When You Know You Watch Too Much Wrestling
By Daniel Greig

You�ve actually shopped for a can of whoop ass.

You complain to you boss that you�re not getting a fair enough push.

You�ve tried to impress people by doing the worm on the dance floor.

You add �z� to the end of plural words instead of �s�.

You go to museums and try to bounce of the velvet ropes.

You give your friends the Stone Cold Stunner out of the blue and tell them �Don�t Trust Anybody!�

You go to a funeral and think the deceased lost a Casket Match.

You see a brawl outside a pub and chant �ECW! ECW! ECW!�

You wonder if World War II was a work or a shoot.

You gore a random stranger in the street.

You mark out when the clock reads 3:16 or 6:19.

You watch Boxing expecting a run in, suplex, triple threat match or a Steel Cage Match.

You watch a documentary on rattlesnakes and immediately think of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Every time you see a slap on Jerry Springer, you yell out �Woooooo!�

When you are in a fight, you poke them in the eye and then give them a low blow. Then when they hit you back, you blade.

You have your wedding inside a wrestling ring, and instead of saying �I Do� you say �OH YEAH! DIG IT!�

When on a diving board at the pool, you try to pull of Moonsaults and Shooting Star Presses.

You sucker punch your boss because you didn�t get the promotion your co-worker did, then claim it was a screwjob and that the rest of the company was in on it.

When shaving, you blade numerous times.

You can�t pick up a chair or a ladder without getting the urge to use it as a weapon.

On application forms your fill out your place of residence as �Parts Unknown�.

Someone commits suicide by jumping of a building and you break into a chant of �Holy Shit!�

You kidnap your boss�s daughter as a plan to take over his company.

When you�re wearing sunglasses you have the urge to slide them down to the end of your nose and raise your eyebrow.

You ask for a Steveweiser at the bottle shop.

Every clown reminds you of Doink or Yurple.

Drinking out of a can no longer involves contact between the can and your mouth.

You practice wrestling moves on your childhood teddy bear.

You go to church with signs saying �Jesus 3:16� �Satan Sucks� & �Pontius Pilate Screwed Jesus!�

You only turn up to work on Monday�s & Thursday�s and monthly on Sunday�s.

You break the kitchen table by moonsaulting of the fridge onto your brother.

The local shire banned you from the beach because you always have the urge to elbow drop sun-tanners.

When you accidentally drop and break a glass, you think of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Whenever someone shakes your hand you pull him or her in and clothesline them.

When your teacher gives you a detention, you chokeslam them through their desk and demand respect.

You cut promos with you dog, saying that you are a 16 time World Champion.

You refer to characters in soap operas as �babyfaces� or �heels�.

You turn up to job interviews talking about your three I�s.

When a boxer bleeds you comment on his blade job.

You make a heel turn by picking on your younger sister in front of others, expecting to get booed. Next week, you turn babyface by walking an old lady across the street.

When you fall over, you stay down selling the bump.

When someone asks if you smell something you reply, �It�s me, Reeking of Awesomeness!�

At guitar class, your teacher tells you too practice, so you smash the guitar over his head.

You tell your principal after school assemblies that his promos need work.

You go to Foot Locker and give the �referee�s� the Pedigree.

You wonder if James Bond will ever turn heel.

You walk out of the cinemas; past the line for the next screening of the movie you just saw, and tell everyone the ending to get heel heat.