Chris Jenkins had a very small mobile phone. It was so small that Chris could stick it up his nose. One day he did just that � right up his left nostril. What a silly boy!
Mrs Jenkins, the stupid child�s mother, was not too pleased with her son�s behaviour. �That phone cost me over a hundred pounds!� she snapped. �You�re twelve years old now, not a baby. Take it out of your nose immediately!�
Chris stuck an index finger up his nostril and felt around. Resting just by his mucus gland was his mobile phone. The young lad rooted about some more but only managed to push the phone further up his nose. With a squelch and a pop, the phone dropped into his skull and lodged itself in his brain.
�You silly boy!� shouted his mother.
�SRY MA,� replied Chris, solemnly.
Mrs Jenkins was shocked. �What did you say?�
�SRY MA,� Chris repeated. �SRY 4 STKN FONE UP NOSE.�
Mrs Jenkins began to panic. The cell phone lodged in his brain was causing her son to speak in text. �We�d better rush you to the doctor!� she said, dragging Chris to the car.
�OK MA. WOT DO U FINK WILL B DUN?�
Chris� mother shook her head. �I don�t know son.�
On the way to the doctor Chris kept nodding in and out of sleep every time the car passed through areas not covered by the local cell network. Whenever they passed a cell mast or a base station, Chris would wake up and check his messages.
The doctor saw Chris straight away. Mrs Jenkins explained everything that had happened. Doctor Hussein listened very carefully. When she had finished he tapped his chin thoughtfully and nodded.
�How do you feel Chris?� he asked.
Chris frowned. �NT 2 GUD,� he replied. �AV FELT BETR�
Dr Hussein nodded again and turned back to Mrs Jenkins.
�A very common occurrence, Mrs Jenkins,� he said. �A common occurrence with no cure except surgery, which no one survives. Not even the surgeon.�
Mrs Jenkins was horrified. Her son was going to stay like this forever.
�What shall we do, Doctor?� she asked.
Doctor Hussein smiled reassuringly. �He shall need to be recharged every 14 hours,� he told her. He reached into his drawer and pulled something out. �You will also need one of these from time to time.� Doctor Hussein handed her a card.
Mrs Jenkins looked at the card. It read, �One-2-One Pay As You Go �10 (ten pounds) top up.�
�I suggest you consider converting him to a monthly billing tariff,� said the doctor as Mrs Jenkins and her son were leaving. �You�ll get itemised billing and free minutes that way.�
The End.
Splugey. adj. When something is a bit icky but not so much gooey. "Ooh, this bogey is a bit splugey!"
