I drove to the Jax Airport about an hour away from mah house and had the stomach doing cartwheels and what not. I parked and then nervously stammered through the airport for and hour and a half waiting for the lovely Jade to arrive. I think airport security had a sniper trained on me, imagine some dorkus nervously clutching a bouquet of flowers and walking in circles and staring at Gate B.
Finally Jade’s plane from Canuck Airways, I think the plane has a picture of a walrus and a hockey player on it or something. The prettiest girl I ever saw walked in dressed all in blue. Bluuuueeeee. I managed to not explode and give her a nice huge. We then claimed her baggage and got help with the luggage from a Japanese guy who spoke about 5 words of English; “Yo Joe! I help you with the bags USA!! You go to shitty inferior make American car, me bring bags. Eat the flied lice!” @@
The drive to the island was weird, luckily Jade’s mom, a really cool and beautiful lady, (I see were the Jadester gets her good looks from, good genes in that family :^), saved us from silence with some groovy banter. The shock of seeing my best pal in the flesh was still pretty big at the time, she looks great in her pictures but they just don’t do her justice. She an outright goddess, all she was missing was her giant clamshell and chubby little angels following her around.
I checked Jade and her mumsi into the hotel and we went to dinner. Poor Jade got a steak that got bigger as she chewed it but the seafood was pretty good. (Jade dear, it’s an island. We have fish in four directions but no cows for miles). We had a really good convo back at the hotel and Jungle Girl saved a drowning rat and then we said goodnight.
July 31, 2002 – Nervous Level 10/10
Jade and I got burned pretty badly at the pool by our oldest and most hated enemy, the sun. No worries we will destroy it one day. Nerds are allergic to sunlight and fresh air. I took her out for some pizza and we starting to open up better and better.
She met my folks and I was impressed she didn’t want to go back to Canada after meeting my mom who dresses up the cats and discusses constipation at great length while my wacky sister who is a level 5 vegan or some shit and doesn’t eat food that casts a shadow. We had a nice dinner and then a good walk on the pier, good convo with a lovely lady, it don’t get much better than that I tells ‘ya.
August 1, 2002 – Nervous Level 10/10
Jade was a total stunner today in her boots and fire top and I took her to the liquor store I work at to rub her in my co-workers faces. HAAAAHAAAAA! My best friend is a babe! IN YO’ FACE! YOU THURST YOUR PELVIS HUH! YOU THRUST YOUR PELVIS HUH! Umm anyway we saw Goldmember, very good I give it 4 out of 5 hot buttered puds, losing one pud because it didn’t have anything to do with WWII. Then we went through 20 bucks of quarters at the arcade. It a bit scary to watch Jade in action with the light-gun games, don’t get the girl angry. I thought everything was going well but Jade tried to strangle me because I was intimidated talking to such a pretty girl. We went and played some Gauntlet Legends, (playing with the initials ASS heheheherher), and this stupid little Asian girl joined in and was trying to boss us around. Ha-ha I showed her! Mommy and Daddy will never see their little princess again bwhahaahah!
Things got better after that Jade’s lovely mom treated us to dinner at Crab Daddy’s. I got scallops again, I think I made scallops an endangered animal after this trip. Then we got us a big stack of video games and I let Jade beat the crap out of me at Evil Zone, um yeah that’s the ticket! She got me fair and square at Twisted Metal 4 and by default in Star Wars Demolition. I got eaten by the Sarlac Monster like 28 times. It was part of my experiment to see if Boba Fett was still alive. Then we watched some old cartoons and shit and I drove Jade back to the hotel and got a nice hug goodnight.
August 2, 2002 – Nervous Level 6/10
Today I checked Jade and her mom out of their hotel and we were on her way to see their relatives in St. Petersburg, Florida. We stopped over at Daytona Beach and got the Jeep stuck in the sand but were immediately saved by a beach patrol guy who thought he was Captain America. We tried to get directions to get back on the highway, but nobody seemed to know how to get out of town. Of all the people we talked to for help, I think combined they had maybe 3 teeth amongst themselves. After a nightmare of a drive we arrived at Jade’s great aunt and uncle’s groovy ice cream shop on St. Pete’s Beach. These are some of the coolest people I have ever met. I felt very privileged to meet some of Jade’s lovely fam.
We had a quick dinner at one of my favorite Scottish restaurants as Jade had a craving for fried, she is very low maintenance. She made me feel guilty, I would be too happy to take her to some fru fru place where you have to bribe the waiter to get in and the menu is in French. We had a lovely walk and the ice had really melted by now.
We got back to her family’s place and wrastled’. Shhhhh Jade thinks she won, “oh no Jade, please don’t put me in a leglock. Oh no please not the Bronco Buster, argh this is horrible, snicker snicker”. We also watched the truly horrid tank girl movie. I had to sleep on the couch and I felt like I had rickets when I woke up.
August 3, - Nervous Level 2/10
This day really started well, we went to this Marina thing and just all around the city. This gay ass pirate character who nobody liked harassed us and I think he was trying to pick me up, he said something about wanting to shiver my timber and making me walk the plank. Why do people like this have jobs? He should be homeless. Then we went swimming for a while.
Jade just wanted some hotdogs for dinner and then we went for a walk on the beach. Epp um well stuff happened and long story short, Jade ended up in the Gulf of Mexico. I sorry again about this Jade, you are the best for not doing what Lara usually does to Larson here. I tried to suck up to her and we were wrastlin’ once again when we got back to the apartment. We watched some movie and I passed out. Yes I am a regular Don Juan, hey ladies, go out with me and I will drop you in the ocean and then fall asleep on you. There is a special place in heaven for Jade for putting up with me.
August 4, 2002 – Nervous Level 2/10
After a breakfast with Jade’s lovely family we drove the Jeep back to Georgia, yayyyy we didn’t even get lost this time!! It was real late by the time we got back, sooooo much driving. We had a late dinner with my family on Jekyll Island.
We got Jade and her mom checked into another hotel and took a good walk around and then um talked, that’s right isn’t it Jade? Yes talked for a few hours, Jade gave me a nice massage too, man that was great. We were out pretty late and then I walked Jade back to her room and headed home.
August 5, 2002 - Nervous Level 0/10
I woke up real late and scrambled to meet Jade and her mom over at the Jekyll Island pool where Jade tried to drown me several times to make up for me dunking her into the Gulf of Mexico.
Then we headed to the arcade and spent a record 7 hours in there. We did it all. I think we split on most of the 2 player competitive games and we really kicked ass at cooperative Time Crisis and Gauntlet. That damn little Asian girl showed up again. I told her to shut up her mommy and daddy would have to buy a little pink casket for her. Pshaw, kids are so easy. >;) What was the deal with this kid? I think she is just some magical annoying gnome that lives in the arcade?
After overdosing on electricity we went to a little park on the island and um talked again for 3 hours. Then we drove back to the hotel and poor Jade’s mom was a bit upset as we were so late. We walked around and um talked some more. I was starting to feel really sad that Jade would be gone tomorrow.
August 6, 2002 - Nervous Level 0/10
Sadness level – Each second was its own universe of pain
On the 57th anniversary of the atomic bomb being dropped, another great travesty in human history occurred; Jade would have to go back to Canada eh. We didn’t say a word the whole trip down to the Jacksonville Airport. I helped her and her mom with her luggage and was trying not to blubber. When we reached the security checkpoint for Gate B it was the end of the line for me. I finally cracked and got misty eyed as I kissed the most beautiful women in the world goodbye and stayed staring at the gate until her blue top walked out of my life for now. I do not remember the drive home or what happened in the next few hours. Next thing I knew I was back home and I was miserable.
Epilogue
I would like to thank Jade for visiting me as part of her service in the Cute Canadian Chicks taking pity on Ugly Southern Retards charity and her mom for letting her come down to see me. It was the best week of my life. We are already planning a X-mas visit and a Comicon trip next summer and I can’t wait to see her again.
Favorite moment: Seeing her walking off the plane, talking with her, “talking” with her, gaming, and slothing around.
Least favorite moment: Seeing her leave and when she went for her dip.