Looking For Trouble was the first CD Grod ever produced. It was twenty years in the making. The songs had been written as a young teenager and recorded to tape in his late teens from any recording equipment he could use. Be it his portable stereo with a tape to tape function or borrowing, then owning briefly, a four track recorder. He had to sell it to pay the rent, like most things.

But Grod hung onto the different tapes and dreamed one day of putting them together on a CD. Watching as the PC computers got cheaper, the software better, and becoming more and more within his reach.

The CD was also never made. In 1995 Grod had attempted suicide twice and while he lived to tell the tale, it left him alive with all the same problems that had pushed him to do it, but now with his health, including mental health, smashed. He had little energy each day.

Grod had little reason to want to carry on with life at all. He also knew that what he'd done in the attempts may have shortened his life significantly.

Grod needed a goal. Something that when he did die, he'd given the world something. His life would have had some meaning. And the thing he thought he did best, was write and perform songs, especially ballads.

The goal was to find all the tapes he'd recorded over the years. To then get a job, or go busking and return to performing kids shows, to earn enough money to buy a computer. Then begin the task of learning how to use one and how to record the songs from tape to hard disk. To then buy the software to hopefully enhance the sound quality, then buy a CD-recorder and make a CD. This was the goal.

Then he could die and rest in peace, leaving something to be remembered by. But this was the motive to keep Grod alive in the meantime, the main purpose in life and his focus, was to complete this CD.

Problem free it was anything but.

The CD of songs written about his struggles in life, itself became the biggest struggle he'd ever had. You name it, it went wrong. Hardware failed, software crashed, all normally leading to expense he couldn't afford and thus many long delays.

During making it, his partner through most of these troubles, his dog "Trouble" died. Her barking and howling had many times ruined recording takes over the years, but now she was gone, those out-takes were now cherished.

For Grod it was more heartache upon heartache. In memory of her, he decided to name the CD after her. And if you listen hard on the song "Words Of Love", during the guitar intro, you can hear "Troubles" high pitched whine from outside the door!

With the trouble he'd had making it, "Trouble" was an apt title. But then it became "Looking For Trouble."

Because it was quite obvious that from his perspective, Grod had never gone "looking for trouble", it rather seems to come and find him and victimize him, with the instigators then lying their teeth off to get away with their persecution. And it came from all directions, family, friends, enemies, and Authorities.

It all had pushed him to twice attempt suicide. It seemed to be a continual conspiracy to constantly wreck his life, thwarting Grod's good intentions at every turn.

To add to this conspiracy, Grod was then banned by the Council, from using an amplifier while busking in Bath.

Busking had been his financial lifeline. It had been a way for Grod of pouring out his inner feelings and getting paid for it. It was his physical and breathing exercise, it was his rehearsing of material getting ready hopefully for a bigger stage. It was also how he planned to sell his CD, to the audiences he played to, who frequently asked if he had a CD?

Without an amplifier his show was wrecked, Grod simply didn't have a strong enough voice. Sometimes Grod used to be almost whispering down the microphone.

But also it wasn't just an amplifier, it was a karaoke machine. Grod hadn't using backing tracks though, he was recording to cassette tape his live set each time, hoping to use the best takes for the CD he was making, "Looking For Trouble" and possibly a future CD.

Busking was also how Grod was slowly building up his confidence to face the world again. Inside he just wanted to hide away. The busking allowed him to be among people, but rather then have conversation, he'd just sing to them. At least he got to speak and communicate. By the time they did speak to him, hopefully he'd impressed them and also have something to talk about.

In fact the people who mainly wanted to speak to Grod though, were the drug addicts, alcoholics and homeless. Asking if they could have a couple of quid.

When he said "Sorry, no." they often became aggressive. Not seemingly wanting to understand that with debts of about £10,000 and on the verge of homelessness himself, not receipt of any benefits but living purely off his busking income, they were better off then he was! But at least he was doing something with his life, and something that gave enjoyment to other people.

Yet the council that was banning him and trying to brand him a public nuisance, due to "Noise pollution" were funding these characters with accommodation, food and clothes. Then allowing them to wander around each day getting drunk and worse, then harassing Grod and other buskers, begging and scaring away the tourists.

This was not the first time Grod had clashed with Authority. But he'd also discovered something else in making his CD. That as well as music, you could also record data, on the same CD.

Grod decided to use the CD as a dual tool. One being to give his music and songs to the world, the second to then use the "data side" to tell the story of the songs, the artiste behind them. But also the story of what had pushed him to attempting suicide. To expose those who victimized Grod and thought they'd got away with it.

Grod was about to name and shame them, knowing the information could also form a website. The website could then be updated as he wrote more songs, but also expose more scams and the people behind them.

The story was including the facts behind the ban. Which had had very little to do with the noise of his amplifier. Grod took the whole issue to the Magistrates court. The hearing was a whitewash. But the story of it was added to the CD.

There were many times Grod felt like simply ending it all. But the anger was also the fuel driving him to expose what had happened and was now happening to him. Who was responsible, and what they were trying to gain or cover up, it became a mission. They hadn't cared one jot about effecting Grod's life and purposely done what they had done with intent. In the belief he'd never do anything about it or be in a position to. He was laughed at and humiliated.

But little did they know that now Grod knew how to record, including covertly, and Grod was recording everything! That one day, just when they least expected it, the truth will out.

And the truth would show that Grod never went "looking for trouble", expect when his dog had gone missing. But he'd got a whole lot of trouble from people trying to take advantage of his friendly, trustful nature. Trying to make Grod out to be somebody he wasn't, simply to cover their own tracks and misdeeds.

One-day Grod's own story would be out, the truth known from the horse's mouth, backed by video evidence. And it would be they who then fell from a great height.

Grod had been well known as children's entertainer, "Happy Graham".

But his music was something different. Graham wasn't always happy. His songs were rarely happy songs. More songs of love and of lost love, despair, loneliness, fear and feeling suicidal.

In performing as a busker he'd adopted a different name. An old school nickname, which then later he used as a character in a musical he'd written, "Diary Of A Millionaire."

The school nickname was "Grod", the character in the musical was the rock star "Grod Groddler" with his band "The Grodlings", (Though his fans too were called "grodlings" in the story.)

So when he was out busking in Bath and people asked him what his name was, he told them he was Grod.

When he was then asked to perform a one off gig at an outdoor concert in Bath, Grod put a band together from buskers and "Grod Groddler and The Grodlings" became a one-off reality.

But that too all went wrong.

The set, for which they'd practiced for weeks, was cut from 40 mins to 10 mins at last minute. While on stage Grod then couldn't hear his guitar. In trying to fix the problem the sound engineer jumped on stage and ripped out the keyboard lead! To cover this, the compere suddenly started rapping over the music. It was chaos.

Again it seemed all Grod's dreams and hopes were falling apart. Then Grod walked off at the end, stage front into the crowd. But not before insulting the organizer, a city Councillor over the microphone as the compere tried to introduce the next act.

A couple of weeks later Grod was suddenly banned by the council from using an amplifier while busking. Was that coincidence?

But the ten-minute spot at the open-air concert at Royal Victoria Park, Bath on 29th Aug 1998 Grod made sure was videoed for prosperity.

Despite the chaos on stage, it magically seemed to all come together, including the compere's impromptu rap. Something special happened. Including that while a dog also barked loudly through the bands last song, "Quiet Time." it reminded Grod of all those out-takes of the song he'd got on tape ruined by his dog "Trouble" barking. It was as if she'd come back from the dead to see the gig.

So while the CD "Looking Trouble" allowed Grod to reach the goal he'd set myself, of putting his songs to CD, it had surpassed all his expectations. He'd also been able to use the CD to tell his story. Including the lyrics of the songs and the story behind the songs, along with the story behind his troubles.

He'd even been able to add videos to the CD's data side, including the one-off ten minute "Grod Groddler & The Grodlings" gig and two songs videoed in the rehearsals.

But for many months Grod's troubles just got worse, as his computer failed to burn his CD properly. After months of frustration it turned out to be that a few files had hyphens in their title and the system didn't allow hyphens. A simply problem, nobody spotted it, not the software manufactures or CD recorder makers trying to solve his problem. It was Grod, who eventually solved it the problem.

Even then, with the slightest knock of the computer and the whole CD was wrecked. Sometimes the computer just wasn't fast enough and stopped the recording, again wrecking the whole CD. Each time 45 mins of being scared to move, in case it effected the burning of the CD. Which was costing more money he could ill afford to lose.

But amongst the failed copies also came the first ever copies of a dream of twenty years and Grod's goal and mission of the last four years. And it happened on his 35th birthday, 20th April 1999. He did though then make a few minor changes and the finished version was completed with the first copies burned on May 1st 1999.

Grod had also learnt many things. Including how to record music to the hard disk. He knew many people where using this technology to make illegal copies of CD's, in those days few people had a CD-Recorder in their computer. In fact Grod got several offers to copy CD's for people for a financial reward. But he refused. Honesty and truth is what his life and music was hopefully all about. For Grod it was about making money legally, selling his music on CD.

And now Grod was beginning to master the recording software. This CD was all recorded initially to tape and transferred to hard disk and thus has inherent "tape-hiss" on the recordings. Though the software did help reduce this. But any future recordings Grod made of his songs, for future CD's, could be recorded directly to and mixed via the computer hard disk, vastly improving the sound quality.

Grod also now knew how to add a "data" side to future CD's including documents, sound clips and even video. All this could be used to make a website and even put a link to the website on the CD's.

Grod had been through all the process of making a CD, including designing and printing it's cover and labels. "Looking For Trouble" had been the goal in which he'd been to hell and back many times in it's creation. But with what he'd learned on the journey, he could now repeat the process.

It was the start of everything. Including his dream, to turn his musical "Dairy Of A Millionaire" into a film.

But not the work of fiction he'd written, set to his music, but his own life set to his music! Because Grod's own life had turned more weird, complex and tragic then the story he'd written about for the fictional Grod in his musical!

But unknown then to Grod, life was to get worse then he could possibly imagine. But the story is all on record. On his CD's and DVD's to be more exact.

Grod's video diary, kept over the last ten years, had shown up some strange truths. People who had done things to him knowing Grod wouldn't be believed and so could secretly get away with it. Enjoying every second of abusing and frustrating him. But not knowing, all was being recorded by Grod. His day would come.

Grod now had the knowledge, had the capability, and he wasn't dead yet.

The main story featured on the CD of Grod's troubles can also be read here.

The website set up alongside the "Looking For Trouble" CD can be accessed by clicking the link below. (Your computer will obviously have to be on-line to access the website)

You can also check out the website he did for his work as children's entertainer "Happy Graham" by clicking the link below

The videos also includes the BBC South West TV News Report, featuring Grod's protest against the ban of him using of an amplifier when busking, with the launch of his CD and website to shame the council.

Grod was claiming deliberate victimization. Something reinforced when Grod was then later banned for being too loud without an amplifier! Also shown on the videos from a later HTV news report.

Keep in mind, that all the CD's and videos featured that all you see and hear, are the work of one person. Done at home in isolation on a PC, with a budget of pennies, but with the sheer determination to do it.

And expose everything.