‘Come on, wake up!’ Percy heard as his grandmother stood by his bedside, holding a pair of cats in each arm. ‘It’s time to go to school!’

Percy blinked his eyes and stretched his arms. ‘I don’t want to go to school today, grandma,’ he complained drearily. ‘My teacher wants to kill me.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ she laughed, grabbing his arm and jerking him out of bed. Percy fell onto the floor. ‘Now come on! I’ve got a big breakfast prepared for you.’

He followed her into the kitchen where on the table sat three large bowls of ice cream.

‘Grandma, I really don’t think it’s good to have ice cream for breakfast,’ said Percy, still half asleep. ‘I usually have cereal or toast.’

‘Do what you’re told, Percy!’ she said in her loud, squeaky voice. She was a plump little woman with silvery hair and wore glasses that would suit most librarians. ‘You need the calcium so that you can grow up big and strong!’

Percy shrugged and picked up a spoon. ‘How long am I staying here?’ Percy asked her, mournfully.

‘Forever!’ she said, without even the slightest hint of a smile. ‘Your mother told me last night that you have been a naughty boy and will stay with me forever and ever!’

Percy took another mouthful of ice cream. ‘But one day I will move out, right?’ he asked.

‘I said no, Percy,’ she said sternly. ‘Now hurry up. You have to get to school!’

He looked down at a cat that was clawing at the cupboard door. He then turned his head slightly and saw a cat hanging off the kitchen blinds. He spun his head 180 degrees the other way and saw a cat with it’s claw stuck in it’s collar, walking on three feet and an elbow. He looked puzzled.

‘You sure have a lot of cats, grandma,’ he commented.

‘They’re not supposed to be in here,’ she replied. ‘They should be in the bathroom with the other twenty.’

‘You’ve got another twenty?’ Percy asked. ‘How do you manage to keep all of them?’

‘I don’t know,’ she sighed. ‘They’re very dirty creatures, cats. That’s why I have to bath them as much as possible.’

‘I thought cats were pretty clean creatures,’ Percy told her.

‘Well you thought wrong,’ she scoffed. ‘Now eat up your ice cream! You’re going to be late for school!’

‘Grandma, just one more thing,’ Percy said, lifting up his finger. ‘I don’t have a blazer or school bag, because it was set on fire.’

‘That’s no good, is it?’ she smiled.

‘And the teachers told me that I will get a detention if I don’t get new ones.’

‘That’s nice dear.’

‘I was just wondering, if you had a spare 170 dollars lying around, I could…’ he asked, gritting his teeth.

‘Well, it just so happens that I won 170 dollars in a bingo game last night!’ she said proudly, taking out her wallet. Percy smiled in anticipation until he saw that it was empty. ‘I spent every last cent of it too!’ she laughed. ‘No wonder my back hurts.’

‘What do you mean, grandma?’

‘I got absolutely hammered last night, Percy! Had 170 dollars worth of whiskey with the other girls!’

Percy looked at her in disappointment. ‘But if I don’t wear a uniform to school today, I’ll get a detention!’

‘I’m just kidding, grandson!’ she laughed. ‘I didn’t really spend all of your money on alcohol!’

Percy grinned, stroking a nearby cat. ‘I didn’t think so.’

‘I spent 160 dollars on alcohol. I spent the remaining ten dollars on cake mix. I hope you like banana cake!’

Percy looked exhausted. ‘I think I’d better go. I’m already in trouble for being out of uniform. I don’t want to get in trouble for being late.’

‘Okay sweetie. I’ll see you tonight,’ she said. ‘By the way, you can’t use the front door!’

‘Why not?’ Percy asked, becoming irritated. ‘I’m going to miss my bus!’

‘The cats aren’t locked up! I’m going to bath them soon and they are all trying to get out. You will have to use the chimney,’ she said, opening the cutlery drawer and handing him a coat hanger. ‘This will help you. It grips the stone while you climb up. The only problem is that it doesn’t work.’

Percy groaned and, deciding not to use the coat hanger, began to climb up the chimney using the handy rope that hung down.

‘Don’t forget to come home!’ she called out.

His grandmother’s house was in a quiet suburb, with the occasional car driving down the road and a nice garden. But it wasn’t long before Percy had enough of admiring the scenery and decided that if he didn’t move quickly, he was going to be late for school. He carefully climbed over the tiles of his roof, and took a strong grip of the drainpipe. Slowly he made his way to the ground. It was there that he was met by two men in dark suits. They flashed ID cars at him and pushed him to the wall.

‘We have reason to believe you have just robbed an old lady,’ the skinny agent said bluntly.

‘No, I haven’t robbed an old lady,’ Percy answered. ‘This is where I live.’

‘And you just happen to be on this old lady’s roof,’ the fatter agent replied with a derisive grin.

‘Yes, my grandma lives here and we can’t use the door because the cats will escape,’ Percy said, shaking in fear.

‘Really!’ the two agents laughed. ‘Well, let’s see then!’ While the skinnier agent held Percy to the wall, the fatter agent barged open the front door to his grandma’s house.

‘AAGH!’ screamed the fat agent. ‘It’s…a cat!’ he cried, running for cover behind a nearby tree. A tabby cat, dripping wet with water and soap, darted out of the door, stopping and staring at the two men. The fat agent gave a scream and jumped into the car. ‘Quick! Get in!’ he shouted to the skinnier agent.

‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ he yelled back, still holding Percy to the wall. ‘It’s just a cat!’

‘But I was watching a documentary the other day, about big cats!’ the fat agent whimpered. ‘Lion, tigers, leopards…they’re all killers! All cats are killers! Even that one!’ he screamed, and pointed to the cat as it licked it’s paws under the tree.

At this moment Percy’s grandma came through the front door.

‘I’m sorry about this, gentlemen,’ she apologised. ‘I just remembered who he was. He’s my grandson.’

The skinny agent let go of Percy and patted him on the back. ‘Thanks for your time mate,’ he muttered and climbed into the black car.

‘Let’s get out of here!’ the fat guard wailed as they sped away.

Percy looked at his grandma in fright and shook his head. ‘Why?’ he asked, with a tremor in his voice.

‘I’m not used to having teenagers living with me, that’s all,’ she smiled. ‘I looked outside and saw a young man on my roof, climbing over all the tiles. I forgot you were living with me so I called the police.’ She then put her hands on her hips. ‘Where did Mittens Five go, anyway?’

Percy looked at her strangely, still recovering from shock. ‘Are all of your cats called Mittens?’ he asked.

‘No, that would be stupid,’ she answered, shaking her head. ‘That’s why they’ve all got different numbers.’

Percy shrugged. He had to be at school within forty minutes. He said goodbye to her yet again, and strolled away down the street. He turned the corner just in time to see his bus pass.

Half an hour later, another bus arrived at the stop. It was the last one that Percy could catch if he wanted to get to school on time.

But luck was against him. Percy reached inside his pocket to find there was no ticket - he had left it in his bedroom. So much for that, he thought. He was going to be out of uniform and late for school.

‘No ticket?’ the bus driver asked, lifting his sunglasses.

Percy shook his head.

‘Well, do you live nearby?’ he asked.

‘Yes, just around the corner!’

‘Then, quickly go and get it. But I’m in a hurry,’ he said.

Percy looked amazed. What a nice man! ‘Thanks! I’ll run as fast as I can!’ he smiled. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him – down the road, around the corner, into his driveway. He scrambled up the drainpipe and across the roof tiles. He slid down the chimney’s rope and scampered into his bedroom. Luckily he didn’t have to search - his ticket lay nicely on the top of his study table. Percy took it and slipped it into his pocket, before journeying back to the bus in the same fashion as he came, except that this time he tripped over a cat running towards the chimney.

When he saw the bus still waiting at the stop, Percy sprinted even faster. He didn’t want to hold up the nice driver any longer than he had to.

‘Thanks,’ Percy panted from two metres way, just to see the doors close in his face. He was horrified to see the bus pull out onto the road, with the driver waving at him as he sped away. Why would the driver do that? Why would he wait so long, just to drive away at the last minute? Was it just to be cruel? Surely not! Not to a fourteen year old boy!

With all these questions dancing in Percy’s mind, he was losing focus on his mission – to get to school on time. But what was he going to do? The world was obviously against him, he thought. Nothing was going right.

Just to make his mind eat those words, a truck hooted it’s horn. Percy squinted his eyes and looked at the driver. Why, it was his science teacher, Mr Palmer!

‘Hello, Percy!’ he chuckled. ‘Need a lift? Hop in!’

Mr Palmer was a chubby man with a strong English accent. From Yorkshire, actually. One of those teachers that were so dedicated to teaching science that they couldn’t control the class. It wasn’t that he was nervous, or that he couldn’t control them if he wanted. It was just that, to some people, he was a bit of a nutcase. He would make students copy down pictures of toilets that he would draw on the blackboard, for example. There was no real reason for this, as far as anyone could see. But as far as he was concerned, it was all part of the scientific lifestyle. At school, the staff and students would snigger behind his back and call him a fool. To Percy, however, he wasn’t a fool. Not yet anyway.

‘Thanks, Mr Palmer,’ Percy smiled, and lifted himself into the truck. "What are you doing with this truck? Where did you get it?’

‘Not sure, Percy,’ he chuckled. ‘Not sure.’

Percy was confused.

‘You see, child, science is my passion. Now, most teachers drive cars to school. That fact is established. But not many teachers drive trucks to school. I have asked myself this question many times – why not? Do you know why not, Percy?’

Percy shrugged. ‘Well, maybe they are so big, they take longer to get there. And they’re harder to park.’

Mr Palmer shook his head. ‘That is where you are so wrong, Percy. They are quicker and easier to park, and today, I shall prove it to you.’

Percy almost jumped out of his seat when he felt a wet, cold creature on his neck. It was green and was croaking.

‘Meet Donald Frog,’ Mr Palmer laughed. ‘Donald is an amphibious creature from my auntie’s pond. He will prove to you that trucks are easier vehicles to drive than cars.’

He stopped the truck in the middle of the road. Within seconds, cars were hooting their horns at him.

‘Silence!’ Mr Palmer yelled back at them. ‘In the name of science, be quiet!’

He stepped out of the truck and climbed out onto the back, which held a large white canister. On it read the word ‘Chick Peas’.

‘Percy!’ he called out. ‘Could you pass me a few frogs?’

Percy carefully took it off the side of his neck and handed it to him. ‘Here you go, sir.’

‘Pass me another frog, Percy!’ Mr Palmer called out. ‘It is under the accelerator!’

To his amazement, Percy could see a small pool around where the accelerator was. Several frogs were swimming back and forth. He stuck his hand in but the frogs were darting around too fast.

‘What’s taking you so long?’ Mr Palmer cried out. ‘For god’s sake, hurry, Percy! We’re holding up traffic!’

But it was no use. Percy couldn’t catch any of the frogs. They were just too slippery.

‘You useless student of science!’ Mr Palmer called out, and stepped back into the truck. He then dunked his head inside the tiny pool, sucking a frog into his mouth and spitting it into his hand. The frog sat in Mr Palmer’s palm, croaking. ‘That’s how you do it, Percy. Now come on! Out of the truck!’

Percy stepped out and saw what Mr Palmer had done. He had sticky-taped the frogs to the exhaust pipe on the top of the truck.

‘Now, if my calculations are correct,’ Mr Palmer told Percy with a grin, ‘these frogs will render this truck invincible!’

Percy followed his science teacher back into the truck. ‘I have to be at school in forty-five minutes,’ he reminded him.

Mr Palmer chuckled to himself. ‘You forget that I, too go to your school, dimwit!’

‘I know you do, but,’ Percy began.

‘Okay Percy!’ he interrupted. ‘You shall get your wish! With my frogs and your insolence, we are going to get to school in ten seconds! Hold onto your seat and get prepared for the ride of your life!’

Percy gulped as his science teacher revved up the truck. It began with a jolt.

‘Yahoo!’ Mr Palmer cried, sticking his head out of the open window. His beard was tossed around in the wind. ‘Boy College, here we come!’

He hooted his horn repeatedly as the truck went faster and faster. They were within a kilometre of Boy College when Percy began to get worried. ‘What are you doing?’ he gasped. His teacher was driving towards a restaurant at full speed. ‘You can’t do that!’

‘It’s okay,’ Mr Palmer laughed. ‘Have some faith in science! We are invincible! The frogs have been applied to the exhaust pipe in such a way that nothing can stop us!’

‘I want to get out!’ Percy cried, but it was too late. The truck smashed head-on into the Hadaeko Sushi Station restaurant.

‘Oh bollocks,’ Mr Palmer sighed, and turned off the engine. Percy had bruised his leg.

A few Japanese businessman came running out with sushi in their hands, speaking in an unrecognisable language. Mr Palmer got into a stance as if he was ready to take them all on with karate.

‘Damn it,’ he muttered to Percy, who had hurt his leg in the wreckage. ‘Why did we crash?’

‘Because you are insane!’ Percy blurted out. ‘I am trying to get to school, but you, along with everyone else, seems to be getting in my way!’

Mr Palmer looked hurt. ‘I am not insane!’ he cried. ‘You are insane! Leave me alone! At least I am out there trying new things! All you do is moan, and forget to do your homework!’

Percy looked away in shame. It was true. He hadn’t done his homework.

‘Oh,’ Mr Palmer gasped. ‘That’s why it crashed!’ He pointed to the exhaust pipe, where only one frog remained. An empty piece of sticky tape fluttered in the wind. ‘We lost a frog along he way! Percy, pass me another frog from inside!’

‘No thanks,’ Percy sighed. At that moment a Japanese businessman came running up to the two of them.

‘You crashed into the sushi station!’ he said angrily. ‘My sushi train has now derailed! Why did you do this?’

‘I hope no one was hurt,’ Mr Palmer apologised. ‘You see, I was conducting a science experiment, Mr Japanese man, and I thought that my truck would somehow pass through your shop without any damage.’

The Japanese businessman seemed rather upset and put his hands on his hips in frustration.

‘Look, I’m going to find a better way to get to school,’ Percy sighed to his teacher.

The Japanese businessman looked shocked. ‘You…you speak very good English, boy!’

‘Oh, thanks,’ Percy replied.

‘How would you like 170 dollars?’ the Japanese businessman asked. ‘I am looking for a voice model and you would be perfect!’

Percy looked at him happily. ‘Yes, I certainly would!’

This was great! Exactly the money needed to buy a uniform and a school bag!

Mr Palmer looked at the man and smiled. ‘Okay, how’s this: I am not a painter, I am a poet!’ he said, in a loud voice. ‘What do you think? Can I be a voice model too?’

‘No, sir, just the boy.’

‘Well, I never,’ Mr Palmer sighed. ‘I’d best leave the two of you alone.’ He then taped another frog onto the truck’s exhaust pipe and backed the truck out of the restaurant.

Percy followed the Japanese businessman into the staff room.

He brought Percy into a studio. There was a sophisticated camera set-up inside, with a control room. ‘Allow me to introduce myself,’ he said, bowing his head. ‘My name is Iwao. I will give you money to appear in my commercial!’

‘Me?’ Percy asked him. ‘In a sushi commercial?’

‘Well, no,’ Iwao replied. ‘A vacuum cleaner commercial.’

‘Oh, I see,’ Percy replied. ‘I hope this doesn’t take too long. I have to be at school in half an hour.’

‘It will take small minutes of you time,’ he replied. ‘You will be done in ten minutes.’

‘Great! And I get 170 dollars?’

‘Yes, 170 Aus-tu-ralian dollars! You speak very good English!’

He clapped and a team of Japanese filmmakers came out of the control room.

‘Okay, boy,’ said Iwao. ‘You stand in the middle of the room. All you have to do is say "I am speaking good English".’

Percy stood in the middle of the room and waited.

‘Okay. Lights, camera, action!’ Iwao shouted. He then took hold of a microphone. ‘Here we have a boy who speaks very good English!’ He then gave a nod in Percy’s direction.

‘I speak very good English,’ Percy said with a smile.

Suddenly the door to the staff room came crashing down.

‘What is going on!’ Iwao screamed.

What looked like a samurai warrior with a bald head stood angrily at the doorway with a sword in his hands. ‘I speak better Eng-u-rish than you!’ he cried, and ran towards Percy.

‘Help!’ Percy cried, and ran to the door. He tried to push down the handle but it was locked. What was he going to do?’

‘Who are you?’ Iwao yelled. ‘Oh no! You were our last English model! We fired you from doing these vacuum cleaner commercials!’

‘How dare you rep-ur-ace me with that boy?’ he cackled. ‘I speak better Eng-ur-ish than him!’

Percy was frightened. He knew that this whole situation was too good to be true. It seemed like good luck, but it wasn’t. He thought he was going to be getting 170 dollars. Instead, he was going to suffer death by samurai. A bald samurai.

‘Now we’ll see who speaks good Eng-ur-ish!’ the bald samurai sniggered, slowly approaching Percy and lifting up his sword.

Suddenly Percy saw the director, Iwao, running towards the two of them with a vacuum cleaner in his arms.

‘Vacuum-power!’ he laughed, and pointed a nozzle to the bald samurai’s nose.

‘No!’ the bald samurai cried as his nose was sucked into the nozzle. ‘I give up! This boy is far better at speaking Eng-ur-rish than I!’ And with that, he jumped out of a nearby window.

Percy’s heart was beating rapidly. What on earth was going on now? He then looked over to Iwao. He had a microphone in his hands and was smiling at the camera.

‘Please buy Hadaeko Vacuum Cleaners. For people who speak very good English!’

Percy was shocked. The whole thing was a vacuum cleaner commercial! They could have told him. He assumed he was going to die!

The cameras stopped rolling. ‘You were very good!’ Iwao cheered, and gave him 170 dollars. ‘Will you be our permanent English model?’

‘I’d like to,’ Percy said proudly, ‘But I have to be at school in fifteen minutes!’ And without any more ado, he marched to the door. It was locked.

‘Turned the latch,’ Iwao said helpfully.

Percy did so and walked out.

Things were going pretty well. Percy had 170 dollars and getting to school was only a matter of crossing the road!

Gropogi Winters was the lollipop man. He was a short, fat, bald, 43-year-old man with a Greek accent. He lived with his sixty-three year old mother and needed to support her with whatever work he could find. The only work he had been able to find in the past twenty years had been at Boy College. First as the toilet cleaner, then another ten years were spent as the classroom cleaner. Now he had been promoted to the position of lollipop man. It wasn’t as great as he had spent the last ten years hoping.

‘Hello, Gropogi,’ Percy smiled. ‘What’s with the bandage?’

Gropogi frowned at him and looked ahead blankly. He was supposed to stand in front of the traffic with his huge red stop sign so that Percy could cross. But although it was the core function of his job, he wasn’t going to do it.

‘Can I cross?’ Percy asked, as the lollipop man stood next to him, stubbornly.

‘No! I am not moving from this spot!’ Gropogi wailed. ‘If I do, I’ll be hit again!’

Percy was shocked. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Every time I step onto the road, a car runs me over! It is always the same car, a Volkswagen Beetle! It is driven by Uncle Peter, that man who runs the cheese factory! I’ve never met him before in my life, but he’s trying to kill me!’

Percy knew that name. Uncle Peter was an eccentric man who had been disgraced from society ever since the secret recipe to his cheese, gorilla milk, had been discovered by the media.

‘He’s not always going to run you over, surely,’ Percy commented. ‘He’s not waiting nearby, just to run you over, is he?’

‘I don’t know, Percy. All I know is he will run me over!’ Gropogi huffed, waving his lollipop sign at Percy. ‘Well I cannot take it anymore! I’ve been hit everyday this week! I don’t care what the school says, I’m not moving!’

Percy was getting restless. He only had ten minutes to go across the road, into Boy College, buy a new uniform and bag, and get to class. He decided he wasn’t going to wait for Gropogi to gather courage to do his job, and so he stepped onto the road.

It was right then that he heard the sound of a noisy motor. The kind that belongs to a Volkswagon Beetle. It was Uncle Peter, and he was heading towards Percy at a great speed.

‘Lookout!’ Gropogi shouted and dived at Percy.

Unfortunately he dived so that Percy, who had already stepped back, was thrown in front of the vehicle. Percy tumbled over the bonnet and lay on the road. Gropogi got up and dragged him to safety, on the other side.

‘I am very sorry, Percy,’ Gropogi cried. ‘I was trying to save you! Please don’t tell the school about this! Lollipop men aren’t allowed to push children in front of cars, even by accident! Please, Percy, don’t get me fired!’

Percy wasn’t going to tell anyone – he just wanted to get to school on time. By the time he had lifted himself off the ground, Gropogi had noticed that Uncle Peter had backed away and was getting ready for another shot at him.

‘Why does he want to run you over?’ Percy asked, but the question was to be unanswered, Gropogi had dropped his red lollipop sign and was waddling away as fast as he could.

Percy wished him only the best, but he had only a few minutes before school began. His knee was bruised, his chest ached, and his face was bleeding. But he was thankful that he could still walk. What seemed to be bad luck wasn’t really that bad. He stood up and limped towards the school’s uniform shop.

Percy felt great. He still had five minutes to get to class and all he had to do was buy a new school bag and uniform. Nothing could stand in his way now! Unless, that is, veteran bully Stav Don Buolmwipe showed up.

Percy should have seen it coming really. Stav had seen Percy limping towards the uniform shop and was determined to take every cent from him.

Percy tried not to look at him, which was hard when Stav held his ears and shouted ‘Give me all of your money!’

‘But I don’t have any!’

Stav sighed and took a slice of lettuce from his pocket. Gripping Percy’s ears tightly so he couldn’t get away, he inserted the lettuce into his eyelid. Percy gave a little squeal.

‘Why were you smiling before?’ he asked.

‘No reason,’ Percy said, trying to blink out the lettuce.

‘You’re buying a new uniform and bag, aren’t you.’

‘No, I don’t have any money.’

‘You should thank me, you know, Percy.’

‘I know.’

‘If I didn’t set fire to them, anyway, you might have become too attached to them!’

‘I know,’ Percy replied again. The lettuce-under-eyelid code meant that if he refused to agree, he would be crucified on the footy goalposts. After an incident the year before, Percy knew Stav was serious.

‘You may have become so attached to your bag and blazer that you would have married them!’

‘Yes, Stav.’

‘And then you would have had inbred, deformed children; half man, half blazer, half bag!’

‘That doesn’t make sense…I mean, yes,’ Percy replied, feeling Stav’s grip on his ears getting tighter.

‘Give me your money now,’ Stav sighed, and violently threw Percy onto the ground. ‘I know where you keep it, Percy.’

He remained still as Stav searched his shoes and socks.’

‘Where is the money?’ Stav asked. ‘I thought you keep your money in your socks!’

‘I told you,’ Percy said, removing from his eyes the lettuce, ‘I haven’t got any money!’

‘I’m terribly sorry,’ said Stav, and helped him up. ‘I thought you had money.’

‘It’s okay,’ Percy mumbled. He secretly had put the money in his pocket to deceive him.

‘I’d better go to class now,’ Stav told him and ran away.

‘Thank you’, Percy smiled as he put on his new blazer, and picked up his school bag. Leaving the uniform shop, he shook his head in amazement and ran up to class. He had one minute to get there.

Percy was almost laughing in excitement as he jogged up the stairs. The bell had already gone but the class had only just gone inside. Mr Winterbottom was taking the role call and called out his name. Percy put his hand up and he was checked off.

He couldn’t believe it. Getting to school couldn’t have been made any harder. But he had survived secret agents, science teachers, samurais, Stavs and…Volkswagens. It just went to show that when you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything. He had overcome the odds and completed his goal. At this moment Percy paused and reflected on life itself. Life is anything you make of it. You just need a little courage and hope – strive for excellence and you’ll never be disappointed. The whole ordeal had inspired Percy. Inspired him to always be the best he could.

‘Percy, let me see your tie,’ Mr Winterbottom called out. Percy stood up and Mr Winterbottom examined it. ‘Windsor knot, is that?’

‘No, it’s just a normal knot, sir.’

‘It’s a Windsor knot!’ he snarled. ‘That is it, Percy. I have had it with your rebellious, anti-social nature. Get out. Get out! And don’t come back!’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You’re expelled,’ he shouted, and pointed at the door. ‘Get out or I’ll throw you out!’

‘But you can’t expel me just like that!’ Percy gasped. ‘Not after everything I’ve been through!’

Mr Winterbottom spat on Percy and shoved him over to the door. ‘How dare you talk to me like that! I said get out!’

‘You’re not allowed to expel me for no reason!’ Percy yelled as Mr Winterbottom shoved him outside and locked the door.

‘Percy is no more,’ he announced with a grin, putting his hands together firmly.

The entire class clapped.

‘What a wanker!’ Stav cheered.