Well, I’ve been gone from the BCS boards for a while now, but I’m back to begin the third (and prolly final) episode in my fanfic cycle.  Here’s the prologue, complete with massive recap of the first two episodes for those of you who never read the original.....

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own the BCS board or its residents, or pretty much anything else appearing in this fic, except for any and all trout. 

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Voiceover: This is the record of a journey.  A journey of those who were faithful to one show, above others.... the members of the Buffy Cross and Stake Spoiler Board.

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The Bravenet Chat Room

 

Roxymoron:  Oh my god!  They got Chloe! 

Anya P:  You chat demon bastards!

Green Armadillo: *pulls out a large trout*  I’ll handle this......

Miesl-Dru:  There goes that silly brother of mine, trying to use a fish as weapons again.  He should get a REAL weapon, like Excalibur here.  *gestures to her whip*

David:  *looks at her skeptically*:  You named your whip after the sword bestowed upon Arthur by the pure virginal Lady of the Lake?

MD: It’s Lady of the WHIP.  Arthur was a knockoff.  I had the name first in the dominatrix room.... *everyone else backs away from MD*  WHAT?

Megg: Uh... nothing.

MD:  GOOD.  *cracks whip for good measure, everyone flinches*

GA:  *Walks back to the chat, a chat demon lies flat on the ground with a trout sticking up from its back* 

VampyrSlayer:  *shakes head at GA*  You never get tired of that, do you?

GA:  *smiles*  Nope, I don’t.  *to Chloe, who has just gotten back in from being kicked by the chat demon*  Wb Chloe!  Your chat demon’s over there....

Chloe:  *looks over at the demon*  Uh... no thanks, I’ll pass.

 

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Voiceover: A journey has to have a beginning, in the past.  And it must also have an ending, in the future.  A year ago, we discovered the awful truth, that the future might be horrible beyond our worst dreams, a desolate landscape where the minds of most are dominated by forces known as the Dawson’s Freaks, who used bad WB shows to brainwash the world.  They were opposed only by those few who held true to their beliefs in the one good show on the WB, Buffy.  But even these brave resistance fighters were divided into two factions, with a civil war provoked by the Freaks promoting conflict between boarders from the GLR and the Darkside, and preventing them from seeing their true foes.

 

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Ozzie: *holding the tip of his light sabre inches from GA’s face* Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now.

GA: Cause that would make for a pretty stupid fic, wouldn’t you say?

Talia: He HAS got a bit of a point there.

Ozzie:  Okay.  So what brings the leader of GLR to DS headquarters?

GA: I have proof that the Dawson’s Freaks have been manipulating both our sides from day one, because they wanted us to be too busy fighting each other to oppose their takeover.

Ozzie: That’s the silliest thing I heard since they said a 14 year old would be joining the Buffy cast!  Waitaminute......

GA:  *looks Ozzie in the eyes*  You really believe it was a coincidence that your first counter-strike ambush took out Greeneyes and Lindsers?  Or that we somehow discovered the location where the entire DS council was meeting by accident?  Don’t you see, if it hadn’t been for the evil one... *voice breaks off, a tear coming to his eye*  if it hadn’t been for f=j.....

Ozzie: *cuts him off, angrily* If it hadn’t been for my daughter’s sacrifice, you’d have killed the whole DS council and won the war.  That would have made you happy, I’ll bet.

GA: *shouting back*  Don’t you see, it was all a plot to make sure we didn’t have any leaders left!  If there wasn’t SOMEONE to negotiate the ceasefire, the war would have continued until the Freaks had taken over everything.  We’d ALL be dead right now.

Talia:  And we’d have Joey and Pacey running around in our brains?  Ick!

Ozzie:  Ok, so what DO you want?

GA:  The question is what do YOU want.  Don’t you want to know who’s behind all this?  *pulls out a folder, tosses it down on the table*  Photos taken outside WB headquarters two days before they made the decision to have Riley cross over into every show on the network. 

Ozzie:  *shakes head*  They thought he would bring all their shows the same controversy he brought to B:TVS, and thus boost ratings.

Talia: Boy, did they get their controversy.

Ozzie: *looks down at the photos, suddenly his jaw drops in shock*  Is this.... who I think it is?

GA: I’m afraid so.

Talia:  *looks at the pictures*  Who IS that?

Ozzie: *in a quiet voice*  Larry.  Our greatest enemy.  Are you telling me he set this all up?  Pitted us all against each other like this?  WHY?!

GA: Because he wants to destroy everything he sees, especially the board?

Talia.  Oh.  Good point.

Ozzie: So he made Riley cross-over to provoke a war between GLR and the Dark Side?

GA: And he had our leaders assassinated, because they were the only ones who might have realized that there was a common threat and stopped the war....

 

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Voiceover: That war was to have started in the past, our time, a year ago.  Our old chatroom, Bravenet, used the power of the Dawson’s Freak mind control chips to amass his own followers, including Bazoars Larry and Spot, WB President Jamie Kellner, and even Buffy creator Joss Whedon himself.  But the boarders of the future risked it all to send one of their own back.  With the assistance of my Aunt Talia frin the future, the boarders of the present were able to avert the war between the GLR and the Darkside, subdue Bravenet.  All seemed safe.

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Anthony:  Our friends have been kidnapped... by Ash and Pikachu?!

Lindsers:  AAAHHH!!!!!  Not the Pokemon!

MV3:  NO!  Even WE aren’t THAT evil!

Ozzie:  Thank goodness.

Spot:  Yeah!  And who are you calling Pikachu, huh?  I would NEVER demean myself like that!

MV3:  Silence, rodent.  You do whatever pleases me, and just to prove it I’m reducing your vocabulary to that of Pikachu for the rest of this fic!

Spot:  Hey!  Why are you doin---- pika?  Pika!

 

MV3:  I am the COOLEST CHAT ON THE INTERNET!!!!  I AM..... BRAVENET!!!!!!  And now you belong to ME!!!!

Spot:  Pika......CHU!!!!!!

 

BN:  *backing away slowly*  Maybe we can talk about th-

GA slaps Bravenet around with a large trout.  Heh Heh 

 

Heather:  So, Ozzie, what did you do to Bravenet anyway?

Ozzie:  Well, I reprogrammed it.  I’m pretty sure that it’s not going to rise up and threaten all of our lives again.

Roxy:  PRETTY sure?  How sure is that?

Ozzie:  Hm.... I guess there’s an outside possibility that it could recover in time for a sequel, but what are the chances of THAT happening?

 

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Voiceover: Then came the second great war.  A conspiracy including our board’s old home, Inside the Web, combined with AOL, and the gremlins responsible for eating our posts on the board, used Larry and Spot to free Bravenet as a distraction.  In the mean time, their leader, James Cameron, plotted to overthrow us all in retribution for our failure to watch his show, “Dark Angel”.

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The secret headquarters.... of INSIDE THE WEB....

 

ITW: “So... it all goes according to schedule.”

AOL: “I still question the wisdom of freeing Bravenet.  That chat was never the most stable of applications....”

ITW: “Which is exactly the sort of distraction for the BCS boarders that our employer needs.”

AOL: “But they WILL realize that Larry and Spot aren’t smart enough to have pulled this off by themselves...”

Head Gremlin: “That’s where we all come in....”

ITW: “My gremlins shall be turned loose, and they shall eat the posts.”

’69 Gremlin: “And I shall do my part as well....”

AOL: “And I can track their movements in AIM... but your gremlins aren’t going to be able to totally stop their operations.  They never have before....”

ITW: “That’s where my little friend comes in.  He’s going to see EVERYTHING they do, and report it all to us.”

 

A door at the end of the room opens to reveal standing there... a relic of the past.... the ITW pop-up ad window.

 

ITW: “I shall call him.... Mini-Me....”

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Voiceover: After some detective work, a group of boarders including my sister Saria Angel, Mitsy, Silver, Bracken, and Vampyrslayer figured out the truth.  Their resulting defeat of the conspiracy was more than ITW could take, and it had a breakdown.  AOL chose to live to fight another day, leaving its former allies in the board gremlins free to run rampant as they saw fit.  However, as it all played out, we discovered that Cameron himself was not the mastermind, instead being controlled by someone or something else.

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MV: *jumps up angrily on his desk*  “You DARE defy me?”  *throws his arms out to both sides*  “I am the greatest director of all time!  I am the KING of the WORLD!  BOW DOWN BEFORE THE MIGHT.... of James Cameron!!!!!!”

 

Everyone else in the room: “JAMES CAMERON?!”

Mitsy: “I knew it was him all along!!!!”

Cameron: “Everyone SHOULD be watching MY show!  But instead, it keeps slipping in the ratings while yours stays right where it is!  If only your stupid fans would stop promoting it, I WOULD be KING OF THE WORLD!!!”

Joss: “My show’s fans on the net around the world are the greatest, and I couldn’t be more proud of them.  That’s really all I’ve got to say to you, James.  Well, except maybe we should do a cross over sometime.”

Cameron: “Really?”

Joss: “Sure... if you count stealing our show’s name, imitating our characters and plotlines seasons after we did them, and running it in the same timeslot.”

Kira: “I think what he’s trying to say is... get out of our faces.”

Bos: “Cause if you want to get to our show, you’re going to have to go through us.”

Sarah Rose: “Careful.  She’s a hair puller.”

Jodith Grace: “I think that’s Buffy’s OTHER sister... er, the OTHER Buffy’s other sister... uh.... oh you get the idea.”

Cameron: *getting ready to scream something about his superiority, when he hears the approaching gremlin horde*  “Curse you, Whedon!  I’d have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling kids!  And their stupid board!”  *runs away, gremlins in hot pursuit*

Fox Exec: “WHAT was that all about?”

Jamie Kellner, President of the WB: “Don’t ask me, he works for you people.”

 

Outside the office, and out of range of Bracky’s bug, a lone figure in a coat looks across the way at Cameron.....

“Greatest director of all time indeed... he couldn’t even take some internet fans.  Maybe I should hypnotize someone else....” *ponders this, rubbing his forehead with his hand* “Or perhaps it’s time for me to step in myself.  If it’s a war they want....”

The figure lowers his hood to reveal...

James Van Der Beek: “It’s a war they’re going to get.....”

 

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Voiceover: The ensuing months were chaotic.  The gremlins destroyed whole days worth of posts, devouring them left and right.  What was worse, the most powerful gremlin of them all, the 1969 gremlin, returned, sending posts back to the year 1969.  We had thought that he had been defeated by my father, Green Armadillo, who disappeared during his battle with the gremlin during the second great war, but now the gremlin returned, disrupting the board by creating new threads out of old responses without its former limitation of only being able to target posts it had first sent to 1969.  In the end, ITW broke down all together, and our board had to flee to a new home. 

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The lair of ITW....

ITW: “Great.  The ’69 gremlin has disappeared.  But at least there’s a bright spot....”

AOL: “What’s that?”

ITW: “I’ve got a new helper...”

Into the room walks.... the ITW “thank you for posting” page....

ITW: “I call him... Fat Bastard.  He’s as annoying as a metric ton of Dawson’s Creek advertisements.”

Head Gremlin: “That’s a lot of Dawson’s ads.”

AOL: “And what useful contribution will this new asset bring to our organization?”

ITW: “He is here for one reason.... to safeguard my Mini-me! ... Mini-me?”

ITW looks around, suddenly looks at Fat Bastard and sees he’s wearing Mini-me’s ad on his shirt as a napkin, and wiping his mouth with it.

ITW: “Mini-me!  NOOOOOOO!!!!!   I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!”  *sobs*

AOL: *stands up angrily* “That DOES IT.  You people are the most incompetent idiots on the web, and I am the largest entertainment conglomerate EVER!  I’m going to find someone new to work with...” *storms out*

ITW: *still sobbing uncontrollably*

Gremlin: *to Head Gremlin*  “Is there anyone left to tell us what to do?”

Head Gremlin: *ponders this, then smiles evilly* “No, I think we’re on our own......”

 

 

VampyrSlayer stands sadly, looking at the spot where GA was before he disappeared in the vortex.  She lays a trout down on the spot, and is deep in thought when suddenly she hears a sad voice behind her....

???? : *mournfully* “The cheese did not protect him....”

VS: *turns around* “F=j!” *they hug*

F=j: “I trained him so well too... he was getting all evil... but not well enough....” *sobs*

 

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*the camera pans to reveal the voiceover narrator...*

 

JodithGrace: What we didn’t know, couldn’t have known, was that the worst was yet to come.  That the true enemy would unleash the greatest threat of all, and that no one would be prepared for its might.  We couldn’t have known that the future we thought we had prevented, that of the Dawson’s Freaks, was not only still possible, but was indeed a prophecy that was about to come to pass.  And all that stood in its way was the presence of one show, one saving grace on the WB network.  We never expected what would happen when that one show ceased to be there.  Our journey was about to take a turn for the worse...

 

TO BE CONTINUED....

 

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