Historical Note: This fic featured a contest to guess the mystery villain. When the fic was first published, people guessed correctly after THIS part...
Disclaimer: I don’t own the BCS board or its residents, or pretty much anything else appearing in this fic, except for any and all trout.
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Leoff: “A spoiler board fic recap for GA’s board fic...”
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Larry: But if it gets out that
I’m involved with the spoilers, the boarders won’t possibly believe them!
MV3: I think we have a.... *pauses evilly for a moment* ...reliable
source. Don’t you agree, Splatty Boy?
Joss Whedon: *steps out of
shadows* Yes Master. *a Dawson’s Freak mind control chip is
visible at the base of his neck*
Joss: Well.... Wow, thanks.
Waitaminute! Riley on
Roswell?! OMG, that wasn’t an insane
dream!!!!!
Jamie Kellner: It wasn’t?!
Who’s insane idea was that, anyway?!
I’ll fire them!!!
Joss: Yours, sir.
Jamie: Oh.
Scratch that. *leaves
embarassed*
Joss: Oh god, oh god. We’ve got
to rewrite the WHOLE season before the marketing people do something like put
out promos about Dracula and Angel riding on a horse in downtown LA which make
no sense and confuse the hell out of the fans!
Tim, Jane, come on!
Tim Minnear: Oh not again.
Jane Espenson: This is almost as bad as the time that XW
person hypnotized him into writing Xander as the star of season four and the
experience was so traumatizing that when he broke out of it he couldn’t stand
to see Nick on screen at all!
Tim: *shudders* Here we go
again....
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The BCS board.....
A meeting is in session, as the boarders continue to attempt to determine who is really behind the conspiracy.
Lindsers: “Okay, everyone, what have we got?”
Bowen: “Dru says she’s tracked down BN, and is putting her plan into action.”
Bracken: “Heather reported that she doesn’t have any evidence that Seth Green is involved, but that she’s going to keep up the surveillance anyway.”
Bos: “If he isn’t involved, why is she still tracking him?”
Sarah Rose: “Hey, that sounds suspicious! Maybe I should go find out what’s up....”
Several other board women voice an interest in staking-out Seth Green.
Jojo_342: “But wait a minute... this conspiracy seems to be interfering with all things Buffy-related. What if they’re going to try and mess up the new episode of Angel this week?”
The room quiets down, the girls realizing this would cost them their weekly DB fix.
Megg: “We have to find out who’s behind this. NOW!”
Silver: “But who knows enough about both the boards and the new episodes to plan such a thing? And why would they want to mess up a new episode of Buffy?”
Mitsy: “JOSS WHEDON!!!!”
Everyone looks at Mitsy.
MCLVR: “Hey, Bravenet controlled him that last time it attacked....”
Wiccagirl: “But why would Joss want to hurt his own show?”
Jeff: “Maybe we spoiled his show one time too many...”
Maye: “More importantly, he might not be doing stuff on his own will here. Last time, BN had WB president Jamie Kellner involved, and Fox also has a stake in this. We know how *THEY* feel about websites.....”
Chloe: “I’m still not sure about why though. If they actually chase off the fans, they’re only going to hurt their own ratings. Shouldn’t we be looking at Buffy’s competitors?”
JodithGrace: “Hm... who are we talking about? Wolfie, who stands to benefit, ratings-wise?” *silence* “Maybe he isn’t here.... Enigma?” *more silence*
Eowyn: *runs into the room, half-panicked* “Guys! We’ve got trouble! Someone’s kidnapped Wolfie and Enigma!!”
BBR: *runs in behind her* “It’s true.... their rooms were trashed... and we found this in the rubble...” *holds up a burnt piece of metal, clearly blasted off of a robot of some sort. A 20th century Fox logo is visible on it....”
Hazel: “Wait a minute.... what if Fox wants to make the ratings bad so the WB will give up the show next year? Wouldn’t Fox get it?”
Everyone thinks about that for a moment, not liking the possibility.....
Bos: “Okay.... we have to look into this... and we can’t necessarily ignore Joss or the WB either for the moment... we should break up into teams. Is anyone else missing?”
Everyone looks around for a moment.
Da WonderSheep: “I don’t see Anthony around....”
VampyrSlayer: *indignant* “What? What’s everyone looking at me for? I have NOT slept with him!
Kira: “Me neither! We should form a support group.....”
Suddenly, the sound of numerous small explosions is heard in the distance.
Zus: “What was that?”
Meanwhile, at the meeting place of the evil conspiracy.....
The principals are meeting, in front of a speaker phone. The Mystery villain is speaking through the phone.
MV: “Did you accomplish the mission?”
Head Gremlin: “Yes, sir. Using your hardware, we secured the boarders Enigma and Wolfie. We’re now going to know exactly where the ratings stand.”
MV: “Finally, you people do something right. Anything else?”
ITW: “Well, sir... Mini-me v.2.0’s report said that the boarders are making great progress in their attempts to discern your identity.... where is Mini-me, anyways?”
Gremlin: *BURP*
ITW: “YOU! You ATE Mini-me? NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!”
MV: “SILENCE, YOU FOOLS!!!! YOU ARE LETTING THEM GET CLOSER TO MY IDENTITY?!?!”
’69 Gremlin: “Well, sir, they are pretty good at this sort of-“
MV: “YOU PEOPLE ARE THE MOST INCOMPETENT GROUP I HAVE EVER DIRECTED! I HAVE WORKED WITH THE VERY, VERY BEST, BUT NOW-“
AOL: “Oh save it for the Academy. We need a distraction. Can you handle that?”
MV: *looks very displeased, but finally...* “Very well... but you WILL do your jobs, or I’ll leave you to deal with the boarders yourselves.” *hangs up*
ITW: *whimpering* “Mini-me....”
AOL: “And YOU, ’69 gremlin, make yourself useful.....”
The board....
Green Armadillo and Anthony square off, facing each other. Behind GA are several small craters from Anthony’s Gambit-style exploding playing cards, while some large trout stick out of the wall behind Anthony. GA pulls out another pair of trout and charges, while Anthony swings his quarterstaff to block. Anthony kicks one of GA’s trout out of his hand, as GA swings the other one and wallops Ant’s arm, knocking the quarterstaff to the side. GA grabs the end of the staff and pulls, sending Anthony flying to the ground. He lands next to GA’s fallen trout, and picks it up.
GA: “Do you *REALLY* want to do that?”
Anthony thinks better of getting into a trout fight with GA, drops the trout, and jumps away, throwing more cards. GA dodges, and snatches up the trout, but then suddenly looks down and sees it’s glowing....
GA: “Oh...” *the trout explodes and GA is thrown through a wall, just as some other boarders come running up*
Lindsers: “Anthony! Why are you fighting GA?!”
Anthony: “Uh... that is to say...”
Liz K: “This is one of those ‘any time two heroes meet in a Marvel comic, they must fight’ things, isn’t it?”
Anthony: *thinks fast, nods sheepishly*
Lindsers: “Okay, I’ll go see if he’s alright....” *goes to look for GA, Liz in tow*
Berry: “You two were really fighting for no apparent reason?”
Ant: “Well, chère, actually we were fighting over a beautiful girl... you.”
Berry: *blushes, then looks puzzled* “But GA’s my brother. Why...?”
Ant: *thinks quickly* “He was... just checking to make sure I deserve you!”
Berry: “Aww... that’s sweet of you too. Well, don’t beat him up too badly...”
Before Ant can answer, VS calls out from near the room where GA was knocked into....
VS: “Uh Ant? Was knocking him in here REALLY a good idea?”
Ant: *looks at the sign, which says, “trout storage”* “Uh oh....”
The office of MV....
MV: *picks up the phone, dials* “Hello, Eliza? Yeah, it’s me, so glad you remembered. No, this isn’t about that... I need you to put in an appearance for me....”
The BCS trout storage unit....
Liz K: “Does this remind anyone of the scene in X-Cutioner’s Song where they accidentally blast Cable into the guns storage locker?
Berry: “Oh yeah, and he’s the guy who runs around with the really big guns, so that was a very bad idea.....”
VS: “Stop that! Don’t give anyone ideas!”
Anthony: “Yeah. It’s not like trout are ballistic weapons or anything.....”
As he’s talking, Ant doesn’t notice the girls scattering away from him. He looks, sees that they’ve scattered, and looks up to see a large bin of trout on the shelf above him opening. A massive pile of trout falls on top of him. A few seconds later, Anthony sticks his head out of the pile, covered in fish.
Anthony: “Oh, he’s going to pay for that....”
VS: *snickers, but then turns serious* “Isn’t that....”
Liz K: “The ’69 gremlin! What’s it doing in here?!”
Berry: “Scatter!” *jumps out of the way*
As she shouts this, the ’69 gremlin opens a portal where she was standing a second ago, sending a large crate of trout back to 1969. Anthony digs out of the pile of trout, and the four of them start running down the rows of the trout warehouse. Anthony lets fly with a few cards, but the gremlin opens portals between them and sends the cards back to 1969. They round the bend, when they realize.... all the rows in this warehouse of trout look exactly the same. Row upon row of crates of trout on identical racks... and they’re lost. They run, dodging portals and fighting back as best they’re able, but not knowing where to go, and finally they round the corner to.... a dead end.
’69 Gremlin: “Now, YOU are going back....”
The gremlin casts a portal, and Liz and Berry jump to the side to dodge it. The portal hits right behind where they were standing, taking out a support beam for the shelf above holding large crates of trout, that now teeter precariously, about to fall on the dazed Berry.
Anthony: “Berry!!!” *Ant dives, and grabs her, pulling her out of the way of the falling trout, but the two of them are trapped behind the wreckage.
’69 Gremlin: *facing VS, the only boarder standing, with an evil grin* “You people like fish almost as much as the Boss, and he spends his spare time filming the bottom of the ocean....”
As he opens a portal to 1969 to use on VS, he is suddenly tackled from behind... by GA.
’69 Gremlin: “You fool! The portal’s out of control! We could both be sucked in!!!!”
GA: “Erin! The lever!!!”
VS looks and sees she’s standing next to a lever marked “trout release” and
connected to the containers of trout above GA and the ’69 gremlin. She gulps, tears in her eyes, and reaches
for the lever....
VS: “Close your eyes....” *she pulls the lever*
With that, a massive pile of trout fall atop the struggling pair, causing the portal to flare completely out of control. There’s a bright flash, and when it clears, the ’69 gremlin, the trout, and GA are gone.
TO BE CONTINUED....
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Next: The search concludes! (Maybe. :) )
Back to GA's boardfic page.