Disclaimer: All Buffy characters are copyright Mutant Enemy productions. All Law and Order characters are copyright Wolf Films. This is a not-for-profit crossover fanfic, so please no one sue me.
Law and Order Personae Dramatis:
Sam Waterson as ADA Jack McCoy
Angie Harmon as ADA Abbie Carmichael
Dianne Wiest as D.A. Nora Lewin
*New York City District Attorney’s Office*
Abbie: “Well, Rosenthal won’t take a plea, but I’d say Jack’s got him on at least murder two.”
Nora: “You’re sure of that?”
McCoy: “We’re ruled out ‘extreme emotional disturbance’, so the best he’s getting off with is ‘depraved indifference’...”
Nora: “Great. Abbie, you’re going to Los Angeles.”
Abbie: “What?!”
McCoy: “Closing arguments are scheduled for the day after tomorrow, and if we don’t show up, there’ll be a mistrial. I’m sure Rosenthal’s attorney will be able to argue that the mistrial wasn’t the result of ‘manifest necessity’, and we won’t be able to try him again on double jeopardy....”
Nora: “I didn’t say YOU were going with her, Jack.”
Abbie: “What’s going on here?”
Nora: “Our friends in the two-seven have caught Anita Tinsley’s murderer.”
McCoy: “And we KNOW Briscoe and Green can’t solve a case without SOMETHING going wrong. What’s the catch?”
Nora: “You’re not going to need to rely on twenty year old eye-witness testimony with the amount of physical evidence they’ve got, but the killer’s being represented by a big LA law firm called ‘Wolfram and Hart’, and they’re opposing extradition.”
Abbie: “You’ve got to be kidding. How often does anyone manage to avoid extradition WITHIN the US?!”
McCoy: “Jamie Ross and I had to argue at an extradition hearing in LA a few years back, and the judge actually cut him loose.”
Abbie: “What happened then?”
McCoy: “We had to dismantle an airplane’s septic system to recover the victim’s ring which the killer flushed on his way back to LA.”
Abbie: “I’m sorry I asked.”
Nora: “This guy’s been on the loose for over twenty years. The mayor expects us to bring him back and take him down.”
Abbie: “I’m on it.”
*PLOSCNTM*
*LA county courthouse*
Abbie: “What do you mean the ‘DA’s office has no physical evidence’? Your client had a coat stolen from the victim at the time of her murder!”
Lindsay: “Which is completely inadmissible at trial, because the police searched my client’s residence without obtaining a warrant.”
Abbie: “His residence?! Your client was squatting in a crypt in the cemetery!”
Lindsay: “In case you weren’t paying attention, the New York State court of Appeals ruled against your own office’s Ben Stone when he tried to convince them that a homeless man living in Central Park wasn’t entitled to fourth amendment protections for his accommodations, which I believe consisted of a cardboard box, in People of New York v. Christian 'Lemonhead' Tatum.”
Abbie: “First off, I don’t know WHAT the court of appeals was smoking there, I’m not from New York, I’m from Texas. More importantly, we’re talking about private property here, not public property.”
Lindsay: “The common law provides that if a property owner fails to enforce his property rights, he may be creating implied consent for others to use the property, such as squatting.”
Abbie: “Your honor, even if you acknowledge this absurd claim of residence in a crypt, the suspect’s fingerprints were found on the crime scene, and he’s an extremely close match for the police composite sketch....”
Lindsay: “The subway is a publicly accessible place, my client may have used it at some point before the attack. And the similarity of the sketch is exactly the problem – if the New York DA is to be believed, my client hasn’t aged in over twenty years. Your honor, the New York DA’s office has dropped the ball on this horrible tragedy for over twenty years, and now they want to cover their own errors by putting an innocent Californian on trial.”
Judge: “I don’t know how these things work in New York, Ms. Carmichael, but here in California you need EVIDENCE to support criminal charges. This indictment should be dismissed, and I see no reason to send Mr. ....” *looks down at the indictment again* “Mr. Spike to New York just for that. Mr. Spike, you’re free to go.”
*Press Conference, outside on the courthouse steps, and fortunately after dark, because Abbie’s flight got in late, delaying the hearing*
Lindsay: “Questions? Ms. Angel X, of the Buffy Cross and Stake Boards.”
Angel X: “Are there any truth to these allegations?”
Lindsay: “None whatsoever. The New York District Attorney’s office is just trying to put on a publicity stunt, and we here at Wolfram and Hart made sure that it wasn’t going to happen to our client. Let me assure you that Spike will be staying right here in California.”
Spike: *does some of his poses from “Restless”*
Angel X: “Whoo hoo!”
Abbie: *leaving the courthouse, shakes her head in disbelief*
*PLOSCNTM*
*Hotel Bar*
English Man: *walks up to Abbie, sitting at the bar* “Are you Abbie Carmichael?”
Abbie: “Yeah, who are you?”
Wesley: “Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, Angel Investigations. Detective Lockley informed me that your case got thrown out.”
Abbie: *shaking her head* “I don’t get it. If he’d produced that argument at trial, we’d have had to proceed without any evidence, and his client would probably have been acquitted. Now I’m free to try and find some other way to get him extradited. Why are they so desperate to stay out of New York?”
Wesley: “Because of John Jay.”
Abbie: *confused* “The first chief justice of the US Supreme Court?”
Wesley: “That’s him. What your history books will tell you is that he was born and raised in New York, where he studied law at King’s College, the school you now know as Columbia. He later became a governor of the state of New York. What your books will NOT tell you is that he was one of the foremost scholars of the occult in his day.”
Abbie: “The occult? Like voodoo and witchcraft and stuff?”
Wesley: “And enchantments and general thaumaturgy, yes. Jay designed his state’s court system using a powerful warding spell. The net result of which is that the black arts can have no effect in a New York courtroom. Wolfram and Hart never met an unenchanted jury they liked, so they’ll do whatever they can to stay here. What’s it going to take to get Spike extradited?”
Abbie: “Getting that coat readmitted to evidence would do it. Easiest way would be to argue ‘inevitable discovery’, that is to find a way for the police to have found out he had it without illegally searching his residence.”
Wesley: “I think I can help you with that....”
*PLOSCNTM*
*Courthouse*
Lilah: “What’s going on? Why did you page me here?”
Nathan Reed: “Well, Lilah, as co-vice presidents of the
Special Projects division, I fully expect that you and Lindsay be able to
substitute for each other’s duties.”
Lilah: “Lindsay’s at a routine checkup.
Can’t it get rescheduled?”
Reed: “Lindsay has a... condition that I would like to see corrected. It’s very important that he keep his appointments. Take care of this. I assure you, the Senior Partners will be watching.”
Lilah: “Yes sir.”
*Courtroom*
Lilah: “Your honor, the New York DA’s office is harassing my client.”
Judge: “I believe we just sent you on your way a few hours ago, Ms. Carmichael. You had better not be wasting this Court’s time, because if you do that in California, I can find you in contempt of this court....”
Abbie: “Your honor, the People have uncovered new evidence that proves that we would have inevitably discovered the coat you previously suppressed, without the police misconduct. We call..... Ms. Drusilla.”
Spike: “Bloody Hell!”
Lilah: “Where did SHE come from?!”
Drusilla: *takes the stand, swaying slightly* “The statue... the statue is wrong.”
Judge: *puzzled* “Excuse me?!”
Drusilla: *nods up to the statue of blind Justice in the court room, holding scales with a blindfold* “She isn’t blind... she sees the stars.... But she isn’t any fun to hang around... so judgemental...” *pouts*
Abbie: “Drusilla.... do you know the defendant?”
Drusilla: *sadly, distant* “Poor, poor Spike.... he’s so lost...” *suddenly attentive* “The government did this to him! Them and the big, bad Slayer!”
Abbie: “In the time that you’ve known him, have you ever seen People’s exhibit A, the coat he took from Anita Tinsley?”
Spike: “Come on, Dru, don’t do this! It’s me, Spike! I’m the big bad! I didn’t mean the part about staking you!”
Judge: “Ms. Morgan, you will CONTROL your client, or I will find BOTH of you in contempt! The witness will answer.”
Drusilla: “My Spike... he was so proud when he took that
coat from the big, bad Slayer he killed.
It made him so frisky...” *smiles distantly*
Lilah: “Your honor, you can’t allow this madwoman to testify here! She’s a murderer, she ATE half our contracts
division!”
Judge: “Ms. Morgan, I don’t know which one of you two is crazier, but it isn’t my problem anymore. Pack your bags, you’re going to New York!”
Lilah: *stands there in shock*
Abbie: *walks up to Lilah, faces her with hands on her hips and a smile* “You ARE the weakest link. Goodbye.” *leaves*
*PLOSCNTM*
*Wolfram and Hart*
Lilah: *shouting* “Where the HELL did they find Drusilla?!”
Reed: “We gave her location to an informant, who passed it along to Angel Investigations.”
Lilah: “WHAT?!”
Reed: “The Senior Partners would like to see whether Mr. McDonald can win a case there without the home field advantage, as it were. Good work, Lilah.” *leaves*
Lindsay: *walking in* “Heard you had a rough day in court.”
Lilah: “You SET ME UP!”
Lindsay: “Well, we could hardly have our paying clients believe we’d deliberately lose, could we? And I wouldn’t have been as convincing, since I knew the outcome. Thanks for the help, Lilah.” *smiles, leaves*
Lilah: *darkly* “Great, the whole firm is against me. Well, I’ll just have to get something on them.” *shakes her head, with a smile* “Have fun in New York, Lindsay....”
To Be Continued.....
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