Disclaimer: We own neither posters
nor movies, and the following is not for profit.
Sheepy wanders out and looks around, puzzled.
Sheepy: Uh... where the *bleep* is the Storyteller?
Robin: *wanders out* Hm... I'm not sure. It's story time, though.
*pouts*
Nikkikat: Hm.... think we should go looking for him?
Robin: I've got one better. Let's just hack his machine and
download the next part. It's got to be there, right?
Sheepy: Hm... think that's a good idea?
Robin: *shrugs, tosses Sheepy some jelly beans*
Sheepy: OOOH! Jelly beans!
Robin: Quick! While she's distracted!
Nikki: *loads the computer* Okay.... let's download the most recent
thing GA's written....
__________________
P:I 3
*The Following is based on a True Story. Be afraid. Very
afraid.*
GA wanders to the computer, sits down and, a la Strong Bad
(www.homestarrunner.com), announces he is checking the email.
Email: Good Afternoon, Mr. Armadillo. Please go to this website
to confirm your registration for the American Virology Conference at
Tortoga Bay.
GA: Huh? *hits reply* Okay, first off, I didn't sign up for any
conference. Second, and more to the point, who the heck holds a
conference in Tortoga Bay? It's a land-locked town in the middle
of Kansas or something, and they have giant mutant turtles. I
think you people are insane. *sends the email*
Email: *immediate response* Mr. Armadillo, the *ahem* Virology
Conference...
GA: Oh.... *click the link, and opens a website to reveal....*
Kuzibah: Good Morning, Mr. Armadillo.
GA: Kuz! Ye gods, they promoted you after the KoP incident.
Who'd you tick off to get stuck with this job?
Kuz: Well, you know, run a few Homecomings and suddenly people think
you know how to organize or something.
GA: Ah. What can I do for you?
Kuz: It's come to our attention that there is some sort of evil plot to
release the Avian Pornographic Inclination Virus.
GA: APIV? The thing that originally caused the Chicken Porn
infatuation on the board before it mutated to cover Turkeys and other
fowl? That could be devastating if released. But where would
they get the samples? It's a Level Four Biohazard, and even our
government keeps track of those...
Kuz: Apparantly, some ancient tribes discovered it long ago, and we're
afraid samples may exist amongst the artifacts in Harvard's Anthropology
Collection.
GA: Okay, destruction of Harvard property, I can handle...
Kuz: NO, GA. We're already over operating budget for Homecoming,
and I don't want to get a bill for priceless artifacts. I'm
sending you in to isolate and remove the specific items in question.
GA: Uh... I don't really know anything about that stuff.... and I don't
think anyone on our staff does either.
Kuz: That's why I'm sending Heather.
GA: Heather?! But she's a civilian! She doesn't have
training for this sort of thing!
Kuz: To go to an archaeology museum and look at dead people's stuff?
She's an Anthropologist, she has all the training she needs.
GA: Point. But she can be.... difficult.
Kuz: This isn't Posting: Difficult, Mr. Armadillo, it's Posting:
Impossible. Difficult should be a walk in the park for you.
And so you know, if you're going to need back-up, you'll have to
tap people locally. We can't divert personnel across country from
prep-work in Vegas.
GA: No problem.
Kuz: Good luck, Mr. Armadillo.
Email: This email will self destruct in five seconds.....
*cue Posting: Impossible music as GA heads for Logan Airport*
Heather: Hey GA.
GA: *produces a map* Okay, I've indicated key points throughout the
city on this map. You may have to operate on your own during this
mission, so you'll need to be able to find stuff.
Heather: Uh... is there an Old Navy anywhere?
GA: Good point, hazards to avoid. There's one in the
Cambridgeside Galleria.
Heather: Oooh, I'm going to shop there!
GA: *sobs*
*The historic home of American Revolutionary, Paul Revere*
GA: Okay, this is a trial run. These people are just going to
think we're strange, but when we head to Cambridge, we'll be surrounded
by enemies. And that's not counting the people who don't go to
Harvard.
Heather: *looks at a display case on excavations at the homesite* Oooh,
a bottle!
GA: Right, only you don't want to call that much attention to it, in
case it's our target and we need to take it.
Heather: Wouldn't it be so cool to be excavating and find a WHOLE
bottle?!
GA: *sobs*
*The Peabody Museum of Natural History, Anthropology and Archeology,
Harvard University*
Heather: I can't believe all those animals they've got.
GA: Yeah. Bit disturbing to see my Armadillo brethern stuffed and
put in display cases, though.
Heather: The "pink fairy armadillo" was cute.
GA: *sobs*
Heather: Oooh! Anthropology questions!
* 20 minutes later*
GA: You know, I think the point of these things is that you're not
supposed to KNOW the answers, and you learn by checking. But you
already know all this stuff.
Heather: Yeah, this museum is pretty dumb. Look, their urn
collection is missing a model.
GA: *frowns, looks at case, and sees a card* On loan to exhibit at the
Hard Rock Cafe.... Oh god, someone's beaten us to it.
Heather: What does that mean?
GA: If we don't get there first, they could release the virus on the
world. Looks like I'll need to call in those rain checks for some
extra field agents. We'll need someone in broadcasting in case the
virus is released and we need to send a warning to the public.
And it would be nice to have someone with expertise in the viral
pathology, which causes people to want to mix birds and porn. But
where would we find such a person?
Heather: Oooh! When I think of porn, I think of.....
*Coplay T-Stop, downtown Boston*
Talia: *SHRIEKS* HEATHER!!!! *runs up and hugs Heather as GA winces
from the noise*
Mo: *walking up* Okay, I heard that from street level. Gang's all
here, huh?
GA: Yeah, and I may never get back my upper range hearing again.
Mo: So, Heather, how was the trip in?
Talia: *looks down* HEATHER!!! You're wearing flip flops!
It's freaking 40 degrees out and my *bleeps* are freezing!
Heather: This is what we do in California....
GA: I'm just glad she managed to find the place. Now let's go to
the HRC before I have to shoot myself.
*The Hard Rock Cafe*
Talia: What do you MEAN it's live band night and they aren't letting
people under 21 in?! *sobs*
Heather: Maybe we should send you on one of those Duck Tours....
Talia: *sobs*
Mo: Hey guys, isn't that someone moving what looks like an ancient urn
out the back?
GA: I think we've been spotted. After them!
Mo: But we should walk so as not to arouse further suspicion.
Heather: Where is he headed?
GA: *as they walk after the guy* He seems to be headed towards the
Prudential Center.
Suddenly, a loud THUMP is heard.
Talia: Heather.... did you just walk into a wall?
Heather: Maybe....?
*The Prudential Center*
Talia: Looks like they've gone into the Cheesecake factory.
GA: Clever. The line to get into this place is at least 30
minutes. I'll get us a pager.
Mo: Okay. I'm going to go shop for books. *wanders off*
GA: *comes back* We'll be in soon.
Talia: Cool. *takes pager, plays around with it*
*A few minutes later*
Mo: *returning from Barnes and Noble* Look, I got a book on the
Temptations! *starts reading, fascinated*
GA: I swear to you all, I couldn't make this up if I wanted to.
Heather: Talia, what are you doing with that pager?
Talia: Well, I just stuck it between my legs so when it goes off.....
GA: Even I'm not going there.
Talia: *offers pager* What, you want it back?
Everyone takes a step back. Suddenly, the pager goes off, and
Talia screams, deafening all around her.
*Inside the Cheesecake Factory*
Heather: I'd like a virgin strawberry margarita please! Pure,
like me.
Talia: Give me a cup of ice chips.
Mo: I'd like a Mai Tai. It's a manly drink.
GA: I think I'm going to die.
Waiter: Okay, who ordered the "manly" drink with the plastic sword
through the pineapple?
Mo: I think I'm going to die!
Villian: Oh god, you people scare me more than my evil plan! I
give up!
*Park Street T station*
Talia: I'm going to miss you guys sooooooo much.
Mo: Well, you're going to see us all again at Vegas soon.
Heather: Except a certain Armadillo. *riff riff*
GA: Well sorry it's at a busy point in grad school.
Talia: I love you guys! *hugs everyone for pictures, much to GA's
chagrim*
____________________________________
Nikki: You know, I think I'm glad I was busy that night.
Robin: *nods* Scary folks.
Sheepy: HEY! What are you two doing?
Nikki: Uh... we're sorry....
Sheepy: How are we supposed to make GA write the rest of the tale if we
hack his computer!
Robin: Ah. Our bad.
Nikki: GA's prolly just suffering from brain warp from the Wachowski
Brother's latest creation somehow living up to the incredibly high
standards he had for it, and is afraid that he won't be able to
write/talk about anything Matrix related without spoiling it for
everyone who didn't see it at 10 PM preview night.
Robin: That and he's a lazy bum.
Sheepy: True. You'd be surprized how much time you can save when
you don't take the time to do the job properly.
Nikki: So we agree?
Robin: Yeah. If he doesn't have Chapter 4 of the Finale up on Monday
morning, we help the KoS spit and grill him.
Sheepy: Cool.
Fin.