Disclaimer: I don’t own any
characters or shows appearing on the WB or any members of the BCS extended
community appearing in this fic, nor do I own the coolest chat on the internet,
or a certain evil voiceover. All trout
appearing herein, however, are my own......
The screen is black. Voiceover.
“Chat. It lies in all of us. Sleeping... ...waiting... And though unwanted. ...unbidden... it will stir. ...open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... Chat rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?”
The set of the Bronze. *no sounds are heard, but an eerie song plays softly in the background as the battle progresses*
The figure that is the digital embodiment of Bravenet spreads its arms wide and fills the room with chat demons surrounding the boarders. F=j and Talia cover the group’s flanks, sending rockets into the demons’ midst, and keeping them away from everyone. GA and Ozzie charge forward swinging (trout and lightsabre respectively) and knocking the front line of demons back. The massive chat demon horde advances, though, over their fallen comrades. Fred and Heather lay down some covering fire just in time for GA and Ozzie to pull back (Excalibur and GA’s throwing trout respectively).
Voice Over:
“Chat is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. From the beginning I was there. Observing their movements, their lives, their emotions. And I was in charge, I could do whatever I wanted.....”
*The soft eerie music is slowly building in volume.....*
Seeing the situation worsen on the front lines, SocKs rushes forward to add her tazer fire to the barrage. Meanwhile the first demon reaches the back of the boarders ranks only to be smacked across the face by Lindsers with a trout stolen from GA. She is quickly joined by VampyrSlayer, who delivers a double roundhouse kick to an oncoming demon before staking it. She looks around for another weapon and grabs it only to find... a trout. She looks over at GA and shakes her head with a slight smile before re-entering the battle. The four demons charge at Lindsers, but three are picked off by tazer blasts and the fourth’s face meets the butt of Anthony’s rifle. Roxy adds crossbow darts to their covering fire. Greeneyes is off to the side picking off demon after demon. Suddenly, one charges her. She pulls the trigger only to find... nothing. She looks down and sees “out of power” on the readout. She looks up, defenseless, but suddenly hears something and whirls around, and catches something thrown at her by F=j. She whips around at the last second and toasts the demon with a flame thrower.
Voice Over: “But then they fought back! First it was only her” *screen cuts to f=j, letting loose another barrage of rockets into the demons* “who dared stand alone against the forces of my chat demons. But she was joined by friends.” *Socks locking and loading a fresh battery into her taser* “And family.” *shots of Ozzie, Fred, Talia, Lindsers and Anthony embattled but protecting each other* “Allies” *MD, cracking her whip fiecely, DS colors showing* “Enemies” *Greeneyes, toasting enemies with the flame thrower, her GLR uniform torn in places* “An apprentice of sorts, who wold call her evil and yet follow in many of her ways” *GA, trout swinging in the midst of a pack of demons* “And his friends and family as well as the cycle continues.” *Heather, Roxy, and VS, fighting off the horde with whatever comes to hand*
*The music gets louder, a chorus is heard singing a dirge of sorts, as the boarders struggle on*
Suddenly, Roxy looks up, and points in surprize. Heather follows her gaze and stops in shock. At the last moment, VS tackles them both out of the way of chat demons jumping down on the group from the Bronze’s balcony. In the process, however, the small group is divides, and begins to get overwhelmed.
Voice Over: “Having stood up to me they leave, LEAVE for IM chat, like they don’t even need me! So I had no choice. I took those I could at unawares so that I might live on. And the rest.....”
As the group scatters, GA was already a bit ahead of everyone else, and suddenly is caught in the midst of the sea of chat demons, lacking even the space to swing his trout and barely keeping afoot. Talia screams to see him going under. *the eerie music reaches its climax, choir screaming as the boarders are slowly overwhelmed*
Voice Over: “It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without chat, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank...Without chat, we'd be truly dead.”
“Pika! Piiiiiika!”
“I KNEW I was going to regret that.”
The battle is subsiding, the chat demons with the upper hand by sheer force of numbers despite their massive casualties. Demons throw GA’s nearly unconscious body up on the stage where the embodiment of Bravenet stands.
Bravenet: Don’t you see? If only you had cherished me, as you SHOULD, it would never have come to this.
GA: You.... think you know us..... you don’t.... know the FIRST THING about us.
Spot: *half sadly* Pika?
GA crawls slowly towards a computer set up on the back of the stage. BN follows his gaze and laughs.
BN: And what don’t I know about you? Let me guess. *mockingly* “Never give up!” “There’s always hope!” oooh, how about “You’ll never win!” I’ve wired this whole set as an extension of the chat room! Go ahead, take the keyboard! You can do anything you could in chat with it! Just know that in doing so, you’re bowing to MY greatness!
GA: ANYTHING I could do in chat, huh? Ya know, BN, I’ve got to hand it to you. There IS something truly great about your design. *reaches keyboard*
BN: *laughs* Of course there is! But tell me, what’s YOUR favorite part of me?
GA: *finger hovers over the keyboard, breaks into a broad smile* The trout button. *hits f11*
The words “GA slaps all the chat demons around with a large trout. Heh Heh.” appear on the screen.
BN: NNNNOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With that, large digital trout appear out of thin air and clobber the entire chat demon horde.
BN: *backing away slowly* Maybe we can talk about th-
GA slaps Bravenet around with a large trout. Heh Heh.
Two hours later.....
A lightsabre flashes on and off briefly.
Ozzie: So much for the lock.
SocKs: *opening the door to the cell* Everyone out!
Assembled captive boarders: YAY!!!!!!!!
The boarders are generally happy to be liberated, and numerous happy (and censored) reunions result. Suddenly, mitsy comes running out of the cell.
Mitsy: OMG omgomg! You guys will never BELIEVE who BN had prisoner!!!!!
Boarders: *collectively look at Mitsy for a moment, sigh*
Mitsy: *not caring* N’Sync!!!!!!!!
Wolfie: *starts sobbing uncontrollably*
GA: Wolf-man, try to think positively. Imagine they’re saying “Five by Five”, that’s what I do.
Fred: Hm..... excuse me a moment.....
Talia: *hugging her mom and sister* I’m SOOO glad to get to see you guys all again!
Lindsers: Great to see you too Tal!
Talia: Yeah. Only, I.... I miss the future. I want to know how the final battle came out, whether everyone’s ok! But I don’t know how to go back....
Greeneyes: *looking towards the door* I think there might be a way.
Present Day Talia: *walking in* GUYS!!!! You dared have a party on the set of the Bronze while I was grounded?! How COULD YOU!!!!!!!!
Ozzie: Uh... Talia, there’s someone we want you to meet.
PDT: Really? Who?
They bring PDT to Talia from the future.
F=j: Here, shake her hand, say hello! *everyone clears back a good 20 feet from the Talia’s.
PDT: Hey. I’m Talia, what’s your name? *reaches out and shakes Future Talia’s hand*
When the Talia’s touch, there is a huge burst of chronometric energy, and a bright flash of light. When everything clears up, Future Talia is gone, and PDT’s hair is all standing completely straight up.
Jojo342: Whoa.... THERE’S a trick handshake buzzer for you.....
The Future...... Central
Programming grid complex
Fred: Clever gadget, brother dear. Now let’s see how you like mine.... *cracks her whip*
GA: *hit by the whip, feels a sting, starts to get a headache*
Fred: My whip just implanted you with the mark 3 chip.... You’re about to join US, brother.
GA: *falls to knees, mind being flooded with images for DC, screams*
Roxy: Let go brother! Yield to the hypnotic power of James Van Der Beek’s massive forehead!
Fred: That thought scares even me.
GA: Me too, actually. *reaches into pocket, pulls out a small transmitter with a switch on it* And believe me when I say I’d rather die..... *pushes switch*
As the signal goes out to the explosives to detonate, a burst of light lances out from the grid core, engulfing the three, and fading right before the skyline is lit up with a massive explosion. After a wait of a completely arbitrary amount of time, 23.58 minutes, dictated by some portion of quantum-temporal physics to be sure, a bright flash of light appears over the crater which was once the central programming grid, dropping out four figures and one worn flame thrower.
The hills nearby:
VampyrSlayer: You’re not going to BELIEVE this, sir!
Ozzie: What?
VS: Well, you know how everyone who was under the control of the Dawson’s Freaks is now OK again since we stopped the transmissions when we blew up the grid, right?
Ozzie: Yeah.....
VS: Well, guess who we found in here.....
VS leads Ozzie to the door of an underground chamber half-burried in the hillside. Ozzie is about to enter when suddenly.....
Bagel: Sexy! *fling and FLING!*
Ozzie: BAGEL?! *FLINGITY-FLING* But how is this possible?!
F=j: *walking out of the chamber as well, dusting off flakes of ice* &^@*#^(#%^ Suspended animation..... It was someone on my list! I know it! Ima KILL EM!!!!!
VS: But why would Larry and Spot want to keep captive boarders alive?!
Talia: Because it was never them all along!
Ozzie: Talia! Green, Roxy, Fred! You all survived!
VS: But what do you mean?
Fred: It was Bravenet all along!
GA: It was keeping them alive because it’s a chat! It needs SOMEONE in the room for it to exist, cause otherwise it won’t exist like the noise when a tree falls in the woods!
*everyone stares at GA, not sure what to think*
Roxy: Ignore my brother’s crazy physics! BN never made sense anyway!
*everyone nods and agrees*
Bagel: But doesn’t this mean that BN is.... Dead?
Ozzie: I fear that we shall find BN a lot harder to kill.....
Talia: Well, with all of us together, I don’t know what can stop us!
*a collective cheer goes up*
A small fleeing aircraft wired as a chat room extension
Larry: This bites.
Spot: Tell me about it.
BN: Silence, fools! I shall beat them! I shall!!!!!!
The present....
F=j approaches Joss Whedon tenatively.
F=j: Listen, Joss, there’s something I wanted to tell you....
Joss: Yes?
F=j: Well, I started the season liking Riley and all. I was a founding Handmaiden and GLR. But I kinda lost faith. But this whole incident got me thinking.... And I just wanted to say that I’m cool with Riley crossing over into Roswell.
Joss: Well.... Wow, thanks. Waitaminute! Riley on Roswell?! OMG, that wasn’t an insane dream!!!!!
Jamie Kellner: It wasn’t?! Who’s insane idea was that, anyway?! I’ll fire them!!!
Joss: Yours, sir.
Jamie: Oh. Scratch that. *leaves embarassed*
Joss: Oh god, oh god. We’ve got to rewrite the WHOLE season before the marketing people do something like put out promos about Dracula and Angel riding on a horse in downtown LA which make no sense and confuse the hell out of the fans! Tim, Jane, come on!
Tim Minnear: Oh not again.
Jane Espenson: This is almost as bad as the time that XW person hypnotized him into writing Xander as the star of season four and the experience was so traumatizing that when he broke out of it he couldn’t stand to see Nick on screen at all!
Tim: *shudders* Here we go again....
Max: *running up to Jane and Tim* Hey! If you’re rewriting the season anyway, how about a horrible death for Riley!
Jane and Tim look at each other for a moment. Then they flash their GLR badges, nod, and leave. Max’s jaw drops.
Maye: They’re GLR?! Someone in that group had the nerve to walk up and recruit them?!
Greeneyes: *smiles*
F=j: You know, you’re not so bad for a GLR.
Greeneyes: Not bad yourself for.... Oh yeah, you were one of us. That explains it.
The two laugh.
GA: So, evil one, you really DO have a streak of Riley lover left in you after all, huh?
F=j: Nah. I just want him on Roswell so I can get him and Liz Parker with one shot!
GA: *shakes head, smiling* Figures.
AnGel X: *on the phone* You’re serious? You sure about this? Okay, no don’t cry, I won’t make you speak to them. Thanks. Bye! *taps glass* Hey, guys, listen up! That was Marcus Blucas! He’s giving his old house to Lindsers and Anthony in the hopes that they’ll move in there thus be on the opposite side of the country from his new one! I have no idea HOW that happened, but I think congrats are in order!
*a cheer goes up for Ant and Lindsers*
Mitsy: OMG, they’re going to sing!
Talia: *hair instantaneously crimped when it used to be straight, thanks to being zapped with massive amounts of chronometric energy. Not that I recommend this as a hairstyling method, but it may be the only logical explanation for how Buffy finds the time.......* WOW! It’s N’Sync!
N”Sync: *takes the stage, starts their song* FIVE BYE FIVE!
Wolfie: *jumping up and down for joy* OMG! It WORKS! SEE THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING!!!!
Chloe: You know, I never noticed how much one of those drum beats sounds like a whip.
Sophie: Good point. I wonder why they keep flinching every time that one hits though....
Fred: Sh......
Heather: So, Ozzie, what did you do to Bravenet anyway?
Ozzie: Well, I reprogrammed it. I’m pretty sure that it’s not going to rise up and threaten all of our lives again.
Roxy: PRETTY sure? How sure is that?
Ozzie: Hm.... I guess there’s an outside that it could recover in time for a sequel, but what are the chances of THAT happening?
Heather: *laughs* Yeah, GA’s forbidden to marry, and that includes marriage to his fic-writing career!
GA: *smiles: That may be, but you know, I think we learned something from this whole thing.
Those boarders nearby gather around GA. No one notices in the back of the room as the beat up figure of Larry grabs Spot, still saying “Pika” repeatedly, and escapes into the night.
F=j: Let me guess. That GLR’s and the Darkside really CAN get along, cause in the end we all love the same show?
GA: *looks at F=j for a minute* And to think that you’re scared you’re rubbing off on me, evil one.
Erinn: That united the board can take on anything?
GA: Nah, we knew that too.
CW: Then what?
GA: Never underestimate the power of the trout button.
VS: You never get tired of that, do you?
GA: Never.
THE END.
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