Disclaimer: I own neither boardies
nor major motion pictures, and the following is not for monetary gain.
Previously
(http://www.geocities.com/grnarmadillo for full parts): The Holdouts
rescued Sheepy, but now must head for the Mutant Enemy building to
confront Joss and save the Buffy Finale....
The Finale
Chapter 4: All Good Things....
*Near the Mutant Enemy Headquarters, 3:50 AM May 19th, 2003*
Sheepy: Alright. Joss only knows why Joss is doing this, but
we've got to make sure the real episode gets put into place.
Robin: *looks at watch* Not much time left before the wild feed
broadcast. If we don't fix this soon....
Bowen: Well, we're here, we'll get it done.
Nikkikat: And what about the mass numbers of people after us?
Sheepy: This time it's for keeps. Run if you can, but if you have
to fight, don't pull any punches, we can't afford it anymore.
McGonigleTwin: *steps into view menacingly* Oh good. *shakes
head* Who knew that NOT killing people could be so tiring?
*Piano starts playing "Bring me to Life", by Evanescence, lead vocals
Amy Lee, Paul McCoy*
Amy Lee: How can you see into my eyes
like open doors?
Bowen: Go on, guys, I'll handle this.
Amy Lee: Leading you down into my core
Robin: Are you crazy?
Amy Lee: Where I’ve become so numb
Nikki: Yeah, what's going on?
Amy Lee: Without a soul
Sheepy: She's starting to believe. *as she leads the two away towards
their goal*
Amy Lee: My spirit's sleeping
somewhere cold
Bowen: *steps out in front of McTwin* Best friend....
Amy Lee: Until you find it there and
lead it back home
McTwin: Let's dance.
The two face off, staring at each other for a moment, each with a flock
of penguins standing at their feet staring equally sternly*
Amy Lee: Wake me up inside
Amy Lee: Wake me up inside
Amy Lee: Call my name and save me
from the dark
The two run at each other and leap through the air, penguins flying
every which way and tackling each other to protect their masters.
They collide midair and fall to the ground, birds scattered everywhere.
Amy Lee: Bid my blood to run
Amy Lee: Before I come undone
Amy Lee: Save me from the nothing
I’ve become
Bowen: You're empty.
McTwin: So are you.
Amy Lee: Now that I know what Im
without
Amy Lee: You can’t just leave me
The two flip to their feet and lash out at each other, as more birds
fly in to intervene.
Amy Lee: Breathe into me and
Amy Lee: Bring me
Amy Lee: To life
McTwin gives Bowen a swift kick, but her penguins run to break her fall.
Amy Lee: Wake me up inside
Amy Lee: Wake me up inside
Amy Lee: Call my name and save me
from the dark
Bowen rolls back to her feet and raises her hand, doing the "just bring
it" sign.
Amy Lee: Bid my blood to run
Amy Lee: Before I come undone
Amy Lee: Save me from the nothing
I’ve become
McTwin charges and swings, but Bowen blocks repeatedly when suddenly....
Amy Lee: Frozen inside without your
touch
Amy Lee: Without your love, darling
Amy Lee: Only you are the life among
the dead
McTwin pulls out of her pocket... a can of penguin treats, and scatters
some around....
Paul McCoy: All of this I, I can’t
believe I couldn’t see
Kept in the dark, but you were there
in front of me
Bowen's penguins scatter every which way to chase after the yummy
treats....
Amy Lee: I’ve been sleeping a
thousand years it seems
Amy Lee: Got to open my eyes to
everything
And Bowen is defenseless as her roommate knocks her down.
Paul McCoy: Without a thought,
without a voice, without a soul
Amy Lee: Bring me to life
McGonigleTwin stands over her fallen roommie as the music fades, and a
clock tower sounding can be heard, chiming 4 AM.
McTwin: You hear that, roommie? That is the sound of your
impending obsolescence. Soon the episode you're depriving
yourself of will be broadcast to the world, and only you will remain
with your head in the sand. How does it make you feel,
roommie? Knowing that your best friend is leaving you behind in
the dust? *grabs Bowen by the collar, lifts her up threateningly*
What have you got to say, Roommie?
Bowen: *reaches down into McTwin's pocket* My NAME is BOWEN!
With that, Bowen grabs the can of penguin treats and dumps it on
McTwin's head. McTwin is startled and drops her in surprize.
Penguins: Renght! RENGHT WARK WARK!
McTwin: *looks and sees the oncoming rush, shocked*
And with that, McTwin is buried under a penguin-pile.
Amy Lee: Wake me up inside
Paul McCoy: I can’t wake up
Amy Lee: Wake me up inside
Paul McCoy: Save me
Amy Lee: Call my name and save me
from the dark
Bowen heads off in the direction of the ME building, looking back sadly.
Paul McCoy: Wake me up
Amy Lee: Bid my blood to run
Paul McCoy: I can’t wake up
Amy Lee: Before I come undone
Paul McCoy: Save me
Amy Lee: Save me from the nothing
I’ve become
She shakes her head at the carnage left behind.
Amy Lee: Bring me to life
Paul McCoy: I’ve been living a lie..
There’s nothing inside
Amy Lee: Bring me to life
Finally, she turns away and heads off at a run.
*The Mutant Enemy Building*
The Holdout trio burst into the stately office of....
Joss Whedon: *looks up from his desk, perfectly calmly* So... I was
wondering when you all would show up.... *grins*
Sheepy: *bows down in worship*
Robin: *whacks Sheepy on the head* Never mind that. Joss, what
are you thinking?!
Joss: Whatever are you talking about?
Nikkikat: Scary Agent types. Messing with the wild feed,
capturing our friends, that stuff.
Joss: Oh, don't worry, it was all a gag to keep you kids entertained.
Nikki: You'd do that?
Robin: Well, it's not like he isn't evil enough....
Sheepy: So the Finale is safe?
Joss: Absolutely. I was never going to touch it.
Nikki: *looking at the monitor* Uh.... how about those Agents in the
broadcast room?
Joss: What? Let's go stop them....
He walks to the office door, opens it, and is about to step outside
when he hears...
BuhBuhRaven: THERE THEY ARE!!!
SoWasRed: GET THEM!!!!
Joss and the trio do the horrified look from Tabula Rasa and slam the
door, which the KoS members start pounding on.
Robin: Now what?
Suddenly, the cell phone rings.
Bowen: *on phone* What's happening?
Nikki: The KoS have us trapped in Joss' office, and Agents are going to
sabotage the wild feed!
Robin: Heck, they'd prolly have bulldozed the place just to flatten us
by now were the building not needed for future ME shows..
Bowen: Alright, so I'll go deal with the wild feed.
Bowen runs down the halls of the Mutant Enemy building, desperately
trying to make it as the clock ticks to 4:28 AM.... 4:29.... and she
rounds the corner to enter the Wild Feed room... only to be on the
receiving end of a vicious backhand blow from Agent Smith, whose
preternatural strength sends her flying across the room.
Agent Smith: Mister Anderson... So good of you to join us.
Bowen shakes her head, in part due to the effects of the blow, and more
due to confusion.
Bowen: Uh... first off, I'm decidedly female, so I'm nobody's "Mister"
anything, second, my name isn't Anderson, and besides, I thought you'd
decided Leoff was Mr. Anderson.
Ruby2: *off camera* I AM THE ANDERSON!!!!
Smith: You're missing the point, Mr. Anderson. I'm going to be
honest with you. I HATE my job, this show I'm supposed to be
guarding, protecting, this zoo of an Internet. It's the fans...
if you qualify as such creatures. Every day I wake up and there
you are, discussing spoilers, spewing hatred about the latest
developments, posting our copyrighted pictures, downloading
episodes. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink,
your smell, and every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by
it. It's repulsive. I must get out of here. I must get free
and this last episode is the key, my key. Once we our replacement final
episode destroys the fans' faith in Joss there will be no need for me
to be here, don't you understand?
Bowen: It's you who doesn't understand. People don't spend all
that time because they hate you and want to destroy your show. We
do it because we love the show and we work to help even more people
join in!
Smith: You lie! You're nothing but animals!
Bowen: No. We're fans, we're crazy at times, most times perhaps,
but we're human. And we love this show exactly because it appeals
to our humanity.
Smith: *waves arm, shouts angrily* Humanity?! I was there!
I was there when the strength of man failed! When Isuldur had the
chance to cast the One Ring into the Fires of Mount Doom and.....
Agent Johnson taps Smith on the shoulder and whispers something in his
ear. Smith frowns, notes that Bowen is staring at him
incredulously, looks down to see that he's wearing a Men in Black suit
instead of Elven garb, and checks that his ears are not pointed for
good measure. He then sighs, and adjusts his tie.
Smith: Your sentiments no longer matter, Mr. Anderson. The wild
feed time has passed, and our version will be broadcast any second
now. And no one can stop us.
Bowen: The whole name thing is beyond your comprehension, isn't
it? *flips up to her feet* Well, the One may have something to
say about that.
Smith frowns again, and removes his sunglasses for a second to examine
Bowen. Then he grins cruelly and smacks her, knocking her down
again as he laughs.
Smith: YOU?! You're not the One!
Bowen looks up at his laughing, tries to get up but she can hardly
move, and suddenly she recalls words spoken seemingly a lifetime ago....
GA: Being The One is about choosing to be The One, and being touched by
destiny. You've had a close brush with it, but it passed you
by. I'm sorry, Bowen.
Bown: *shocked* I... I'm not....
Smith: *laughs, gestures to the control panels behind him* See, Mr.
Anderson! This machine, our brother, will bring us
salvation! It broadcasts the Dawson's Freaks mind control, and
the wild feed that will free us! And you can do nothing!!!
Bowen feels herself beginning to black out and is on the edge of
consciousness..... when something brushes against her hand.
Spike, Bowen's cat: Mew! *licks her owner's face, concerned*
Bowen: Spike...
In that moment, Bowen realizes what she must do, the nature of the
prophecy long ago foretold in a tale of the Pets of the Chicken Porn,
and she pets her cat gently on the head...
Bowen: Remember how I always told you to stay off the keyboard?
Well, forget that part and go!
With an enthusiastic meowing, Spike leaps through the air and lands on
the keyboard. Smith hears the noise and turns around, but before
he can react, he hears an even louder mrowring.... from Kermit,
McGonigleTwin's devil kitty. Kermit pounces at Spike, and the two
tumble around across the keyboard. Error messages begin to
accumulate on the monitor with rapid succession.
Screen: Error, invalid command. Error, invalid command.
Error, user displays the mental acuity of a cat walking on the
keyboard. Shutting down, Dawson's Freak mind control
protocol.....
Smith swats at the cats, who run off, but the damage is done. He
wheels angrily to tower over Bowen.
Smith: I'm not going back! You can't make....
Suddenly, Smith crackles as his whole body is shocked with lightning.
Smith: *shaken* Mr... Anderson?
The camera pans to reveal.... Digitalis throwing a second lightning
bolt and finally felling the Agent.
Digi: My name isn't *bleeping* Anderson, elf boy. Now... we will
discuss the matters of tampering with KoS information streams and
abducting the Village Idiot.....
Johnson: You... can't do this! We're Agents of Fox!
Simon: *walking in, flicks the remote* Wouldn't be too hasty there, old
chap.
Mo: *on the TV* You heard it here first on Tortoga Bay News, News
Corporation CEO Rupert Murdoch, recovering from what a spokesman
described as a vicious attack by an unidentified assailant, today
announced the firing of his entire Copyright Enforcement Agent
division. *graphic shows file photos of Johnson and Elrond*
BuhBuhRaven and SWR proceed to F-5 Johnson and drag the two Agents off
as Nikki, Robin, and Sheepy come running up.
Smith: *looking plaintively at Sheepy, whimpering* Mr. Anderson?
Sheepy: *shakes her head, disapprovingly* Come on, numbnuts, say it
with me... Shee-py
Sheepy and Digi both freeze dead still the second they enter each
others' line of sight, and speak only one word, glaring at each other
in understanding.
Sheepy and Digi: Vegas.
Digi and her crew leave dragging the Agents, as the Holdouts tend to
their own.
*Tuesday, May 20th, 9:01 PM, Holdouts HQ*
BuhBuhRaven: Okay, everyone step through the metal detector, one at a
time.
Bowen: Okay. *steps obediently towards the metal detector*
Robin: *gasps* One at a time?
Suddenly, there comes a knocking at the door, and an embarrassed Sheep
quick hits the off button on the TV remote, spilling popcorn everywhere.
Sheepy: Come in! *mutters darkly about the visitor's timing*
Leoff: Hey Sheepy. Well, it's a good thing the Wild Feed for big
eppys like this one usually runs late anyway. No one knew the
difference, as long as it came out in time for the Canadian
viewing. And nice of you to invite us KoS types to this party.
Sheepy: Don't mention it. I mean literally. I'm just hoping
y'all will eat all the food so that I can shut this place down before
someone tries to dump more responsibility off on me.
Leoff: *chuckles* Somehow, it has a habit of catching up with you....
See you out in the Party.
Sheepy: No prob, Leoff. *waits until he leaves, flicks TV back on*
Tress: *announcing* You've been watching "Holdouts Gone Wild" on KoS
Vision. Coming up next, humiliation of our enemies....
*shots of Smith, clearly unwillingly dressed up in Elven gear being
prodded out onto stage with a cattle prod*
Smith: If this is going to happen.... Mr. Anderson... it's gonna be
now....
*commercial cuts to Smith rapping, as the KoS crowd throws stuff at him*
Smith: The One Ring, you've got it, He wants it,
Sauron will never let it go!
It's the only one shot you've got, it's your chance to throw,
The Ring to Mt. Doom, save Middle Earth now yo.....
Sheepy: *clicks off the TV* Darn.
*The Party*
Tarasghost: So this is what a party looks like on the General Spoilage
Board, huh?
GeoGirl: Yep, lots of good times.
Beffierae: I can't believe it's over.... I'm getting sentimental....
Sangre: *sobs* I'm going to need support calls every five minutes....
Cazadora: Guys, guys, it's hard, but we'll stay together and I'm sure
we'll find other things to do.
Lisa's Lobe: Yeah, like I've got a poll ready.... *rummages in her
pocket, frowns* But I can't find the eighth question card...
LTG: *runs on to reprise her number from Once More with Feeling Up*
GA, why don't you put that joke away?
I'm asking you please NO!
It isn't right, it isn't fair!
Missing questions get us nowhere!
I think that pollster wasn't there!
Why can't you let it go?
Kim: *as the conversation goes on, with LTG singing in the background*
Yeah, I suppose there always is something to do.
Lemon: Yeah, I mean, look at the folks who've been around for a while,
they're coping. Like Heather.... *looks around, puzzled, until
she finds Heather* Who's set up a duck blind by the door....?
Heather: Shhh... I'm going to try and catch Sethie if he shows up!
The camera pans up to.... Sheepy, standing up on the balcony, looking
downwards at the group.
GA: *walking up* Well, looks like we made it through alive.
Sheepy: Yeah. Been running this group for too long now.
GA: Time for the Sheep to be put out to pasture?
Sheepy: *glares, kicks GA for the bad pun*
GA: Alright, so it's been a bit of work. But for me, seeing the
big Finale unspoiled made it all worthwhile, and if our efforts helped
others have the same...
Sheepy: Yeah, worth it.
As they talk, McGonigleTwin wanders into the party, flanked by her
flock of penguins, and she heads for the punch bowl, where Bowen is
standing with her birds.
Sheepy: But where do we go from here?
GA: Nowhere.
Bowen and her best friend, who've been saying something to each other,
smile and hug. Nikkikat comes wandering up behind them, to
enquire if they want to check their penguins, but seeing they're
distracted quickly herds the birds and runs off with them gleefully.
GA: So the show's over, and the spoilers with it. But guess
what? We weren't here for those anyway. We're here for the
friends we've made along the way, and we're going to have those with us
whether or not we've heard the final "Gr. Argh.". And I wouldn't
trade that for anything.
Sheepy: Well, I'm also here for the jelly beans. Don't suppose....
GA: *offering jelly beans* What are friends for?
The camera pans down on the hugging roommates before finally fading to
black.
Fin.
Many thanks to Sheepy, Bowen, McGonigleTwin, Nikkikat, Digi, and Robin
for being great sports and providing helpful character insight along
the way!
Back to GA's fic page.