| ZOMBIE KILLER HEADQUARTERS |
| Welcome to the new and improved home for the location and elimination of the massive, under-recognized Zombie Menace that is the scourge of our land. I will primarily focus on the zombies of the reanimated or dead type, but will also touch on the drug induced voodoo zombies created for the purposes of slave labor in the Caribbean. (While all zombies are of a concern, there is a huge difference between killing the living and killing the living dead.) |
| "Zombies just come right out of the ground and get you." Beau Baldwin, Halloween 1995 |
| Never has a quote been more true. Zombies have no regard for good or bad, all they want are brains. Warm human brains. They don't ask nicely. They don't say please. They just take. Talk about inconsiderate. Their mothers must be embarrassed. |
| I took it upon myself to do some research online. I was able to find a very disturbing statistic that was at the same time alarming and horrifying to me. 85% of all Americans live within 3 miles of a cememtery, morgue, mortuary or funeral homes (all places where zombie outbreaks are likely to originate) At first I didn't believe this statistic until I ran some tests. I took a map of the Seattle Metro area and drew a circle representing a 3 mile radius from every cemetery listed and all of the residents of the Seattle Metro area fell within the 3 mile radius. Many areas had overlaps from different cemeteries. This test was conducted using only cemetery information. Morgues, mortuaries and funeral homes would greatly increase the potential zombie saturation. |
| What causes a zombie is a matter of much debate and speculation. There are many theories including Secret Government Experiments, Toxic Contamination, Radiation, random Vegetation Interactions, Zombie Bites, Cosmic Intervention (comets, sunspots etc) and finally my own MIR/Mutant Space Fungus theory. No on argues that suffering from a zombie bite will transform that person into a zombie after their own death, but no reliable data exists to state if these bites can be reversed or if their effects can wear off over time. There is a possibility that all zombies are related to a Zombie Patient Zero infecting the world with this undead plague. Mainstream science seems to shun exploration into these facets of zombism and as such the field remains largely unexplored. |
| While a proactive stance would be prudent in tackling the zombie menace, I am afraid I will at this time only be able to provide a reactive response. Hopefully in my work I will be able to determine a pattern or a means for predicting the location of an outbreak to minimize the damage and destruction caused by an all out zombie attack, but at this time I will be depending on the good citizens of the community to contact me and report zombie activity. |
| I have recently dedicated myself to the intense study in the art and science of Zombie Eradication. I believe this to be a world wide epidemic that can reach disasterous proportions if left unchecked. As a means for funding this research I hve decided to chronicle my activity and adventures in order that it may inform, educate and entertain those wishing to learn more. |