Chico Alexander
daytime editor (vote for me!)

Six gubernatorial candidates - Bryan Quinn, Gary Coleman, Mary Carey, Nate Walton, Trek Thunder Kelly, and Humble Carl A. Mehr - come togehter in "the most amazing spectacle of democracy, greed, and political ambition ever staged" in "a great night for democracy, a great night for America, and a great night for game shows". The pot: a donation of $21,200 to their campaign, the maximum allowable by California law. The goal: to go from utterly trounced by the competition to somewhat trounced. This is "Who Wants to Be Governor of California? The Debating Game".

Catchy, ain't it? Out comes Kennedy, who, surprisingly, is NOT running for the Governorship of California, even though technically, she's one of the most qualified on stage.

So how the heck did it come to this? For those who got lost in the shuffle at all the news sites, we present the Readers' Digest version. Gray Davis is seen by many as having turned away from the people who elected him. "One thing was on the people's minds." And it wasn't that politicians suck, no matter how big that guy's sign is. "Recall." And so, on July, we've got permission to recall Davis and the race is on. Long story short with the 134 candidates: with $3500 and 65 signatures, you too can make a difference. We're trying it out on Pepper in New York next year, even though technically, he lives in Jersey.

And we STILL don't know what his favorite game show is. Thanks, Kennedy.

Round of Opening Statements

Gary opens with a poem: "It doesn't matter that my job is to entertain; What does matter to everyone is stopping California's economy from going down the drain. Gray Davis has committed wrongs; the proof is 134 different candidates with 134 different dances and songs." He has to then name four TV/movie stars that have been elected to major public office for five points each. He gets Jesse Ventura, Ronald Reagan, Jerry Springer, and... that's it. He's got 15 points to start. He hasn't heard of Clint Eastwood.

Mary's up next. Her plans for reducing the deficit include turning the Governor's Mansion into a pay-for-play webcam site, keeping bars open, and lifting the ban on porn. She has to name four of the five major league teams in California. She gets the A's, but not much else.

Bryan is the only one with an actual plan for dealing with the economic crisis... by declaring the state insolvent. His question is on Arnold Schwarzenegger movies that have grossed over $100 million domestically. Can't even name one ("The Terminator" is the wrong).

Nate is next with political activism coming across like a high-schooler. He's got some redeeming qualities if he can name four of the Supreme Court Justice. He gets his four with O'Connor, Scalia, Rehnquist, and Souter.

Trek is next, comparing this to a performance art and health and environment. Since he's decked out in blue, he's got to name four of the 20 states that went to Gore/Lieberman in 2000. "And please, don't even START with Florida!" California's good. New York's good. New Mexico's good. Colorado's... not good.

Carl can lead a horse to water and make him drink the water of his discontent. Nice imagery, but it won't help him name the US Presidents who died in office. Sorry, Kennedy came after the buzzer. So far, Nate's in the lead with 20, Gary and Trek are tied with 15, Mary's got five, and Carl and Bryan are tied for last with zero.

Going into the break, Gary compares his platform to the rides at the fair.

The Wheel of Sound Bytes

Before any more game, we meet Humble Carl, the uniquely qualified candidate. In order to be Governor, you have to wear a lot of hats. And Carl has a lot of hats. The Wheel of Sound Bytes has wedges for immigrants; guns; the energy crisis; whales, spotted owls & bears, oh my!; crime; old people; a free choice, the economy stupid, and gay marriage. The journalist judges will score from one to ten on... well, delivery, of course.

Mary's first, spinning out ten seconds on "gay marriages". Her byte: Seeing two women kiss is so hot. hat gives her 20 for a total of 25.

Trek spins out immigrants, getting out this: "Alexander Graham Bell, Levi Strauss, and Bob Hope were all immigrants. Imagine a California without telephones, jeans, or comedy." That's worth only 14 for a total of 29.

Next at the Wheel is Carl, who spins out the free choice. His byte: "Getting old is for sissies. Hospitals perform too many operations. So the question is, can we afford old people or should we send them off to Holland?" He gets sent with 15 on the board.

Gary spins out immigrants, his favorite. His byte: NAFTA makes California hafta. Hafta lose jobs, hafta open boarders to illegal immigrants, and hafta pay for them! We hafta get rid of NAFTA!" It just sounds better coming from him. The judges agree, giving him 18 for 33 points total and the lead.

Bryan is next at the Wheel, getting ten seconds on gay marriage. "Hey, I don't wanna be the guy to turn my back on them." Now THAT is delivery. Judges agree for 28 points.

Nate is last. Quick fact: He made nothing last year. We'll see what he can make of guns. Nate gets touchy with "It's terrible to see all these people losing their lives over something that could've been stopped." Mixed bag gives Nate 16 points for the lead with 36.

The Toss-Up Round

We look into the life of Trek Kelly, as he creates... a statement, as well as Mary Carey raiding $42 for her campaign (and her dating life). Back into the game with the Toss-Up round, where players will have to answers questions for 50 points (decreasing after each question) and a chance to talk to the voters. The two highest scorers at the end of this round will move on to the final round, while the other four must battle it out for the third spot.

Nate gets the first question on Steve Jobs and Apple Computer for 50 points. Now he has to face the music on Carl's stance on position of wealth. Bryan gets the San Quentin Prison question for 40 and the chance to out Nate for an idiot. Trek gets the Nob Hill and Fisherman's Wharf question for 30 points, but can he defend the whole Armageddon spiel in the face of Gary calling him a freak? Gary gets the LBC question for 20 and 15 to explain what Bryan meant by "loud, whiny, and obnoxious". Simple defense, no problem. Final question - Mary bounces to the 10-point 90210 question, but is stuck with a titillation and shock value stigma that Trek exploits. Carl answers a question for zero points and answers another question at Mary Carey's expense. At the end of that round, Nate with 86 and Brian with 68 are both in the finals (and we don't mean college tests, either).

The Final Elimination

Nate is the slam-dunking son of Bill Walton, of course. Bryan is just a University of the Pacific student who looks like he's 12. The final elimination consists of a Greed-type termination bracket with a Who Am I? on the various other candidates. Mary and Carl are up first. Mary identifies Larry Flynt, eliminating Carl. Gary takes his place and gets eliminated as slowly, as Mary identifies Gallagher as well. Finally, we've reached Trek. The final Who Am I? is Arianna Huffington. The final candidate standing... Mary. Now it's up to the voters on GSN.com to disregard how cool the new set of Lingo looks and select a winner by the October 7 election.

But NOT before the candidates present their vision of California in props. Because we've got 10 minutes to fill.

All of our candidates drew a straw each before presenting. In fact, Kennedy shows us the straw they drew and the artistic results of said drawing. Brian's straw was shortest, so he will present first. His vision of California presents there actually being a California three years from now. He's got plans for everything, starting with pushing out the politicians in Sacramento and renegotiating energy contracts. He gets to education when his time runs out. It always works that way for some reason.

Mary drew a slightly larger (and fatter) straw, so she's next. She elaborates that she equals money. And, you know what they say, sex (and Mary Jane) sells. She has time left, so she compares Brian's straw to his... yeah.

Nate's vision involves heath, watching the money, fighting hippies, taking the Greyhound bus to LA, the rock'n'roll film industry, the Native American preservation, and fighting the Chinese in Oregon. So whose plan for a better California would you agree with? Two ways to vote: go to GSN.com and vote there OR text message your vote to GSNTV on your mobile phone. As Ryan Seacrest would say right now: "Standard text messaging rates apply."

But seriously, all you need to make a difference is to voice your vote, so exercise your right as an American to do so. Gordon will be back in our next Newsnet Extra for the result of the vote. Until then, "Good night, and may God continue to bless America."

Some photos courtesy Game Show Network.