Even the Queen has a copy of "Diary Of A Millionaire."

During her trip to Bath for her Golden Jubilee, Grod waited for her final walk-about in the Abbey Churchyard, where he normally busked. Grod found himself next to the limousine she was about to depart in and got talking to her chauffeur.

Grod asked him if the car had a CD player? The chauffeur said that indeed it had.

With that Grod passed him a copy of "Diary Of A Millionaire" for her majesty and Prince Philip to listen to on the journey home.

In fact this moment was captured on video, as was Grod later leading the crowd in singing "God Save Our Gracious Queen" as she approached her car, which was apparently broadcast live on SKY News.

And just before she got into her car the Queen turned and gave Grod a lovely smile, wave and a wink.

This little clip of video is featured on the video made for the song "Diary Of A Millionaire."

The theme tune to what his ambition was, to make a musical about his life, "Diary Of A Millionaire."

The song "Diary Of a Millionaire" was in fact an addition to the CD written four years later, though the song had been in Grod's head at the time of making the CD, he just didn't get around to recording it!

For Grod, "Diary Of A Millionaire" was a breakthrough CD. Which is why he gave it the distinction of bearing the title of the musical he was aiming to create.

Having previously made his last two CD's by transferring to hard disk songs previously recorded to cassette tape, Grod now had got a recording studio program called "Data Becker" which turned his computer into a 16 track studio. As well as extra midi tracks if he wanted to use them.

On each track Grod could use a number of effects to what he had recorded. It was like suddenly being a kid in a sweet store. For Grod it allowed him to get the sounds and arrangements heard in his head, down as a music track.

Grod had waited years to be able to do this. Without anybody else's influence, Grod could create his music as he heard it.

By recording directly to the hard disk the sound quality was far better. Any mistakes and it was easily erased. Which was very handy for Grod, he was not a natural keyboard player.

Grod had begun making his first such recordings a year and a half earlier. The first piece he ever recorded was a short piece and was meant just to be a "Test piece" to make sure the equipment and software all worked.

He played a short piece on the keyboard that he made up as he went along, then added and recorded different keyboard voices.

Grod put little thought into it. He then mixed it into a single track, to make sure that this important piece of the software worked, and then listened back to the first ever track he'd created like this.

He was then going to delete it. Except he simply liked it too much. And Grod instantly knew that one day it would appear as the last track of a future CD.

In fact it almost became the last track on all his CD's, a "signing off" signature tune. It is this piece of music that became "Cascade."

At the time Grod was staying at his girlfriends flat for a few days and she kindly let him bring his computer, keyboard and guitar with him. To try to get to grips with the recording software (Data Becker) during his stay there.

After recording "Cascade", the following day Grod recorded another keyboard piece. Grod wanted his girlfriend to come and hear it and she was in her bedroom.

The simple fact was Grod hadn't gone to bed all night, excitedly playing with his new computer recording studio. Grod's girlfriend though was quite annoyed that he had not come to bed.

She didn't reply to when asked to come and listen to his new piece. She quietly got out of bed, got dressed, and walked out of the bedroom and then her flat.

She didn't utter a word, just gave Grod a series of disappointed looks.

He looked out of the window, it was about 5.30am and still dark outside.

He saw a taxi parked across the road and watched her walk down the street. The taxi seemed to flash its lights at her, but she just carried on walking down the street until out of sight.

Grod laid down on her bed and the silence was all consuming.

He looked across to where she had slept that night, the dent on her pillow where she had laid her head, which was surrounded by lots of soft fluffy toys.

They seemed to be saying to him "We're doing all we can to keep her feel protected and happy, but she really wanted you here last night"

He don't know what inspired him to do it, but finding a pen and paper handy Grod began writing down simply what he was seeing and feeling.

It wasn't so much a poem, but a narration. And as Grod read it back it suddenly dawned on him that he could use the keyboard track he'd written, as a backing track to this narration.

Grod went back to his computer in her dining room and recorded the narration. The words and music seemed to flow together as if always meant to be entwined.

By the time his girlfriend returned hours later from her stroll, it was ready and Grod played it to her.

Knowing it was about her and what had just happened, she was quite impressed with it. And it was named after her. Grod's nickname for her was "Book" the track was named "Booklove"

However his girlfriend was German and decided she wanted to return to her native country. To spend some time with her parents, having lived abroad in France, Canada and England for several years.

Part of this decision was down to the stress caused to Grod in fighting the ban on using an amplifier while busking. While she was fully supportive in his struggle and financially kept Grod alive at times, her love and support keeping him mentally going, it also exhausted her.

Before leaving to Germany though she helped Grod move into a house which he was going to sub-let to help pay the rent. Until she returned, if she did.

It took a while though to find a suitable housemate, that happened shortly after Grod had turned the spare room into a studio to record new songs for his next CD, with "Cascade" and "Booklove" already waiting to appear.

But before the new housemate moved in, Grod managed to record two more tracks with his newly honed recording skills and software.

The first of these was "Duskbusk."

"Duskbusk" was based on an idea.

That at dusk the buskers who had been playing in Bath that day would congregate and play an impromptu improvised symphony together.

The imagined ensemble to incorporate the many different instruments that could be heard around the streets of Bath. Violins, cellos, flutes, penny whistles, recorders, guitars, saxophone, glockenspiels, tom-toms.

But that the "busked symphony" should also reflect the different standards of the musicians who played them.

It was also based on something that in a way actually happened.

One evening just before the ban on Grod's amp, he had gone out to busk in the Abbey Courtyard. However a sax player, Jorge Mabuza arrived at the same time with the same idea, as did a flute player Jez.

Grod knew them both from busking and Jez was also in his band "Grod Groddler & The Grodlings" and Jorge very much wanted to join.

At this point the bass player of the band "Spod" (And was Grod's old next door neighbour!) happened to walk through the square and all got chatting.

They were trying to decide who should busk first, and for how long? Except Grod asked if Spod happened to have his bass guitar in his car? Somewhat bemused he replied that he did.

Grod suggested he go and get it, plug into his amp, that instead of taking it in turns to play, for the hell of it, why not just play together? Have a jam!

And so they did.

It sounded wonderful. Jez the flute player and Jorge the sax player hadn't ever played together before and both were pretty good. They basically kept trying to outdo each other with solos which then eventually flowed into a duet.

All improvised with Grod providing the rhythm on his guitar and Spod on his bass.

Then all of a sudden a chap with a pair of tom-toms walked around the corner and joined in!

They played only for about 20 minutes, but in that time the square filled with people and it all ended with a massive round of applause.

A few days later, the Environmental Health Officer served Grod with a Noise Abatement Notice. He claimed a complaint was received from a resident about that evening.

This Grod only found out later at the court hearing where he appealed against the Notice. It was claimed he had deliberately instigated this impromptu get together to cause a public nuisance!

The court case is covered in the section for the "Looking For Trouble" CD, but this real-life "Duskbusk" was just part of the ridiculous evidence given against Grod.

It was easy to point out there were five people playing and the loudest instrument was the saxophone.

Even the flute player Jez had been playing through a microphone connected to Grod's amp, along with Spod's bass and Grod's guitar, to get a balance with the natural volume of the saxophone.

Also the saxophone player normally used exactly the same amplifier when busking, to provide backing music.

You can't turn down a saxophone and there was also three people using Grod's amplifier. Why was Grod being singled out? The protest even made the local TV news.

In fact the sax player Jorge Mabuza was going to come along and give evidence on Grod's behalf, to show he was being victimized.

Except this star witness suddenly died. Jorge mysteriously got ill over a matter of weeks and was rushed to hospital. Over the next couple of weeks he deteriorated and died.

Grod knew nothing of this. He had been at home working on his appeal against the ban and in the middle of recording "Duskbusk."

Grod was stunned when he walked into Bath and found a picture of Jorge Mabuza on the wall covered with flowers close to where he normally played. His death then explained by friends.

The council was going to remove this tribute but was persuaded to leave it a couple of days by Jorges friends, so the people of Bath could pay their respects.

And pay their respects they did. It surprised the council that this memorial kept growing and growing. Amongst the flowers people even left cigarettes, joints, cans of beer and even tossed coins to the departed buskers shrine.

Bath has its fair share of homeless, drug addicts, alcoholics and beggars. None of them desecrated or stole or borrowed from the contents of the memorial, which the council allowed to stay until after his funeral.

It was at Jorges funeral, which was packed out with all sections of the city in attendance, that Grod learnt more about Jorge.

Apparently he was in the UK having been released from death row in Mozambique, where his only crime was that he was a committed Christian. He was brought to the UK with the help of Amnesty International, but left behind a wife and two children.

Jorge had been busking in Bath to survive and had been doing so for a couple of years. The previous year he was approached by a tourist, who just happened also to be the organizer of the Montreal Jazz Festival.

One minute he was busking in Bath, next he was flown all expenses paid to Canada to play at the festival. Then it was back to scraping a living on the streets of Bath.

Grod had visited Jorges small apartment at the Bath YMCA. He had just three possessions.

His sax, his amp and a programme from the Montreal Jazz Festival with his picture in it.

At the funeral Grod had spoken to friends of Jorge from Bath City Church, who had kept a bedside vigil when he was taken to hospital.

They said that they realised he was getting ill when they heard him practicing his saxophone in his apartment. Jorge was an accomplished saxophone player and superb at long phrases, seemingly to flow effortlessly in a myriad of improvised cascading melodies.

Apparently he was now getting breathless quite quickly and his playing became stilted. He began to get annoyed with himself for not being able to play anywhere near as good as he knew he could.

Jorge insisted on practicing every day, but as he became more ill, the practices had become more frustrating for him, as he grew more and more breathless.

Unable to busk, his meager finances soon ran out and began to go without food. Jorges demise was truly shocking.

Grod couldn't get the picture out of his head of Jorge trying to practice, getting breathless and frustrated, worrying also about his finances and getting more ill by the day, unable to eat.

Then a very strange thing happened.

A few days after the funeral Grod completed "Duskbusk", including adding Jorge's saxophone part to the piece.

Grod's new keyboard had an excellent sax sound and knowing Jorges style of play, it was as if he was giving his final performance from beyond the grave.

Grod cannot read music and plays purely by ear, as did Jorge. Grod simply did what Jorge would have done, played the backing track, shut his eyes and what flowed out was what flowed out.

It sounds strange but Grod somewhat felt taken over by Jorge's presence.

"Duskbusk" was a special piece for Grod and he wanted the part representing Jorges sax to do the man justice. But it seemed Jorge's presence was there to make sure it did too!

But the stranger thing was yet to come. While Grod had recorded the "Duskbusk" on the hard drive as he listened back to the finished track he decided, that just in case his computer crashed, to record the piece also to tape.

So he output the sound into his karaoke amplifier, which had a tape recorder as part of it.

It was very early morning. Grod often worked to the early morning and often seen 4:44 on his digital clock. But 4 is also his lucky number.

Grod decided to get into bed and fall asleep listening to the version of "Duskbusk" he'd just made to tape, to make sure it had taped ok.

He wound the tape back, pressed play, turned off the lights and got into bed.

Suddenly there was a haunting creepy low noise coming out of the karaoke amplifier, which built slowly into what seemed like a slow dirge.

It was hauntingly beautiful, with what seemed to be melodies of discord slowly un-entangling themselves then fading into a black pit of music.

Grod turned the lights on and tried to find what had happened.

On the karaoke machine the tape recorder had a speed regulator. At some point he must have accidentally turned it to slow. What Grod was hearing was "Duskbusk" at about quarter of the speed.

At first Grod was disappointed and was going to record over it. But something stopped him.

Grod decided to wind it back and listen to it again with the lights out. It was a scary music, deep and powerful, to him it sounded like death.

It seemed though to lack something to make it complete. It seemed to need some kind of solo over the top. As he listened to it Grod began to think what he could add to make it complete?

As he listened to this slow dirge slowly grind its way out of the speakers, Grod suddenly imagined Jorge playing along to it with his saxophone.

But the ill Jorge, the breathless Jorge, the dying Jorge, short frustrated bursts of saxophone which get shorter and shorter, until there is just one long note, the note of a heart monitor, once the heart has stopped. There was no time like the present. The computer was soon turned back on, the dirge recorded back to the hard drive and Grod set about recording the dying, breathless Jorges sax solo over the top.

From the death of Jorge Mabuza, was born a track Grod simply named after him and in memory of him, "Mabuza"

Grod then had to dismantle his studio with the arrival of his new housemate. Once again paying the rent took precedence over his artistic development.

But life was about to take some diverse swings. And once again it was Grod's personal life that effected everything.

With his girlfriend back in Germany, for Grod it was a return to loneliness and depression that had plagued his life. It may have inspired his music, also given the time to write and record his songs, but he'd have traded it all to have a relationship that worked.

It's not a case of weeks and months, depression has sapped years out of Grod's life. But always brought on by the same situation. Grod was right, he knew he was right, but the other person didn't listen. They then did what he knew to be wrong, and the carnage he expected to then happen, then happened.

And while it affected them, it also had implications on Grod. Who had known all along it could only lead to this carnage, which is why he'd been against the idea and the logic in the first place. Suggesting at the time instead a course of action that would lead somewhere far better.

But listened to and ignored, despite his record of forecasting correctly. It happened time and time again.

On this occasion it was his girlfriend returning to Germany.

To Grod it was a bad idea. He'd told her that for him, being in a relationship was the most important thing in his life. Grod had learnt from experience that long-distance relationships don't deliver what a real relationship does. It's about being there and having a relationship.

She though had gone back to live with her parents. Grod had told her, that while in theory that may seem idyllic, the reality rarely is.

Sure enough, after a couple of months her father was telling her to move out and find a flat.

In the meantime, while she was away, somebody made a move on Grod.

She met Grod when he was performing at a Halloween kids show and disco at Keynsham Rugby Club as "Happy Graham" Children's Entertainer. She took part in the comedy escapology routine of the finale puppet show. After he had escaped she whispered into his ear, "I think you enjoyed that a bit too much."

Two days later she phoned Grod and asked if he was single?

He told her his girlfriend was away in Germany, she told him she was in the middle of a divorce.

She suggested they might try and be friends? Give each other support in difficult times? She was a costume designer and could maybe get him some extra work due to her job contacts.

They chatted on the phone. She was witty and intelligent. They met for coffee.

She told Grod she worked for his nemesis, Bath & North East Somerset Council. The very council Grod was still protesting against the amplifier ban.

But she worked in the children's Dept. She hinted that as she dealt with a lot of playgroups she might be able to get him some extra work as an entertainer. That she also made clothes in her spare time and enjoyed making costumes for her two daughters, maybe she could help design "Happy Graham" some new costumes?

Grod gave her a copy of "Looking For Trouble."

She emailed him to say she had been very surprised how good it was and thought he had a real talent as a songwriter, with a lovely voice and guitar style.

That she'd like to help Grod as much as she could get his music out to the world.

She also let it be known she was materially and financially sorted. She owned her house and had about a hundred grand in the bank. She had the means to make it all happen.

Grod was living in poverty. He had debts of around £10,000 and most of what he was earning as an entertainer was going on debt repayment and interest. He struggled each month to pay the rent.

She was presenting herself as someone who could make all Grod's dreams come true. And also his fantasies, because she honed in on and rather enjoyed helping him practice his escapology.

Letting someone truss you up, requires a fair amount of trust. It can be quite a bonding experience. But you also place yourself in a position where you can easily be abused, and where the line between having fun and abusing someone can be a fine one.

And when photographs and video are taken, and you are a respected children's entertainer, you risk being blackmailed, especially if you have an escapology routine in the show. It can easily all be mis-construed. Grod had a new girlfriend who was slowly gaining his trust and confidence, but with a secret destructive agenda.

The relationship that developed became all Grod's worst nightmares.

But Grod was suspicious of her motives from the start.

With what had happened over the busking ban, his website and CD campaign against the council shaming them in the press, TV and radio, he wouldn't put it past the council to respond. And it might be very subtly done. She worked for this council and suddenly appeared out of nowhere and was trying very hard to get to know him.

And it could be the well-used method of setting up a honey trap. To get an attractive woman to infiltrate someone's home and private life and slowly set about destroying it from the inside. And the escapology Grod did in his kids show must have looked like a carrot on a stick.

While he found her fascinating, Grod was all too aware she could be fools gold.

So, for his own protection, when she was around at his house, he left a video camera downstairs, with everything being recorded on a video upstairs. Sometimes he even took a camera to her house.

If Grod was wrong, it was just video of a courting couple getting to know each other, including playing mild bondage games, which would be kept private. If Grod were right that it was a honey trap, then he'd have the evidence of the deliberate entrapment.

The early signs were also there.

In describing her marriage breakdown it was obvious what the cause was. Being a trained counselor Grod had a fair amount of experience of listening to other people's problems.

Finding that sometimes you find yourself biting your tongue and lip and quickly transfer such obvious signs to something more discreet, such as curling up your toes inside your shoe.

Because the person doesn't seem to realize they create their own problems, then cast the blame onto others.

Yet had they been on the receiving end of what they had done, they would have re-acted the same negative way towards them and want away. Someone more to the point might have punched their lights out.

For a woman employed by the council to promote family values, her marriage to her husband had just been a bit of paper, in her own words. She had met her husband while a student at college. While she wasn't that attracted to him he was a comfortable choice of boyfriend.

After seven years together and her friends married off, it seemed the right thing to do. But had it not been for the arrival of her two children she felt they might have parted earlier.

However the proverbial seven-year itch kicked in after the marriage and so did feeling neglected by him. So she decided to show him her disdain by instigating an affair with one of his closest friends. He too had a partner and like all affairs, eventually it was rumbled.

She had earlier moaned to Grod that her husband had even tried to stop her from going swimming. Explaining that's how fickle and controlling he was.

Then she told later that it was when she was "Going swimming", was when she was meeting up with his friend and having the affair.

She seemed to dismiss that her husband might have rumbled her earlier then she suspected, hence the reason he wanted her to stop "Going swimming" unless he was available to also come.

But Grod rather suspected she was somewhat manipulating the truth, to give her an excuse for her own immoral behaviour. He'd listened to such women before.

And then she even showed Grod precisely that in black and white.

With the affair rumbled by her husband, rather then punch her lights out and then go round and do the same to his friend, he instead forced her to phone his friend, in front of him, and her announce that he knew what was going on.

But she had the next part worked out already.

She and her husband had already bought another house in Keynsham which they were doing up to rent out as an investment.

Except she had secretly spent the last few months doing it up as she liked it, ready to move in, whether the affair worked out or not. She was scheming and manipulative.

The fact she'd had an affair was now proof enough to herself that the marriage wasn't going to work in her eyes. So after being forced to make this call to his friend, that the affair had been rumbled, she packed her bags and moved into the other house, taking the kids with her.

Grod hated that woman are allowed to get away with such things. Her husband had done nothing wrong, yet she takes the kids and holds him to ransom and the family courts let them do it. The woman at court portrays herself as a "poor-wronged woman" and the courts fall for her tears. Outside she then gleams a menacing smile of power and control.

Being a kids entertainer of some 2,000 shows in peoples homes, Grod had seen for himself the difference between kids brought up in a single parent, normally the mother, and those who have an active father and strong marriage.

Grod is neither the first to conclude, that a lot of society's ills are caused by the loss of a parent in childhood, by death, divorce or desertion.

But a woman, who worked for a council Grod already despised, with her job being the promoting family values, was doing exactly this, and quite opposite of the message she was paid to preach.

Though she did concede she was surprised to have got the job after she'd been interviewed, as she didn't have any of the statutory qualifications.

But to Grod it simply confirmed what he knew about this corrupt council. This is the type of people they employ. Or was her job her cover, to get to know Grod on behalf of the council?

But the black and white proof of what this woman could be like, was a letter from the husband's friend she had the affair with.

On the affair being discovered he begged his partner for forgiveness. She gave him another chance.

Feeling spurned she decided to let his partner have a look at the intimate diary she had written of their three-month affair.

She showed also it to Grod, it was a large book, meticulously kept and very descriptive.

She'd kept it intensely for a reason Grod had little doubt. For a moment such as then, blackmail.

Except his partner didn't want to know, instead refusing to read it and giving her a letter he had written about her. She told her to take it home and read it.

She then showed Grod the letter. She began to cry. "How could anyone say something like that about me?" she wept.

The letter said quite a few things, and contained a line drawing of her saggy boobs and excess stomach skin. But in describing her nature he had written,

"she is a highly scheming, manipulative woman who twists any amount of truth to cover her lies. The way she shouts at her children gives them great distress, they seem to live in fear of her, not through any kind of love. She is completely money motivated and a control freak. She was the biggest mistake of my life and have no intention of having any kind of relationship with her in the future."

Grod was about to find out for himself just how accurate his description was. But a few more adjectives would be added. Including sadistic.

The relationship Grod had with her started from this meeting on Halloween. It ended the following Christmas. In that time Grod had both moved in with her, in July, and moved out by November.

Within that short time he lived with her Grod discovered two affairs she was instigating.

And while the Christmas they split up Grod ended up dressed up as Father Christmas at Debenhams in Swindon, she had bought a few different outfits and was setting up as a dominatrix.

She had practiced on Grod, many times beyond his consent, but knowing she could get away with it. He'd be too scared to tell, she in too powerful position not to be believed. He had his reputation as a kid's entertainer to keep. Or else she had contacts with a few males who got great pleasure from violence if Grod decided not to keep his mouth shut when not gagged by her.

But aware the relationship with her was out of the ordinary, right from the beginning, Grod had made sure a lot of the relationship found it's way onto video tape.

Some she didn't know about, some she even knew was being videoed, and some video she took herself, which she then subsequently hid. Threatening it would make good blackmail material in the future if Grod didn't behave himself.

But when Grod moved in with her, one of his motives was to find that footage, playing along with everything until he eventually did.

Then it was a case of getting all the evidence out of the house before escaping himself.

But moving out brought many consequences.

Grod was pretty much of the idea that she had been a set-up from the start. The reality was he was now alone in a bedsit. Knowing this woman who worked for the Council was now out trying to ruin his reputation as a kid's entertainer "Happy Graham."

This on top of attempts by the Council to now ban him from busking for being too loud without an amplifier. Grod's only incomes were under severe threat.

Grod had returned to busking with an acoustic set of sing-a-longs. To prove he could be louder then when using an amplifier if people joined in! And they did.

Then as if to prove Grod's victimization conspiracy accusation was everything he said it was, they then virtually proved it, by trying to ban him again for being too loud, even without an amplifier!

He went straight to the press, radio and TV again, and again they helped made sure people knew what was happening to him.

The bedsit Grod moved to had been advertised as a studio flat. It was above the landlord's garage and was really a glorified bedsit with a small shower room. But Grod knew it was going to be his "Recording Studio" flat."

Everything would be close to hand, with a bed to collapse into when exhaustion took hold. In the meantime, he was going to complete that CD. That had been put on hold over the period of this torrid relationship he'd escaped from.

If his suspicions were correct, he might have to keep a very low profile for a while.

But instead of hiding away in the flat, to use this time, driven by the intense anger and flux of mixed emotions from fear, anxiety, intense depression and loss of love, to record his music.

Grod's studio flat was in the small but beautiful village of High Littleton on Greyfield Road. He lived there for exactly four years. In that time, Grod recorded constantly and produced several CD's.

Then he put together his video diary to the CD's, ending up with four musical DVD's, incorporating Grod's dream goal, "Diary Of A Millionaire", a real life musical diary.

The next CD was called "Greyfield" named after his studio. The songs were written and recorded regarding the relationship Grod had just come from.

But before appearing on that CD, some of the tracks found themselves first on this CD "Diary Of A Millionaire"

The reason was simple. "Diary Of A Millionaire" CD Grod had conceived as being a "musical diary" compilation. With tracks taken from his previous two CD's and tracks that would appear on future CD's.

Inside though Grod was again feeling suicidal. He felt betrayed, set up, it looked as if he'd lost everything, including his kids entertainment business.

The blackmail threat of his former girlfriend had begun to show. After a kids show one afternoon at a nightclub, Grod suddenly found himself surrounded by several guys with baseball bats.

Apparently they had heard from a former girlfriend that he got sexual kicks from being tied up in front of kids, that's why there was an escapology routine in his kid's show.

They gave Grod a chance to quickly explain himself.

He did, staring directly into their eyes without blinking. The truth was really important to his health.

That what he did in a kid's show was seen by everybody, even normally videoed and been performed for over ten years. That what he got up to, consentually with an adult that he was having a relationship with, privately in the bedroom, was something completely different.

That if she then is caught having an affair, then another, he's got every right to leave her. Unfortunately sometimes woman then get vindictive.

Especially if they've been secretive and caught out. And when you are feeling vindictive, and you know he works with kids, then she knows a few mistruths could cause a lot of complications, because people are very protective about their kids.

Fortunately for him, they came to the conclusion Grod had a highly manipulative ex girlfriend who was trying to ruin him. They let him go, but with a warning they were looking out for him. And Grod knew his ex was carrying out her threat.

Grod knew it was wise to stop taking any more bookings for kid's shows, it was time to put all he had into his music instead.

But this is actually what he'd always really wanted to do.

While Grod's German girlfriend had remained supportive of him, despite learning of his affair just before he'd moved in with his new "lover", she also let him know there would be no running back into her arms, but wanted to remain friends.

Grod felt alone, isolated and sick from fear of being attacked.

But also the threat of being robbed of the video evidence he had of his ex's abuses of him and blackmail.

Financially the money was running out fast with the rent to pay. His ex's offer to pay it if Grod moved out into a flat, on her affair being discovered, had turned into another lie. But thought's of simply ending it all began festering again in Grod's mind.

But rather then throw himself off a bridge, Grod threw himself into recording. Concluding there maybe no other time in his life where he had all the things he needed around him. With the time and space and such a mix of emotions to play with.

Grod's guitar playing had become fluid from busking, his keyboard playing skills much improved. And with a voice that had developed much character from his now acoustic performances. Grod had learned to sing properly and project his voice, as well as how to whisper down a microphone.

The first track he recorded, at what Grod called his "Greyfield Studio", was heavily influenced by what happened that New Years Eve.

He'd been booked to do a disco at a pub and couldn't find his copy of "Auld Lang Syne" so decided simply to find a version on an Internet website, download it and burn a CD.

Grod hunted around and amongst them was a 15 minute version called "Millenium Mix."

He deduced this one would be the best to download, as it would give him time out to join in the seeing of the New Year and give him a 15 minute break. It took hours to download.

It failed on a couple of occasions but eventually he'd got it. Grod burned the required CD and collapsed on the bed, expecting to fall asleep, safe in the knowledge, that the most important song of the evenings party had been well covered.

Except it was the most morose version of "Auld Lang Syne" you could wish to hear.

Played slowly and sadly it featured lots of radio sound-bites from down the years, from the shooting of JFK, Martin Luther Kings assassination, the death of Lenny Bruce to name just three.

Hardly the thing to kick off the New Year. Desperately tired he went back online and downloaded the "Jive Bunny" version that he normally used, and fortunately this downloaded OK, the CD made and the day was saved.

New Years Day though saw the last of his things removed from his ex's house. It was over.

She denied she was seeing somebody else already, but Grod had already guessed. And he sounded like bad news. Someone who could aid her to find clients for her new dominatrix business, and supply her with the necessary outfits and tools of the trade.

But by day she'd be promoting family values for the council, even got promoted herself as the Programme manager of their "Sure Start" initiative.

Grod had also been taping her calls to him as their relationship crumbled. They revealed quite a lot and certainly showed her talent for the manipulation of truth. This alongside what he'd already got on video from living with her.

While living at her house Grod had managed to put together a keyboard piece, based on some of the themes of "Duskbusk."

Now alone in his bedsit or his new "Greyfield" studio as he preferred to call it, Grod started by recording that keyboard piece to the computer hard drive.

Then after a particular phone call from her, which left him very exasperated, Grod began writing down how the effects of her lies and manipulation were having on him.

Grod then realised, that like he'd done previously with "Booklove", he could possibly simply narrate what was written over the keyboard piece he'd just recorded.

He attempted it but it became obvious it was in-between a song and narration. It needed to be almost half-sung. And as the keyboard piece lasted over 13 minutes, it needed to be staggered over the backing music.

Grod again recorded it and eventually got an arrangement and balance he was happy with. A half-sung narration with periods where the music then took center stage.

But it still lacked something. And to Grod it was quite obvious what it lacked, it lacked actual examples of what he'd had to put up with. But he already had a lot of examples on his videos and taped phone calls.

It wasn't just what she said, it was the way she said it. And did so believing she'd get away with it and no one would believe Grod over her if he told them.

But not realizing that was the very reason he was taping every word without her knowing. That when he'd got to the bottom of the matter, Grod one day would throw all her words and evil deeds back at her. But in the meantime discreetly let her talk herself into her own downfall with the record button pressed.

It was while thinking of which examples could be used and how to do it, when Grod suddenly recalled the Millenium Mix of "Auld Lang Syne." he'd downloaded for New Years Eve. How it had used radio news sound-bites over the backing track.

That while unsuitable for the disco, had been an intriguing track to listen to, so much so that Grod actually did play it at the end of the disco when packing up... with the story of this what they nearly almost got at midnight!

But now it's concept was staring him in the face. It was naughty, very naughty. Possibly even illegal. Though he did recall it was legal to tape calls if you feel a serious criminal act is being perpetrated and is evidence of that act.

She was trying to blackmail him and his business, Grod had much evidence of abuse dressed up as domination games where she could claim he was willing. That is why he was taping the calls, to prove this crime, and the conspracy of victimisation behind it.

Grod began to go through the tapes and record example after example of her verbal abuse, her blackmail threats, her deliberate twisting of truth, her scheming, her views on marriage, her ex-husband and even examples of her physically abusing Grod.

He then began going through which ones could be added the keyboard track and narration, in an order that would help tell the story of the song. When they should appear in the foreground, and when to be in the background.

Somehow it all slipped into place quite easily. The only thing it lacked was a title.

But that was easy.

When Grod had first met her he had given her a copy of "Looking For Trouble."

She then checked out his "Unban-Grod" busking website and his "Happy Graham" kids entertainment site from the links on the CD.

She had then sent Grod an email. Which told him she thought the CD was excellent and that she'd enjoyed his websites too.

Her email address? [email protected]

... the signs had been there very early on. She also gave herself a deserved nickname and wore it proudly.

The track became "Jezebel".

Grod then burned it off as a single CD and made the label and CD cover from video stills, taken from her showing him the dominatrix outfits, bought from a "Sex Shop Exhibition" she'd been to at Christmas in London.

Rather foolishly he then decided to go and deliver a copy to her. Knowing that when she heard it she would realize she had been well and truly caught out.

Grod had sprung her honey trap. The outtakes from the tapes featured on "Jezebel" would make her realize she had been taped. She was in for a big shock. He was laying down the gauntlet.

But Grod also knew he was playing a dangerous game with a dangerous person.

While deciding to go and push a copy of "Jezebel" through her letterbox at 10pm at night, might have been a little headstrong, the fact that he attempted to do this, revealed all.

Grod discovered two cars in the driveway, one he didn't recognize. A quick peek through a small gap in her Venetian blinds and there she was. Lying again. But this time lying on the sofa in a tight black hugging outfit, frantically kissing the man on top of her.

Grod placed the CD on under his car windscreen wipers, rang the doorbell and drove off.

Jezebel.

But the track for is one of Grod's most creative endeavors and holds a special place amongst the songs he recorded.

The experience of seeing this, while confirming what he already suspected, tore Grod apart.

Despite the abuse he had also had some amazingly good times with her. There had been hope that this was the relationship and family life he'd been seeking all those years. Grod had almost enjoyed the battle with her. But then she would always take that step too far, normally with a giant leap.

But her knowing she could take the risk. The main assets of the relationship, such where they lived, were owned and controlled by her. She wouldn't be the homeless one if it failed, with large debts also to contend with. Grod couldn't afford to move out and she also knew that. So he was her plaything.

She was also mistaken (And surprised) when Grod unexpectedly did suddenly move out. He was given an extension to his bank loan, on the third attempt, and this provided the money to make his break away from her.

But now out of her clutches, his reality was now alone and frightened in a bedsit, unpaid bills across the floor, knocking back the whisky as he screamed a little more.

Grod's reality was dictating though his next song.

He had written the theme and chorus and guitar riff to "Rock Bottom" years ago. But had never written any verses. Now they flowed out, from his recent personal experience.

Lyrics that listed her abuses, that left Grod at rock bottom. But ended with the threat that this wasn't over. He'd expose what she had done when she least expected it. Just as she had tried to do to him, but got caught red handed.

"The moral of the story, will all be plain to see, you just won't get away with you immorality. And while you gleam your smile of another victory, you'll regret in time I bet of your sheer abuse of me. The same is true of your partner in crime, the one you call your friend who's in contact all the time. The truth you cannot hide, as one day you will find, you won't know what is coming when I hit you from behind." (Excerpt of Lyrics From "Rock Bottom")

Next came recording the track.

Grod always knew the song would have a chorus of screaming guitars and almost heavy rock feel, but with a bass line pumping out a repetitive riff based on the chorus melody throughout the song.

But the vocals were significantly important. This was an angry song, angry lyrics, this needed shouting not singing.

Grod knew just the way to get that anger going inside of him. He set up everything ready to record, got into his car and drove over to his ex's.

Despite all her denials, even though he'd caught her red handed snogging him, once again his car was on the driveway again.

The only light on was the bedroom.

It didn't need much working out.

The anger was genuine, Grod speeded back home, to let it all out in screaming out the song lyrics.

Except by the fourth verse he was almost hoarse. But he managed to get through to the end. But his voice had weakened so much by the end it was hardly usable.

Grod decided to lubricate his larynx with a large swig of whisky, which also had a habit of stirring his anger, and it was time for take 2.

By take 8 Grod was almost in tears. He'd sung himself almost completely hoarse. He'd tried even singing just the last two verses, to try and clip them in, but it just didn't sound right.

None of the takes was good enough to use on it's own. Hours of experimenting with different verses and choruses, taken from the different takes, just didn't seem to work right or find the right combination to make the song flow.

In drunken desperation, again cursing that if a God did exist, then all he does is help drive Grod to despair, he turned on all the vocal takes together and turned them all up.

It was simply an act of self-destruction and frustration.

Except the choir of angry voices that leapt out suddenly gave the answer to Grod's woes.

They somehow blended in angry discord, getting more desperate with each verse. Each angry vocal straining to be heard and somehow at the end, a final burst for the required angry crescendo.

Sometimes you can strive for something and it somehow never appears. Then the moment you stop striving, it drops straight into your lap, and even better then you expected.

But with the anger now out of Grod's system recording this song, he then felt completely empty and alone. And realised how much he missed being part of a family. He'd got on great with her two girls, even her ex-husband told Grod he'd only ever had great reports about him from them.

Amongst the mental battles and abuse, there had been times of bliss, even a short family holiday to meet her parents. Only for Grod to then find text messages on her mobile exposing her first affair.

Grod despaired of how her actions had crushed not only the love of her husband, the love Grod had given her, but she'd also wrecked relationships her children were being so nourished by.

But Grod thought to himself "What could I do to change anything?"

She always made the excuse that she felt pushed into this immorality by being "Ignored by her partner." When in fact her partner is ignoring her for a reason, her persistent poor attitude towards them and suspicion she is up to something in the background.

And from this sitting and thinking through "What can I do?" it spilled out into a ballad, with that as its title.

A quick visit to the keyboard and a simple bit of backing was all this song needed. What made the song stand out though, was the vocal and the backing harmonies and arrangements.

From having one more song for the CD, knowing he was going to record "Rock Bottom" that evening, suddenly, but also not for the first time, he ended up with two songs for the price of one.

In a way it was actually getting four the price of two, because Grod knew that as well as inclusion on "Diary Of A Millionaire" as songs from "future CD's", that they would also appear on those future CD's.

He also felt he had just about enough material to create and finish off "Diary Of A Millionaire." It just needed one or two more tracks.

By then Grod had already chosen the tracks he was going to use from "Looking For Trouble" and "Yours & Mine." It was three tracks that actually appeared on both CD's, and thus represented his acoustic performances and recordings

"Face Of The Clown" also represented something unique and personal to Grod. A song about the sadness of a lonely clown, written years before he became a children's entertainer, but then found himself in the same poverty, despair and loneliness.

But Grod had known this song to move many other people before.

It is then he realized he was not alone.

Deeper down there are many people who simply build a defence up, but hearing songs like this breaks through, as only raw truth can, and the tears of a clown come tumbling down.

The other songs chosen for the CD were "This Lady Is My New Song Of Tomorrow" and "Time For Amendment." as they are special to Grod.

For a start they were recorded on the same day, the day he bought his karaoke amplifier. At last Grod had the means not only to amplify his guitar and voice, but also to record each live set. But in buying it, Grod used up all the money he had.

He then waited hours to play, having also been up all night. While it was a hot sunny day, Grod had to wrap up warm and still felt cold inside. But this mixture of excitement and exhaustion, probably also the number of cigarettes Grod had smoked to stay awake, his voice just had a special quality that day.

It is also maybe difficult to understand, but Grod also felt he was dying, from the long-term effects of his suicide attempts. He had very little energy, very little money and was full of worry of the situation he now found himself in.

When it came to singing songs like "Vincent" and "Knocking On Heavens Door" he simply sang it from the heart.

Grod understood exactly what the songs were about and was in a position to give them the justice the lyrics and song deserved.

But "Diary Of A Millionaire" was a CD about Grod's music and his songs.

"This Lady Is My New Song Of Tomorrow" is a song about the despair of a broken relationship being forgotten with the finding of a new love in your life.

Something you thought would never happen again. But now it has happened, this time to both nurture it and hold on to it.

In fact the girl it was written for (And her young son) was the relationship, that when it later broke up, led Grod to then make two attempts on his own life. The family life had alluded him again.

The promise of so much had again been dashed with lies and deceit, once again none of it from Grod's side.

So Grod always finds a certain irony when he performed it. But he always performed it as he felt at the time of writing it. Hope, joy and expectation of salvation.

Even if he knows realty is somewhat different.

It is a song that belongs to guitar and voice. Grod did think about re-recording it and with his newly acquired keyboard skills and recording equipment, but the song simply didn't need it.

However, Grod also knew he had a video of one of the rehearsals of the band "Grod Groddler & The Grodlings" including both these songs.

While they didn't perform the song at the concert, nor "Time For Amendment", because the set was cut to ten minutes, both songs were in the actual set list.

The flute player Jez had also put some wonderful solos over both songs and some deep sweeping keyboard backing.

While they were always improvised, Jez's flute solo's just seemed to get better and better the more the band rehearsed. Sometimes Jez was just so well away with it the others just carried on playing and let him get on with it, enthralled listening to it themselves.

That fortunately was the case when Grod brought his video camera to the rehearsal, and managed to capture a little gem. It's a great shame that people at the concert never got to hear it. The band was always going to be a one-off.

But the video of that song in rehearsal can now be seen and heard by clicking the pic below.

"Time For Amendment" is about reconciliation. Or coming to terms with a situation, that it is no longer time to fight battles of lost causes, it is time to find peace and find new direction.

But also remembering to send your love to those who are far away. In a belief that this world works in strange ways, and that somehow through the ether, the thought will be received and you also be cherished.

It is also a song Grod dedicated to the peace process that was going on in Northern Ireland. There was a lot of suspicion and apprehension, but also a glimpse that it was possible. And the second verse of the song just expresses what was needed simply and perfectly.

"Time for surrender, time to give in, lay down my weapons and admit all my sin. And to tell you, I love you, I need you today, I need you my love, who is so far away." (Excerpt of lyrics from "Time For Amendment")

As aforementioned, the track was also on the set list for the one-off concert at Bath's Royal Victoria Park in Aug 1999. But was never heard. Though what does exist is the song recorded on video during one of the last rehearsals of "Grod Groddler & The Grodlings"

Grod's recent ex's favourite track from "Looking For Trouble" had been the instrumental "Rain." He'd actually recorded it years ago when briefly owning a four-track recorder and also had a cheap Bontempi electric organ.

Now with a much better electric keyboard many years later, and much better recording equipment, Grod decided to re-record the track and bring it up to date.

At first it was with the idea of replacing "Rain" on the "Diary Of A Millionaire" CD with this new version.

But the new recording was distinctively different. Grod couldn't decide which to use, so eventually decided to use them both!

And maybe give the game away in the title, as it sounded like "Rain", so did its new title, "Reign."

In fact "Reign" became the opening track of the CD, then later the opening video of the film "Diary Of A Millionaire" and featuring in the opening of constituent DVD "Pieces"

Grod had decided to include the "Grod Intro" from the Bath Royal Victoria Park concert to "Diary Of A Millionaire" as it gave a good indication of what Grod sounded like "live."

He'd also been working on the video of the concert. For as well as a recording studio and mixer on his computer, Grod also now had got video-editing software he was getting to grips with.

While not listed here, on the CD, Grod also included a brief snatch of "If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your Hands" sung by a load of kids during his kids show.

It is there to represent the children's shows he'd performed but also the music generated while doing that. It also wakes you up with a jolt in the middle of the album!

Grod wanted though one more track to complete the CD and a further inspiration was that Valentines Day was fast approaching.

He wanted also to send something to his former girlfriend in Germany, to show how much he appreciated her support, that he still very much cared for her.

In sitting down to write the song Grod analyzed the difference of his experience of sharing his life with her, to then sharing his life with someone who seemed to find as many different ways to undermine him and abuse him as she could.

His German ex-girlfriend's qualities were easily spotted on reflection. Waking up and watching her wake up was always a great way to start Grod's day. Waking up next to someone else with dread of another day, wondering how you can escape, is an entirely different experience.

And from all this musing, Grod wrote "Princess of the Night." It then came to recording it.

By now Grod seemed to be hanging onto life by a thread. He felt sick with worry, was falling behind on the rent, had little energy each day and little motivation to keep living. It all seemed in an impossible battle. And while he had the truth, nobody wanted to hear it.

But a ray of hope was Grod had been invited over to Germany. It was a chance possibly to rebuild bridges. He put all of what he had left, into recording "Princess Of The Night."

Grod wanted to be able to give it to her on his visit over to Germany, for her to know it was about her, and for it to blow her away. She had also put around £2,000 behind Grod so he was able to get the equipment to record his music and move into a house. He wanted her to realize it had been invested wisely and used for the purpose lent.

Every time Grod laid down part of the track and listened back to it, something else was added to it in his head and then quickly added back to the track. Sometimes it was the way the backing vocals came in, sometimes adding bits of piano, sometimes guitar, sometimes keyboards.

It just built up in Grod's head, like many times before, but he now was able to get straight down and record it and then hear it back immediately.

Everything Grod has recorded has been recorded alone. It is one mans work and imagination.

It means playing different roles, from engineer to artiste. From keyboard player, to vocalist, to rhythm guitar, to lead guitar, to backing vocals. To graphic designer and copywriter.

It's also knowing when to leave things out as well as putting them in. But being the writer of the song, you more then anyone knows how it sounds in your head.

The matter of turning it into music for everyone else to hear is a different matter. Someone else might get a compltely different interpretation of what you hear in your head. If you control the recording and have the right equipment, there is no compromise.

"Princess Of The Night" Grod felt was a breakthrough track.

Everything he'd learned over the last four years went into it. From his performance as a musician of different instruments, to his vocal style and the way he'd recorded and mixed the track. 

It also allowed Grod to complete the CD. But recording the songs was one thing, the next was getting them in the right order.

How a CD "feels", the journey it takes you on in the time you take to listen to it, is very important.

But it seemed a natural order was the best way. This CD was a diary of songs from Grod's past, present and future CD's.

It reflected how his musicianship, voice development and recording/mixing skills had increased over the years, with the addition of newly acquired keyboard skills. The songs should be in order they were recorded, a diary of his progression.

Also the lyrics of the song seem to be diary entries of how he'd felt at different times in his life.

Grod decided that instead of having a cover for the magazine, it should have a booklet. That could be printed out from the data side of the CD, which also gave a link to a website where Grod would keep an online diary, including his forthcoming tour.

Grod had bought a motorhome ready for it, but also to guard against impending homelessness. His finances were rock bottom and he was sliding further into debt.

But life didn't turn out quite as planned, as explained on the "UNNO.XXWWXX" CD.

The booklet was a mini diary, with each song dedicated to someone, the emotion the song reflected, an action you should take in listening to the song, and a diary entry about the song.

It has been re-created below for this CD-ROM.

Lastly came the concept of having a contract as the back cover.

That the CD was lent for 40 days (The period of Lent in the bible).

If you want it then send Grod £10, otherwise it should be immediately lent to someone else for 40 days under the same contract.

That anyone could make copies of the CD on their computer, even providing the CD-label and booklet as part of the data side of the CD.

But on the same basis, that they lent it out until someone sends Grod the £10 for it. Illegal copying was all the rage... it was time for a bit of trust and honesty.

(That is until someone took over the PO BOX address any money was sent to!)

A breakthrough CD for Grod, but also could have been his last. Grod had used every last drop of finance, energy and time into producing "Diary Of A Millionaire."

He felt he could drop dead at any moment. But was so relieved he'd made this CD before he died.