor, not against us'

Andre and Damon - Cop and Fireman/African American friends who met in Desert Storm. 'A mission like this - this is right up our alley'

Ken and Gerard - Brothers - Conservative Republican Straight man with kids Vs. Liberal Democrat Gay guy with no kids. Oh watch the hilarity ensue.

John Vito and Jill - Recently dating from Staten Island Jill lost her brother on 9/11, 'So we're actually a team of three - John Vito, myself, and my brother'

My top three picks - Aaron and Arianne, Andre and Damon, and John Vito and Jill.  Record so far in predicting the top three - 3 out of 6 (I got 2 out of 3 the first season, only one out of three the second season).

We start on a tiny island in the everglades - hey gang, this ain't Survivor.  The first clue is on top of their luggage, which has been nicely placed down in front of them.

And away we go!

The first clue - get yourself to the Angel of Independence in Mexico City.  There are only three flights that you can get on.  Everyone is struggling to get to the airport - and there is a convoy of cars.  Derek and Drew pull the first error - and go right past the exit for the airplane.

The first flight has room for 7 teams. Heather and Eve, John Vito and Jill are the first two to get on. Andre and Damon slide under the ropes - and past everyone - to get in third, followed by Aaron and Adrienne. Michael and Kathy are the fifth team, Flo and Zach are sixth, and Dennis and Andrew are the last team to make the first flight.

Heather and Eve, meanwhile, while waiting for their flight, start panhandling for money - and make over $100 dollars. While they are doing that, the other 5 teams - Tramel and Alicia, Ken and Gerard, Gina and Sylvia, Teri and Ian, and the models (yes, they finally found the plane) are on the loser flight, which leaves 50 minutes after the first flight.

Now that the teams are in Mexico City, they have to get to the Angel of Independence. Zack tries to barter with the taxi driver - while Flo is yelling at him for being unethical - for that, she gets to be called high maintenance by Zack.

Once they get to the Angel of independence, they need to find man named Pablo, and they only get a picture of him. Teams are finding out that the building behind him is the Cathedral, which is located downtown. at Zocalo Square.  Meanwhile, the second plane has gotten in, and the soccer moms aren't even out of the airport while everyone else is getting to the cathedral.

Aaron and Arianne find Pablo first - and have to go to the Mexi-Mini Charters at the Hotel de Cortes to sign up for a bus for tomorrow. There are 3 buses - four teams to a bus, and of course, first come, first served.  Aaron and Arianne get there first, followed by Flo and Zack and John Vito  and Jill. Michael and Kathy take the last spot on the first bus. Heather and Eve, Dennis and Andrew, Andre and Damon and Teri and Ian go to bus #2. That leads Tramel and Alicia, Derek and Drew, Ken and Gerard, and Gina and Sylvia on the loser bus.

Speaking of losers, the twins may have pulled the dumb-ass move of the episode early. They left all of their stuff on a cab, which sped off while they were looking for Pedro and didn't wait for them to come back. Of course, all of their stuff is in their travel bags. OOPS.  They do find the taxi - but it puts them in dead last.

All of the teams get to spend a nice night on the town, since the busses don't leave until tomorrow. The only video that we get is the soccer moms meeting some kids and having them remind them of their own kids. This means 2 things - 1. We get a heartwarming trip from the women - awwwwwbarf. and 2. - Since they are getting lots of camera time, and since they are in the loser bus, they are my early nomination to go bye bye.

Ken and Gerard don't want to be warm and friendly - and they don't want to be the first team to go bye-bye. Knowing that they are stuck in the last bus, they decide to take the Fast Forward - which has the teams to look for a street typist in Santo Domingo Plaza with a message for the team that finds it - the location of the checkpoint. The twins, bereft of stuff, also decide to go for the Fast Forward - but they decide to jog, while the brothers decide to taxi it. Taxi beats jogging, and Ken and Gerard go to the Pit Stop - the hacienda San Gabriel de Espanas. The twins are also models, which, based on what they've done so far (which hasn't included intelligent decisions), should surprise nobody.

While Ken and Gerard are off to the hacienda, everyone is off via the busses to the Tequesquistengo airfield. Once the first bus gets there, they see a detour, which is a choice of two tasks. Teams have to do one of the following -

Wings - board a plane (which goes up 10,000 feet) and skydive to the next clue.
Wheels - direct a driver (who speaks no English) with a donkey and a little cart to the clue - 7 miles away.

Michael and Kathy decide to ride on the donkey, while the other three go skydiving. Once they get to the clue - it directs all of the teams to the pit stop. But Ken and Gerard get there first, and win a 7 night Caribbean Vacation. Whoo-hoo!

Here comes Bus #2 - and they are much more chicken than the first group - they ALL take the donkey cart - but Heathers and Eve's cart breaks down, so they turn back and decide to skydive. This terrifies Eve, since it's her biggest fear.  Those donkeys looked pretty scary, too, as Teri and Ian's is being rebellious (It's a Jackass, I think, says Ian).  The women decide to do it - and they make it.

Flo and Zack are second, followed by Aaron and Arianne and Michael and Kathy. John Vito and Jill round out the first bus people, coming in fifth, and Heather and Eve, who skydove, beat everyone else on the second bus to come in sixth.

Here comes the third bus - and none of them being dummies (well, maybe the models), they all decide to skydive. Meanwhile, Andre and Damon  come in seventh while the rest of the teams are scrambling to the Hacienda San Gabriel.   Dennis and Andrew come in 8th, The twins and the African American brother and sisters ask for directions, while the Soccer moms follow a VERY slow helper to the Hacienda.

Teri and Ian come in ninth, so it's down to the three teams in the third bus. Talicia's car lost their clutch - so they think they are in dead last. But they didn't get lost, so they wind up getting there before the other 2 teams and come in tenth. When they find this out, they are very excited.  'WE DON'T CARE WE DON'T CARE!!! Screams Talicia as she and Tramel dance all over the Hacienda. The models, lost , bewildered and trying to do everything to eliminate themselves from the competition, come in eleventh.

That leaves the soccer moms, who didn't do anything stupid, but got caught with a bad set of wheels and a slow helper. They gave it their best, and best, in this case, was to join the ranks of first groups eliminated from a reality show. The soccer moms are the first team to go ILoveyoubuhbye.

EPISODE 2
12 little teams started this little competition - until the soccer moms got booted from the race. Now we have eleven teams left - and one of them will be getting the red flag at the end of the hour.

Keeping with the traditional rules, once a team gets to the pit stop, they have to stay there for 12 hours before advancing to the next pit stop. Ken and Gerard were the first there at 10:36 am - they leave at 10:36 pm. They have to drive to Tehotihuacan and find the Pyramid of the Sun. Flo and Zach are next - and they've allied with Aaron and Arianne, since 4 people can read the map better than 2. The next 2 teams have also allied with each other - Michael and Kathy and John Vito and Jill. Heather and Eve, who aren't aligned with anyone yet, are next. Right now, the alliances aren't doing anyone any good as they have all caught up with each other.

Ken and Gerard get to the Pyramid of the Sun right when the father and son team and Ian and Teri leave - but they'll all get there at around the same time. Andre and Damon sort of...well...cheated by actually using the donkey cart to find the shortest race, instead of following the path. So they get penalized for 78 minutes and start in ninth instead of seventh. In addition, Damon has started to get ill and may have come down with 'Montezuma's revenge' - or they got their food poisoned by the unhappy Amazing Race judges who don't like what they've been doing so far. Either way, that's not a good sign, since like in Survivor, the sick people are the ones who usually leave the party early. Tramel and Talicia, who now call themselves T and T - get out 10th, and the models are in last.

Aaron and Arianne have spearheaded an everybody against the models campaign.  They're just too damn pretty...they don't need to win this race...look at us...we need to win this race.'. The twins are also known as the 'Doublemints' maybe because their collective IQ is around the same as a stick of gum?

The models, not being complete idiots, as they realize that they are in last, decide to use the Fast Forward - which is to go to the Museum of Mexican history - and find the Voladores, who climb to the top of the pole and dangle by their feet all the way down. The first team to join the Voladores on their quest and go all the way down wins the Fast Forward.

The front runners get stuck behind a log-carrying truck, and since everyone else is following the frontrunners, everyone is getting stuck as well. But they are all getting stuck together. Meanwhile, the alliance building continues, as Teri and Ian find Ken and Dennis, and they align with each other.

The top 6 teams - including Eve and Heather, who got there before the alliances, are there bright and early at 7. John Vito and Jill take the lead - and the clue says to go to San Marino Marina in Cancun - but the teams have to get there via a 24 hour bus ride. Flo and Zach are first, followed by Aaron and Arianne, Kathy and Michael and Heather and Eve.

In the second tier, Andre and Damon are first, followed by Teri and Ian and pop/son. T and T are in the process of blowing themselves up, as they are in...well, where the heck are they? They're around here somewhere, I guess...

The models, meanwhile, get to the Fast Forward. They complete it and they get the address of this leg's Pit Stop - Diamante K Bungalows in the town of Taloon.

The top 6 teams all get to the bus station, and they all get the 10:00 am bus. Andre and Damon just miss the first bus - so they get stuck on the 1:30 bus - along with everyone else that was left. 'It's a new race all over again.' says Andre and Damon - unfortunately for them, because they are 3 1/2 hours behind the first bus - and unless a major disaster happens, one of these teams - Tramel and Talicia, Andre and Damon, Teri and Ian, or Dennis and Andrew - will be the second team eliminated.

And a major disaster does happen - but to their bus. An automobile accident blocks traffic - and smashes into the second bus. This takes an additional hour and change, as the other teams change buses, and the models are seeing their Fast Forward go down the tubes.

It's 9:42 am and the first bus goes into Cancun bus station. Everyone pretty much gets there at the same time - and when they get to the Marina, there is a detour. Teams have to do one of the following to find a route marker -

Manpower - use a kayak to search a small area for the clue
Horsepower - use a Waverunner to search a very large lagoon for the clue

The teams are split -Ken and Gerard, Flo and Zach and Heather and Eve do the Waverunner, while Michael and Kathy and John Vito and Jill, and Ken and Gerard who does the kayak. 'I feel like the queen of the Nile' explains Ken. No comment.

Once the teams find the clue, teams then  have to go to Cozumel. Flo and Zach find the flag first, and away they go. The brothers are second, followed by the rest of the kayakers -  except for  John Vito and Jill, who give up doing that and go back and use the Waverunners. The ferry to Cozumel is at 1pm. Aaron and Arianne, Michael and Kathy, Flo and Zach and Heather and Eve get on the ferry. Ken and Gerard and John Vito and Jill have to take the next ferry.

While they're waiting for the second ferry, the second bus gets in and the four teams all get to San Marino running neck and neck there. At the detour site, they all take the waverunners. T and T get a little too reckless as they are steering the Waverunner - and they overturn the waverunner - T and T now stands for W and W - wet and waterlogged. But they have company - Teri and Ian also capsize their waverunner - and it looks like the race to be booted is down to those 2 teams, as the other 2 teams are well on their way to Cozumel.

Teri and Ian get there first, as T and T capsize their Waverunner - again. That looks like the dumb-ass move of the episode, as Teri and Ian right themselves and get out of there, leaving them as the only team left at the Marina.

Roadblock time - a Roadblock is a task that only one person can undertake. In this case, the person gets to swim with the dolphins underwater. Once they get the clue, they have to get to the Diamante K Bungalows. The last team to check in can go back and dive with the dolphins on their own leisure as they will be eliminated.

Aaron and Arianne get done first, followed by Zach and Flo. Heather and Eve are third. Michael, who realizes that he should not be doing this stunt, gets done in fourth with Kathy. 'I can't skydive, I can't swim...I can cook though' I somehow don't think there will be a cooking event here, Michael. 

Three of the bottom four teams make the ferry - but T and T miss it. Well, there's the result of the  dumb-ass move of the episode, and there is your last place team, barring something incredibly dumb done by the other three teams.

The models, meanwhile, still haven't found the Pit Stop, as they are feuding - but they do get there in first - how they did that is still a mystery. 'The other teams are going to be really scared to see us up front, I hope' Uhhhh....no.

Aarno and Arianne are in second. 'We are hellbent on getting the doublemints out of here - they are an Abercrombie and Fitch campaign gone horribly wrong.' Heather and Eve come in third, and Michael and Kathy come in fourth. Flo and Zach come in fifth, Ken and Gerard are sixth.

The other teams all get to the clue at the same time - Dennis and Andrew, Teri and Ian, and Andre and Damon leave the Dolphins in that order - and well behind are T and T, who are seen in a flashback getting the clue.

John Vito and Jill are in seventh, and there is a huge gap between them and everyone else that is left. Andre and Damon pop into eighth, which means that some teams got lost on the way, since they were behind Dennis and Andrew and Teri and Ian. Dennis and Andrew come in ninth, and Teri and Ian come in tenth, as they got lost - but not as lost as T and T - which should be L and L - Lost and Last. But that's what happens when dynamite comes in contact with water - it fizzles out.

EPISODE 3
Last episode, most of the teams got lost, and T and T got really lost and blew themselves right out of the competition. The models are in first, but they have used their Fast Forward to get there - and every team wants them out of the competition. Can they stay in the race? And if so, which team replaces them as the next team out of the competition?

This week, we are starting from the Diamante K Bungalows - and the models leave at 3:18 am. They have to go to Cambridge and go to the marker in front of a business called Scudamore's. A and A leave next, followed, by Flo and Zach, Heather and Eve, and Michael and Kathy. All of the teams have one thing in common - they want to get rid of the models (AKA Dolce and Gabbana).

The models get to the Airlines first, but meanwhile, the other 5 teams at the top ally themselves together. The first flight takes leaves at 7am - and the teams are already going on a twin hunt. 'Whoever captures a twin, gets a prize'.

Ken and Gerard lead the second group, followed by Andre and Damon, Dennis and Andrew, and Teri and Ian. Flo/zach and Heather/Eve decide to book the whole flight through, instead of booking on the fly. Everyone is taking their own flight over there - and clever scheduling can cause a team to move to the front - or be dropped to the back.

Ken/Gerard, John Vito/Jill and Andre/Damon go to Mexico City to get to London. Ken/Gerard already have the tickets to go all the way there, while the other 2 teams have to hope that those tickets are available. At 11:15 am, the twins depart to go to Miami, then to London. At 11:55 am, Teri and Ian go from Cancun to England.

Andrew and Dennis pull the booking Dumb-Ass move of the episode - and see all of the tickets getting sold out in front of them. They finally get their tickets - but not before all of the other teams are in the air before them. They are already setting their sights on the Fast Forward.

Michael/Kathy and the AA's get to Miami - only to find that they are out of seats - and that they will be delayed. That alliance may turn into the battle of who gets the final space that's available for this leg but they get business class tickets - and a quick flight to London to stay in the top group.

But it's the models that get to London first. Ken and Gerard's flight planning was excellent, as they scheduled their way into second. Flo/Zach and Heather/Eve are right on their heels. Once the twins get to Scudmores, they have a detour to get to the next clue.

Punt - Take a slow boat using a pole to steer it for one mile to get the marker under the bridge.

Bike - Bike a 6 mile course to get the flags.

The Models decide to boat - and they start to get snippy while rowing. But they stay dry and get everything completed well before everyone else even gets to England. But here comes the great equalizer - the teams have to take a bus to Aberdeen, Scotland. The first bus leaves at 7:30pm - the second bus leaves 2,5 hours later, and the third bus leaves 3.5 hours after that. It's tantamount to get on that first bus.

The models, knowing that they have 6+ hours to kill, decide to sunbather and do model like things. This is the reason why we are all envious of you and we want to see you lose - we are a jealous nation.

Ken and Gerard decide to punt - and they don't end up nearly as dry as the models. Both of them take a bath in the river, to the applause of the locals. They do get to the marker in second place, however - they can dry off while waiting for the bus.

Michael and Kathy decide to boat. 'This is corny, I don't want to be corny' A and A decide to bike. Flo and Zach and Heather and Eve arrive next - and they all decide to boat. They are all going in front of Flo and Zach, who change their minds and decide to bike. All of the top teams get there for the 7:30 pm bus.

Meanwhile, an unholy alliance may be forming as Ken and Gerard, who get there second, start talking to the Dolce and gabanna twins. Hmmmmmmm.....

John Vito/Jill is the first team in the second group, followed quickly by Andre/Damon. Teri and Ian are next - and they think that they are last and Ian is thinking about giving up. But they're not - Dennis and Andrew are still nowhere to be seen.

John Vito and Jill are the only group to get to the second bus. They get there right before 10 pm - and virtually assure themselves safety for the next few episodes, as they distance themselves from the back of the pack.

Andre/Damon and Teri/Ian punt - and they're both going the wrong way. Andre and Damon realign themselves and get there first, followed by Teri and Ian - 'We ran into Andre and Damon, which means that we are not last - we are tied for last'.

No, you're not. Andrew and Dennis are - and they go directly for the Fast Forward. The father and son team have to drive a tank around a obstacle course at Duxford Imperial Field. The first team that completes it in less than 90 seconds gets the Fast Forward.

The rest of the teams now have to go to Stonehaven - and it's every team against the twins. Flo and Zach wave at the twins as they pass them into first - and everyone else is passing the twins too. Heather and Eve and Ken and Gerard get there first - and hit a roadblock.

One of the people have to complete the Highland Games, which is comprised of three events - a Caber (pole) toss, which has to land between 2 lines, a hammer throw (the hammer has to land on a yellow strip), and a shot put, which has to continue to be thrown until it goes past the finish line. When they complete the shot put, the team gets the next clue.

The twins complete the event first, followed by Ken and Gerard and the rest of the top groups - except for Michael and Kathy, who get the first Taxi Driver from Hell of the season. They went a good 3 miles off course, and they have to turn around and go back to the Highland Games.

Dunnottar Castle is the next Pit Stop, and all of the teams have to race on foot to get there. Well, almost all of them - Dennis and Andrew, who completed the 90 second obstacle course in 77 seconds, get a chauffeured driven Limo to get there, and Andrew gives us a victory rap -

Dennis and Andrew are really fast
They drove that tank across a lot of grass
We're so fast, we're going to kick your (beep)

I don't think Eminem has much to worry about.

While the dad and son team are celebrating, keep in mind that they got there a day later than everyone else - can the Fast Forward make up 24 hours of time?

The twins, the team that every team loves to hate, comes in first for the second straight week. Ken and Gerard come in second place, Flo and Zach are in third, followed by Aaron and Arianne, Heather and Eve, and Michael and Kathy, who finally find their way to the Highland Games.

John Vito and Jill come in seventh place - and Dennis and Andrew still haven't shown up. Teri and Ian and Andre and Damon get to the Highland Games. Ian, who is sore and winded, tells Teri to do it - and that may have been a huge strategical error, as they are going directly against Andre and Damon, who complete the highland games first. They come in eighth, while Teri and Ian, who thought that they came in last, survives and finishes it in ninth.

The bad plane scheduling did Andrew and Dennis in, and they make history - this is the first time that a team that used the Fast Forward in an episode did them no good. So I have a rap for them -

One is called Dennis, the other Andrew
Their flight plan strategy really blew
They wound up finishing in third to last place
so they get to watch someone else win the Amazing Race

More really bad rhyming to come next episode.

EPISODE 4
We have rid ourselves of two rapping teams. There are nine teams left - and one of them will be getting some time to rap some more with Andrew and TNT. Which team is the next one to get the rap?

We start 12 hours after the first team has gotten in - for the second straight time, the models leave first as Derek and Drew leave at 10:56 pm - they have to go to Stone Haven Harbor - a good mile and a half walk. Ken and Gerard leave next - and as was suspected last episode, they have created an evil alliance with the twins.

Following them is Flo and Zack, Aaron and Arianne, and Heather and Eve - the three major teams in the 'Twin Hunt' campaign. Michael and Kathy leave 15 minutes later, and the relationship experiment has thrown some elements off kilter. 'He is type C and I am type A - hopefully together we can create a type B'.

The Twin Hunt alliance get to the harbor first - and they find bottles telling the teams to go to Calem Port Lodge - in Portugal. The alliance reserves three sets of tickets - and they're good to go. Michael and Kathy make their move, as they find someone who will give them a lift - which is well before the rest of the teams get their taxi. John Vito and Jill leave 45 minutes after Michael and Kathy - and by getting a ride from someone at a local pub, and they join the rest of the teams in the front pack.

Andre and Damon leave at 5:26 am - well behind the rest of them - Teri and Ian are right behind them - so they are the top 2 teams in contention for elimination. Andre and Damon think ahead and get their tickets - while spying on Teri and Ian. Both teams take the 10am flight.

The twins and dual brother team take a flight plan that will get them 25 minutes faster than everyone else - but there is a 30 minute exchange and both teams will get seriously screwed if they miss it. The other fivesome decide that it's too risky and take the slower way.

The slower way, however, is really slow - that allows Teri and Ian and Andre and Damon to catch up - much to the chagrin of the other teams, since Andre and Damon was the team that cut lines and pissed the rest of the teams off, and Ian is...well...obnoxious. 'Well, me and Teri are here, and we see almost everyone else here, which means we are no longer bringing up the rear...maybe someone else can small some rear end for awhile.' Spoken like a true gentleman, Ian.

And the early nominees for rear smellers are the models and the brothers. The plan to go into the lead by 25 minutes looks like it's going to royally backfire, as in their haste to make the flight connection, they don't have a boarding pass - and they need one to get on the flight. If they don't get on that plane - the 2 team alliance may turn into the battle to avoid being in last - but the nice airline people hold the plane for them as they get their boarding passes, so they are delayed by a little - but they still make their plane and are still in the lead when the planes land.

The next clue is at Calem Port Lodge. The modelas and brothers get in right before 4pm. Everyone else gets in at 4:15 pm - and the rest of the teams may be switching from a Twin Hunt to a Get rid of Ian hunt, 'Ian defines ugly American...I want to see them go down.' says Zach. Ian's response? 'The gloves are off now - the race is on'

The AMA (All Male Alliance) of the Models and Ken/Gerard gets to the Port first - and they run into a Detour. The teams have to deliver wine - and they can do it in one of two ways:

Old School - Load one 90 pound barrel of wine into a portugal wine ship and row it across the shore. The only have to make one delivery.

New School - Take a truck, load small crates of bottles and deliver 3 crates of bottles to 3 different locations.

The AMA decides to only load one big bottle in. Derek and Drew gets done first and get the next clue first - go to Gate F - Estadio de Restelo Stadium in Madrid - for the next clue. When the rest of the teams arrive, John Vito/Jill, Andre/Damon and Heather and Eve go New School - Aaron/Arianne, Flo/Zach and Teri/Ian go old school. Aaron and Arianne get done first, followed by Teri and Ian. Andre and Damon go to the Majestic Cafe second, but the rules say you have to go there last - d'oh!. They see their lead vanish - and vanish even further when going back to the second stop, they are boxed in by Heather/Eve and John Vito/Jill.

Who are we leaving out? Oh yeah, Michael and Kathy - they haven't gotten to the port - they have gotten lost and are in dead last. They finally got there - and instead of using the fast Forward, they take the detour and use the boat.

Andre and Damon help Heather and Eve with their delivery - and they tell the women to move the truck. John Vito and Jill get done from the New School group first. Andre/Damon pass Heather and Eve, and the women are having massive problems with the car - specifically, the stick shift. Heather and Eve even get to crash their car against a pole, but all of the teams get to the train station in a timely manner - as they are all taking the same train down to Lisbon. It's a whole new race, much to the delight of Andre/Damon and Teri/Ian, but to chagrin to the AMA, as fearing elimination if they stick as a group, Ken and Gerard decide to disband from the models.

Ken and Gerard get so the stadium first, followed quickly by Flo and Zack. Roadblock time - someone has to block a soccer penalty kick from a Portuguese teen. You do that, you get the next clue. The Torre de Belem is the next Pit Stop - teams have to walk a mile and a half to it. A lot of walking to be done - and that puts Teri and Ian at a distinct disadvantage. It's even more of a disadvantage since they did not get there yet - and neither has Aaron and Arianne.

Michael and Kathy are first, followed by Ken and Gerard and Andre and Damon, The models are next, Then John Vito and Jill, Flo and Zack and Heather and Eve. As Ken and Gerard pass a taxi, they remind themselves that they have to walk to the Pit Stop, not take a cab there. You have a feeling that one of those teams is going to ignore that part of the rule? Like Andre and Damon, who already have not been reading the clues correctly and have screwed up once already this episode?

There are 2 teams left on the soccer field - Aaron/Arianne and Teri/Ian. Arianne decides to block the shot - and that was a tactical blunder, because she's way too short. The much older but taller Ian blocks the kick first and off they go. leaving the Double A's to wonder if they're double out. 'We're so gone' wails Aaron. They finally get it done - but they think they're out, but there'splenty of time to catch up, as Flo and Zach lose their compass, and Zack looks like he fell and hurt himself.

But the people who really hurt themselves was Heather and Eve. They wind up being the team that did not read the clue correctly and commit the dumb-ass move of the episode by taking a taxi to get there instead of walking - and they do come in first - but they will also be penalized. The question is - by how much?

Ken and Gerard are second. Flo and Zack move into third, followed by the models. Andre and Damon move all the way up to fifth. Also improving their lot is Teri and Ian, who come in sixth place. The ugly Americans stay ugly for another episode. John Vito and Jill come in seventh place. Michael and Kathy come in eighth place. Aaron and Arianne do come in ninth place - BUT they are not the team eliminated.

Heather and Eve's mistake cost them a 37 minutes penalty. That penalty knocks them out of the race and Aaron and Arianne get to fight another day. Heather and Eve's day is over - and isn't it ironic that the Harvard Law students are eliminated because they didn't read the fine print accurately?