Disclaimer: I don’t own either Buffy or the West Wing, nor the characters thereof, etc etc. This fanfic is not for profit, and characters are used without permission.
For those non-West Wing viewers out there, I recommend http://www.jedbartlet.com/ as a source for character profiles and episode guides.
Past parts of this and other fics available at http://www.geocities.com/grnarmadillo
SPOILER WARNING: This fic occurs after the season finales of Buffy and the West Wing, and contains spoilers for both.
*West Wing Pre-episode drum beats*
*The White House Press Room*
CJ: “So at this point we have no further updates on the situation in Haiti, and for everyone keeping track, the President remains in good health. Questions? Mike.”
Mike: “Any reaction from the Bartlet administration regarding the lawsuit brought by SAGE, Sunnydale Against Government Experiments, against the United States?”
CJ: *looks puzzled, people chuckle in the press room* “Well, Mike, to be honest I can’t say that I’ve heard of them, so it’s probably safe to say that the administration has yet to take a position. However, if they’re spending as much time on their litigation as they did coming up with their acronym, it’s entirely possible that they will end up costing the taxpayers millions of dollars. And incidentally, the Republican proposal for tort reform legislation would not prevent suits such as this because they seek to preserve the ability of their corporate backers to sue the United States to cover costs of environmental regulations imposed by Congress....”
*White House Communications Office*
Toby: *with a slight, though tired smile* “Good save, CJ.”
Sam: “The more interesting question is who the heck is SAGE?”
Toby: “I have no idea, but I’m sure we’re about to find out.”
Josh: *walking in, in a hurry* “Hey guys, what’s going on with this SAGE thing?”
Sam: “Your guess is as good as ours.”
Donna: *walking in from the other direction* “I think they’re people in Sunnydale who don’t like government experimentation.”
Josh: “Where would we be without you?”
Sam: “Where IS Sunnydale, anyway?”
Donna: *doing an exaggerated Ainsley Hayes impression* “Well Sam, textbooks are valuable if for no other reason than that they correctly place Sunnydale in Northern California.....”
Sam: *sighs* “You people are never going to let me live that down, are you?”
Toby: “Well, I’d love to sit here and run through Sam Seaborn’s greatest bloopers too, but maybe we ought to figure out who these people are BEFORE Leo comes after us about it....”
Sam: *stops short* “Good point...” *ducks into his office to do research*
CJ: *storming in just after finishing her briefing* “Alright, which one of you people dropped the ball on this SAGE thing?!”
Josh: *points to Sam’s office* “Talk to Sam.”
*Office of Leo McGarry, White House Chief of Staff*
Leo: “Well, I’m glad we’re off to such a fine start this morning. It’s always good when the press corps brief US on current events instead of the other way around.”
Sam: “As a general rule, suits against the federal government don’t pop up as a complete surprise, if for no other reason than because we have to waive sovereign immunity for the suit to proceed. These people went to the Press before the Justice Department....”
Leo: “And I’m sure the voting public will care a lot about their lack of propriety. Who are these people?”
Toby: “Numerous residents of Sunnydale, California, are filing a class action lawsuit alleging that they suffered harm and lost relatives due to a secret government research project hidden at UC Sunnydale.”
Josh: “We’ve searched the databases, and this Initiative they’re accusing us of exists, it’s well covered up.”
Leo: “Just what we need.... I’ll inform the President.”
*The Oval Office*
Leo: *walking in* “Mr. President, we’ve got a problem.”
Bartlet: *looking up wearily* “We’re got an international crisis in Haiti, a political scandal over my MS, and 80 million American children in poverty. Which one were you referring to?”
Leo: “I just got off the phone with Fitz.”
Bartlet: “What have the Joint Chiefs got to say about that Sunnydale lawsuit?”
Leo: “The suit may have some merit....”
Bartlet: “Okay, I’m the Commander in Chief, they’re running the show, and WHY do neither of us know what’s going on?”
Leo: “It’s possible that your predecessor signed the order that this group would not report to anyone, even the President.”
Bartlet: “I’m sure that will come as great comfort to the
people of California. How do we find out
what we did?”
Leo: “Well, many of the officers of this ‘Initiative’ were KIA when the project
finally had to be shut down. Further,
many of the surviving troops went AWOL to continue whatever this monster
fighting project of theirs was in Latin America.”
Bartlet: “Alright, who’s left?”
Leo: “Some civilians in Sunnydale, fortunately not involved with the lawsuit, and it’s possible that one of the test subjects is also in the neighborhood, in contact with them.”
Bartlet: “Alright, get them here, ASAP. And let’s try to have them come WILLINGLY, so we don’t need to violate any MORE people’s civil rights while we’re at it....”
*The Magic Box Magic Shop, Sunnydale, California*
Dawn: *looking through some boxes in the basement* “Hey, what’s this?”
Xander: *walking over* “Hey, it’s that talisman thing...”
Willow: “Oooh, the word of Valios! *excited* You see, these demons were going to use it to open the Hellmouth, and it was going to be the apocalypse all over again only Buffy jumped into the Hellmouth and... *voice trails off, as she sees Dawn upset at the mention of her sister* Oh Dawnie... I’m sorry... I...”
Giles: *also sad, but trying to take control of the situation* “Alright, that does it, all of you upstairs.”
The gang climbs upstairs, lost in memories of the fallen Slayer....
Giles: “Listen... it’s been a hard time for all of us... and I was thinking maybe we should take a vacation.”
Tara: “A vacation?”
Anya: “Well, who’ll watch the store? With the money?”
Xander: “You know, Giles, much as I’m unlikely to side with my girl, there’s sorta the whole money issue. Not to mention me and road trips....”
Willow: *snickers briefly, then bursts out laughing, Dawn remembers and joins in*
Anya: *half pale* “No! There will be no sharing of my naked Xander!”
Giles: “Well, while I can not address that particular issue, the fact is that when the Council reinstated me, they gave me back my salary, retroactively. The store’s doing fine now, so I shouldn’t have trouble financing a trip.”
Tara: “But where would we go?”
Giles: “Hm... well, we could always go to England... you all could get a tour of the Council Headquarters...”
Xander: “Uh, Giles, how about we NOT pick one of the few places in the world with MORE books than here?”
Willow: “We could go to Salem...”
Tara: “Dear, you know how much that stuff upsets you....”
Anya: “Oooh, we can go to the US Mint, you know where they make the money!”
Everyone shakes their head at that.
Dawn: “You know.... mom... she always promised she’d take me and Buffy back East sometime.... maybe to DC or something...”
Xander: “While that IS the one place with more blood suckers than here... but if it makes the Dawnmeister happy....”
*Communications office*
Toby: *walking in* “Okay, guys, we’ve got an assignment.”
Sam: “Do we need a look at our energy policy for the summit next week?”
Josh: “Or maybe the appropriations for the tobacco lawsuits?”
Donna: “How about those new OSHA studies?”
Toby: *with a slight sigh* “Leo needs us to find an unofficial way to get some kids from Sunnydale, California to the White House.”
Sam: “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go cry now.”
Toby: *hands the paper to Josh* “Have fun.”
Josh: *looks down at the paper, over at Donna, back at the paper*
Donna: “Oh, give me that, get it over with.....” *takes the list*
Josh: “Waitaminute... Rosenberg... that sounds like a familiar name....”
Donna: “Aren’t the Rosenbergs your second cousins or something?”
Josh: “Oh yeah, that’s right. Hey, why do you know that?”
Donna: “I know everything.”
Josh: “Yeah, I think Willow is their daughter....”
Sam: “Would that make her your third cousin?”
Donna: “Isn’t it second cousin once removed?”
Toby: “How about we stop worrying about it, and invite her and her friends over here?”
Josh: “Sure, I’m her long-lost third cousin or something....”
*The Magic Box*
Anya: “I’m so excited! We’re going to the Capitol of America! Surely everyone there will be spending large amounts of money, because they’re so American!”
Willow: “Anya, I understand that you’re a 1140 year old demon, and you may have missed civics class, but I think you’re missing the point of being an American.”
Anya: “Nonsense. I’ve got it all figured out. I’m sure they’re about to call me any second to congratulate me.”
Willow looks skeptical, when suddenly, the phone rings.
Anya: *answers* “Thank you for calling the Magic Box. What can we sell you today?”
Donna: *on phone* “Hi, I’m Donna Moss. I’m the of Assistant of Josh Lyman, the Deputy Chief of Staff at the White House....”
Anya: *triumphant to Willow* “See!”
*Roll West Wing Theme Music*
To be continued.....
Next: The SG hits the White House!
Back to GA's boardfic page.