| A Balm of Healing by Alice J. Wisler From Personal Journaling Magazine, April 2002 After my 4-year-old Daniel died, my journal became an appendage. I took it to doctor visits, the grocery store and restaurants. I was filled with an enormous amount of pain, confusion and sorrow and never knew when the urge to release a little of it onto the pages of my journal would occur. Seeing how important it was for me to write, my husband often took care of my three small children so that I could sit at a park under a weeping willow and pen my grief until it grew too dark to see. Journaling was a priority. Like brushing my teeth, it was needed for my health. I poured out my frustrations of having to involuntarily be forced onto this rocky journey, my questions to God and fears about the future. I wrote over and over about the infection that had entered Daniel's body after cancer treatments. If I wrote about it enough, surely I'd find a loophole in the details, go back into time and be able to save him. Eventually, I was able to focus on the joyful memories--Daniel's laughter, love of "Toy Story" and the jokes he told the hospital nurses. In time, I have learned how to cope with my new life. I claim that writing has saved me. I reread past entries and hear the voice of a mother in deep agony and marvel that, four years later, the intensity has subsided. At support groups, through my written articles and essays, I now share with other bereaved parents about the value journaling holds after the death of a child. It is an essential tool for broken hearts-- safe, clarifying and freeing-- offering a balm of healing. |
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