EPISODE 4
Recap by Gordon Pepper
Original Airdate:  October 3, 2001

So we start the episode with teams backstabbing other teams, Team Guido backstabbing everybody, and everyone just being mean and nasty. Can't we just all get along? Ok - I've used that cliche in these reports 85,637 times - Jason is going to come after me with a mallet if I keep this up - must find another boring cliche that I can use instead to iritate everyone...nah =)

So starting in Les Baux, all of the teams have to go to the Port of Marseilles and find a strange man in a foregin country - the only thing that they have to go by is a flag of the country that he is in.

The frat pack start out, and smartly booked a taxi ahead of time. Frank and Margarita find a taxi - but its the one that was ordered by Rob and Brennan - and they don't feel like sharing. That alliance just went Iloveyoubuhbye. F and M get their own taxi 15 minutes later - and 15 minutes before Team Guido, who also got their own taxi. They are immediately thinking Morocco on the flag, which could constitute as the dumbass move of the episode, except they realize that it isn't once they get to Marseilles. Team Geritol (Dave and Marguerita) get the taxi without any major problems. Paul and Amie are next - but the taxi that they ordered doesnt show up. Nancy and Emily's does and they scoot right past Paul and Amie. Paul says that Amie gets upset over the smallest things, but he's the one cursing up a storm. Prozac, anyone? Lenny and Karyn get a taxi and away we go.

During the taxi interlude, we have people bickering (Paul and Amie, Lenny and Karyn), but surprisingly, Frank and Margarita are actually making up and getting cozy during the segment (awwww), the grandparents get close (awwww), the husband and husband couple get close (awwwww), the lawyers don't get close (well, they're lawyers, what do you expect?) - and the Frat boys get close - with Nancy and Emily (they're in an alliance together...no...it's not what you think - the frat boys aren't that crazy...well...maybe they are...but Nancy and Emily aren't...oh, get your mind out of the gutter, you sick people!!!)

So everyone gets to the port - and they all figure out they have to go to Tunis - but the first boat out of there doesn't leave for a couple of hours - so everyone catches up to everyone else and everyone is neck and neck. Complains a Frat Boy, 'What's the point of having a lead if they allow everyone to catch up?' Replies me 'Whats the point of having a game if they let one team get a 3 day lead, like a certain show on NBC (not to name names....uh....you can figure it out).' Bill of the husband and husband team Guido arranges the tickets - but sets it up so that they are alone from everyone else on the trip. Needless to say, no one is thrilled with them and they all decide to eat together - away from Bill and Joe. 'Everyone is Anti-Guido'. Gee, could it be that they have shafted everyone so far on the trip? The defense is that according to Team Guido - 'We want to play to win' - I think that you are not playing to win if you play the game that way - because you're actually playing to have a big bullseye being put on your fanny. You better believe that the first time Team Guido needs a team to help them out, that they will be dead in the water.

Since all of the teams are together (which will be real difficult to get lost in this case), they all find the man with relative ease. They then get a map and a detour -either find a cafe with no assistance from a map, or find a massage parlor where the map shows you where to go - but take a 20 minute massage there, too. Everyone decides to try to find the coffee shop - except Paul and Amie, who need the massage baaaaaaad. The lawyers get a tourist to help them find the place. Nancy and Emily, on the other hand, get a whole harem of horny Tunisian males to help them. Everyone else follows either of these groups. Kevin and Drew (Frat Pack) decide to go against the bath because 'You saw what happened in Midnight Express'.

Amie gets a nice relazing version of the massage. Paul, however, gets the Midnight Express treatment and feels like he got into the wrestling ring in a hardcore match against Mankind. When they are done with the massage, they (and the rest of the teams) get a cigarette lighter with a picture of the colosseum in El Jem on it. That's the final destination of this leg. They can get there either via Taxi (costs more) or via Train (takes longer). The lawyers are told that the train takes shorter - so they go that way. Lenny and Karyn also take the train. D'oh! So at this point, Team Guido and the Frat/Nancy-Emily alliance is in the lead. F/M and Team Geritol is in the middle of the group, and Paul and Amie (massage), the Lawyers (train) and Lenny and Karyn (train) are your leading expulsion candidates .

Here is where we get to the turning point of the episode. Team Geritol decides to be clever and tries to take a taxi that they believe will get them to the arena faster. The catch - they don't take French money - only Tunisian Currency - and they forgot to exchange the money. So they take their sweet time finding people on the street to exchange money with them. This would constitute the dumbass move of the episode, but since the grandparents don't like such filthy language - we will call it the sillybutt
move of the episode. Everyone gets in front of the Grandparents.

This brings us to the final challenge - someone has to go into the colosseum, use a torch to navigate the colosseum, find a sword dangling on a rope, and bring it back to their teammate, and then they have to go to the end. now you are supposed to find a pole and put it through a fence to get the sword - but most teams said the heck with that and jumped over the fence. Not much happened here, except that Paul and Emilyand Lenny almost set themselves on fire with the torch.

Team Guido recaptures the lead, with the Alliance of the Fratboys/Mom and Daughter team coming in second and third, respectively. Frank and Margarita come in fourth, and Paul and Amie overcome the massage to take fifth. The lawyers and Lenny and Karen overcome the train to come in sixth and seventh, repsectively. But the Grandparents can not overcome the currency change fiasco and come well behind everyone else. They get an ovation from the rest of the teams (how much do you want to bet that some of that happiness is coming from the teams that are glad that they are not getting the boot?). But there is no joy in Geritolville - the grandparents go Iloveouybuhbye.