Disclaimer: I own neither boardies
nor major motion pictures, and the following is not for monetary gain.
Green Armadillo Boardfic Productions
Presents
A Holdouts Storytime Production
The Finale
Chapter 1: Into the Penguin-Hole
Leoff awakens, confused, in a small, nondescript space that's clearly
an interrogation room. As he tries to remember what he was doing
before, he looks around and realizes that he is sitting in a chair at
the only table in the room. A lamp mounted on the ceiling is above
the table, but otherwise, he can find no identifying features
whatsoever to the place.
Leoff: *scratches his head, looks around* What the...? Is this a
new-fangled pizza place or something? Uh... I'd like a large pizza
with sausage, not pepperoni, and definitely nothing that grows. If
it grows, it goes. Oh, and extra sauce. *waits, expectantly
when suddenly the door opens and in walks...*
Agent Smith: Good morning.... Mr. Anderson.
Leoff: Who the hell are you? What's going on here?
Agent Smith: Mr. Anderson, you misunderstand your... situation.
This is NOT a round of 19 questions. I will be asking the
questions here.
Leoff: Well, err, I think you've got the wrong person. See, my
name ain't "Anderson", I have no idea where you're getting that from....
Agent Smith: We know exactly who you are, Mr. Anderson. You are a
man with two lives. In one life, you are a mild mannered resident
of Chicago. A simple AV guy at a local community college,
caretaker of kittens named Guinness and Bailey, both names nominated and
voted on by the members of the Buffy Cross and Stake boards. In
the other, you are a denizen of the web, posting the Wild Feed report
for all to see. One of these lives has a future.... the OTHER...
does not.
Leoff: Look, my name isn't Anderson. And why do you even care?
The agent behind Smith: *pulls out a badge* Agent Johnson. Fox
copyright division.
Agent Smith: You see, Mr. Anderson, we have a vested interest in
this... situation. My... colleagues believe I am... wasting my
time with you, but I believe that given a choice, you may yet save
yourself.
Leoff: *suspicious* What choice is that?
Agent Smith: We just desire your cooperation, Mr. Anderson.
Leoff: FOR THE LAST TIME, MY NAME ISN'T ANDERSON! And why would I
want to help you?
Agent Smith: We are prepared to allow you and your associates to
continue to view your "wild feed". In exchange, we want the answer
to one question.... Wh---
Agent Johnson puts his hand up to his earpiece, then leans down and
whispers something in Smith's ear.
Agent Smith: Our superiors have informed me that you will only have one
chance to answer this question, Mr. Anderson. Who else receives
your wild feed, and where can we find them?
Leoff: *sits back in his chair and thinks for a moment*
Agent Smith: If you should choose not to cooperate, your fate will be
forfeit, Mr. Anderson.
Leoff: *looks up at that* I'm not so sure about that. You
see, I've been counting, and you were just prevented from asking the
eighth question in this fic.
The Agents stop short, and realize Leoff is right.
Leoff: The way I see it, we're all in some higher power's hands.
So how about I give you the finger, and you give me my phone call?
Agent Smith: You disappoint me, Mr. Anderson. What good is an
internet connection when you have.... no keyboard?
Leoff gets up and goes to a computer, using the mouse to open the
spoiler board from a bookmark only to realize there is no keyboard.
He panicks, looks around for it in disbelief, checking the place
where it should be with his hands in confusion and despair, as two more
agents enter the room to restrain him.
Agent Smith: Show Mr. Anderson... what he wants to see. And then
have him transferred to the detention facility.
Agent Johnson: But there are no Agents guarding that facility.....
Agent Smith: Those are your orders.
*A few hours later, at the Fox copyright violator detention facility*
There is clearly a crisis in progress, as security guards are running
around like in all directions, panicked. A car pulls up, and the
Agents get out of it.
Security Chief: Was wondering when you boys would show up.
Agent Smith: What has happened?
Security Chief: Some crazy posting board girls broke into our facility
trying to rescue one prisoner "Leoff Anderson". Though he
protested that his name isn't.....
Agent Johnson: Why have you moved in? You were given specific
orders for your OWN protection to wait for us to arrive....
Security Chief: With all due respect, I believe my men can handle a few
little girls.
Agent Smith: Your men are already dead.
With that, there is a large explosion in the tower, blasting a hole in
the wall. Through the rubble, McGonigleTwin can be seen leading a
KoS strike team to rescue Leoff. Flan lays down covering fire,
when suddenly a helicopter, piloted by Sowasred with KoS corporate logos
hastily sprayed out with black paint, flies by to extract the team.
The Security Chief runs off, panicked, trying in vain to stop the
rescue.
Agent Johnson: This was an entirely predictable consequence of placing
him here.
Agent Smith: Indeed.
*Philadelphia*
The door to an apartment opens and in trudges... Bowen, flopping on a
chair. As her cat, Spike rubs affectionately against her leg, she
pulls up the BCS board and begins to scroll to find a poll she put up
for amusement at work, but she is so tired that she starts nodding off.
When suddenly, one response to her poll catches her eye.
"Wake up, Bowen."
Bowen frowns, blinks, and the post is still there, with no poster's
name entered behind it. Out of curiosity, she clicks, to discover
that it contains no answers to her poll questions.
"Follow the white penguin."
Suddenly, there is a loud yowling, and Bowen jumps. She looks
over and scolds her roommate McGonigleTwin's occasionally ill-tempered
feline, Kermit. Then Bowen looks back at the screen for a moment,
but the mysterious post is no longer in the thread she'd just been
viewing.
Bowen: Weird dream... *Suddenly, there's a knock on the door, and she
wanders over to the door and opens it to see...*
Nikkikat: Hey Bowen! I was wondering if I could steal a penguin
brush?
Bowen: Uh sure...
She reaches over to a night-stand and removes one of her roommate
McGonigleTwin's penguin brushes and goes to hand it over but stops.
Bowen: If you're caught with this....
Nikkikat: Yeah, no idea who you are, don't worry, I won't sic your
roommate on you. Hey, you coming to the Holdouts party?
Bowen: Hm... I would, but I'm pretty tired. Maybe some other
time.
Nikkikat: Alright... *notices one of her penguins is wandering off*
HEY, come back here!
Nikkikat grabs the brush and tackles the penguin as it attempts to
waddle off. Bowen frowns to note that the penguin is all white.
Nikkikat: *noticing Bowen's look* Real mess, I know. We were
looting the Holdout Candy Warehouse earlier and this little klutz fell
in the white chocolate vat.... *brushes the spare chocolate off the
penguin and hands the brush back to Bowen* Oh well, see you around
then....
Bowen: No, wait, I think I'll tag along after all.....
*The Holdout Warehouse Party, May 17, 2003*
It is a bitter-sweet occasion in Holdout land, at least to the extent
that any event occurring in the storehouse of all the sugary rewards can
be. For all present know the real reason why they're now getting
to indulge in extra treats.... to empty the warehouse, as it will no
longer be needed to reward people for holding out after there is no
longer any Buffy to hold out for. Into this wild den of sugar and
character clones wanders Bowen, having lost track of Nikkikat after her
penguins went after the candy and she had to chase them.
Bluerose: Hey, Bowen, you came.
Bowen: Hey. Yeah, I wasn't going to, something weird happened.
Anyone seen Sheepy around?
Skittle: She's hard to track down these days, busy preparing for our
finale party. You'll have to ask Robin.
Bowen: Alirght, thanks....
Bowen withdraws to the edge of the room, tired, and observes what's
going on when suddenly she hears behind her...
Robin: They're all wondering the same thing you are, Bowen.
Bowen: Excuse me?
Robin: The question that haunts you at night, as you go to sleep in
your apartment with your pets Spike and Kermit, as you log onto the
board, as you've watched events of the last season unfold. The
same question that haunts me.
Bowen: What'll happen in The Finale?
Robin: The answer is out there, Bowen. And it'll find you if you
want it to.
Bowen: Or I can wait a few more days like everyone else. Can you
find Sheepy for me?
Robin: Sure.
*KoS Headquarters, late the same night*
Simon sits at his computer screen, frowning at what he's reading.
Suddenly, BuhBuhRaven walks in.
BBR: Hey Simon. See the wild feed tape for the finale yet?
Simon: The one Leoff got way earlier than usual?
BBR: Yeah. Best episode ever. You should watch it.
Now.
Simon: Did you think it was funny?
BBR: *stops for a moment, puzzled by the question* Sure, yeah, it was
funny. Willow had this great visual gag with a watermelon.
You should watch it. NOW.
Simon: *chuckles* Yeah, that part was pretty funny.
BBR: Huh? You already saw it?
Simon: Yeah, no worries. It was cool.
BBR: Oh, okay. Later. *leaves, satisfied*
Simon stares at his computer screen, where the following is printed:
Interviewer: So, Ms. Hannigan, do you have any regrets about the end of
Buffy?
Alyson Hannigan: Yeah, actually, there was this great gag I did with a
watermelon for the finale, but Joss had to cut it at the very last
minute, so no one is ever going to see it.....
Simon: *frowns, wonders* What's going on here?!
*Holdouts Warehouse, Sheepy's office*
Sheepy: At last. Welcome back, Bowen.
Bowen: I didn't think I'd been gone that long...
Sheepy: Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you
know something. What you know you can't explain. But you feel it. You've
felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is but it's there, like a splinter in your mind
driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you
know what I'm talking about?
Bowen: The Finale?
Sheepy: Unfortunately, no one can be told what'll happen in the Finale,
Bowen. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last
chance to change your mind. I have a red jelly bean and a blue
jelly bean. If you take the red one...
Bowen: Uh, I really don't know what you're talking about. I'm
just here because I got a cryptic message on my computer.
Sheepy: *disappointed* Oh. *munches both jelly beans cheerfully*
Well, that's the Benevolent Storyteller's department, not mine.
Let's go talk to him....
To Be Continued....
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