| The Tales of Ace the Zombie The Hanging |
| I always find it so boring to start at the beginning. I also find it so typical to start in the middle. And I can�t start at the end, because I unfortunately haven�t been there yet. So let�s start here. It was the year 16__. I had just led a successful scrimmage against a band of fighters serving the Catholic League, a despicable army of fools leading a crusade against Protestants (what was the difference between the two anyways?). Anyhow, I served in a merchant army under a Protestant noble, and my services went only so far as he paid me. When a battle was won, my men and I needed food, shelter, and entertainment. Ah, yes, the entertainment was grand in those days. On this particular cloudless night my band of brothers happened upon a rather large farming community. Instead of one little college, we had an entire complex of buildings to raid. We snuck upon the servants quarters first. We bashed in their door and found six strong men in their beds. It was customary - under my command - that we kill at least one person immediately upon entering a building; it showed that we meant business. One of my men lopped off the head of the servant sleeping closest to the door. It thudded to the floor and echoed through the small structure like a deadened church bell. When one of the other servants came at me with a knife, I cut off the offending hand with precision and plucked his eyes out with his own dagger. Then I sent him outside, blind as a bat and bleeding like a stuffed pig, to find his way to his master�s cottage to warn him of my arrival. He died of shock just a meter out the door - he never would have found his way anyhow, but the thought was amusing. At this point I addressed the four survivors. �The Ace of Spades and his merry men have come for entertainment,� I grinned, watching the servants squirm. �The best the four of you can offer us is the spectacle of fresh blood oozing to the floor. It is food and sex that we really want. But we are always in need of more men to fight alongside us.� I watched the fear in the men�s eyes turn to survival - I took glee in watching lambs become wolves. The transformation began in the eyes, then spread to the lips, which would curl nervously, bearing teeth that would become crooked. Their hands would soon be turned towards killing, if they were to prove themselves. �You will lead me to your master and help me roast him over his own hearth.� All nodded, save one. I walked past the others, flanked by one of my men on each side, and stood eye to eye with the rebel. He was tall, but thin, and was not dressed like a servant. �You wish to squabble?� I asked, smiling. �I am a doctor,� he barely managed to say, his voice breaking as if he had a load of bricks upon his chest. �There was not room for me in the house. I am here for an extended visit...� I thrust up my hand. �Say no more,� I laughed. �To the best of my knowledge, I have never killed a doctor - they are far too useful to me. You can teach me much.� Although it was a secret I kept from everyone save my closest confidants, I was obsessed with human anatomy and alterations that one could perform with the aid of a scalpel and thread. I had yet to perfect any one procedure, but a doctor was always of some assistance. �You mean to say,� the doctor wheezed, �that you will not kill me if I do not help you?� My men laughed even before I did. �Old fool!� I hollered. �I do require your assistance - but leave the bloodletting to the others. What I have planned for your talents is far more important than butchering.� I turned to my first in command, a middle-aged man named L�n, commanded him to take our new trio of recruits and the rest of our troop and to organize the farmer�s household into three groups - men, male children, and females. Oh, the females. L�n knew I did not permit the killing of children or women, since each group had its purpose. The men would die slowly, and I would dine on their roasted flesh, thereby absorbing their strength and knowledge. �You and I will have a conversation in private,� I told the doctor, watching the last of my men leave the servants quarters towards the main house. As I turned to face the old man, I heard the crash of a splintering door, the breaking of windows, and the screams of the damned. I loved the music of pillaging. I stared at the doctor for a full two minutes without speaking. �What are these?� I asked him, rolling up my sleeves and showing him a series of unsightly spots that covered my flesh. He examined my skin thoughtfully, his demeanor returning to that sort of scholarly quality that most doctors have. �Some type of blood infection, perhaps,� he mused. �Does it itch?� �No. It�s just unsightly.� Inspecting closer, he shook his head. �It doesn�t look particularly malignant. How long have you had it?� I lost my patience. �Can you treat it?� �I can try, sir,� he whimpered, nervous once again. �I have never seen anything quite like it...� I slapped him across the face; he fell back into his bed. �I have better things for you to do if the best you can do is try! Let me see your bag.� He reached under his cot and fetched his kit. I didn�t fail to notice two glass orbs hidden under there as well. �What are those?� I earnestly questioned, tossing the bag aside, its contents scattering on the wooden floor. �They are palantiers,� he squirmed, holding them up to his chest. �Crystal balls, sir. One is for me, the other was to be a gift for...� a horrid scream rang from the house. I looked long and hard at the two glass spheres. �A doctor who uses crystal balls...� I shook my head in a false display of disbelief. I could put those mystic relics to good use. �Leave all that here and come with me, my good doctor.� He and I made our way towards the house. There were two bodies just outside the threshold. One was a stranger, the other was one of my men. He had been stabbed through the neck. Something inside me always liked seeing our victims put up a fight. The doctor and I stepped inside. The great room was large and contained half a dozen beds, with a loft above it. There were additional rooms to the right and in the back - it was a proud home. The lovely and sensual smell of blood and cooking flesh wafted through the air. There was another body on the ground. My men had the head of the household baking on his own hearth - I was getting very hungry. Two young boys and a young man were bound and standing near the fireplace. I ordered two of my men to take them to the stables and whip them - but just a little. I had to build obedience, but despised the smell of children - blood and all. I had once skinned one of my own men alive after he bludgeoned a seven year old boy to death. Then came the women. Two young, succulent girls and three others - the farmer�s attractive wife, a plump maid, and an elderly old hag, who looked too sick to even stand. It was my inclination to kill her, but she was so feeble she would probably die by morning. �Your patient?� I asked the doctor. �Yes sir,� he admitted. �She has an illness unknown to me, and I fear she will die within the week. I was mostly called in to ease her final hours with medication.� I raised an eyebrow at the doctor. �An unknown illness? Well, sir, you aren�t much of a doctor after all, are you?� His mouth moved, but he said nothing. �Doesn�t matter. We�ll drug her and let her go out in a state of euphoria. Lay down old woman.� She stomped her feet like a wild buck and spit in my face. �Curse you, demon! Curse you and your devils and the perversions that drive your kind! I�ll take nothing from you or any that have joined your Hellish ranks! Curse you, demon!� Then she spat in my face again. The thought came to mind that she was trying to infect me with whatever she had. I asked the doctor if what she had was contagious - apparently, none of the rest of the family was sick. I stomped my feet sarcastically back at the old woman and spat in her face. �Old shrew! Despite my intention to rape or murder or enslave anyone in my sight I took pity upon you! You heard me advise the good doctor to relieve you of your pains yet you spit in my face!� One of the enslaved servants shifted in his footing, but a glare in his direction put him back in line. I spit in the old woman�s face again, and she in turn spat in mine once more. My men and I had a good laugh. �It looks like she�s gotten her strength back!� chuckled one of my fat merchant soldiers. �Do you want me to hang her, captain?� The young women whimpered and sobbed. The hag remained defiant. �No,� I responded coyly. �Madam, nothing would give me greater pleasure than to drug you to the point of nonsense, watching you laugh and giggle as I rape your granddaughters right in front of your face. God will have to wait for you, woman. Tonight you belong to the Ace of Spades.� She spat in my face a fourth time. �Okay, now that�s getting old. L�n, take her and the doctor back to the servants quarters and have him administer as much medicine as he can - get her drunk and hallucinating. I want her to think up is down and down is up.� L�n took one of my men and one of the enslaved servants and had them escort the old woman and the doctor out. Then my gaze fell upon the young women. They were probably between the ages of thirteen and sixteen, their mother was easily thirty, and the plump maid was no older than twenty. I could feel my sexual perversions rising to the surface, so strong that I was no longer hungry for flesh - at least, not in the dining sense. �Men, start eating without me,� I advised, touching the cheek of the maid - she was more buxom than plump, upon consideration, and her dark complexion suggested that she was a foreigner. Quite attractive, really. I moved my cold hand down her neck towards her massive bosom, and ripped her dress away to exposed her naked breasts. The mother and two daughters winced, and I laughed at them. �Don�t worry, ladies, this thick lass will keep me busy all night - I�m in love.� At that moment, I realized that I didn�t currently even care about the other three women - but they were too damn attractive to just let go to waste. I went to call on my men, but they were too busy eating and drinking and laughing to even hear me. The women and I were invisible. I turned my attention back to the female servant, my hands practically glued to her beautiful breasts. Was she flushed? I was quite handsome, some woman had once said, many years ago. �What is your name, sweet angel?� �Rita,� she blinked, almost flirtatiously. �Rita Conchita.� She seized my wrists sensuously and moved them around to her ample rear. I pulled her dress down as she kissed me passionately and pressed up against me. She let her hair down, and her tresses cascaded down past her waist. Her stomach was not paunchy at all - it had been her round face, massive chest and large buttocks that had given her the chubby appearance. Rita inspired sensations in me that no woman ever had before. I had no idea God had created a woman just for me. What message was the Lord Almighty trying to send an agent of Satan himself my handing him such a prize? I pulled away and looked into her dark almond eyes. They may have seemed almost cold to any normal man, but I was no normal man. My perversions had to be satiated, and had no time for soul searching. Sex was not enough for a demon like me. �Come, Rita,� I commanded, taking her hand. �Let us and the ladies escape this den of fools and make our way over to the servants quarters, where the good doctor awaits us.� I took out my knife and poked the mother in the butt. �Lead the way, you, and bring your daughters. And advise them if they don�t stop whimpering I will cut out their vocal cords.� I chuckled when I saw L�n examining two dead bodies outside the servants quarters. Apparently, one of the servants we had enlisted turned on us and was successful in killing one of my men. L�n had dispatched of the traitor effectively, with a rather new invention that had brought us great success in our battles - the musket. He had not fired a single shot, however, but used the butt of the gun to bludgeon the errant servant to death. I grinned in satisfaction. The girls shrieked in horror. I went to slap the older of the two, but she dodged my arm and I caught Rita instead. She fell to the ground. �Oh, my Rita! I�m sorry!� I knelt down to help her naked form up off the dirt. She looked at me coldly, but was unhurt. I felt L�n�s glare upon the back of my neck. I turned to see him scowling at me, as if he were silently questioning me. �Do you not approve of our love?� I shouted at him. �Do you think I grow soft, you insolent pig?� Rita squeezed my hand. She supported me. This coward could not even keep my men from turning on each other - who was he to question me? It shocked me that L�n had the tenacity to answer me honestly. �Well - yes - captain,� he asserted boldly. �It appears you are being too merciful in front of your men. First, you let the old hag spit in your face not once, not twice, not thrice, but four times, and reward her with the doctor�s care regardless. Then you bestow gentleness upon this... this whore...� I went for my dagger but Rita held my hand - our eyes met and I knew she wanted me to let the fool continue with his tirade. The more he insults, the more he shall suffer, her eyes seemed to say to me. And he did continue to insult: �It�s just that when you lead a band of hungry, desperate criminals like we do, you can�t let them see compassion or tolerance. You must instill fear and obeisance in their hearts every second of every day and every night. No wonder this servant was emboldened enough to attack us!� Without warning, Rita snatched my knife and thrust it straight into the L�n�s neck. Blood spurted out like a fountain, spraying the young girls. They shrieked again, and Rita turned on them and stabbed them repeatedly until they whimpered no more. When my angel went to stab the mother - who was frozen with shock - I stopped her. �I am impressed, my dear,� I asserted. �Your passion is awe-inspiring. But leave the mother be. She has a date with our good doctor.� I took the knife from Rita�s hand, and wiped in clean on my shirt. What kind of creature was I dealing with? I pulled the mother inside the servants quarters, where the doctor was shaking his head solemnly. �She has expired,� he said of the old woman. �I didn�t even have time to drug her.� He paused, and then he asked carefully, �And more are dead?� �No one of consequence,� I informed him, thinking briefly of the wasted beauty of the two young girls. No matter, though. Rita was all the woman I would ever need. For tonight, anyway. I thrust the mother on the bed, whose eyes were locked on the dead hag. I grabbed the old, wrinkled body and flung it violently out the door so that it landed on top of the two dead girls. Rita went to take my hand, but I waved her off. If I were to touch her once more, I would become so overcome by lust that I would not be able to oversee the operation. �Doctor, it is now that I require your steady hand and vast knowledge,� I began as I tied the mother to the bed. �Bring your crystal balls over as well.� He sat his bag and the two palantiers next to the bed and I picked up the glass spheres, holding them over the woman�s breasts. �These are a nice size,� I grinned so broadly it felt as if my face would split. �Surely you don�t mean...� the doctor gasped. He was not as slow as I thought. Neither was the woman - she had already fainted from the mere thought of what I was going to have done to her. �Under the muscle,� I advised. I looked towards Rita - she appeared jealous, yet her form was now my inspiration. All women should be as beautiful and awe-inspiring as my angel (or was she my devil? - I was starting to wonder). �Good sir,� the doctor argued. �That�s inhumane. What true purpose will it serve? The skin has its limitations - it will only stretch so far...� I went for my knife, and he became more thoughtful. �Well, maybe if I take out the tissue that�s already there...� �Take out nothing!� I barked. �There is plenty of extra skin... in a pile outside. Have you ever done a skin graft, doctor?� At that point, Rita managed to clutch my hand, and I could no longer resist her. I left the doctor and his patient, and led my newfound love to a small odorous barn infested with animals. I chased out the pigs and chickens and laid my beautiful prize down in a bed of hay. I groped her and kissed her and whispered in her ear and had my way with her. And she loved every moment of it. As the night wore on, Rita and I made love over and over again - I have never experienced anything like it in all my life. She cooed and moaned but said not a word. I fell asleep beside her and dreamed. In my dream, I was up on the gallows, being readied for hanging. My men were all around me, and Rita was laughing at my predicament. The doctor and the mother were shaking their heads at me. A priest approached me and advised me that I could survive my execution and get revenge on all those who had wronged me if I would sign a pact with the devil and pledge my services to him for eternity. I agreed hastily and was hanged. When I awoke, the thought occurred to me: To avoid being a slave to the devil - The Ace of Spades serves no one - I could kill all the others first. Surely my men would be unhappy with me when they found L�n and the young women dead. They respected L�n and would be enraged for my having denied them the opportunity to rape the girls. And Rita, I could not trust her! What was I thinking? My men were mutinous and my angel was a whore - my fate would be the gallows if I did not strike first! Even the doctor could take advantage of the trust I had extended him and poison me. And the mother - how I had wronged her! Roasted her husband alive, enslaved her sons, murdered the women of her family, and mutilated her body. She too would be driven to kill me. I had to dispose of everyone involved. When I awoke Rita was gone. I cursed but made my way to the servants quarters. The doctor and mother were absent but the bodies outside the door were in an accelerated rate of decay. It looked as if they had been dead for days - the pigs and chickens must have got to them already. I rushed to the main house and found only the bodies that I had seen the night before. They too were decomposed beyond what looked like a week. What is going on here? I wondered to myself. Then I became aware of a very sore neck. It was if my neck was actually broken - I couldn�t even keep my head up. It sort of slumped to one side or the other. A bad feeling came over me, to say the least. I left the farm, and started up the road. I passed an old beggar who took one look at me, yelled something incoherent, and ran into the woods. Confused, I made my way to the edge of the town my men had passed through on the way to the farm. I was in for a terrible sight. There were several of my men dangling from a tree, eyes popped out of their sockets from the jolt of being hanged. And right with the rest of them, hanging on the edge of the thickest branch was a body that I recognized all too well. It was mine. |