Vows

Author's note:

It's a bit more angstier then what I usually write. But I felt that both Albus and Minerva had to deal with the emotional baggage caused by the events in tOotP

***

"What do you think you are doing?" Albus asked in a dangerously low voice.

Startled, Minerva looked up and realised with a shock that he was genuinely angry. Not to be intimidated by this though, she eyed him calmly and replied, "Why Albus, I thought that was rather obvious, I'm working on my lesson plan for next year".

He placed both hands on her desk and looked straight in her eyes. She noticed that his eyes were blazing, darker blue then usual. And there was no trace of the usual twinkle in them. "You told me that you had a clean bill of health Minerva, and I took your word for it. But now Poppy tells me that you were only released from St. Mungo's under the condition that you take it easy for the next three weeks".

Minerva sighed impatiently. "If Poppy had things her way, I would be in my bed until Christmas".

"Well, clearly she had a reason for thinking so", Albus replied coldly. "May I remind you that you took no less then four stunners straight in your chest?"

"I don't need a reminder of that Albus", she snapped, "I feel fine. Really I do. Now please let me get back to my work".

Quick as a flash he snatched the papers away from her. "You most certainly will not", he informed her.

Minerva felt her anger rising. Never before in her life she had been so furious with him. "Give those back, Albus", she said dangerously calm.

"You will not have them back", he said merely. "You will do as you were told. And that was to take rest for the next three weeks".

"Albus, there is no need for that", she spat at him. "I feel fine, trust me".

He shook his head in a final gesture. "I'm sorry Minerva, but I don't. You're in no condition to do your work".

"And what if it's my decision to work anyway?"

"Then I will prevent you from doing so", he answered. He pulled out his wand and with a short wave, he cleaned her entire desk, all the while still glaring at her.

Eventually she broke the eye contact and looked down. "So that's it then", she said softly, looking up in his eyes again. "you will never trust my decisions again, will you?"

He blinked. "That's not the point. You will take the rest you need. This afternoon, and the next three weeks".

Because of his anger, he never really saw the look in her eyes. As if something inside her had shrivelled up and died. He turned around on his feet and stormed out of her office, slamming door shut behind him.

Shakily, Minerva buried her head in her hands, forcing back the tears that threatened to escape from her eyes. At that moment, she felt the same humiliation she had felt after she had waken up in the Hospital Wing, right after she had been shot down by Dolores Umbridge's cronies. Humiliation because of her failure, because of her weakness. Humiliation because she was lying there, unable to move. Unable to fight, unable even to defend herself.

Now that feeling had returned. Because Albus didn't trust her anymore. She had failed in front of him, she had let him down. She felt worthless.

Dinner that night was a dreadful event. As usual they sat next to each other, both as stiff as a board. Anger was still radiating from Albus' form and Minerva refused to lift her eyes from her plate.

Neither of them actually ate. They both waited until the torture had ended and they could retreat to their own rooms.

Albus spend the best part of night tossing and turning, still feeling to angry to go to sleep. Eventually, around three o'clock he dozed off into a light, uneasy sleep.

Five hours later he woke with a pounding headache, but his anger completely gone. After he had gotten dressed, he sat down behind his desk and idly fiddled with a quill. With is anger gone, he finally allowed himself to explore his true feelings. His anger had been nothing more then a facade. Behind that mask shimmered his real feelings, almost too dangerous to think about.

After Poppy had told him about the St. Mungo's order's a deep and unsettling emotion had rose inside him. Worry. Worry for her well being, worry about her health. The same, maddening worry that had come over him when he'd heard about the attack. His Minerva, lying in hospital, because of a cowardly act. Had they challenged her to an honourable duel, she would undoubtedly have conquered them.

He thought that he would lose his mind with fear when he faced the possibility of losing her. Once she was safely back at the castle his heart had come at rest again. But the effects of the attack were still visible. The walking stick, her pale, thin appearance, the way she winced in pain when she moved around.

After his talk with Poppy all those feelings of fear and worry had surfaced again. And when he had stormed into her office, he had expressed those feelings in the easiest and worst way. In anger.

One breakfast taught him that their argument of the previous afternoon had caused a drift between them. She hardly acknowledged his presence, just sat there, quiet and withdrawn. Her behaviour puzzled him somewhat. Certainly, this was the first fight they'd had since… well since ever actually. But still, Minerva was a confident, strong woman. Would their disagreement affect her so strongly?

After breakfast, he decided to pay her a visit, to talk things out. Carefully he knocked at the door of her rooms. After a short pause, he could hear her voice call "Enter!"

He stepped inside and found her sitting on a couch near the window, staring outside. When she saw him, she got to her feet, a defensive look appearing in her eyes even before he said a word.

"What is it?" she asked almost rudely.

"I owe you an apology", he began. "I shouldn't have lost my temper, the way I did yesterday".

"That's alright", she answered stiffly, moving away from him.

"I was worried about you", he continued. "I was afraid that you were over asking yourself".

"It's fine, Albus", she said, still in that dismissive tone of voice. "You made your point yesterday. My capability of making decisions isn't what it used to be anymore…"

"What does…", he started confused. But then all of a sudden it hit him. In a flash he remembered the conversation of the previous day and saw what he hadn't seen then.

With two strides he was in front of her and wrapped his arms around her. She stiffened in his embrace, but he didn't allow her to pull back.

"Minerva…", he spoke softly, caressing her hair which was in it's usual tight bun. "I've never questioned your decisions and I never will. I was so proud of you when Hagrid told me how you ran to those Ministry employee's to defend him…"

"But I failed…", she whispered, finally allowing herself to relax in his arms. "They just shot me down, like a fly of the wall…"

"It wasn't your fault or even your responsibility, Minerva", he told her gently. "It was an unworthy attack, you never stood a chance".

He felt her shivering in his arms and heard a sob escape her throat. "Cry Minerva", he urged her, wrapping his arms tighter around her. "You can't keep this all bottled up, it's not healthy".

More sobs followed until she finally let go and wept her heart out against his chest, clutching his robes in her fists. "That's it…", he murmured soothingly, "Just let it all out…"

It took a long time before her crying stopped. And after that he still held her for a long time, rubbing her back and stroking her hair from her wet, warm cheeks. His feelings were in turmoil. A part of him blamed himself for not noticing what she was going through earlier, the other part rejoiced the fact that she was in his arms, that she allowed him to comfort her.

"Thank you…", she sniffed eventually.

"You're welcome", he replied, lightly kissing the top of her head. After a few moments he pulled back slightly and cradled her face in his hands. "Promise me that you will take the rest you need", he said, his eyes pleading with her. "It's not because I don't trust you, but I know that you're not fully recovered yet. I can see that you're in pain. I won't exclude you from Order meetings or Hogwarts business, I'll tell you everything that is going on, but I simply want you to rest so that your body can heal".

She nodded thoughtfully, biting her lip. "I know Albus, and I will. It's just… there is so much to be done… I can't bear to sit back and be idle… I want to be of use…"

"You are", he told her seriously. "I need you. But not because of what you can do, but because of who you are".

Fresh tears started to spill over her cheeks again, but not of sadness this time. "That's the loveliest thing anyone has ever said to me", she whispered smiling, her voice quivering.

He returned her smile and pulled her in a hug once again. His grip on her became stronger and stronger, while he ran his hands over her back, as if he wanted her to melt into him. 'I was so scared", he whispered. "I've never been so scared before in my life. I thought I had lost you".

It was her turn to comfort him and she did so by wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders. "You didn't lose me Albus. I'm still here".

He cradled her face with one hand, his other arm still holding her. "Promise me that you will never leave me, Minerva. Promise me that you will stay with me", his voice was filled with desperation.

She closed her eyes for a moment. Then she stroked his face, gently, tenderly. "I can't promise that, Albus". His face fell, but his grip on her tightened. "Minerva…", he started hoarsely.

She silenced him by placing her fingers over his lips. "But…", she continued, "I promise you that no matter what happens, no matter where I may go… I will always care for you… I will always love you…"

A tear slid down his face while he kissed the fingers against his mouth. "I love you, Minerva. Always.

Fin

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