COD
"Twenty minutes then you know what's next."
The passenger next to Chubbs nodded and he removed himself from his Mercedes.
The street was quiet as he crossed over towards the notorious pub called
the Jolly Hangman. A pair of double doors with glass panels greeted
him, the glass the kind you see at the bottom of dirty beer glasses.
With a squeak it opened and Chubbs walked into the smoky den of Jimmy The
Diamond.
The music was loud, it was Queen and the song was Stone Cold Crazy.
Chubbs knew the song well and was surprised that one of their lesser known
and louder tracks was blaring out. On his arrival a host of curious
faces turned to see this expected guest. Chubbs could tell that their
curiosity was not of a friendly nature and he made his way to the bar, crossing
the tacky green carpet that was stained with fag ash and spilt beer.
He doubted that the carpet had ever seen a vacuum cleaner or a mop and bucket.
"Pint of best please mate." The barman turned without speaking to fulfil
his obligation whilst the stares continued. A man with a broken nose
watched intently before scurrying away to the stairs to tell Jimmy of this
new arrival.
"That'll be two pound fifty guv." The pint was placed down firmly and
there was a large gap from the top of the glass to where the liquid sloshed
around. Chubbs wasn't going to argue and pulled out a fiver.
"On the house John. I've been expecting my old mate Chubbs to turn
up."
Here he was: Jimmy the Diamond. He was called the Diamond for two reasons,
firstly and probably most obvious, was the collection of diamond rings he
wore. They were big, fat and very flash. The second was that
allegedly he had a knuckle-duster coated in diamonds, and they had seen quite
a bit of action by all counts.
"Come on up son, and let's sort out this business you and me got lined up."
On Jimmys arrival the pub calmed and the hostility waned, put out like a
tiring cigarette. Chubbs followed Jimmy and another man called Terry
the Hook. He was the man that went to inform the Diamond of Chubbs
arrival and he was called the hook because of his broken hooked nose.
He didn't say much; when Chubbs said hi he just grunted at him. They
came to a flight of stairs and he followed them up to another room where
several figures awaited. They were local thugs all trying to climb
the tree which the Diamond had planted.
They were grinning at the arrival of Chubbs and he could tell that beneath
the jackets and long-sleeved shirts that they were armed with knives, coshes
and probably shooters. Chubbs was only slightly nervous as this was
what he had expected.
There was greetings as Chubbs was introduced to everyone and after pleasantries
about his mother, wife and kids it was down to the matter at hand.
"Have you got it then?" The diamond asked. Anticipation and excitement
at what lay within the plain brown bag carried in the big mans left hand.
Chubbs took a big gulp of ale before he replied.
"You got what I need Jimmy?" Jimmy nodded and Chubbs placed the bag
down on a table by which they were all seated. As the bag was placed
down two of the Diamonds friends got behind Chubbs, he heard something being
unsheathed.
The bag opened; everyone fixed attentively at what lay beneath. From
beneath the shroud of discarded paper lay the antique toy piano that the
Diamond was after. It was rare and Chubbs didn't know the first thing
about antiques, all he knew was that the Diamond wanted it and would give
fifty large ones for the privilege of owning it. The Diamond picked
it up, purring joyfully as he authenticated the mini Chopin.
"Fifty, that's what we agreed Jimmy."
Jimmy nodded and smiled. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out
a fifty pound note and put in in Chubbs sweaty hand.
"There you go mate, deals done."
Chubbs guessed that he might be stitched up like this. He cursed loudly
at the Diamond before he also added; "Fifty grand, don't mess me about Jim."
A blow struck Chubbs from behind, it was one of the kids he employed.
He was probably in his young twenties, the ubiquitous burberry baseball cap,
a crumpled blue shirt and designer beige tracksuit trousers.
"Don't swear at Mr Diamond, it aint nice mate. Do it again and I'll
give you more than a slap."
Chubbs felt a sharp point invade the back of his neck.
"Now be a good boy take the money and go. We got our Joanna and you
got your fifty sovs, now off you go."
The rest of the room now showed off their second rate arsenal of weapons,
crude but more than capable of cutting Chubbs down into little pieces of
Winalot. Then Chubbs played his ace.
Chubbs looked up at the band of would be gangsters and merely pointed to
the window. One of the youths moved over and looked outside.
He swore aloud and added two names and several vehicles that were waiting
impatiently outside.
"Jimmy, there's about seven motors outside, Turnups and Angel are out there
an'all."
The room lapsed into a confused muddle and the pressure on Chubbs neck was
released. He thought fondly of the two new guests to the fray.
Turnups. Here was a man who knew no sense of humanity, Chubbs was sure
of that. He had seen him in action before with guests who didn't agree
with Chubbs way of thinking. The things he had seen him do with a pair
of pliers, a cold bath and some wiring, it chilled Chubbs marrow. His
nickname came on the account that he always seemed to be around when someone
disappeared; the Old Bill could never touch him though. He knew how
to use a shooter as well and the Thames had swallowed up quite a few dissenters
in the last few years. He was a big man, six foot four tall and just
as wide. He had a unusual taste for dealing out malice.
Angel. A lovely girl who was almost forced into prostitution and drugs
by her greedy mum. Her mum was a tom who loved Coke and as soon as
Angel was ready she tried to add to her trade. Her mums pultritude
was on the wane, but Angel wasn't ready for that life. The first client
that was set up with Angel found himself missing a rather vital part of his
anatomy when he tried it on. Then Angel set about her pimp and mother,
it wasn't pretty. Her real name was Jackie, but only Chubbs called
her that. She was hard faced and was deadly with a gun. Always
she wore a red leather jacket that was maybe a bit too tight and her trademark
large looped earrings.
"I told them twenty minutes and then come on in Jim. Fifteen have now
gone and your boys looked out the window. I think Angel and Turnups
are gonna come in for a pint or two, and I aint talking about beer."
The youth behind Chubbs again pressed the blade back into the back of the
big mans neck.
"Let's do him first boss. He's all hot air."
Chubbs knew that the Diamond wasn't going to risk war with the crew downstairs.
The game had swung and the Diamond knew it. Chubbs pushed back hard
on his chair and the knife fell from the youths hand. Instantly Chubbs
spun round and grabbed the youth and crossed over to the open window.
"Let me tell you about something they used to do in the middle ages son.
It's called defenestration and it is where man tried to fly."
The youth found himself hanging out the window, his glasses falling off and
striking the ground far below. He was dangerously close to falling
head first to his doom.
"Jimmy, call him off, help, please."
The small office was in chaos now, no-one daring to come close to Chubbs.
"Chubbs mate, listen Gary is only a kid. He don't know who you are
and I'll straighten him out.."
He stopped mid-sentence as Gary fell through the air and struck the pavement
below.
"Now you now I'm serious. I think you're going to give me my money
and that piano back for the injury you've caused me. The price has
just gone up to sixty grand too."
Gunshots rung out from below and footsteps could be heard on the stairs.
Screams and shouting were heard. Angel and Turnups had come, along
with the rest of the cavalcade.
"Alright, alright Chubbs. It's yours take it all. I'm sorry mate
for the misunderstanding."
Jimmy handed over the goods and Chubbs smiled as the door smashed open.
Angel was there with a cruel grin on her face.
"All sorted boss?"
Chubbs nodded and made his way to the door, the hosts now captives to the
big mans generousity.
Turnups came in along with five other gunmen, all pointing at the Diamond.
Chubbs kissed Angel and loved the taste of the chips she had just eaten while
she was waiting. After the lovers embrace he turned to Turnups.
"Teach 'em a lesson Fred. I don't want a repeat of this."
Chubbs went downstairs as several large blasts rang out above him.
In the pub itself it was carnage, body parts and red wine oozing across the
now orange carpet. The jukebox was playing Radiohead's High and Dry
and he thought the title was apt for the Diamond.
He strode out into the street and saw Gary groaning and crying, his legs
broken. He must have twisted in mid-air he thought.
"Looks like God's on your side son. Remember this lesson and respect
your elders."
Gary heard the words but was in too much pain to reply. With a little
jig Chubbs made his way to the Mercedes and for fun he took out his own gun
and shot at the pub sign; wildly sending it into a spinning frenzy.
"Home please James", he lauged. James obliged, and the radio went to
Classic FM. Beethovens Moonlight Sonata soothing Chubbs on the short
trip home.