PART 15
�And you know me, stubborn jackass that I was, still am,� he amended, �I just stuck to my guns and refused. I held on to it, letting it dig deeper and fester . . . when Charlie died, everything I hadn�t dealt with, on top of my guilt . . . my pain of Charlie�s death almost killed me.
�I learned the hard way that keeping it in, not sharing is the wrong way to go . . . but I also learned that you have to do it in your own time in your own way. Shutting down . . . hiding out . . . not letting friends or family help you out . . . That only leads to insanity . . .�
He stopped briefly, and took a breath to push away the demons that still occasionally haunted him. He looked back at Sam.
�Did you ever hear the whole truth about the original Abydos mission?�
�I�ve read all the official and revised reports,� she said, �but I�ve always suspected that there was a lot that didn�t make it into and didn�t belong on paper.�
�Damn straight,� he said seriously. After a small pause, he said, �Abydos was supposed to be my suicide mission. West recruited me specifically because of my mental health, or lack of mental health to be exact. Everyone was supposed to come back, except me.
�Oh, Jack,� she sighed, �I-I never knew.�
�I know,� he said seriously, �Very few people do; West, of course, Hammond, Dr. Frasier, Daniel and now you.�
�But . . . well . . . sir, you�re still alive.�
�Yeah, well . . .� he smiled, �if it weren�t for Daniel, I would be dead. He saved my life. If it weren�t for him, I wouldn�t be here; I�d never have met Ska�ara, never met Teal�c or you. If it weren�t for Daniel, we�d either all be dead or carrying a snake in our heads or guts. I was ready to just blow the gate on Abydos. Daniel suggested getting rid of Ra. He convinced me that the people on Abydos needed to be free . . .�
He trailed off as he ran out of words. It was hard to voice what he felt, he knew that. He knew Sam would understand what it meant to have someone save your life, but Jack knew there was no way for her to understand how Daniel had pulled him from the abyss he was in before the original Abydos mission.
Death had seemed like the only sane option to Jack until Daniel showed up with his dorky theories and overstated geekiness. Daniel had nagged, cajoled, bullied and listened Jack back from that abyss. It was all that, and the fact that Daniel needed him.
They�d needed each other. That was what really had done it . . . Being mutually needed. That�s what Jack had needed then and still did. That�s why he was still doing this . . . not for his country, not for his world, not even for the SGC, but for his team - his family. Daniel, Teal�c and Sam needed him. His three months on Edora had proven that to him. While he�d given up on returning home, Daniel, Teal�c, and especially Sam did everything they could to get him home. Daniel had told him, in typical Daniel fashion, that Jack was missed and needed as part of SG-1.
�This world owes Daniel Jackson a great deal of gratitude and they�ll never know,� Sam said quietly, breaking the short silence.
Jack smiled slightly at that. It was like that for her as well. There were so many projects and inventions she had created that helped protect, defend and improve the way of life for the people of Earth. And yet, no one outside the SGC would ever know what she had done.
After a slight pause he continued, �What it boils down to . . . I guess all I�m saying, Sam, is that I won�t push. When you�re ready to talk, I�ll be here. Daniel will be here. Even Teal�c will be here if you would rather talk to him. Just don�t wait too long to talk . . . Don�t let it destroy you like it almost destroyed me.�
�Thank you Jack,� she sighed, �I really appreciate that.�
He smiled at her again.
�Feel better?� he asked. At her nod, he said, �Then let�s get this pain killer into you and get you tucked back in and back to sleep.�
As he handed her the pills and water, Jack could see Sam�s eyes already drifting shut. She took the pills without protest and gingerly slid back under the covers. He gently pulled the sheet and blanket up to her chin and tucked it under her.
Her eyes were totally closed when he bent down and kissed her on the forehead.
�Good night, Sam,� he whispered, �Sweet dreams.�
He turned off the light and turned to walk out of the room.
�Thank you, sir, you too,� Sam said quietly, her voice slurred with the edges of sleep.
Jack stopped at the sound of her voice. He just grinned before he stepped through the door to head off to his room, content in knowing Sam would sleep soundly now until morning.