Disclaimer: I don’t own the BCS board or its residents, or pretty much anything else appearing in this fic, except for any and all trout.
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JodithGrace: *voiceover* “This is the story of a journey....”
The main broadcast room studio of the WB has been torn apart with a massive struggle. Carnage and fallen boarders lie all over the place.
JodithGrace: “The accounts of the Dawson’s Freak future we have state that it started with a few people who happened to be watching the WB at the time of the transmission. They used whatever means they could to get more people to watch, spreading the Freaks’ influence until it finally dominated everyone in the world. Armed with this knowledge from the future, we had very few options to counter its influence.
In the center of it all, surveying things darkly, stands Anthgelus, triumphant next to the Dawsonsday device, which is channeling the power of James Van Der Beek’s forehead into the broadcast system. The “on air” light is on.
Anthgelus: “It’s OVER, boarders! I have won!!!”
JodithGrace: “Our journey is dedicated to preventing that dark prophecy from ever coming to pass. And we’re about to find out how it all ends.”
Saria Angel: “How is he?”
Bos: “Well, he seems to be calmed somewhat by your presence...”
Lindsers: *half jokingly, half serious* “What my daughter is trying to say is... FIX HIM! NOW!”
Bos: “I’m not sure how.... GA’s genome has been spliced in its entirety with that of the 1969 gremlin. I’m even sure HOW one gets this level of sequence integration, much less what would be necessary to reverse it. If we’re not careful, we could wind up degrading his nucleic acid structure, and as much as I’d like to see a restriction map on Gremlin DNA...”
Heather: “AAAAHH! Science! Paaaaaaaaaain!!!”
JodithGrace: “What are you saying, Bos?”
Bos: “I don’t know if we can help him. And there’s this weird chronometric energy field around him... probably an artifact of his trip through the time portal. I’d say it would be a promising way of separating the two of them, but the technology simply doesn’t exist to even analyze this sort of thing....”
VS: “GA....”
F=j: “Here, would you like to try?” *offering Digitalis a ball*
Digitalis: “Uh.... okay...” *Throws the ball, it hits the target, dropping Jamie Kellner into the tank.*
Kellner: “AAAAAAHHHH!!!!” *scrambles frantically out of the tank, back onto the collapsing seat*
F=j: *grins evilly*
Berry: “Okay, what do we know?”
Mitsy: “Ant... Anthgelus is going to plug the Dawsonsday device with James Van Der Beek in it into the WB broadcast system.”
Roxymoron: “When he does that, Van Der Beek’s massive forehead will slowly begin to dominate the minds of everyone on the planet.”
Berry: “Then we’re going to have to stop him from doing that.”
Hazel: “I’ve been doing research while you were out trying to stop him the last time... I’m still not any closer to figuring out how to restore his soul than ‘broadcasting the writings’ whatever that means.”
Saria and the rest of GA’s immediate family come walking in....
Kat: “Wait, something’s bothering
me here. Why did Kellner need to remove
Buffy from the network before starting this whole thing?”
F=j: “Why not ask Kellner?” *hands ball
to me* “Just answer well, and we won’t
dunk you... too many times.”
Kellner: “Noo!!! I’ll talk! It’s because if there was one good show left on the network, its effects would counter the influence of Van Der Beek’s forehead!”
F=j: “Cool.” *nods to me, who throws, sending Kellner into the tank, out of which he jumps quickly, screaming*
Erinn: “But that’s impossible now... Anthgelus has almost certainly gotten control of the WB programming grid by now, so we couldn’t sneak in some Buffy or Angel if we wanted to try....”
Saria: “Wait... if we can’t make sure there’s a good show on the WB....”
*she starts drawing up a battle plan on the board*
December: “Interesting... but would it work?”
Erinn: “I just don’t see who has the influence to make that sort of thing happen....”
Suddenly, the boarders hear a voice at the door....
Joss Whedon: “Try me.”
Everyone: “JOSS WHEDON?!”
Joss: “Hey guys. I wasn’t doing much during the transition between networks, and then this clown Anthgelus took over the WB studio, so I figured I’d see if you had a plan....”
Talia: “Cool!”
Joss: *looks over Saria’s plan* “Interesting.... it might work... and it calls for massive damage to WB property, which I sure can’t object to at this point.... but there are personnel problems...”
Me: “Like what?”
Joss: “Well, for starters, I’ve
never worked on TV off the WB before... you’d need a real junkie of this sort
of thing to even begin to figure out how to coordinate it...”
Robin: “I’ve got that covered.”
Joss: “Well... more importantly, I can cobble something together for my end, but I don’t even watch some of these....”
Lindsers: “Don’t worry about it. We’ve got that covered too.”
Hazel: “Oh god! That’s IT!” *runs off*
VS: “I don’t know what THAT was about, but who knows... we may have hope yet...”
Joss: “Okay, I’ll get to work on this...” *starts to leave, when suddenly he looks over at F=j’s dunk tank* “Uh... there’s no water in your dunk tank.”
F=j: “Nope. Try?”
Joss takes a ball, and throws it nailing the target. Kellner is dumped down into the basin, screams and jumps up onto the collapsing seat as quickly as he can, a hungry gremlin jumping up out of the empty pool and nipping at his ankles. Whedon smiles and heads out.
Outside The WB Headquarters....
VS: “Okay... this is it... we’ll lead the
frontal assault. Jodith, we’re going to
need you in the control room. Saria and
Talia will cover you.”
Jodith: “Got it.”
Lindsers: “Let’s go....”
VS, Lindsers, and Roxymoron walk into the
main broadcast room, flanked by all the boarders. In the center of the room, the Dawsonsday device is set up,
plugged into the broadcast equipment.
Anthgelus stands up next to the machine....
Anthgelus: “I’m so glad you all are here to
see this.”
VS: “Ant, you’ve got to stop this!”
Anthgelus: “I’m almost glad you failed,
Krista, so that everyone can appreciate my triumph... though I’m a bit
disappointed...”
Mitsy: “Ant, it isn’t worth it! There’s so much good stuff in the world....
like JC and Justin...”
Heather: “Mits, don’t encourage him to end it
all...”
Berry: “Ant, you were supposed to come to San
Fran next year, and you won’t be able to do that if you go through with this,
because the world will be torn apart by the struggle to resist the Dawson’s
Freaks!”
Anthgelus: “Well how sad, none of that is
going to happen. Sides, everyone was
just accusing me of being a perv anyway, well I’ll show you ALL!”
Lindsers: “Well, dear, you’re just forgetting
one thing.”
Anthgelus: “What’s that?”
Roxymoron: “With the Dawsonsday device plugged
into the broadcast system like that, you’re not going to be able to use it on
us here at short range.... which means you’re going DOWN!”
Anthgelus: “Well, I’m never one to turn down
the invitation of a lady....”
The Board Sick Bay...
Robin: “I NEED the ending!”
Bos: “I can’t help you there, he’s comatose,
he can’t write an ending!”
Robin: “Well, then they’re all going to be
destroyed by Ant... EVERYTHING needs to be in place if this is going to work.”
Bos: “Well, unless you have some idea of where we’re going to get a temporal displacement capacitor, we’re out of luck.”
Suddenly, there’s a bright flash of light, and a temporal displacement capacitor drops onto the table, with a note: “Thought this might come in handy, love Future Talia.”
Bos: “There’s service for you....”
WB Broadcast Center Control Room
Saria: “Hit him, mom...” *watches,
winces* “Ouch...”
Talia: “They aren’t going to last much
longer....”
Jodith: *sadly* “They’re going to make it...
I know they will...”
Saria: “But what if they don’t?”
Jodith: *thinks for a minute* “Then the
people of the future will have to fight to prevail where we haven’t.... and I
guess a record of what we did would help them out...” *turns on a recorder*
“This is the story of a journey....”
The Broadcast Room
Anthgelus dodges another boarder’s blow and
knocks them over. Finally, a green
light on the console of the Dawsonsday device turns on.
Anthgelus: “It’s time.”
Lindsers: “You’re going to regret this!”
Anthgelus: “Like you regretted leaving me for
GA? Oh wait... you don’t!”
Lindsers: “And how many more of your love
children was I supposed to take into my house, huh?”
Anthgelus: “Who knows.... ah the memories,
Lindsay, the memories. Let’s reminisce
as the world ends, shall we?”
Anthgelus throws the switch, and the ON AIR
light activates, as the power of the Dawsonsday device is broadcast to the
world.
Anthgelus: “It’s OVER, boarders! I have won!!!”
The Control Room
The phone rings, and Saria picks it up.
Saria: “They’re ready!”
Talia: “It’s about bloody time.”
Jodith: “Okay, Anthgelus, let’s see how you
like it when we CHANGE THE CHANNEL!”
The Broadcast Room
Anthgelus laughs, as the monitors around the
room show more and more people tuning into the WB. Suddenly, the ON AIR light shuts off.
Anthgelus: “WHAT?!”
Lindsers: “We just cut off your broadcast!”
Anthgelus: “Oh, like that’s going to do any
good. They’re STILL under old Jimmy
here’s control, they’ll just keep changing the channel until they find him
again, which they WILL do when I get the broadcast back up.”
VS: “Not if they like what’s on the other
channels.”
Anthgelus: “WHAT?!”
Anthgelus changes the channel to ABC.
Announcer: “Tonight, Sports Night returns to
ABC with a SPECIAL CROSSOVER EPISODE with the cast of Buffy the Vampire
Slayer!”
Anthgelus: “Impossible!” *changes the channel
to FOX*
Announcer: “Kate Lockley hosts a special
episode of COPS, starring Spike and Faith!”
Anthgelus changes the channel to NBC....
Announcer: “And now, a Special Law and
Order/Buffy the Vampire Slayer event.... and you won’t believe the Law and
Order twist....”
Anthgelus: “How...” *changes to UPN*
A familiar wolf howl is heard, followed by
the Season Six credits.... for Buffy.
VS: “You see, they really don’t have any
channels to change to that don’t include Buffy.”
Roxymoron: “And that breaks Van Der Beek’s
power.”
Anthgelus: “Noo.... but wait! GA never wrote any crossover fics for
CBS! HA! Everyone will just turn there!”
Lindsers: “Oh really?”
Anthgelus changes the channel hesitantly to
CBS only to see.... SURVIVOR, HIS OWN BOARD FIC!
Anthgelus: “No....” *backs away from the moniter, starts running through the hallways...*
Hazel: *chanting outside in a back alley* "Nici mort, nici de-al fiintei, Te invoc, spirit al trecerii. Reda trupului ce separa omul de animal!"
(Translation: Neither dead, nor of the living, I invoke you, spirit of the passing. Return to the body what distinguishes Man from the beast!)
Anthgelus bursts through the door into the back alley, but trips...
Hazel: "Asa sa fie."
(Translation: So it shall be.)
Anthgelus gets to his hands and knees and looks over at the Hazel, still chanting. Cut to Hazel, who is holding up a comic book..... X-Board, issue 1 by Anthony.
Hazel: "Utrespur aceastui."
(Translation: Restore this one.)
The book suddenly gets very bright for an instant, and then goes dark. Anthgelus' eyes grow bright for a moment, then return to normal.
Hazel: "It hurts, yes? Good. It will hurt more."
Anthony: *confused* "Where am I?" *pants hard*
Hazel: "You don't remember... everything you've done for most of this fic. In a moment, you will. The faces of the people you subjected to Van Der Beek.... they will haunt you, and you will know what true suffering is."
Anthony: *still not understanding* "What? I, I don't..." *he starts to remember* "No... OH GOD, where the *BLEEP* is Van Der Beek, I'm going to BEAT THE *BLEEP* OUT OF HIM!!!!"
Hazel: "Shh... Ant... welcome back... and Van Der Beek has been punished enough....."
Jamie Kellner hacks away at the Dawsonsday device before finally freeing James Van Der Beek.
JVDB: “Uh... I don’t feel so good....”
Kellner: “The machine was never intended to be used in that way... I’m afraid it’s completely wiped out the hypnotic powers of your forehead.”
JVDB: “WHAT?! NO POWERS?! And there’s no Buffy on this network? Who in the world is going to watch? WHY didn’t you think of that before?”
Kellner: “That’s a good question.....”
GA is back in his normal human form, his family around him.
GA: “Eeesh, you ran all my crossover fics on TV? But I haven’t even STARTED writing the Law and Order one yet!”
Saria: “Well, we had to do something....”
Lindsers: “It was her idea!” *beaming proudly at her daughter*
Then, Kurupt walks into the room....
GA: “Prez! Eeesh, long time no see! How ya been... what’s wrong?!”
Kurupt: “GA... I’m sorry to have to tell you this... but it seems that the bylaws of the board are quite clear about no association with the gremlins... and you shared a body with one.... I... I’m afraid we’re going to have to ask you to leave the board.....”
TO BE CONCLUDED......
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