| Murphy's Laws cont... 55. The one item you need is always in short supply. 56. Interchangeable parts aren't. 57. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may conern" you've got to think about. 58. When in doubt, empty your magazine. 59. The side with the simplest uniforms wins. 60. Combat will occur on the ground in between the two adjoining maps. 61. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy. 62. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep. 63. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass. 64. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan. 65. Everything will always work in yoru HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ. 66. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake. 67. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many. 68. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain. 69. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it. 70. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn. 71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired. 72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator. 73. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 74. No matter which way you have to march, it's always uphill. 75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything. 76. For every action, there is an equal opposite criticism (in boot camp). 77. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short. 78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible. 79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA. 80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want. 81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence. 82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60. 83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else. 84. When you have sufficient supplies and ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies and ammo the enemy decides to attack that night. 85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor. 86. A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. 87. Murphy was a grunt. 88. Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases. 89. Body count Math --> 3 guerillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action. 90. the bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range. 91. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather. 92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the martness of its outfit and appearance. 93. The crucial round is a dud. 94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be. 95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole. 96. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything. 97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you. 98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it. 99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him. 100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target. 101. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one. 102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out. 103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the heirarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness). 104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work. 105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching. 106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel. 107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet. 108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains. 109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. 110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover. 111. Walking point = sniper bait. 112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day. 113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution. 114. All or any of the above combined. |