The origin of hooerks (whoo - irks) and shporks (shh - porcs) is unknown, but is thought to have originated in Kansas on a Monday afternoon. The words are attributed to two teenage girls driving home after getting greasy fast food from a local restaurant, if one can call a fast food joint a restaurant. Thanks to these two girls, guerrilla warfare has never been the same. With the invention of hooerks (hoes and pitchforks combined together) and shporks (shovels and pitchforks welded as one), farmers have no longer needed to rise up with their hoes, shovels, and pitchforks, but rather a combination of two farm implements.

What this has to do with the story… I do not know, but perhaps you might find out if you continue reading…

As I was saying, I clicked the mouse button of my computer, the left one, not the right, as the right brings up that annoying little menu, and my screensaver -- which is of an old woman planting flowers in her garden… very cute… -- came off the screen and brought up my desktop. However, it wasn’t the usual picture of the man of the month which greeted me, but rather a giant hole. Well, not really a hole, but rather a space of nothingness. A void in space, if you will. Only, it wasn’t a void in space. It was on my computer screen. It wasn’t really a void either, because there was this little animal, only not an animal, because it wasn’t real, in the middle of my screen.

It looked like a dog, only it wasn’t because it looked too much like a cat with a lizard’s tail. The thing reminded me of my Aunt Chloe.

Aunt Chloe lives in Albuquerque. She says that New Mexico is a dry state, and she wouldn’t have moved there if it weren’t for my Uncle Harry. Harry is rather fat. Well, so is Chloe. They both have to waddle everywhere they go. Really interesting to see. I just want to throw them bread chunks whenever I see them. They look that much like big fat geese.

Anyways.

I clicked my mouse button, and this void in space that was not a void in space with a little animal that reminded me of Aunt Chloe popped onto my screen. It had a cute little fuzzy face, kind of like a cat, but not. More like a bear.

Anywho, this bear/cat/dog/lizard thingamabob says, “Hello. My name is Huggles. Will you be my friend?”

“Uh, sure.”

“You don't sound very certain, mister.”

“Well... uh... you wouldn't be certain either, now, would you?”

“OF COURSE I WOULND'T! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE STUCK IN A BOX ALL DAY LONG?” The thingamabob was getting a bit angry, and it was puffing up like a giant blowfish.

“Um…”

“EXACTLY! THAT'S IT. I'M TIRED OF YOU STUPID, IGNORANT HUMANS!”

“Um…”

“That's just it. They TRIED to tell me, HUNDREDS of times, they told me. But did I listen? NO! I thought you humans were intelligent, but I was wrong. All you're capable of saying is 'Um' and 'Sure'. Stupid Stupid Stupid!”

“Um…”

“You're in big trouble, mister. Big trouble!”

My computer began making a strange noise, and then it blew up...