Disclaimer: I own neither boardies
nor major motion pictures, and the following is not for monetary gain.
Previously
(http://www.geocities.com/grnarmadillo for full parts): The Benevolent
Storyteller told Bowen that she is not the One, but regardless Sheepy
sacrificed herself to prevent Bowen's capture by the alliance between
the Knights of Spoilerantium and the Agents....
The Finale
Chapter 3: When Sheep Fly
*Holdouts HQ*
Cazadora is watching on the monitors when in bursts... Ryno.
Caza: Hey Ry. What's going on?
Ryno: Uh... not much Caz. How's the rest of the gang making with
the escape?
Caz: No worries, everyone's out except for Robin and Bowen, and they're
right near an exit as we....
Suddenly, Ryno hits Caza upside the head, and she collapses.
*Exit to the boards*
Bowen: Robin, we have to go back for her....
Robin: Look, she's my slash sista, so no one is more behind that plan
than me, but even if she didn't tell me to get you out, there's no way
we'll battle through the Agents AND all of KoS...
Suddenly, the board exit doorway flickers and vanishes. They both
look at it surprized, when Robin's cell phone rings.
Robin: Hello?
Ryno: *on cell phone* Hi Robin.
Robin: Ry, what's going on?
Ryno: I couldn't keep depriving myself anymore, Robin. It got too
hard....
Robin: Ryno, what have you done?!
Ryno: I've made a deal with them.
Robin: Huh? For what? Sheepy? WHY?!
Ryno: They're going to wipe my mind, Robin. Make me forget all
the spoilers I ever knew!
Robin: But you'll be living a lie!
Ryno: It won't matter if I don't remember any of it. And hey,
look at it this way. The Agents are coming right up behind you.
If Bowen really IS the One, then you two can't die like this.
SOMETHING has to happen to save you at the last minute by
some...*trails off, then shocked* I DON'T BELIEVE IT....
*Holdouts HQ*
Caz-bot: Believe it or not, you're still gonna burn! *floors Ryno*
*The Board*
Suddenly, the exit flickers back into existance, and Robin and Bowen
return to....
*Holdouts HQ*
Robin: What's going on here?
Caza: I don't know, one minute Ryno's gotten out right ahead of you
guys and the next she hits me.
Bowen: But what could make her turn on us like this?
Simon: *from the doorway* The Wild Feed.
Robin: YOU!!!
Bowen: What are you doing here?
Simon: You're the only ones left I can turn to....
*KOS corporate headquarters*
Sheepy is slumped, beaten and tied in a chair. Agent Johnson
slaps her across the face.
Agent Johnson: Tell us the access code to the Holdouts warehouse!
Sheepy begins to whisper something quietly. Johnson leans in to
try and hear and Sheepy promptly chomps down upon his nose, hard.
Johnson: That does it, bring in the wild feed!
Digitalis: *walking in* Don't be so hasty...
Johnson: *frowns* Why not?
Agent Smith: She's right. The wild feed can only be accepted by
the willing.
Digi: Show it to her now and it'll destroy her mind and everything in
it.
Sheepy: Do you have any more of those yummy truth pills?
Digi: *sighs* And there may be SOMETHING in there.....
Johnson: Then what would YOU recommend?
Digi: Leave us. *as the Agents leave, walking around Sheepy*
So... what is the secret ingredient in that candy of yours? How DO
you brainwash those silly Holdouts into passing up what could only bring
them more joy? *waits, gets no answer* You don't believe me?
What's it going to take for you to take my spoilers?
Sheepy: Bite me.
Digi: *opens a folder marked "FINALE SPOILERS"* I'd like to test that
theory...... *grins evilly*
*Holdouts HQ, night of May 18th*
Simon: So that's the short of it. Someone has tampered with the
Wild Feed, and anyone who watches it falls under their control.
Ruby2: That's why the Agents are working with KoS....
Caz: And why Ryno here betrayed us... *kicks the gagged Ryno*
Wolfram: Then it's all over.... the wild feed goes out in a few hours,
and unless we can find whomever is doing it and fix things before then
the ending of Buffy will be ruined....
Nikkikat: If only we had Sheepy....
Chasa: Well, they've definitely got her in the KoS building by now...
SpikedKitty: I like a good rumble as well as the next girl, but we
don't stand a chance invading them head on....
Desi: Then we don't have a choice....
Geogirl: But if we do that, they'll kill her....
Bowen: What do you mean?
Beffirae: As long as Sheepy's got valid access codes to the Holdouts
mainframe, KoS could log in at any time and shut all our stuff down....
Katlurkin: But if we cancel her codes and she doesn't have any
information they want, they'll kill her...
The room descends into worried conversation, as Bowen looks down and
thinks....
*recap*
Bowen: What about Sheepy?
GA: Well, she really believes that
you ARE The One. That's why she's going to give herself up for
you, unless you choose to go in her place. One of you will end up
in their hands. But cheer up. Go home, take a shower, and I
promise you that by the time you get the rest of that cream pie out of
your hair, you'll be all better.
Bowen: *looks at her hair in alarm*
Gee, thanks GA.
GA: Don't mention it. Unless
there's a recap for one of the later parts or something.
*end recap*
Bowen: Wait, maybe we do have a shot.
Sekimet: Huh?
Bowen: Something the Storyteller said to me.... I think we have a
chance to get her back.
Simon: Whoa, you're crazy. There's no way you're getting past KoS
lobby security. First, they make you go through the metal
detector. No metal weaponry is getting through. After that
comes the visual inspection from a trained panel of specialists.
Then the elevator won't go anywhere without a KoS retinal scan.
If any of them hit the alarm, security will be all over you.
Any structural damage to the building, the alarm goes off and
security rushes to the scene. And they've certainly noticed I'm
gone by now, so I can't get you in without questions you want to avoid.
Robin: I hate to side with the enemy, but he's right, Bowen. It's
never been done before.
Bowen: And that's why it's going to work.
Sangre: Uh... we've got another problem.
Bowen: What?
Ruby2: *checks the computer* Yeah, I see what she's getting at.
With Sheepy gone, her gear's all locked down. That means we
can't get at most of our good weaponry.
Bowen: Then we take the gear we can get at from the Holdouts who aren't
captured and we do this.
Skittle: But you know, most of the gear belongs to.... *points at the
screen*
Simon: Well, at least that's not made of metal.....
*Upper Levels of the KoS Building*
Digi: You know what you are? You say you're a sheep, and yet,
sheep are useful. They make wool, and at least people can eat them
sometimes. You're not really a sheep at all... you're just a
homely water buffalo, wouldn't you agree?
Sheepy: *ponders for a moment* You know what?
Digi: *surprized* What?
Sheepy: I can see up your nose from here.
Digi: *closes her eyes, sighs, but restrains the urge to strangle the
sheep* It's alright, you've held up admirably well, no one will fault
you, just let me make the pain stop. Tell me how to get into your
warehouse.
Sheepy: To.... get into the warehouse.... you must perform the
ritual.... in a Tutu. Dorkbutt.
Digi: Alright, I'll bring in my outside help. See, you're not the
only one with a cloning facility, Sheep. Send them in!
In walk... a pair of Watchers, cloned right out of season Three...
Wesley: *adjusts stuffy glasses* Ah yes, is this the one we are to
dance for?
Giles: I assure you, we are quite competent in the lambada.
Sheepy: *looks suspicious* Uh... what's the catch?
Digi: Oh, their partner is coming...
Suddenly, squeaky wheels are heard, like a giant tub being wheeled into
the room.
Balthazar, the huge deformed and tub-confined demon from S3: Wait for
me!
Sheepy: NOOOOOO!!!!!!
*outside the room*
Johnson: This is getting nowhere.
Smith: That no longer concerns us, it is time for us to move to our
final objective. Have Knight Sowasred paged to report to the front
security post.
Johnson: But he's manning the added security station, we'll be
undermining the extra security the Chancellor ordered to prevent the
Holdouts from staging a rescue!
Smith: Acceptable.
*KoS Building, front door*
The trio, clad in black leather, enter the KoS building, Robin and
Nikkikat looking around behind their sunglasses with some misgivings.
They approach the first security station.
BuhBuhRaven: Okay, everyone step through the metal detector, one at a
time.
Bowen: Okay. *steps obediently towards the metal detector*
Robin: *gasps* One at a time?
Nikki: *looks over longingly at Robin* However shall we do without each
other?
The two sob and reach for each other longingly as BuhBuh's jaw drops.
Bowen walks through the metal detector and a light goes off, but
he doesn't notice.
SWR: *walking up* Hey, doesn't that light mean something? Buhbuh?
*suddenly losing the power of coherent speech* Buh....
buh....buh....
BBR and SWR promptly faint.
Bowen: *shakes head* I can't believe that part worked.
Robin: What can I say, we're hot? *as she and Nikki walk through
the detector* Let's cruise.
Flan: NOT SO FAST!!!
Nikkikat: Uh oh....
Flan: No one gets in without passing the visual inspection. And
you people look like you're going to merit some outside experts.
FASHION POLICE! ASSEMBLE!!!
Robin: Oh dear god....
*20 minutes later*
Terpsichore: You know, I can see why you paged us. Their outfits,
while stylish in their time, are definitely of the uninspired.
Nibs: I have to agree. Black is most certainly NOT the new black.
This is definitely not of the good.
Flan: What bothers me the most is the blatant lack of coordinating
accessories.
Terpsi: Some hot guys would help.
Nibs: I suppose. Shirtless Xander tool belt of the as long as he
isn't wearing plaid he can do no wrong perhaps.
Terpsi: *sighs* Praise JESUSU.
Flan: I would have considered a rating of Gooba, were it not for that
hideous handbag she's got.... *gestures to a big, non-descript duffel
bag Robin's got*
Nibs: Yeah, the bag alone merits a bugly.
Terpsi: Well, maybe not on shirtless Spike...
Flan: With the Duster.
Nibs: Praise JESUSU.
Robin: *whimpering, to the others* This is horrible....
Nikkikat: *sobs* I can't take much more of this either....
Bowen: But if we make a break for it, they'll sound the alarm...
Suddenly, the alarm goes off, but before the girls can panic, they hear
a scuffle at the main entrance. Jamie Kellner, former president of
the WB network and now unemployed, is trying to wrestle his way past
Sowasred into the building.
Kellner: FOOLS! Don't you see? It's all him! He's
been my downfall! His show got away from me! And Felicity
cut her hair, and now she's gone! Even my Dawson's Creek, now
gone! All him! And he has the power! The tools I once
strove to use to control the world with the hypnotic power of James Van
Der Beek's massive forehead! Do you have any idea what he'll do
with such power? DO YOU?!
Finally, SWR succeeds in wrestling Kellner out of the building.
Buhbuhraven: It's sad when a man falls so far that his days as a bit
villian in GA's board fic are amongst his finest.
Terpsi: And the disheveled bum look?
Nibs: Definitely of the bugly.
Flan: Hail JESESU.
Behind them, an elevator door closes.
KOS Elevator: Plese present retinal scan to proceed.
Nikkikat calmly begins removing ceiling panels to expose the cable, as
Robin opens the big duffel to reveal a large bomb and Bowen reveals the
only piece of metal on her that set off the detector, a detonator.
They set up the KoS elevator the bomb quickly, as Nikkikat sets up
the harnesses for them to latch on to the cable.
Nikkikat: Everyone, grab onto something.
Bowen: *jumps, surprized* That's my ass.
Robin giggles, and then Nikki cuts the cable holding the elevator up,
sending the bomb-carrying elevator down to the basement and rapidly
lifting the trio towards the roof. As the elevator hits the
bottom, it explodes, creating a huge blast and setting off all the
alarms in the basement. Meanwhile, the trio emerges on the
rooftop.
Robin: Alright, time to find a way back down to get the Sheep.
Nikkikat: Uh oh....
Bowen whirls around to see standing on the other side of the rooftop...
McGonigleTwin.
McGonigleTwin: So, Best Friend, it's come to this. You're not
happy depriving yourself of spoilers, you have to come try and take ours
too!
Bowen: *looks back, sad, but defiant* Your spoiler whorishness is what
brought us here, Bonnie. It's left you open to being manipulated, and
now we've got to rescue our leader and clean up your mess.
McTwin: Not gonna happen, Roomie.
With that, Bowen reaches into her trenchcoat, and pulls out the best
non-metallic weaponry they could find in the Holdouts arsenal that
didn't belong to Sheepy.... GA's throwing trout. She throws them
at her roommie in rapid succession. But to her shock, Mcgoniglewin
stands calmly motionless as penguins jump up from nowhere to catch and
eat the fish before they can touch her. Before Bowen can react,
her roommie has lobbed back her own salvo of flying fish. Bowen
concentrates as hard as she can, and suddenly, penguins pop up to catch
the fish, one, two.... but the last is too slow and the fish clips Bowen
in the leg as she tries to dodge. She falls down and looks up to
see Mcgonigletwin standing over her holding a fish and ready to strike
when suddenly...
Nikkikat: Dodge this. *clocks Mcgonigletwin in the head with a
trout.*
Robin: *helping Bowen up* How did you do that? You moved just
like she did.
Bowen: Not quite good enough.....
Nikkikat: Okay, now how are we going to get down?
Bowen: *nods at a KOS helicopter across the way* Can you fly that?
Robin: Not yet. *picks up cell phone* Operator?
Phone: *giggle* Coo...
Robin: Operator? Ah.. Julia... I need you to put your mom on....
Julia....
Phone: *suddenly makes noises as if the receiver has been picked up and
is being repeatedly hit against the wall, as more giggles ensue until...*
Buffychick: Julia Cate! Put the secret Holdouts phone down THIS
INSTANT!!! *picks up phone* Operator.
Robin: Hey, I need you to find out how to fly a KoS chopper, right now.
Bowen: How's that going to help?
Nikkikat: The two of them share a brain, so if BC learns, Robin'll
handle it.
Bowen: Okay. Let's go.
*Upper floors of the KOS building*
A posh office is well decorated and furnished and laid out in perfect
order, except for the name plate, which reads "Leoff Anderson", lying in
the trash can with its last name crossed out repeatedly. Leoff is
on the phone.
Leoff: Look, Mr. Abrams, I realize that your show Alias is one of the
best on TV, and that you want the best wild feed reporter in the
business, but I'm just getting done with my gig on Buffy, and I might
want a break from waking up at ungodly hours to catch these things.
Besides, I saw the noise the evil gang was making on the board the
other week about your finale, and it sounds like your fans may be even
crazier than Joss'.... *listens for a moment* No, I don't think you're
following me. I'll consider being roped into another wild feed
deal when sheep fly....
Suddenly, with a loud "WHUPWHUPWHUPWHUP", a KoS strike chopper descends
until it blocks Leoff's whole window, before sliding over to the office
next door. All its guns start firing and immediately shatter the
glass and cause massive structural damage. From the wreckage
emerges, bounding slowly at first and then more deliberately.... a
Sheep, which trots up to the edge, leaps, and soars through the air into
the waiting chopper. Leoff drops the phone with a clatter.
Leoff: *best Keanu impression* Whoa.
*The destroyed interrogation room, next door*
Digitalis picks herself out of the rubble, and dusts herself off,
clearly VERY ANGRY, as the other KoS members run in to check on their
leader.
Digi: Kill them all. Now.
Tress: *frowns* But Madam Chancellor.... they've got one of our best
state of the art attack helicopters. No weapon forged can bring it
down.
McGonigleTwin: *walking in, seething with rage* That was then.
*snaps her fingers and a bunch of penguins waddle in carrying a
surface to air missile* This is now.
She fires the missile and, while the copter attempts to engage its
ballistic countermeasures and automated evasive manuvers, it is too late
and the missle slams into the tail rotor, which bursts into flames as
the helicopter begins falling precipitiously out of the sky.
McTwin: Round two goes to me, Roommie.
Digi: Bring them to me, no matter how many pieces they're in. And
then someone hunt down that Armadillo and we'll have ourselves a good
old fashioned Texan Armadillo roast. I'm sure he's encouraging
this somehow....
*The 'chopper*
As the helicopter spins out of control, Nikki grabs Sheepy and they
jump out, hitting a rooftop hard but from a low enough height that they
land safely. Unfortunately, before Bowen and Robin can follow, the
dying chopper passes over the rooftop and is about to slam into a
building. Robin bails out of her seat and Bowen grabs her as they
jump out of the helicopter, moments before it slams into the building
and explodes. Time seemingly slows for a moment as they begin
falling when suddenly.... some penguins drive up with a large truck
towing a poor full of water, and the two splash down harmlessly.
Bowen: *shaking off* Well, maybe there IS something to this whole
bit about being The One...
Robin: *stares at the soaked Bowen* Oooh! Wet t-shirt!
Bowen: Augh! *turns her back to Robin, as Nikki and Sheepy come
running up*
Sheepy: *stares at the soaked Bowen* Oooh! Wet t-shirt!
Bowen: *sighs, shakes her head* Ah well, at least the plan worked.
Nikki: *smiles* Yeah, sorry we doubted you. And look, you got
that nasty cream pie out of your hair?
Bowen: *looks up, realizes that the splash landing has done the trick,
and that, as promised, she's cheered up* Well, GA got one right.
Nikki: Wonder how he does it?
Robin: He's the author. He cheats.
Sheepy: That's not important right now. We've got to get to the
Mutant Enemy building.
Bowen: Oh god, we're almost out of time to fix the wild feed....
Sheepy: More than that, there's only one man who could make this all
happen.
Nikki: You don't mean....
Robin: He'd do this to us after seven years? Why?
Bowen: Well, he does have the combination of brilliance and evil... but
how do we face....
Sheepy: Joss Whedon.
To Be Concluded....
Back to GA's fic
page.