My granny loves her rock climbing,
But one day she lost her grip,
She fell down one hundred foot,
Broke her arms, her legs and a hip.
She was rushed into theatre,
Where they operated most of the day,
But just as they were about to replace that hip,
The military took her away.
They took her to a top secret lab,
Where they performed many a test,
They gave her an atomic hip,
As replacements go it was the best.
They took her for a test run,
They placed her on the ground,
They told her if she began to run,
She might break the speed of sound!
The atomic hip broke the sound barrier,
But, and it's a great, big but,
The hip without the atomic accelerator,
Well, ahem, that stayed firmly put.
So one half of Granny is still missing,
We wonder if it's still doing the rounds,
Is it travelling this great world of ours,
At speeds approaching sound?
Arnold Lane You've Done It Again!
Have you seen my underwear,
I left some there upon the stair,
A black bra some panties white,
Without them I can't go out tonight.
If you find them for a quick return,
You yourself a reward will earn,
So my name and address you must be told,
William Jenkins, 62 Acacia Road.
Wilbur the Screaming Winkie.
One day at the urinal,
As if in some kind of dream,
When I finished tinkling,
Wilbur, my winkie, began to scream,
Wilb, my mate, what's up? I asked,
Why are you giving me such lip,
Wilb replied, You blinkin' idiot, Grubby!
You've caught me in your zip!