By: Freyja
I am feeling absolutely insane, off-balance and disassociated these days. The past few months have been rough even though a long awaited blessing has come into my life. Even positive change can bring in new stresses and responsibilities, and that's where I'm at right now. I've been doing a lot of ripping and running to rearrange my life to fit my upcoming marriage, and I know that I've been neglecting my spiritual life. I've been here many times before.
I often feel that since I found this path, I live my life in a far more spiritual manner than I did being raised in the Catholic Church. To be fair, I have drawn closer to the Goddess and I am in touch with her all day long. I perform a morning devotional daily. Since I do a lot of driving, I use that time to meditate and commune with Her. There is still something missing and I realize this when I have the opportunity to participate in group ritual or activities in my local pagan community. When I am not making the effort to actively practice some form of actual solitary ritual, my spiritual, emotional and physical being suffers. This has hit me like a lightning bolt several times when I have been in great need and have taken the time to set up that special altar, use the magickal tools and focus only on opening myself to Her guidance for at least twenty minutes or so. I feel the great "Ahhhhhh," a sense of relief, almost like taking medication for pain and actually having it work.
I had the opportunity during this past year to take a formal ritual class. When we spent an evening working with altars, the teacher pointed out that an altar doesn't have to be anything more than a representation of Her and a candle. He called it "Her Light." Since then, I have made it a practice to have a candle lit at all times on my permanent altar when I am at home and it is safe to do so. (With three cats and living in a mobile home with plastic bathtubs and showers, leaving a candle burning when I go out would be just plain idiocy). Whenever I light that candle, I remember my friend calling it Her Light, and it reminds me that She has been with me from the beginning, and that She is that which is attained at the end of desire.
Mother, with this flame I offer you my heart
Bless my spirit that we may never be apart
Great gifts of time You have given me
As we will, so mote it be.
