More Golden Poetry
HOW TO WRAP PRESENTS WITH DOGGIES IN
THE HOUSE
1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of
living room floor.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.
6. Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
11. Take scissors from older dog & sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box & put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or
nose that is getting in the way as
it "helps".
17. Let puppy tear remaining paper.
18. Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper
from its mouth.
21. Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop
stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from puppy.
23. Take tape older dog is holding.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from
older dog & sitting on them
again.
25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape & tape
another spot.
26. Take bow from older dog.
27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
28. Take scissors from older dog who took them when you
got up.
29. Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking
your face.
30. Remove puppy from present & hurriedly slap tape
on to hold the paper on.
31. Take now soggy bow from puppy & tape on since
the sticky stuff no longer sticks.
32. Take pen from older dog, address tag & affix
while puppy tries to eat pen.
33. Grab present before puppy opens it & put it
away.
34. Clean up mess puppy & older dog made playing
tug-of-war with remnants of wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell dogs
what good helpers they are.
Whoever said "LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE" didn't sleep with dogs.
The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.
Rule Number One: The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog.
Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the center position on the bed - with all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.
Rule Number Two: Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed.
As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.
Rule Number Three: The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog.
The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dog flesh sleeps breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing
on your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping bodies - or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.Rule Number Four: When the dog wakes - you wake.
So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night - safe, contented, heavy and loud.
Author Unknown
Old Dog in a Locket
Old dog in a locket
That lies next to my heart
I will always love you
As I did right from the start.
You were right beside me
Through the darkest of my days
It was your kind and gentle nature
That made me want to stay.
Now I hold you in my arms
Your breath still warm against my hand
Our hearts still beat together
And I wonder if you understand.
Through the hours that I held you
Before the light did leave your soul
I knew a way to keep you
Forever in my hold.
I snipped the hair from around your eyes
So I would always see
The beauty that surrounds me
Even in times of need.
I snipped the hair from around your ears
So I would always hear
Music in the distance
To quiet any fears.
I snipped the hair from across your back
To bring me strength in times of need
And the power of your essence
Would always be with me.
I snipped the hair from around your heart
That beats in time with mine
So I would know that love would find me
At some distant time.
And so, your life slipped out of mine
On a quiet, spring-like day
But I knew that part of you
Was always hear to stay.
Old dog in a locket
That lays next to my heart
I will always love you
Even though we had to part.
Author Unknown
I explained to St. Peter,
I'd rather stay here,
Outside the pearly gate.
I won't be a nuisance,
I won't even bark,
I'll be very patient and wait.
I'll be here, chewing on a
celestial bone,
No matter how long you may be.
I'd miss you so much, if I went
in alone,
It wouldn't be heaven for me.
A Dog for Jesus
I wish someone had given Jesus a
dog
As loyal and loving as mine
To sleep by his manger and gaze
in His eyes
And adore Him for being divine.
As our Lord grew to manhood, his
faithful dog
Would have followed Him all
through the day
While He preached to the crowds
and made the sick well
And knelt in the garden to pray.
It is sad to remember that Christ
went away
To face death alone and apart
With no tender dog following
close behind
To comfort its Master's heart.
And when Jesus rose on that
Easter morn
How happy He would have been
As his dog kissed His hands and
barked its delight
For the One who died for all men.
Well, the Lord has a dog now, I
just sent him mine
The old pal so dear to me
And I smile through my tears on
this first day alone
Knowing they're in eternity.
Eulogy to the Dog
The one absolutely unselfish
friend
that man can have in this selfish
world,
the one that never deserts him,
the one that never proves
ungrateful
or treacherous . . . . . is his
dog.
A man's dog stands by him
in prosperity and poverty,
in health and sickness.
He will sleep on the cold ground
where the wintry winds blow
and the snow drives fiercely,
if only he may be near his
master's side.
He will kiss the hand that has no
food to offer;
he will lick the wounds and sores
that come
in encounter with the roughness
of the world.
He guards the sleep of his pauper
master
as if he were a prince.
When all other friends desert he
remains.
When riches take wings
and reputation falls to pieces
he is as constant in his love
as the sun in its journey
through the heavens.
Senator Vest
AFTER DEATH
"Farewell Master, yet not
Farewell
Where I go, you to, shall dwell.
I am gone, before your face.
A moment's time, a little space.
When you come where I have
stepped.
You will wonder why you
wept."
by Edwin Arnold
The Five crucial
Food Groups According to Dogs:
1. In the bowl. (A good foundation, but important to supplement with
other groups.)
2. Off the table. (Most varied group, but best eaten when no one is
looking.)
3. On the floor. (A nutritious way to snack between meals.)
4. Grass - taken at least once a day to enable vomit activity. (Vomit
activity best engaged in while resting head on caretaker's lap.)
5. Poop. (At least once a day for overall digestive happiness. May be
taken topically via rolling in it.) Best if eaten immediately after
production. Be sure to lick owner in face after ingestion.
And the Dog Heard
God summoned a beast from the field and he said, "Behold adore him. You shall protect him in the wilderness, shepherd his flocks, watch over his children, accompany him wherever he may go . . . even into civilization. You shall be his companion, his ally, his slave.
"To do these things," God said, "I endow you with these instincts, uncommon to other beasts: Faithfulness, devotion, and understanding surpassing those of man himself.
"Let it impair your courage, you shall never foresee your death. Let it impair your loyalty, you shall be blind to the faults of man. Let it impair your understanding, you are denied the power of words.
"Let no fault of language cleave an accord beyond that of man with any other beast or even man with man. Speak to your master only with your mind and through your honest eyes.
"Walk by his side; sleep in his doorway; forage for him; ward off his enemies; carry his burdens; share his afflictions; love him and comfort him. And in return for this, man will fulfill your needs and wants--which shall be only food, shelter, and affection.
"So be silent, and be a friend to man. Guide him through the perils along the way to this land that I have promised him. This shall be your destiny and your immortality." So spoke the Lord.
And the dog heard and was content.
Author Unknown
Hooked
When I bought my first dog, I wanted a pet. Now five years later I find I'm in debt. We went to a groomer when he needed a trim He said "He's real nice you ought to show him.
It hadn't occurred to me I might own a winner After all as a dog owner I was just a beginner I might not have done it I really must say If I'd know back then what I know today. A show lead was purchased, it was only a start I had no idea with how much cash I would part Our first show was fun and we really did great And for the next show I hardly could wait What I didn't know then was that I could get hooked One more show and my goose was cooked Only then, when it was too late I knew I needed to purchase a crate. The crate was bought, it was just the beginning. Expenses are many when you're dog is winning. Shortly thereafter I added a table. A grooming arm too, to hold my dog stable I bought brushes and combs and scissors galore Whatever I bought I seemed to need more I still needed clippers, they were finally bought The cost was soaring for the bug that I caught With all these gadgets that I'd nowhere to store A tack box came next - could there be more? The equipment got heavy, now I needed a dolly One more expense to add to my folly. Shampoos and sprays, too numerous to mention All were suggested with the best of intention. But one final purchase, the biggest by far A brand new van to carry my "Star". When all's said and done it all seems worth while As the ribbons he wins I accept with a smile.author unknown
Basic Rules for Dogs
Who Have a Yard To Protect:
NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing
in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway
every morning for that purpose.
VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the
room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls
down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show
your concern.
BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark--- a lot.
Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house.
Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There
is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle
of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...
LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before
licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your
human a towel.
HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and
upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they
won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole,
maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the
ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the
family dog to sleep.
THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty,
as the family dog, to accommodate them.
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when
there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's
also a good time to practice your sniffing.
HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much
of the house as possible.
GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or
mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your
humans have gone to bed.
PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the
flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.
CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never--- quite--- catch them.
It spoils all the fun.
CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry. ...Eat a shoe.
The Gift.....
When I got My New Dog
I asked for strength that I might rear her perfectly;
I was given weakness that I might feed her more treats.
I asked for good health that I might rest easy;
I was given a "special needs" dog that I might know nurturing.
I asked for an obedient dog that I might feel proud;
I was given stubbornness that I might feel humble.
I asked for compliance that I might feel masterful;
I was given a clown that I might laugh.
I asked for a companion that I might not feel lonely;
I was given a best friend that I would feel loved.
I got nothing I asked for,
But everything that I needed.
"A Rosebud"
When God calls little puppies to dwell with Him above,
We humans always question the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache can compare with the loss of one small 'child',
Who does so much to make this world seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires - always calling the aged to His fold,
And so He picks a rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them and so He picks but few;
To make the land of heaven more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult, yet somehow we must try,
For the saddest word that mankind knows will always be
"good-bye".
And so when little pups depart;
We, who are left behind, must realize how much God loves puppies....
For angels are hard to find.
Author Unknown
Do you have a Golden Poem, or a dog poem to share? Send it to me and I will post it
here.
Kryss Stephan
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