Disclaimer: I don't own either the book or movie versions of the Lord of the Rings, nor of most anything else mocked
herein. I also don't own the boarders, who belong to Ant, but if he wants to try and make something of it, I say "just
bring it". That said, this work sufficiently resembles that of Tolkein that it's an exaggeration for me to even claim
authorship in the first place. Note that while this fic is a parody that follows the books more closely in than the
movies, it may well contain spoilers for both.

Board of the Rings
Chapter 0

*******Somewhere outside Miami, Florida********

*Camera pans out to reveal a creepy basement dungeon.  The harsh stone walls are illuminated dimly by torchlight.  A sign on the wall reads:
"Welcome, to F=j's Dungeon!  Don't feed the Handmaidens or Dreamers!"  A robed figure walks quietly past several cells, ignoring scream that emerge from them, towards a door at the end of the hall.  The figure opens the door to reveal cowering inside on the floor.....*

Liz Parker: *recoils in terror*
Robed Figure: *walks slowly into the light, we can't see too well, but we appear to see the silouhette of.... Maria.*
Liz: "Maria!  It's you... I never thought I'd be glad to be seeinK you..."
Maria: *stands silently*
Liz: "You're... mad at me?  It wasn't my fault!"
Maria: *laughs, a surprizingly frightening sound* "Liz, Liz, Liz.  HOW is this POSSIBLY not your fault?"
Liz: "It was him!"
Maria: "King Pecs?"
Liz: "No, not Max, the Gremlin!  The 1969 gremlin!"
Maria: *nods, stands in front of a chalkboard, writes "previously in GA's board fic (http://www.geocities.com/grnarmadillo)"*
Liz: "GA went through a time portal with the 1969 gremlin, merginK them. When the Gremlin returned, he was able to use GA's status as a boarder to attack the board..."
Maria: *writes "GA+'69 gremlin = BAD"*
Liz: "But then Bos separated them, and the gremlin came to me in a dream. He offered to change the past so the UPN would have a clause in their charter forcinK them to pick up Roswell if it ever went off the air, so our show wouldn't be cancelled!"
Maria: *writes "'69 Gremlin saved Roswell!"
Liz: "All he wanted in return was that we attack the boarders.... but you know how that went.  That's how I wound up here... hey, how did you get out, anyway?"
Maria: "You still have it?"
Liz: "The Precious?  I... I should have destroyed it... I wanted to... but I was too scared...."
Maria: "Give it to me."
Liz: It betrayed me... it slipped off my finger at the crucial moment, as I was about to escape, that's how the boarders got me....
Maria: But you're sure it was the One?
Liz: Yes... the ring bore the markings...
Maria: Only visible when the ring is cast into flames?
Liz: No, it's an Art-Carved.  They're right there, beside a crimson stone.  Harvard University, Class of NINTEEN SIXTY-NINE.
Maria: *writes on board "Ring is source of '69 gremlin's power, the only thing needed to take over the world."*
Liz: "Maria?  We've got our show, why do we need more?  Just let me out of here so we can go..."
Figure: "Liz, why do you keep calling me that?"  *turns around, puts down the hood of the cloak*
Liz: *hushed, horrified whisper* "No..."

Liz Parker's screams can be heard echoing throughout the dungeon.....

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